What would you do?

M

Moomin1

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 July 2010
Messages
7,968
Visit site
A livery has just moved onto the yard a couple of weeks ago, young teenage girl whose mum has no more involvement other than dropping the girl off and picking her up (and paying for the horse).

Anyway, since arriving, this girl is leaving empty shavings bags lying around the yard, blowing all over the fields, never sweeps up, smashed a coffee mug of someone else's and left the pieces all over the yard, and has used Christmasstyle's cupasoups without asking and left none (ChristmasStyle is diabetic so needs food up at the yard). Said girl has admitted this to another livery when asked. She is also using the school (doesn't belong to our yard, but is across the road and charges £5 per hour, to be left in a box at yard - nobody lives or works there) and has admitted to this other livery she is not putting money in the box. The owner of the school has said previously that he will stop use if people take the mick.

Latest incident - me and CS bought a sack of carrots between us on Fri, normally lasts us between a week and two weeks. By last night there were only about twelve left in the sack (didn't think much of it other than commenting to CS how fast we had got through them). Then, today, went to get some carrots to find the entire sack and carrots missing! :confused:

We have a separate feed room to everyone else, so someone would have to go in there deliberately to get something.

We have mentioned issues over the past couple of weeks to YO (who is non-horsey) and nothing gets done. We have raised the issue today over text with the girl's mother (she doesn't answer the phone and generally always says she doesn't know what's going on if you ask questions) and she has denied her daughter's wrongdoings and refuses to accept there are problems,

So, what would you do, given that the girl is only 13, the mother doesn't want to deal with it, and the YO is being a bit soft on her?
 
6 including the girl herself, and one of the girls hasn't actually been there for a number of months now as her old horse died, she is just keeping the stable on ready for another when she feels ready.

The girl who isn't around at the minute has been there for donkey's years, I have been there for a nearly 3 years, and CS on and off for the past couple.

The other three have literally just arrived in the past couple of weeks (all separately)
 
I would have a yard meeting to remind everyone of the rules, no pointing the finger at anyone but just a chit chat with tea and cakes about what is expected and what is not. At 13 she probably doesn't know any better so at this stage I don't think singling her out is the way to go.
 
3Beasties said:
I would have a yard meeting to remind everyone of the rules, no pointing the finger at anyone but just a chit chat with tea and cakes about what is expected and what is not. At 13 she probably doesn't know any better so at this stage I don't think singling her out is the way to go.
Click to expand...

Agree, which is why first of all we tried the YO, so he could have a quiet word with the mother. Nothing happened, either because he didn't or because she didn't do anything. So we have tried asking the mother diplomatically to have a word, but she has told us to bog off basically!

At 13 I would know the difference between right and wrong when it came to taking people's belongings, but I suppose everyone is brought up differently. We don't want to make the girl feel uncomfortable, but things are getting ou of hand very rapidly, and it's getting worse and worse. All of the discreet and softly softly methods we have tried so far are falling on deaf ears.:(
 
Yes I would get everyone together and have a yard meeting see if that sorts it .
It's a shame the YO has not but there you go .
If the yard meeting approach fails I think you will have to get the others on side and go to YO and say we all are not happy because of xyz and expect him to sort it.
 
But a meeting where the rules are laid out plain and simple may be better then dropping hints/ softly softly but as its as a group she will hopefully not feel singled out/uncomfortable.
 
Perhaps a group of you talking to the yo would push the point home that its the whole yard and not just 1 or 2 of you saying there is a problem. would also lock yoyr feedroom and keep as much of your stuff as possible in there so she cannot take your stuff and perhaps advise the others to sort out a way to lock their stuff away as well. shame when it gets to that stage when you seem to have had a good atmosphere before she arrived
 
3Beasties said:
But a meeting where the rules are laid out plain and simple may be better then dropping hints/ softly softly but as its as a group she will hopefully not feel singled out/uncomfortable.
Click to expand...

I think that's the only way forward now, which is IMO a bit of a shame because at 13 I would have felt more awkward and upset if a group of people all said the same about me in a meeting. But we really can't go on like this, it's ridiculous, and what gets me more is the fact that this poor girl is having no moral upbringing or guidance from her mother at all.
 
I don't think anyone needs to say anything about what she has done in the meeting, it should just be used to refresh on the yard rules as a whole in the hope that she then realises what is expected of her.
 
A meeting is a good idea, get all liveries together and go through the rules, it is a chance to clear the air and get the young girl involved in the yard.
As a YO I would not be that happy with a 13 year old being left alone on my yard until I knew they were responsible and could be trusted, the mother or another adult should be around in my view. If they were making the place uncomfortable for my adult liveries something would need to be done pdq.
 
