What to do you when things have gone wrong yet again...

Snitch said:
OP appears to have gone off line soon after posting yesterday.
Click to expand...

Shortly after your spectacularly unempathetic first post, in fact, and before anyone else's replies. Though she can still be reading the responses without being logged in, since it's in Tack Room.

It could have been worse, at least you didn't tell her she isn't fit to be doing the job she does, that came later!


..
 
ycbm said:
Shortly after your spectacularly unempathetic first post, in fact, and before anyone else's replies. Though she can still be reading the responses without being logged in, since it's in Tack Room.
Click to expand...
There has been nothing unempathetic in my posts, ycbm. I stand by my views on this thread, as I’m sure everyone else stands by theirs.
 
ycbm said:
Shortly after your spectacularly unempathetic first post, in fact, and before anyone else's replies. Though she can still be reading the responses without being logged in, since it's in Tack Room.

It could have been worse, at least you didn't tell her she isn't fit to be doing the job she does, that came later!


..
Click to expand...
Nice edit. Again.
 
Snitch said:
My point was she hasn’t seen any of the replies, other than possibly the first three.
Click to expand...


The thread is in Tack Room, it can be read without being logged in.

Your first post on the thread looks like it was the one which caused her to log out at 5.27, before any other posts were made, after coming onto the forum seeking a bit of sympathy at a time when life was feeling very unfair.

..
 
I just wish we could all have some more empathy ☹️ I’m terrible for catastrophising and bad news always seems like the end of the world to me until I’ve had time to calm down (and yes I have slammed the odd door and shouted a bit) but I don’t have anger issues and am perfectly in control of my emotions once I’ve had a few moments to rationalise. I’m not immature.

This is how I feel the OP has reacted or initially over reacted. She’s probably feeling much calmer now, if not now wondering is she is immature or has anger issues.

People process things in different ways and different manners.
 
ycbm said:
The thread is in Tack Room, it can be read without being logged in.

Your first post on the thread looks like it was the one which caused her to log out before any other posts were made, after coming onto the forum seeking a bit of sympathy at a time when life was feeling very unfair.
Click to expand...
How do you know that anything ‘caused’ the OP to log off? She may have been going to make dinner.
Drama queen, much? 🙄
 
Abi90 said:
I just wish we could all have some more empathy ☹️ I’m terrible for catastrophising and bad news always seems like the end of the world to me until I’ve had time to calm down (and yes I have slammed the odd door and shouted a bit) but I don’t have anger issues and am perfectly in control of my emotions once I’ve had a few moments to rationalise. I’m not immature.

This is how I feel the OP has reacted or initially over reacted. She’s probably feeling much calmer now, if not now wondering is she is immature or has anger issues.

People process things in different ways and different manners.
Click to expand...

Agreed - I think tbf most of us do empathise but often a small minority don't and are more vociferous 🙄
 
ycbm said:
I can lend you a spade if you want to dig a bigger hole 😂 ?
Click to expand...
There is no hole, ycbm. I have said nothing unkind to the OP, or about the OP. She posted that her anger and jealousy was out of control and I have responded with my views about ways to address it.
 
ycbm said:
I can lend you a spade if you want to dig a bigger hole 😂 ?
Click to expand...

Snitch said:
There is no hole, ycbm. I have said nothing unkind to the OP, or about the OP. She posted that her anger and jealousy was out of control and I have responded with my views about ways to address it.
Click to expand...

I must admit to being rather confused.

It’s just that you ‘liked’ the comment, “You know you just have to man up and get on with it,” yet you seem to have taken particular issue with my posts, all of which have been measured and reasonable - albeit direct. Of course you can ‘like’ whatever you choose, but it just struck me as rather disingenuous really.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I have just reminded myself that OP works in a racing yard in Switzerland. I certainly wouldn't want someone with anger management issues working on my yard - and particularly not with racing TBs. I would expect someone who works with horses to know that these things happen with horses - and that none are 'perfect'.
Click to expand...

Yikes, talk about trying to stir the pot. You're taking one instance of someone feeling like they want to scream and shout and assuming they have an anger management problem? By that logic 99% of the population probably have an anger management issue according to you. I've often driven along and shouted in my car after a rough day or when I have bad PMT. It's a great way to release emotions and NOT doing so is not healthy. That doesn't mean I take it out on anyone else or any of my animals. We all have feelings of anger and rage at some point. Don't be high and mighty about it.
 
I don't think it's pathological to feel that you'd like to scream and indulge in a bit of wanton violence momentarily - not if you don't act on it(!) and it's not a regular or routine feeling. I've definitely had the odd murderous hour where people have been pushing buttons and I've wanted to do away with the lot of them. Since I've never acted on it, and 99% of the time I feel moderately charitable to humanity, I don't think it means I have anger management issues. If it does, virtually everyone I know does too!

If the OP routinely feels out of control, or has anger which is affecting her life (beyond the odd moment in response to a significant trigger), or which she acts on, then certainly she should seek help. Equally if she genuinely believes other people have "perfect" horses by magic (rather than by work, trial and error - and a bit of luck), she should probably seek some kind of help with that, because it's not realistic or sensible.

If she posted in a moment of heightened emotion and wasn't very careful about her wording (esp if language is an issue), not so much...
 
Snitch said:
I must admit to being rather confused.

