What to do you when things have gone wrong yet again...

[Mule]

Last week my 7 year old dropped dead on a hack. Was dead within 2 mins. It is horrible. Sadly that is life and it must go on

I'm sorry, that must have been awful

 

[little_critter]

I've come to realise that if you have horses, it's easier to come to terms with the fact that at some point they WILL break, rather than hoping they don't.

I've fully accepted that one day, my horse is going to go wrong - he might come right again or he might not. That's the frustrating and upsetting nature of owning horses. So I cherish the times that I have with him when he's fully functional now, and do everything on him that I want to do, so when the time comes, I'll have no 'I only wish I could have done....' thoughts, and can instead focus on enjoying him as an (expensive) pet.

It's lovely that you are cherishing the good times.
I had several frustrating years with my first pony until I decided it was best for both of us to retire her.
Her replacement also seemed to spend more time out of work than in work, eventually being PTS last month.
So sometimes the good times to cherish can be few and far between and I can understand the OP's frustration when it feels like you do everything you can, follow up on every niggle, get everything checked but still can't ride. Yet others with a more slapdash approach to ownership are out having fun on seemingly unbreakable horses.

 

[Merrymoles]

Only you and the OP referred to ‘perfect horses.’ I think other posters recognise there is no such thing. That’s the point of the irrationality of the OPs anger and jealousy.

And I was quoting the OP's post so I'm not sure what your point is?

 

[DD]

When your horse has broken down and you are so fed up with everything, you want to hit everything and scream at everyone....
Especially those people having perfect horses ?
How do you let steam off ?
Any good idea to let the anger out ?
Thanks you in advance

I feel your pain, sending (((hugs))).

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Last week my 7 year old dropped dead on a hack. Was dead within 2 mins. It is horrible. Sadly that is life and it must go on

I am so sorry to hear that , it must have been a dreadful experience.

I wholeheartedly agree with your last sentence. We had to unexpectedly pts 2 horses in their early 20s last winter but life must go on.

If I couldn't cope with that, I would change my hobby and buy a bike.

 

[Sussexbythesea]

When your horse has broken down and you are so fed up with everything, you want to hit everything and scream at everyone....
Especially those people having perfect horses ?
How do you let steam off ?
Any good idea to let the anger out ?
Thanks you in advance

When my youngster was diagnosed with wobblers I think I lay on the floor at home on my own and sobbed my heart out and did a bit of wailing too. I went through it again when I made the decision to have him pts. Give yourself some space to let it out and grieve for your lost dreams but do it in a way that doesn’t blame or make others feel bad. Know that you’ll come to accept it and you won’t feel so crap forever. My mums favourite saying was also “this too shall pass” and it will.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a perfectly sound horse ever. I’ve learnt through hardship to not have too high expectations and work with what I’ve got. My old guy has always had sacroiliac issues that I’ve had to manage over the 14 years I’ve had him and I’m not convinced my new one is completely sound either despite passing a 5-stage vetting but I’m just going to do what I can. It’s tough owning horses and when it goes pear shaped it can be really heart-breaking.

 

[jainque]

Thank you for all your reply, i am 50 years old so i have had some experience with broken down horses before.
I was angry with things going wrong and wrong again, i guess.
It isn't very matrue, is Snips pointed out.
Still, everyone react differently.
I worked as a nurse in palliative care, so i am used to things going wrong and health problems.

It is just that sometimes, if just one thing could go right ? juste one time, that would be so wonderful.

The horse wasn't mine, we had him in a racing yard and i took care of him for 8 months doing slow work under vet surpervision.

Now, it's up to the owner to decide what to do with him.
I will probably help financially if the owner decide to give me a good retirement.

I think that the anger came from years of things going wrong with various horses and that finally it all came out !

I went biking up hill and screamed my head off on the way down ! that helped a lot !

Some of the reply were quiet funny too ! Thank you

 

[jainque]

I’m not sure it’s healthy to have the level of anger you describe, so I’d look to address my temperament first, if I were you.

not

Jesus there are some feckin judgemental people on this forum!

Jainque, when I was the age I suspect you are, I used to go for a run, the longer and faster the better.

..

thanks ! i am 50 years old !

 

[jainque]

I'm afraid i don't think it is.

Anger at the gods, the vet, the insurance co,. oneself, yes but other people who have healthy horses - NO! I cannot see any justification for that and tbh it makes the OP sound mean-spirited.

I expect that when she has had some time to take in the news that she has been given, she will gather herself together and think again about the irrationality of being angry with those who are simply getting on with their own horsey concerns.

Of course should any of those people make any unpleasant comments towards the OP, that would be a different story and her anger would be justified.

yes, you are right, it is stupid to be angry at other horsey people. Still, i feel better now.

 

[ycbm]

thanks ! i am 50 years old !

I thought you were younger, but I was just about still running at fifty 😁

 

[jainque]

Feelings are very often wrong, which is why there are laws to prevent people acting on some of them.

Don't worry, i didn't do harm to anyone ! And, i never get angry with horses, i work in a racing yard and i always keep pretty cool on the horses.

 

[jainque]

I thought you were younger, but I was just about still running at fifty 😁

me too ! and up hill, it much more fun !

 

[ycbm]

yes, you are right, it is stupid to be angry at other horsey people. Still, i feel better now.

It's not stupid at all. It's called displacement. You are justifiably angry at something, but you can't get angry at a horse, so it gets displaced onto other people who seem to be luckier than you. It's normal behaviour, in a short burst, as long as you don't act on it.

I'm really glad you are feeling better about life now.