3Beasties said:
I don't think anyone needs to say anything about what she has done in the meeting, it should just be used to refresh on the yard rules as a whole in the hope that she then realises what is expected of her.
Click to expand...

True, yes. That's a good idea, will speak to the YO when I can and try to sort something.

We don't want her to feel pushed out (though she is a kid amongst 5 adults on a small yard so already quite out of place in many ways which is a shame for her). Our yard has always been a yard for adults really, as it is quiet with limited facilities to keep a horsey kid happy. There are so many yards nearby that have plenty of teenagers, and x country courses/farm rides/schools/showjumps etc etc that would be suitable, but apparently she has just moved away from one of these because she wasn't happy with the rules there. She is a very quiet girl and does come across as troubled.
 
Sorry to seem harsh but it's soft, woolly attitudes like those suggested above that contribute to the total lack of accountability that so many young people today display. I'd urge you to tackle it head on. Sit this girl down, tell her she's rumbled, ask how she'd like it if her stuff went missing. Tell her that the police will be involved re stealing other people's property and misuse of an honesty system. Tell her that all litter will be collected up and dumped in her stable, over and over again if necessary. Club together and put up a security camera, you can get them for a few quid. Tell her any thefts recorded and it will be handed over to the police. She'll destroy your peaceful little yard in no time flat and everyone will be at each other's throats until she pulls her weight and starts acting like a decent human being, because she sure isn't at the moment!
 
Box_Of_Frogs said:
Sorry to seem harsh but it's soft, woolly attitudes like those suggested above that contribute to the total lack of accountability that so many young people today display. I'd urge you to tackle it head on. Sit this girl down, tell her she's rumbled, ask how she'd like it if her stuff went missing. Tell her that the police will be involved re stealing other people's property and misuse of an honesty system. Tell her that all litter will be collected up and dumped in her stable, over and over again if necessary. Club together and put up a security camera, you can get them for a few quid. Tell her any thefts recorded and it will be handed over to the police. She'll destroy your peaceful little yard in no time flat and everyone will be at each other's throats until she pulls her weight and starts acting like a decent human being, because she sure isn't at the moment!
Click to expand...

That's what the YOer should do for sure but could it make OPs position untenable on the yard.
Mother is unhelpful child runs to mum mum goes to YOer OP looses place on yard that suits her that's a worse case senario I know but not impossible.
 
It might not even be her, especially with 2 others being new at the same time. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard about adult liveries being messy, stealing etc then blaming it on the new teen or kid on the yard. I'd just politely mention the mess when I saw her, preferably just on a one to one. Eg 'sorry to sound like I'm being a bore, but please could you stick your rubbish in the bin?'. As for the food, again someone should mention conversationally that if she wants to keep pot noodles, soups, pop tarts, bread & nutella etc for toast she can keep it in x place. And as for carrots, I'm guessing you mean the sacks from feed merchants? Just tell her you buy them on x days, if she brings her money down you'll pick her a sack up too.
I do wonder though why when she admitted it to the other livery she/he didn't just say something at the time.
I bet the mother is one of those single parents with low morals on benefits though, bringing her child up to scrounge too.
 
Could you perhaps print all the rules and give them to her. Along the lines of something like "were giving these to all new liveries just so everyone is sure of the rules on the yard, as it can be difficult to remember them all?"

Or even say YO has asked you to give them to her to remind her of the rules and that if they are broken there will be consequences?
 
Tell the YO to get off their sorry arse and do something about it.

Speak to the girl and tell her the behaviour will not be tolerated.

And you may also want to remind the YO of their duty of care and liability responsibilities towards a 13 year old child left without supervision on the yard.

And if all else fails - move.
 
The_angel_littlelegs said:
It might not even be her, especially with 2 others being new at the same time. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard about adult liveries being messy, stealing etc then blaming it on the new teen or kid on the yard. I'd just politely mention the mess when I saw her, preferably just on a one to one. Eg 'sorry to sound like I'm being a bore, but please could you stick your rubbish in the bin?'. As for the food, again someone should mention conversationally that if she wants to keep pot noodles, soups, pop tarts, bread & nutella etc for toast she can keep it in x place. And as for carrots, I'm guessing you mean the sacks from feed merchants? Just tell her you buy them on x days, if she brings her money down you'll pick her a sack up too.
I do wonder though why when she admitted it to the other livery she/he didn't just say something at the time.
I bet the mother is one of those single parents with low morals on benefits though, bringing her child up to scrounge too.
Click to expand...

Couldn't agree more, I do find that kangaroo courts are not the way to go at all.
 