It’s just that you ‘liked’ the comment, “You know you just have to man up and get on with it,” yet you seem to have taken particular issue with my posts, all of which have been measured and reasonable - albeit direct. Of course you can ‘like’ whatever you choose, but it just struck me as rather disingenuous really.
Click to expand...


I 'liked' GS's post because I thought it was empathetic and helpful.

This was the post, very different from your selective quote of it, and very, very different in tone from your own first post, after which the OP logged off, which might tell you something if only you were prepared to consider what that might be.

You know you just have to man up and get on with it .
I do think it’s harder when you only have one horse .
I say this with care and in a completely non judgemental way I learnt from all the horse I lost to lameness I learnt for example to wise up and not blindly trust for example farriers and vets .
I have suffered moments of extreme frustantion but then there’s a damaged horse who needs some one on point protecting him to think about .
Click to expand...




..
 
Last edited:
Snitch said:
Ahh, so you thought it was empathetic. Personal perception is interesting isn’t it.
Click to expand...

To be honest when I read the first sentence of GS’s post I thought “harsh” but when you read the whole thing she does empathise but then says for the horse’s sake you have to get on with it. Which is completely true.

To be honest I’m envious of the people that can go through life and just get on with stuff and not get angry or upset. It helps if you have a good support network at home though, and not all of us do.
 
Abi90 said:
To be honest when I read the first sentence of GS’s post I thought “harsh” but when you read the whole thing she does empathise but then says for the horse’s sake you have to get on with it. Which is completely true.

To be honest I’m envious of the people that can go through life and just get on with stuff and not get angry or upset. It helps if you have a good support network at home though, and not all of us do.
Click to expand...
I guess that was my point though. People perceive things differently. We also look at different ways to address things. Some came up with good and practical ways to release anger through exercise etc, but that is only helpful after the event. I was thinking more of how to try to prevent getting into such a pickle in the first place. Otherwise such problems will resurface making life pretty unpleasant, I imagine.
 
This has turned into a completely OTT thread. I'm sure the OP just wanted some empathy and to vent her feelings of frustration.

We have no idea what the situation is, but I completely understand how sometimes life feels like it's just taking the p*ss. I lost a horse, had another go lame, had to deal with my father's attempted suicide, a breakdown of a long term relationship and an awful job that I absolutely hated all within 6 months and I just had to avoid social media. People often only post the good times, and it can be very damaging when you are in a negative frame of mind.

Not looking for sympathy but just pointing out that you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, let alone how a stranger on the internet feels. I wish everyone could be bit bit kinder.

OP, I hope you are ok. Let yourself grieve, have a good cry, a bottle of wine and go for a run (perhaps not in that order!), then come up with a plan of action, having a plan helps me so I don't feel so adrift.
 
TWMD said:
OP, I hope you are ok. Let yourself grieve, have a good cry, a bottle of wine and go for a run (perhaps not in that order!), then come up with a plan of action, having a plan helps me so I don't feel so adrift.
Click to expand...
Definitely agree that having a plan can help pull everything back in to order again.

And grieve is an interesting word but you're absolutely right, I still have my multiple-injury horse and she's happy in retirement now, but the final, career ending injury I definitely felt like grieving, for the lost opportunities and hope & happiness that just slipped through my fingers, despite all best efforts.
It sounds so melodramatic when written down but it helped me to acknowledge that's what I was feeling.
 
Snitch said:
The OP clearly isn’t sanguine with the feelings she harbours, otherwise she wouldn’t have posted asking for help.

I’ve already said that I think she has had some good advice on here in terms of ways to release anger that won’t hurt her, or anybody else.

But suggesting you want to hit everything and scream at everyone doesn’t strike me as a person in control of their emotions. That’s not a criticism, by the way. Merely an observation and if you don’t address your ability (or inability) to regulate your emotions, then this kind of problem will most likely repeatedly resurface rendering you pretty miserable and unhappy I would have thought.
Click to expand...
Lots of People say such things all the time ... eg I could kill my boss he’s such a xxxxxx but most people have no intention of acting on it - it’s just a vent... it doesn’t mean they have an anger management problem ... in fact saying such things are an anger management technique.
 
Bloody hell this all got a bit blown out of proportion. Everyone has tough times where they're angry and frustrated at life. I had this when I lost my first youngster to a freak accident and then had to deal with a tonne of personal stress and a personal legal case.

OP, have a hug and remember that things can usually only get better. Have a scream and a cry and then try to look for ways to move forwards. Feelings are allowed, you're allowed to be angry but make sure to direct it in a way that will help you progress
 
When I lost my first horse to colic , an ponyclub camp , A pro rider took me aside and said "Horses will break your heart "What he failed to mention was that a life without horses is dead flat for people like us. The amazing joy I got from taking Bob round a sposored ride today jumping the tiny fences . Pin point accuracy and control of the canter was our mojo for today. Bob is quite insanely capable of going round Badminton (even if they have to repair a lot of jumps)Me. ive done some stuff. Together we jump the tiny fences to control the canter.We got a lot of good bonding done.We all want to scream and shout sometimes ,its healthy!
 
I've come to realise that if you have horses, it's easier to come to terms with the fact that at some point they WILL break, rather than hoping they don't.

I've fully accepted that one day, my horse is going to go wrong - he might come right again or he might not. That's the frustrating and upsetting nature of owning horses. So I cherish the times that I have with him when he's fully functional now, and do everything on him that I want to do, so when the time comes, I'll have no 'I only wish I could have done....' thoughts, and can instead focus on enjoying him as an (expensive) pet.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top