What to do when the yard bully

[skint1]

Yards can be difficult places, they're like fiefdoms- fairness only applies if those in charge are minded to be fair. Mostly, it seems to me it's down to popularity One livery can almost get away with murder, another can't get away with anything. One will always have to give way to another, fair or not. I'm lucky that for the most part the YO and YM are genuinely pretty fair, even still, lots of occasions I have had to grit my teeth and think of the bigger picture. It's really whether you think it's worth doing or not, if it's not, then I would agree with everyone who is recommending that you find a new yard where you can enjoy your horse in peace.

 

[Luci07]

Move. You horse is supposed to be a pleasure. Some Yo's get like this and they won't change. If you are walking on eggshells, it sucks all the fun out of having a horse.

 

[luckyoldme]

I used to be on a yard with someone like this. In the end karma caught up with her and she was booted off by the owner because several liveries threatened to leave.

Exactly same happened with me. Great feeling isnt it!

 

[Fun Times]

Having the last laugh is knowing you are behaving unreasonably/bullying some one and them continuing to pay you to do so! I just don't think you "win" by staying put. Just think of your family member who used to love to help out...doesnt sound like making him/her either give up helping or put up with this witch would be much of a triumph.

 

[WelshD]

It could be that the other lady doesnt get pulled up on stuff because either she wont take any notice or she will stand up for herself

It looks like the YM sees you lot as an easy target

If there are a few of you feeling the same you could call the YM on their behaviour and demand that everyone gets treated the same or she gets off your backs before you leave - it depends on how brave you feel and whether there are any viable alternative yards in the area

 

[california dreaming]

I often wonder why so many yard owners are like this. Most of the ones I know behave like this at some point. Is it a control thing? I hear of sane yard owners on here but unfortunately have yet to meet one or hear of one that is capable of being sane and fair 24/7 I am not "having a go" at any yard owners out there but I do genuinely wonder at their behaviour, especially during winter months. Also, it seems to me that the more independent you are with your horse the more they dislike you. Is this because you are not " cost effective" I mean, the more you need them the more they can charge you and control you. Just a thought.

 

[Elsbells]

The best YO/M I found are the ones that know nothing about horses, in fact retired old dairy farmers are great!!

 

[california dreaming]

The best YO/M I found are the ones that know nothing about horses, in fact retired old dairy farmers are great!!

Where is the LIKE button??

 

[Jazzy B]

I got bulled by my yard manager for close to 3 years - it wasn't until myself and another livery stood up and had it out with the yard owner that her reign was concluded. However in hindsight I should have moved immediately it started! When I think of the stress and upset it caused me it was ridiculous to stay! It's your hobby and costs a lot of money you should be enjoying it - so unless you can overthrow her, I would just leave.

 

[flirtygerty]

Well it is up to you. You could stand up to her and tell her in no uncertain terms you are a paying customer and she will treat you with respect or you will move your home. You could tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable and rude and then see what happens.

I tried this on my first yard, YM changed rules almost daily, complaints were met with my yard my rules, if you're not happy, move, so I did, and he lost the rent on our cottage as well as livery for three horses, I took great delight in telling him he wouldn't get a penny more of my money that I could avoid, I don't suffer fools and this guy didn't have a clue

 

[Cobbytype]

The best YO/M I found are the ones that know nothing about horses, in fact retired old dairy farmers are great!!

Aren't they just!

Many years ago, I moved from a riding school livery yard to a farm. We were the first liveries on the farm and it was great. No facilities in the early days, but the atmosphere was relaxed and friendly and it was just great.

 

[Fools Motto]

I often wonder why so many yard owners are like this. Most of the ones I know behave like this at some point. Is it a control thing? I hear of sane yard owners on here but unfortunately have yet to meet one or hear of one that is capable of being sane and fair 24/7 I am not "having a go" at any yard owners out there but I do genuinely wonder at their behaviour, especially during winter months. Also, it seems to me that the more independent you are with your horse the more they dislike you. Is this because you are not " cost effective" I mean, the more you need them the more they can charge you and control you. Just a thought.

We are the most independent liveries there come to think of it... YM has told me we are the most caring ones towards the horse. Could it be that, that's biting us on our bums?? Seems so odd!

Of course now, I'm worrying in case this thread is going to get me in trouble - small world and all.

 

[MerrySherryRider]

Can never understand why people put up with being miserable on a yard. Just move. We live on a small Island and livery yards are everywhere. There are so many lovely yards, why would you want to pay to be made to feel uncomfortable around your horse ?