I don't think I can agree with you about running uphill 😁

.

 

[jainque]

i think the reason i was so disapointed is that i worked so hard for 7 months, trying to calm him down. He is a very hot chesnut and after weeks of slow work, i finally managed to have him cantering very slowly on a loose reins outside.
It took lots of patience and time, to get to this point. Many people told me to give up as he was just so hot, but i carried on and did a good job ( even my very grumpy boss agreed ! )
Then, the last check on his tendon showed some problems, so it's all over in 10 minutes.

The fact that i managed to form a partnership with him and that we were finally getting somewhere is frustrating.

Still, i am proud of my work and i really enjoyed working with him, i don't regret the early morning in the freezing manège or any of the hard work involved.
I will probably finance part of his retirement and keep in touch with him.

Thank you, Hellogoodby aka Pumpkin !

 

[tristar]

you should be be proud of how you did your best to train him for his benefit, in the circumstances

i personally have the theory that i never give much thought to actually, because i just get on with it, is that horses don`t move enough, i ride mine to death, i lunge them to death, not just in circles, when i get on i work them, but, i work them for their benefit, i tackle head on any resistance and relieve it through school movements then i enjoy enjoy enjoy because thats why i have them, i give them every chance then i work them hard, they are very fit i have no panting sweating and they always finish on a high.

i have never had a lame horse from work, work is what keeps them sound, correct work.

yes i`ve had one twist its knee in the field, the odd hoof soreness or infection but nothing from hard work, the horse i rode yesterday is nearly 20 i have had him since he was one, i did not ride him last week so thought i would start quietly but within 20 minutes he was offering a lot and so full of enthusiasm i went with it, i was on a high for the rest of the evening.

one thing i do is i only buy horses with the best breeding, or breed my own so chose the bloodlines and put all the best into them.

you can`t change what happens, so look in another direction, never stop trying, and never say die and a horse will find you one day, try to channel anger into thinking about how to avoid the same in the future, if you love tbs which i do, look for a close tb with some arab blood, they are much tougher in general

hope his retirement works out

 

[tristar]

Definitely agree that having a plan can help pull everything back in to order again.

And grieve is an interesting word but you're absolutely right, I still have my multiple-injury horse and she's happy in retirement now, but the final, career ending injury I definitely felt like grieving, for the lost opportunities and hope & happiness that just slipped through my fingers, despite all best efforts.
It sounds so melodramatic when written down but it helped me to acknowledge that's what I was feeling.

i think that is it , all the shows you did not go to, the days you did not ride, what could have been etc, but that shows us how we need to make the most of opportunities when they are there and to go for it, the injured mare retires then along comes kira

 

[Quadro]

It was pretty rubbish, but sadly life must go on. I miss her

 

[Boulty]

It's ok to get pissed off at the world, to want to eat all the chocolate in the universe, drink copious amounts of alcohol & go for a really long drive / run / walk (erm maybe not the alcohol & the driving together though eh?). Sometimes being with people who understand helps (I have a wonderful support network of people whose horses also like to break themselves although we do worry that they're keeping score between themselves. We don't know the rules so we can't declare a winner yet!), sometimes you just need some time on your own to think things through.

I don't like having problems sat in front of me that I haven't solved so when I've had whatever style of tantrum seems appropriate for the situation I start to break it down into as many bits as needed & I start to scheme about what the possible outcomes are, where they may lead & whose ear I need to bend for advice / who needs to be involved in this particular part of the latest disaster. This process can take several weeks (or more) & I tend to be rather cross until there's some sort of plan in place.

My money pit has cushings, is laminitis prone, has sidebone, all of which we were just about keeping under control up until the start of last year when things started to subtly go wrong. Scoped for ulcers, found some mild ones & treated them & thought that would be job done & back to normal service. Unfortunately the actual outcome of this was a dramatic reduction in his already dubious ability to tolerate grass (we think there was some interaction with his Cushings meds & also guessing his gut didn't enjoy the changes in pH we induced to heal the ulcers) & early signs of laminitis. This led to box rest & months of grass free turn out. He came sound foot-wise but still felt not QUITE 100%. Ended up moving yards to somewhere 40 odd miles away to allow him to live on a track as reintroduction to grass where he was made him footsore. Feet got worse again after moving. Had bloods done in the hope of better Cushings control being needed but turned out to have raised liver enzymes which I'm going to guess were why his feet had gone downhill again. Physio also wasn't happy with his back so got a vet who was also an osteopath out who wasn't happy with his lumbar area or his poll.

Months of work down the line his liver values are teetering on the edge of being back to normal (although choosing to do this without steroids due to recent laminitis & his metabolic issues raised my vets eyebrows), his feet are still not where I'd like them to be but are improving slowly (the important thing is that he's sound on them & not footsore... being able to be in work would improve them faster) & after x-rays proved inconclusive I'm awaiting referral for a CT of his head & ultrasound of facet joints in lumbar area. He has improved compared to before the osteopath started treating him but he feels that knowing fully what we're dealing with / why certain things still persist to niggle is needed. I'm also moving him to a closer track livery to allow me to see a bit more of him (sadly I'm waving goodbye to having many facilities for a while but needs must). I'm still not entirely certain what the outcome of all this is going to be & what (if any) work he's going to come back into at the end of it but whilst-ever improvements are occurring & the horse seems happy in himself & able to live a decent life I'll continue in the hopes that we can find something specific enough to treat that will make it easier for the horse to move correctly & tip the odds just enough in our favour. If not he'll become a high maintenance pet!