what would you do? she's not the horse i thought i brought.

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tinymaze

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hi, hope you can help I'm at a cross road, i brought my mare in march just gone, after i retired my geldin 3 years ago and wanted to get back into riding, she a 14.2hh 7 year old cob, meant to be a safe and steady cob. good for the farrier, vet, loading and clipping. when i tried her before buying and when she was vetted she was good as gold.
after having her for a little while i found out she's very naughty/nervous for the above. she's a very clingy horse to other horse's, she lives out at night as she won't stable overnight, she try's to rear over the door/ box walks and neighs we tried for 2 weeks but she now at a yard she can stay out at night. tho she is happy to be stables throw the day and just watches the ongoing at the yard.
To hack out in company she great, calm and does everything asked, she's ok to hack out on her own but get's nervous in open spaces. she very naughty in the school and three weeks ago i fell of her. i was entering the school and the gate scared her, i fell off badly bruising my hip and ribs. i rode again yesterday in the school and she bomb off with me and i fell off luckily i just got a few grazes, i think she did it because of a horse walking past the other end of the school.
but im losing my confidence fast with her, this would be my 5th fall on her since i got her, at the start of the year i broke my finger with her.
but now my family want me to sell her before she does me some serious damage to someone with more experience and confidence, but it would brake my heart to sell her and just thinking about it upsets me but would that be happier and safer for both of us or should i preserver with her? I'm going to get lessons and do a lot of ground work with her, my friend said she'd ride her for me. but I'm just upset and confused as to what to do. i really don't know?
 
Its a hopeless time to sell a horse over Xmas, so I would ask your family to give you another month, and in that time let your friend ride her if she is happy to, and get as many lessons as you can, see if you can rebuild a bit of confidence. It takes time, and quite often more time with a mare. If you've really tried with an instructor and someone else exercising her, and you still don't feel your getting anywhere in a month or so, at least you will know you gave it one last time. However remember this is your hobby and should be fun and not dangerous. There is no shame in deciding this is not the horse for you, and you would still adore another horse if you did sell her.
 
Sounds like you're showing signs of nervousness (understandable fue to previous mishaps) and this is affecting your horse. The horse is made nervous by your nerves (some look to us for reassurance more than others).

Lessons are an excellent idea and will really help you to bond and strengthen your relationship and confidence.

Might be worth checking back/ teeth/ saddle in case pain is actually manifesting itself as naughtiness?

Personally I wouldn't give up just yet, but do get some help so you enjoy your horse :-)
 
I was in a similar situation myself earlier this year - I waited too long to bite the bullet and ended up having a nasty back injury that will now be with me for the rest of my life.

You need to have a serious think about why the partnership is not working. If you are losing confidence things are only going to get worse unless you sort things out one way or another

Have you had all the obvious checked such as her back, teeth, saddle etc? It could be as simple as something hurting her? Could there be something that is setting her off in the school (we have pigeons nesting in our school sometimes that can make even the safest horse freak from time to time and another one flips out when he sees his own shadow if the lights are on)? Is she acting the same all the time or could it be a hormonal thing? Does she only act like this with you or is she the same with other riders?

From the sound of things it seems like you are based at a livery yard. Do you have a good yard owner or fellow liveries you could go to for advice?
 
Hoofing-it said:
Sounds like you're showing signs of nervousness (understandable fue to previous mishaps) and this is affecting your horse. The horse is made nervous by your nerves (some look to us for reassurance more than others).

Lessons are an excellent idea and will really help you to bond and strengthen your relationship and confidence.

Might be worth checking back/ teeth/ saddle in case pain is actually manifesting itself as naughtiness?

Personally I wouldn't give up just yet, but do get some help so you enjoy your horse :-)
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Agree with this fully
 
This makes me think of someone in the same situation near me. However, the story goes (a short as poss). Someone I know bought a horse a year ago, the horse was very difficult and after professional schooling this person was advised to sell the horse as she was dangerous and unpredictable. The horse was ok to be brushed and was sometimes ok to school. This person has now sold the horse on, unfortuantely she was desperate and sold her to a novice. The novice said she was looking for a calm hack. She bought this horse because she stood calmly could be brushed and was good in the school the day she tried it. Now she is home with the horse the horse has turned into a nightmare. She will, in time calm down, so she can at least handle her on the ground, but will always be an unpredictable ride. My point being a horse will not necessarily be the same as when you tried it once you get it a home, the horse selling world is not always one to be trusted. I hope your horse turns out ok for you, but if you don't feel she is right for you don't feel guilty about selling and finding the right one for you.
 
hi thanks for all the advice, and yes i agree lesson are in order, her back and teeth have been checked earlier in the year. I think it probably is me especially now as i'm getting nervous to ride her but i also think she very green and has a bit of anxiety away from other horses. I'm going to see how my friend get's on riding her and go from there. it's just a bit upsetting i never thought i'd think about selling a horse once i got them, my old boy still with me unfortunately he has COPD and i retired him 3 years ago but i also think half my problem is thinking she'd be like him tho he was a naughty pony he wasn't dangerous. But i learned the hard way there both very different.
 
My horse used to have a meltdown when horses coming past arena etc, even if she heard a horse coming down road it would set her off!! my instructor taught me how to deal with it if she tanks off, drive her on and on and on, not.allowed to stop until I told her to.Soon taught her that that behaviour was not on... get yourself loads of lessons with a Good instructor and am sure you will see a big difference.
 
wow ok thanks guy's, I'm dyslexic and tried to auto wright my mistakes but some get missed, so please excuse my bad punctuation, grammar and things, I'm just trying to get help for my situation.
 