 

[Burmilla]

How about doing some yard window shopping to see what else is available?
I have been on several such yards as you describe. We could collectively write a very entertaining/shocking book! One YO, who did all the dreadful things yours does, plus coming on the yard in a feather trimmed neglige to screech abuse at a livery, gave someone notice because " your teeth are just horrible". I left because she told me my beloved horse was "only worth meat money, and we can't really be bothered with him". This, about a fabulously well-bred horse, who was a greatly admired as an ambassador for his type.
Now on a lovely yard with everything just right. Phew!

 

[maxapple]

We used to be on a yard where there was a really nasty girl who was best friends with the owner. She was spiteful, underhand and plain nasty but of course the yo didn't see this.

We had to move in the endless it was too much - in fact everyone stabledcthere moved.... in many ways it was the perfect yard for our horses and had great facilities etc, but moving to our own little ramshackle place was the best thing we ever did.

Leave - life's too short!

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Can never understand why people put up with being miserable on a yard. Just move. We live on a small Island and livery yards are everywhere. There are so many lovely yards, why would you want to pay to be made to feel uncomfortable around your horse ?

The trouble is that there are a lot of yards that are problematic in one way or another. You can't just keep moving as you have a horse to consider and what their needs are and moving constantly upsets them. Most of the time you have to develop coping mechanisms to deal with rather strange YO/YM ideas and rarely are you treated like a customer. I find many have no social, communication or management skills. The standard argument to a reasonable request that is "If you don't like it you can always leave". For example I wanted my horse on part-livery to have extra hay that I was willing to pay extra for but they wouldn't do it. He used to run out of hay by 5pm, As a F/T worker who often rides in an evening putting a horse away with no forage was really stressful. I ended up buying bales separately and keeping it so that I could top it up myself and getting a friend to do it on nights couldn't make it.

The two yards I've been on since (3 in total in 10 years with this horse) have their own idiosyncrasies. On 2nd yard the YO was nice to your face and a cow behind your back, had massive favourites and thought it was perfectly acceptable for her aggressive dogs to piss up my tack trunk and concocted lies to cover it up. That was just a taste of what she was like. Current DIY yard has no "manager " to speak of just a sort of handyman who is like Jekyll and Hyde, one minute he does something nice like mend a puncture on your wheelbarrow the next he won't do something essential like decide which fields liveries must go in leading to arguments and bad feeling or puts up notices which upset people - he is a passive- aggressive. You just have to decide what you can live with.

 

[Tnavas]

Does the YM own the yard, or is she a manager ? If I had employed a manager to run a yard, I would want to know if they behaved like this. Very unprofessional

Me too!

You are a paying customer and should be treated like any other customer - with respect and good manners.

I would be having words with the YO and would to be honest give the YM a word or two as well. She has no right to talk to or about you in that manner.

She is not in the position to 'like' or 'dislike' people - remind her who pays her wages!

 

[Luci07]

I have found some very odd yard managers and think that this stems from being a big fish in a little pool. When you go out into the work place, you have to learn to get along with people you would not choose as friends or to spend time with. Doesn't mean these people aren't nice, just you have little in common. Best YOs for me are the ones who have worked in an office or in a variety of big yards! Also I did find that adding up what I pay annually, making it a percentage of how many hours I worked to pay this....had a very strong impact on my resolve to change the situation!

 

[Nosey]

Get out of there & on your terms. Who knows what she might do next-she cld ask you to leave in a fit of peek & it's better to do it to a place & time of your choosing.

 

[wingedhorse99]

Me too!

You are a paying customer and should be treated like any other customer - with respect and good manners.

I would be having words with the YO and would to be honest give the YM a word or two as well. She has no right to talk to or about you in that manner.

She is not in the position to 'like' or 'dislike' people - remind her who pays her wages!

This only works if there is an equivalent or better yard to move too. Else you are fairly stuck. Especially if yard hasa long waiting list.

There is a general shortage of good livery yards in many areas.

Many yards dont make much margin.

 

[Merrymoles]

I would probably tough it out if I really liked the yard and it suited my horse but I am old enough and tough enough not to be bullied these days. I have met someone very similar to what you describe, only YO rather than YM. I left because I would not put up with the attitude (as did most of the other liveries) but ended up at a yard that suits me much better, even though it is further away.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

I haven't read all the posts but is the YM the YO? If not then go over her head & speak with the YO.

