What would you do?

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Bea_millard

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So I’m on quite a small yard. There are only 5 liveries. One of the women is terrified of riding in the school with others. This wouldn’t be a problem, except she is insistent on riding when others want to ride. It is as if the rest of us have to work around her, which often means us missing out on riding or waiting an hour to ride. Her horse doesn’t do anything bad - he’s just stubborn and takes the mick because she’s nervous. The other horses are all very well behaved and wouldn’t do anything naughty, really. Obviously they may spook but that’s horses for you. What would you do in this situation? I told her today that I was planning on riding tomorrow after she messaged everyone saying she was. But I said I didn’t mind sharing the school as that’s kind of what you have to do at times. But now I feel really horrible!!
 
Red-1

Red-1

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Could you use opposite ends of the school? It may at least get her started in tiding with others. Once you had both worked then maybe you could use the whole arena to cool off? That way she may become more comfortable.

I would say that a full hour is too much to monopolise the school at busy times. Maybe it would not be such an issue if it were just for half an hour.

If, however, the rule is that you have to share then this needs agreeing by the YO and she needs telling that if it is a busy time then that means sharing. Often yards on't have rules, and then it is a trickier situation.
 
sportsmansB

sportsmansB

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This is awkward as you want to be nice and sympathetic to someone who is struggling
Does she recognise that this is difficult for everyone, or just expect that she can have it to herself every time she wants it? Is there a diary or booking arrangement for sole use of the school (such as for lessons etc) or is it a free for all arrangement? Maybe it needs to be stipulated that sole use can only be at off peak times or something, and then she'll have to rethink.
It sounds like something the YO will need to sort, to be honest.

I have had difficult or baby horses before who haven't benefitted from others whizzing around them, but thats been my problem so I've had to wait until everyone else is finished.
I know it would make a big difference to me if I had to wait an extra hour every night to ride, time is precious enough as it is!!
 
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Bea_millard

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Red-1 said:
Could you use opposite ends of the school? It may at least get her started in tiding with others. Once you had both worked then maybe you could use the whole arena to cool off? That way she may become more comfortable.

I would say that a full hour is too much to monopolise the school at busy times. Maybe it would not be such an issue if it were just for half an hour.

If, however, the rule is that you have to share then this needs agreeing by the YO and she needs telling that if it is a busy time then that means sharing. Often yards on't have rules, and then it is a trickier situation.
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I offered to work on a 20m circle at one end whilst she worked at the other end but she refused.

We are allowed to book the school if we have lessons or jumping. But she doesn’t jump at all and her lessons are at 5.30 for 45 minutes so REALLY peak time. Whereas the rest of us try and sort our lessons for quieter times
 
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Ceifer

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Bea_millard said:
I offered to work on a 20m circle at one end whilst she worked at the other end but she refused.

We are allowed to book the school if we have lessons or jumping. But she doesn’t jump at all and her lessons are at 5.30 for 45 minutes so REALLY peak time. Whereas the rest of us try and sort our lessons for quieter times
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Speak to the yard manager / owner
 
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Bea_millard

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sportsmansB said:
This is awkward as you want to be nice and sympathetic to someone who is struggling
Does she recognise that this is difficult for everyone, or just expect that she can have it to herself every time she wants it? Is there a diary or booking arrangement for sole use of the school (such as for lessons etc) or is it a free for all arrangement? Maybe it needs to be stipulated that sole use can only be at off peak times or something, and then she'll have to rethink.
It sounds like something the YO will need to sort, to be honest.

I have had difficult or baby horses before who haven't benefitted from others whizzing around them, but thats been my problem so I've had to wait until everyone else is finished.
I know it would make a big difference to me if I had to wait an extra hour every night to ride, time is precious enough as it is!!
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Exactly! She just expects to be able to have it. Like the majority of us are up at 3/4 on Saturdays and she was like “I’m going in the school at 4 on Saturday” so my friend and I went for a hack but she didn’t even get into the school until 5. She just outright refuses to share and if you tack your horse up and ask to join she’s like “erm well I’d rather you didn’t”.

Yeah, if her horse was difficult, I’d understand but he’s not. And none of the other horses are going to go whizzing around. When I’m planning on jumping, I’d wait until the school was free but for flatwork, my pony is pretty sensible and steady!
 
dogatemysalad

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I was on a very busy yard that had to introduce a booking system to stop bad feeling. Solo use had to be booked 24 hours in advance and the same slot could not be booked more than twice a week. The time limit was 30 minutes unless it was a lesson. It actually made people more willing in share because they didn't want the school to be blocked by single riders.
 
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Bea_millard

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dogatemysalad said:
I was on a very busy yard that had to introduce a booking system to stop bad feeling. Solo use had to be booked 24 hours in advance and the same slot could not be booked more than twice a week. The time limit was 30 minutes unless it was a lesson. It actually made people more willing in share because they didn't want the school to be blocked by single riders.
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I think a booking system wouldn’t really work. There’s only 3 of us (not including this woman) who ride regularly so it seems a bit silly having a booking system because the rest of us are all more than willing to share
 
LaurenBay

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In all honesty, unless she is in a lesson, I would just tack up and go in there and say to her "really sorry, this is the only time I can ride today as I need to get going, my Horse is fine and we can use opposite ends of the school if you are worried" she will either have to lump it and get on with it (which would build her confidence over time) or she will have to leave the menage.
 
