When to give up?

GreyDot said:
You have spoken alot about the horse and sound like a very competent and caring owner. But what is it that you want, as a rider going forward? It doesn't sound like you want to give up horses, just that this one has ground you down, and that can happen, much as we love them. If your trainer knows you well, maybe have a heart to heart with them next session and talk through your goals. Maybe this horse needs to be someone else, or turned away for awhile while you re-assess.
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This is very valid and I think I’ve got a bit lost along the way. I spent the first year just getting him down off the ceiling and getting some basics in place and suffering ‘new horse syndrome’, year 2 starting to get him out and making some progress, year 3 actually starting to enjoy him and getting a bit ambitious….and then we hit a wall. So now I’m a bit “what is the end goal” and the heart to heart with my trainer really gave me a bit of a wake up call of what DO I plan to do with this horse…. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Writing all this down and talking it through though has made me realise I’m not playing to his strengths at the moment. I did have a lovely summer with him last year, but I haven’t actually jumped him all winter and as such I’ve lost my bottle to start up with him again. So I decided to focus on flatwork for a bit, which I know isn’t our strong point, and we’ve spiralled into one bad ride after another. So I’ve gotten myself in a place of “can’t jump my horse and can’t do flatwork with him, and if I can’t even do flatwork with him there’s no hope of jumping again”…. When actually perhaps I just need a kick up the backside to get going again. 😬

But I understand where trainer is coming from as it really shouldn’t all be this hard!
 
You could put some feelers out to see if a nice home is out there for him? You just never know. If you are completely honest about him, you might be lucky.

Or like someone else said, go down a different route with your training of him.

Or thirdly, even though the vets think he’s ok, he maybe actually isn’t, and the stressy behaviour could be down to pain, and it’s time to retire him.
 
You sound like such a wonderful owner, and I really hope you manage to work something out.

Your horse does sound tricky, but you also sound to have made so much progress with him - you need to give yourself credit for that, for the much better life you are giving him compared to what he might have had.

I don't really have many suggestions beyond those already given - I totally understand and respect why you don't want to sell or laon him out. If you could find the perfect sharer it might take the pressure off you, but perfect sharers are hard to come by :(
 
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