When will I get over it?

Lady La La

Lady La La

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When will I be able to move on? It's been nearly 3 months since my horse died, but I feel no more 'at terms' with it than the day it happened.

I still have two lovely horses, that I absolutely adore. I thoroughly enjoy riding and competing on little TB and giving my shetland his daily squidge... but I'm still comparing everything they do to Starla. When I ride, I say to myself "Starla would never have done that" and I can't buy something for one of the horses without having to get Starla one too...even though she's dead.
(She now has a lovely stable door sign hanging in the feed shed because I wanted one for the other two)

Am I cracking up?! :rolleyes:

I cant look at pictures of her yet, with out getting teary and I practically obsess over what things would be like if she was still here. I say goodnight to her every evening I leave the yard, and if I catch sight of her picture even in my siggy on here I feel like my hearts gonna break all over again.

I've already vowed never to replace her...but I want to remember her and smile or laugh. Not cry and hate myself every time I see her picture.
 
Firstly big hugs to you!!

Your not cracking up! Loosing a horse is like loosing a family member! When I lost Rocky I didnt think life would ever be the same.

Time is the only healer. Of course you never forget and I dont think you ever fully get over whats happened but you grow to accept it.

There will be days when its really hard and then there will be days when you can look back and smile at all the good memories.

Chin up and remember you've still got 2 beautiful horses who need you :)
 
My beautiful little mare was PTS In September. Had her 3 and a half years but we had one hell of a bond, she was only 7. She had a slipped disk and had been in constant pain since I bought her. She only ever bucked me off 3 times in 3 years because of it. She was such an honest horse and I am still not over her. Shes buried in a field beside my house and I still go have a good cry and have a chat to her.
They really do leave a hole when they are so special to us.
 
I can't remember how long it took but I do remember getting part way through a day and realising that he wasn't the first thing I thought of in the morning.

I had mine pts 7 years ago and tears still prick my eyes occasionally when I think of him but mostly I look back with fond memories, not the sadness of his demise :(.
 
Thanks. It's good to know I'm not alone in how I feel.

I know nothing will bring her back, but god I wish it would :( I know Im lucky inthat I have two other gorgeous beasties that need me. If I didnt have them I think I'd probably have given up.
 
I feel your pain it's not easy, one day though you will remember the happy times you both had, I lost my lady at end of 09 and to this very day I still think of him and not a day goes by that I don't...I tend to chat away to him about my troubles expecting him to answer me back lol :)
I named a star after him and I see a bright star at night I always look up and say Hello and I love him...I often cry for him I miss him so very much and the pain is still there...

I am trying not to compare any horses that I go to view to my lad, as no other horse will ever replace him he was a one off special boy to my heart!!

If you ever feel the need to have a chat I am only round the corner :)

Big hugs it will ease with time honest....
 
Merlywerly said:
I feel your pain it's not easy, one day though you will remember the happy times you both had, I lost my lady at end of 09 and to this very day I still think of him and not a day goes by that I don't...I tend to chat away to him about my troubles expecting him to answer me back lol :)
I named a star after him and I see a bright star at night I always look up and say Hello and I love him...I often cry for him I miss him so very much and the pain is still there...

I am trying not to compare any horses that I go to view to my lad, as no other horse will ever replace him he was a one off special boy to my heart!!

If you ever feel the need to have a chat I am only round the corner :)

Big hugs it will ease with time honest....
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Thank you. I have a star named after Starla too. No idea where said star is located, but every time I see a star in the sky I say hi to her.

Saaaad I know, but I guess it helps.

She was my mate, and I miss her. I guess that's totally normal.
 
My pride and joy had a heart attack when we were out on a hack about 8 years ago now. It took 6 months to stop crying everytime I thought about him and to stop dreaming about him. Probably another 3 months before I stopped expecting his head to be over the stable door first thing in the morning, and another 3 months after that before I was ready to consider buying another one. I will always remember the day after he died, swallows I had never noticed in the stables before fledged... that helped alot with the healing process as some people believe birds can represent the souls of the recently deceased. I don't know if that is true, but it certainly helped me put everything in perspective.

To give myself a year it meant felt I was not replacing him, but adding to my experiance by having another horse to tend to, bring on and love. Like you I had other horses to look after so giving up was never an option.