AmyMay

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LaurenBay said:
In all honesty, unless she is in a lesson, I would just tack up and go in there and say to her "really sorry, this is the only time I can ride today as I need to get going, my Horse is fine and we can use opposite ends of the school if you are worried" she will either have to lump it and get on with it (which would build her confidence over time) or she will have to leave the menage.
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Put far more eloquently than me 🤗
 
sportsmansB

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I think in this case you just have to go on in.
Be considerate and offer to use the other end of the school but don't apologise too much or she is getting the impression that you're somehow in the wrong - which you aren't.
It isn't easy and I am especially sympathetic to people who are suffering from nerves but its not going to change until she realises that her horse is actually fine and then she'll wonder what all the fuss was about.
one thing you do need to do is be considerate if finished before her- as some horses can be arsy when they have had company and it goes away (don't know what your yard lay out is, how far arena from stables / line of sight etc)- if hers started calling / napping or whatever it would set her confidence back further. She is being unreasonable but you might just need to be sensitive at first to get her past it.
 
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Annagain

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I agree she needs to work arond you rather than vice versa if she's the one with the problem. If there are only 3 of you, rather than a booking system which might be a bit over the top, could you agree a timeframe amongst you when hogging the school is not allowed - so between say 4.30 and 6.30 you have to be prepared to share if you want to use the school then? Outside these times you can request the school to yourself for up to 30mins?

If she doesn't agree to this, it sounds like you have YO's backing in principle even if she hasn't said anything so I'd push the issue by just going into the school. If she complains to YO, at least it should force the YO to tell her she has no right to demand sole use of the school.
 
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Bea_millard

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Thank you everyone. I thought I might have been being a bit rude or whatever. But you’ve all confirmed that I’m not in the wrong! Only issue is sometimes she gets one of the old liveries to come and “shout at her”, so not a formal lesson but I’m not sure if that would be perceived as a lesson or not. Said ex-livery is a friend of mine and I’m sure wouldn’t mind me coming in. It’s just one of those grey areas!
 
sportsmansB

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Maybe when the ex livery friend is there would actually be a good time to come in, as the other livery might take more confidence from having that support while shes doing something she feels uncomfortable with
Ex livery friend can be quite matter of fact about it (if you warn her in advance, especially) and it could help break the cycle. next day then you can dander in as you were the day before and just act normal...
 
meleeka

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How about suggesting that although you need to ride in the school, one of the other liveries could come in and give her support If they aren’t busy, in order that she can train her horse to get used to it. Of course it’s her not the horse that needs training, but I do have some sympathy for those that are nervous.

Ultimately the school is there for everyone and I think if she’s not willing to try and get over it, you’ll have to just carry on regardless.
 
vhf

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Does she hack out? And if so, on her own or with others? Could you offer to go with, and finish up with a "walk around the school to cool down"? It's not fair of her to hog, verging on rude, but I think most of us can understand someone having crippling nerves/issues that affect their perception of what they're entitled to. For the sake of long term peace, anything you can do to help is worth looking at.
 
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Bea_millard

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vhf said:
Does she hack out? And if so, on her own or with others? Could you offer to go with, and finish up with a "walk around the school to cool down"? It's not fair of her to hog, verging on rude, but I think most of us can understand someone having crippling nerves/issues that affect their perception of what they're entitled to. For the sake of long term peace, anything you can do to help is worth looking at.
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Unfortunately she doesn’t hack at all. I understand her being nervous and that’s why I feel that I could be coming across as rude. But like someone said before, if the rest of us are all okay with sharing then it’s her problem not ours and we shouldn’t be made to change our plans/not ride because of it. It also bugs me that she’s an instructor and will watch me riding when I’m in the school and try and give me a lesson, but the minute you give her friendly advice (leg on/breathe) she gets really, really offended. I’m trying not to be rude because we have all been there, me especially!
 
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Ignore her. I have no patience for people who try to do this. You have as much right to the school as she does. If she doesn't want to share she needs to time her riding accordingly, not expect others to. She and her horse need to get used to it, not avoid the problem and inconvenience others at the same time. It is quite possible to have a lesson whilst sharing also. If people want sole use of the school then there need to be rules around booking (ie not at peak times, with suitable notice and requiring payment (in order to deter people doing it unless they really have a good reason) etc).
 
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If you go in to share the school, why don't you use the first time for schooling in walk only? So you could practice turn on the forehand, shoulder in, "square" circles, a fan of poles to negotiate. I am sure there are lots of ideas for schooling in walk. Hopefully her horse will behave and then she will be less scared another time.
 
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Bea_millard

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Leandy said:
It is quite possible to have a lesson whilst sharing also.
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I agree and thankfully my instructor/YO says that she’s more than happy for others to join us if we have a lesson at peak times (we try and have one on the days when one of the other regulars isn’t riding). I’ll respect if they’ve booked the school for a lesson but I am still annoyed about it
 
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