I do understand and empathise with how you feel. If you can find a good instructor who will help you to establish a good bond with your new horse, it may be worth persevering with. You could end up with a lovely partnership. Don't do anything that scares you for now, though. Take it slowly. But finding good outside help is important. Best of luck.
 
A lot of safe and steady cobs are only safe and steady with firm handling. Everyone assumes my mare is suitable for beginners and novices but any unwanted behaviour that isn't nipped in the bud escalates fast and when a cob starts throwing its weight around you realise what big powerful creatures they are. Sounds like this cob was either greener than you were looking for, or you are greener than the cob needed. You either need lessons or find someone who can deal with her.
 
Very sad that this person is asking for help and is being picked on for spelling! If you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all. OP good luck hope all goes well for you x
 
You could be describing my little mare. I bought her about two years ago after a disastrous episode with a TB (I was hideously over-horsed and lost every ounce of confidence) anyway, along came my little mare. In the beginning she was bolshy, bad mannered, wouldn't be caught, wouldn't ride on her own and incidentally wouldn't stable (don't think she knew what it was for). She knew every trick in the book and tried it on all the time - I was so nervous and she knew it. That was then.... after waking up one day and thinking, right this needs to be sorted, I booked a load of lessons, did hours of groundwork and just spent time with her, and most importantly, I learnt to be assertive with her (not with force - she was pathologically afraid of whips). Two years on and she is a totally different, lovely girl. Cobs look dopey but they are as smart as any and will take advantage of any situation given the chance. She still tries it on, but half-heartedly, just making sure I'm paying attention I think :) I don't know her history before she came to me, but I can guess! It took her a LONG time to trust humans again but now we have the strongest bond and I trust her implicitly.Sorry, that was a long post but my point is, relationships aren't formed over night and it can take a very, very long time to bond - in my experience it was definitely worth the perseverance.
 
Cut the feed - and I mean ALL hard feed; exercise more (turnout is sometimes not enough, especially if they just mooch around), perhaps try lunging before you get on, and GET LESSONS! The horse is most definitely the horse you bought, now you have to learn to ride and train her. Training wears off if not at least reinforced, it's not permanently installed. Don't give up; rise to the challenge (the ghost of my old mentor speaks through me here ;-)
 
ridefast said:
A lot of safe and steady cobs are only safe and steady with firm handling. Everyone assumes my mare is suitable for beginners and novices but any unwanted behaviour that isn't nipped in the bud escalates fast and when a cob starts throwing its weight around you realise what big powerful creatures they are. Sounds like this cob was either greener than you were looking for, or you are greener than the cob needed. You either need lessons or find someone who can deal with her.
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This was exactly what my friend found out too when she got her first horse. Fondly known as Asbo cob :) he was very green as was she and it was a very bad mix. He started throwing his weight about pretty soon after she got him. With ground work and firm handling he's now a lovely boy..mostly. Problem is people see cobs and think safe. They forget that there's a lot of muscle there backed up by a very quick mind. I've been on Asbo when he's tanked off and he took a lot of stopping.
Lots of good advice already given but yes, the secret is learning to ride better and getting more tools to deal with your horse both on his back and on the ground. Good luck :)
 
Stop expecting her to be your previous horse. Take her as a blank canvas with her own personality & needs, as well as ditto above!
 
Cortez said:
Cut the feed - and I mean ALL hard feed; exercise more (turnout is sometimes not enough, especially if they just mooch around), perhaps try lunging before you get on, and GET LESSONS! The horse is most definitely the horse you bought, now you have to learn to ride and train her. Training wears off if not at least reinforced, it's not permanently installed. Don't give up; rise to the challenge (the ghost of my old mentor speaks through me here ;-)
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Very wise words ^^^^^^
 
I can only echo all of the advice given here. I was in a similar situation to you and sold the horse. I felt awful at first but it was most definately the best thing to do.
I really hope you get things sorted soon OP xxx
 
Hi
I would say its early days, your horse is still getting used to you, ( and you to him ).
try to get lessons, as many as you can to begin with, ask your instructor to ride as well. Pop a neckstrap on, so that you can hook a hold on that instead of hanging on to his mouth/ leaning forward, that means go go go. Does anyone have a sensible well controlled horse that you can ride with for a little while?
100% agree with Cortez to cut out feed and try and work him more, firm, fair and consistant handling so he knows where he stands.
I will say as well, that I moved my tb ( that I had owned for 3 yrs ) to a new yard, and he was a totally different horse for about 2 months. He was so unsettled, I was on the verge of moving him again.
If I had just bought him, and didn't know him already I would have wondered what on earth I'd bought, so I think that sometimes we under estimate how much they can get upset by moving, especially if he hasn't been out and about very much in his previous home.
I'm sure you'll be fine with a bit more time, and a bit of help from an instructor.
Kx
 
Everybody's already mentioned lessons for riding, but as far as the stable goes could you talk to your yard owner to see if there's anything that can be done with her stable to make it easier for her? A stable mirror (you would have to buy it of course but ask if you could put one up), taking some of the wall down between her and her neighbour or moving her so she can see other horses more easily? If she starts to settle in the stable it might help her in other ways.

Some horses take a long time to settle in to a new yard, my boy took about a year. He wasn't naughty but he wouldn't get involved with any of the other horses at all, was always on his own. I think he'd been moved around so much he was afraid to bond in case he lost them again. After 6 months he realised he was safe and from that moment he never looked back. 9 years on he's the centre of everything!

Good luck with her, she sounds quite sweet if a bit insecure. Moving on to a new horse is hard, especially when your last one was so good! I'm sure you'll get there with some proper help.
 
Thank you all for the reply's, I'm going to persevere with her but slowly. I plan on doing a lot of ground work and find a good instructor and just take things back to basics for her and for me and see how we go. Thank you all.
 
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