The_angel_littlelegs said:
It might not even be her, especially with 2 others being new at the same time. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard about adult liveries being messy, stealing etc then blaming it on the new teen or kid on the yard. I'd just politely mention the mess when I saw her, preferably just on a one to one. Eg 'sorry to sound like I'm being a bore, but please could you stick your rubbish in the bin?'. As for the food, again someone should mention conversationally that if she wants to keep pot noodles, soups, pop tarts, bread & nutella etc for toast she can keep it in x place. And as for carrots, I'm guessing you mean the sacks from feed merchants? Just tell her you buy them on x days, if she brings her money down you'll pick her a sack up too.
I do wonder though why when she admitted it to the other livery she/he didn't just say something at the time.
I bet the mother is one of those single parents with low morals on benefits though, bringing her child up to scrounge too.
Click to expand...

Oh somebody's so tender with her lickle friendies from the other thread!! ;)
 
Write a letter and pass it to her mum or speak to her when she drops her off?

Sounds like either she doesn't know and has no respect or rules or she's just plain cheeky. Either way it needs sorting ASAP or it'll only get worse.

Maybe threaten further action re thefts (technically they are) to get their attention - sounds extreme but if they are listening they soon will.

Why should you all buy things for someone else to take?? I certainly never when I was 13.

Good luck.
 
milesjess said:
Write a letter and pass it to her mum or speak to her when she drops her off?

Sounds like either she doesn't know and has no respect or rules or she's just plain cheeky. Either way it needs sorting ASAP or it'll only get worse.

Maybe threaten further action re thefts (technically they are) to get their attention - sounds extreme but if they are listening they soon will.

Why should you all buy things for someone else to take?? I certainly never when I was 13.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thanks milesjess. The soup has now been replaced, although the carrot mystery is still unsolved as we haven't mentioned it to anyone yet.

The yard is still a mess though.

BTW, your horse is stunning, has a very similar head and face to mine! :)
 
Moomince Pie said:
A livery has just moved onto the yard a couple of weeks ago, young teenage girl whose mum has no more involvement other than dropping the girl off and picking her up (and paying for the horse).

Anyway, since arriving, this girl is leaving empty shavings bags lying around the yard, blowing all over the fields, never sweeps up, smashed a coffee mug of someone else's and left the pieces all over the yard, and has used Christmasstyle's cupasoups without asking and left none (ChristmasStyle is diabetic so needs food up at the yard). Said girl has admitted this to another livery when asked. She is also using the school (doesn't belong to our yard, but is across the road and charges £5 per hour, to be left in a box at yard - nobody lives or works there) and has admitted to this other livery she is not putting money in the box. The owner of the school has said previously that he will stop use if people take the mick.

Latest incident - me and CS bought a sack of carrots between us on Fri, normally lasts us between a week and two weeks. By last night there were only about twelve left in the sack (didn't think much of it other than commenting to CS how fast we had got through them). Then, today, went to get some carrots to find the entire sack and carrots missing! :confused:

We have a separate feed room to everyone else, so someone would have to go in there deliberately to get something.

We have mentioned issues over the past couple of weeks to YO (who is non-horsey) and nothing gets done. We have raised the issue today over text with the girl's mother (she doesn't answer the phone and generally always says she doesn't know what's going on if you ask questions) and she has denied her daughter's wrongdoings and refuses to accept there are problems,

So, what would you do, given that the girl is only 13, the mother doesn't want to deal with it, and the YO is being a bit soft on her?
Click to expand...
The incidents of the carrots and CS's stash of food are theft and you need to tell the YPO that if s/he doesn't sort it out the police will be brought in and make sure the girl is made aware that she is not only stealing but seriously endangering the life of CS.

Can you lock your tack room? Perhaps you could rope in a Dad or brother or boy-friend to put a hasp and padlock on the door. (Or bully the YO into doing it!)

I don't know if you are adults or teenagers but if the latter you and CS should get together with your parents over this so you can present a united front over this.
 
The_angel_littlelegs said:
It might not even be her, especially with 2 others being new at the same time. It wouldn't be the first time I've heard about adult liveries being messy, stealing etc then blaming it on the new teen or kid on the yard.
Click to expand...

I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt but seeing as she admitted the stealing to another livery, the shavings bags are hers and all the mess on the yard are accountable to her things (haynets left everywhere etc) I'm afraid the blame lies with her.

It's an awkward situation! I've never had to deal with anything like this as like Moomin says, it's always been an adult yard. I've always been the youngest there, now am 21.

Think a meeting is def the way to go :)
 
Last edited:
Ellen I am 31.

An update on the situ, another livery (new livery who we haven't discussed situ with) has now had a massive row with mother of said girl as it appears 4 bales of her shavings have been taken.

Mother of girl has now argued back to livery and said 'it's none of her business what her daughter does'?! That's pretty much the response I got when I approached her about our stuff going missing
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top