 

[dornrose]

Having been on a yard with a yard bully, and tried toughing it out, never again next time I will pack up my horses and vote with my feet. She made my life hell and spoilt the enjoyment of my horses it's not worth it, there's plenty of lovely yards out there much better to find one.

 

[shadeofshyness]

Vote with your feet! It's her losing out on your custom, not you losing some petty battle.

I was loaning on a yard where I was dreadfully unhappy and couldn't look forward to what is supposed to be a fun (and expensive) hobby.

The relief and weight lifted from me when I left was so worth any small sense of 'giving up' or not 'sticking it out'.

 

[Swirlymurphy]

I think you also have a duty towards your family member who helps you out. Talk to her - if she's feeling bullied and unhappy, then you have a responsibility to do something - leave/tackle it further/stop asking her to help you. On the other hand, if she is united with you and feels able to cope with it, then you need to make the right decision for your horse and for you - that may well mean staying put and toughing it out if there are not any alternatives locally.

 

[teacups]

Bullies only bully those who allow them to do so. Either stand up to her, each and every time she has a go at you, or leave.

That is such an easy phrase to trot out. The other one is that bullies look for a reaction, so if you ignore them they'll get bored and move on. So is one supposed to stand up to them, or ignore them? Which is it? Can't both be right.

I could almost be the OP, except the bullies are our neighbours. We have tried both approaches and neither have made the slightest difference. They are known for this behaviour in the local community and we've been told that the only way they'll stop is if they find a new target. We are simply the current target and their hobby is harassment.

Leaving is not so simple, as we would have to declare the existence of neighbours from hell to any potential purchaser. They should quite rightly be scared off - the alternative would be to drop the price by such a substantial amount that someone would take the risk. We can't afford to do that. Besides, apart from these neighbours the house and area are lovely, and we've made many friends, and we worked long and hard to make this house our own.

I think, before we found ourselves caught up in this, that I would have trotted out those easy off-pat phrases too. Now I think it's the same as the myths about domestic violence. Basically, it can happen to anyone - you think it couldn't, but you are wrong: it most definitely can. OP, you have my sympathy.

 

[Mongoose11]

I recently left the 'perfect' yard because of a fall out with one person. Once you've fallen out of favour with this one (answered back) then you're out with all! That yard was glorious, only four horses on about ten acres, perfect hacking, wonderful YO, amazing support but no way was any of that worth me rushing down to throw hay/change rugs and get the hell out of there because I felt like rubbish all the time.

Current yard is great, but not perfect, but I am back to spending whole mornings down there because the people are kind and I'm getting my confidence back.

I'd leave.

 

[Holly Hocks]

Get revenge - find another yard, and when you have moved, tell the entire horse local horse community about her behaviour.

 

[hollyandivy123]

Get revenge - find another yard, and when you have moved, tell the entire horse local horse community about her behaviour.

whilst this seems good advice it will probably come back to bite you, if and when you leave hold head high and leave with a smirk. maybe with the line "it was an education being here you have learnt a lot" they think you are being positive only you know the real reason of the words!

 

[budley95]

Leave. She's got a good thing going with you paying her wages (she's even said that others aren't paying), you have a family member that will help you. If the yard is making you miserable it doesn't matter how fantastic the facilities are etc it will eventually make your horse miserable too as they do pick up on it. This is coming from someone who left a beautiful yard with a horse walker, indoor school, floodlit outdoor, full set of showjumps, round pen, xc course, amazing hacking, competitions on site, café, tack shop, tack rooms, rug rooms and always kept immaculately to a field with a barn and a few temporary stables with a whole of 4 horses - 2 of which belonged to an elderly owner who needed help with her 2 ponies. The other 2 were mine. I rode in the field with the other horses and hacked along the roads on a very green 5 rising 6 year old. Honestly it was the best thing I ever did. I was a teenager at the time, I had people always telling me what I was doing wrong at the first yard and telling me I was stupid. My mother's an AI and she was the one telling me what to do. I moved to this lovely little yard with nobody else apart from the 80 year old owner and her son and got on with it. My horses were much happier (they don't have ambition or care about the facilities as long as they get some turnout!) and I was much happier.

Vote with your feet. Sorry, but a YM won't care if you leave or not, as at the end of the day if the yard your on has such fabulous facilities they'll be able to fill the box with another unsuspecting individual. You're not gaining anything staying there and making yourself miserable and your family member for the sake of paying someone's wages as you don't want them thinking they've got you off. Go to a field or something somewhere with a companion pony if need be and give yourself breathing space to find another yard with better facilities if they're important to you. Horses don't care if they get the winter off - honestly!