I still think of him alot; he was a massive part of my life, and I can still cry about what happened. It did take about 18months with my new horse before I stopped comparing Otis to him, but I think that is natural with any new horse.

My mother had her first horse pts 3 years ago- she had owned him for 32 years- she refused to ride until this saturday when she had her first lesson in 15 years. See... Grief is a funny thing- it makes some people comedians, it leaves some people depressed. But you will get through this, and you will move on. Unfortunately time is the only healer!
 
My beloved horse died suddenly last August.

Its only now I can really think of him and smile.....instead of welling up. I was having really, really vivid dreams at one point- almost as if he was still there.

It just takes time hun.

I'm always comparing my new horse to him...its not fair on either of us- but you just can't help it:(

((((hugs))))
 
I'm so sorry things are tough for you .

There's not much I can say but (((HUGS)))

You gave her an amazing life and from looking at the pictures of her she obviously loved life with you and you should feel proud that you had such a happy horse and you still have two very happy ones.

It is like loosing a close relative and you will never truly get over her but she will always have a special place in your heart and you know she is up there looking out for you.

Some more (((HUGS))) and I'm pretty sure Ben and Jerrys are on sale in Morrisons :)
 
Big hugs, honey, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my beloved boy very suddenly in December, I still can't look at photos, talk about him too much, or think about it. I end up miserable and crying. There's nothing I wouldn't give to have him back, he was a horse in a million and my best friend.

xxx
 
Its been 10yrs since I lost my " FOREVER HORSE" I was a mess for about 2yrs. Took me along time to think about him without breaking down.

I can now look back and remember the good times.

Time does heal, you just have to take little steps to get there.
 
dibbin said:
Big hugs, honey, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my beloved boy very suddenly in December, I still can't look at photos, talk about him too much, or think about it. I end up miserable and crying. There's nothing I wouldn't give to have him back, he was a horse in a million and my best friend.

xxx
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I remember reading your post about him, it made me cry in the middle of the office :'(
 
It does get easier. It will be two years this May that I lost my boy. I had never known such grief. I lost him so suddenly - colic - I felt robbed. I used to wake up in the night wondering if I had made the right decision, if he was ok. I went through traumas with whether or not to bury his ashes, would he be at peace etc if I didn't, would he be happy in my lounge! I would not wash his headcollar as it had his blood on. I soon did let me tell you, won't go into that!

Grief does funny things and takes a long time, and never totally leaves you, but it gets easier. Obi was my best friend, I told him everything, he flapped his ears and listened, and never judged. He was also a little bugger and I miss him so much still. We were a team, and I am thankful for the five years we had - I am pretty sure they were his happiest. I compare my new horse to him. I still have wobbly moments, but not so many.

Chin up honey, it will get easier. She will live in your heart forever. Oh dear, am blubbing..
 
Its funny you've said that... I still have her head collar, covered in her blood.
For some reason I cant wash it, I can't throw it away. Not yet,anyway.
I too lost her so suddenly, and she died in a world of pain and fear. This doesn't make for happy "she floated up to horsey heaven nicely" thoughs in my head.
I have her rugs, her buckets the lot - and I wont/cant get rid of them. I almost feel sometimes like I dont truely believe she wont come back. I still expect to see her. :(

Edited: Fluffy bunny time is now over. Appologies folk and...

Y'know. "Grr :mad: " and stuff.
 
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My heart goes out to you - I have lost two of my horses, one very old, and one just 7.

I have found that I havent got over it, but I have learnt to live with it, and the raw pain does gradually fade, and happy memories take a bigger place in your head and heart, to make you smile again.

I have found it was just a question of time - I really hope that you can treasure your happy memories and they will help you through this tough stage.

My thoughts are with you..xx
 
You will start to become more kind of pragmatic about it in time. I could not touch his tack or rugs for a year - literally I left them as they were when last used. YO kindly did not turf stuff out, just put rugs in bags for me. When I got new horse six months ago it spurred me into action to wash them, and I have re used them on new horse, which i strangely like. I sold his saddle five months ago - that broke my heart. I still find his hair on things and that is a head ******. So close to him yet so far.

I have his shoes, his fluffy bit of yummy forelock and some of his tail. All the tissues etc with 'stuff' on went in bin when I felt stronger and more rational.

The end may not have been as you have wished but you did the last kind thing you could have done for her. Never forget that. She is not suffering now and is thanking you for releasing her from pain. Bloody tears, can't see to type! The end for my boy was not nice but I was with him and I know I did the right thing, I owed him that. Focus not on that time but all the times she made you laugh, made you swear!

I must say, do not put pressure on yourself to move anything, it will be to raw right now, give yourself time. On a more pragmatic note, you are going to need to wash that headcollar when you feel ready hun. Trust me on this! Until then do not leave in a plastic bag anywhere warm or in sun. Sorry to say that but I learnt that from experience!

Big hugs.
 
Big hugs. I'm crying with u. My mare has a terminal illness and is almost a year into borrowed time. I'm so terrified of going through what ur feeling but I am expecting it and know it's normal. Ur grieving a family member and close friend. When u get upset try to remember a good time or something she did that made u laugh and smile through ur tears.
 
Lost my wonderful T.B Jack 15 months ago still greiving fo him now even though I have another horse who i love as well. some days i can look at Jack,s photo and smile and sometimes i just sit and sob as if ti has just happened.
 
<<<<Massive Hus>>>>

I feel your pain. My pride and joy was a gelding named Tex. I absolutely adored him and worshipped the ground he walked on - even when he tanked off with me or threw me in to the biggest puddle around! He wasnt mine, we didnt have the money to buy him but i loaned him and treated him like he was mine. Even his owners had nothing to do with him and just let me get on with it. Unfortunetly the owners decided they had to sell him, and we just didnt have that kind of money. I went on holiday for my birthday with my family, came back and headed straight down the yard to see Tex. However, his owners had sold him whilst i was away. This broke my heart. I never got the chance to say goodbye to him or have one last ride. That horse taught me so so much, and we had so much fun together. For 2 and a half years, that horse was mine. And then he was snatched away without giving me a chance to say goodbye.

I know its not the same, but that horse was my first love! I would of done anything i could to keep him, i would of found a way if i was given a chance!

I dont think people who havent owned horses understand the pain we go through when we have to sell up or have our loved animals PTS. To us, they are like another human being - a best friend. We tell them everything and treat them probably better than we treat ourselves!

Its making me cry thinking about it now! Keep your chin up - your lucky, you have 2 more that will keep you going and need you.
 
In just under 2 weeks, I will be feeling the pain you feel.
I do already. I cant begin to contemplate life without my wonderful special mare.
She wasnt right for me, she wasnt perfect, and I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak had I given up on her.
I'm so glad I didnt.
She is amazing, and I love her with my whole heart, despite everything.
As I write this, the tears are flowing again and I think my heart is breaking.
I am just so sorry.
(((hugs)))
 
I lost my old boy 3 years ago he was 24 I had had him for 15 years and he was the love of my life he did no wrong ( he was a b*gger) but my horse of a life time.
I have 5 others all of who I think the world of but none of them will ever be "Rocky" I still reminise and think about him every day.
Time does heal its early days...... remember all the good times the pain you are feeling is naturally hard to bear.
Try and talk about her it might help a little xx
 
This is a weepy thread I was just looking up horse films and decided against them because most have a sad scene or ending... And then I come here and read this...

I,m sooo sorry to all of you who have loved and lost. I haven't experienced it first hand with any of my animals yet I know that when the day comes it will be just as hard as the time I lost my mum and first husband.

I tried going for counselling when this happened and was told I had to wait a year because I wasn't ready to grieve :mad:

I admit my life since has always had this melancholy feel to it. I would be up one minute and down as far as you can imagine. I didn't want to forget them I just didn't want to feel this shadow hanging over me.

I stumbled across EFT (emotional freedom techniques) I know some people might think it's mumbo jumbo. And it might not work for some.

For me though it has turned my life around, I can remember my past without always associating it to pain and upset.

Sorry I know I,ve probably mentioned it before but I really do believe in it.
 
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Well its ben 7 years since Puzz was pts, it still makes me well up at how much of a saint she was ad how she didnt deserve to get ill, (she was only 8) and how unfair it is that people who have lots of horses that they dont have a bond with never loose one, but that I lost my whole world.

Its not easy, just take each day as it comes and one day it wont hurt quite so much.. xxx
 
I did all of that. I wrote her story on here:
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=419016

and I made her this video - http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150101474096667&subj=757591666

I feel like a kid sometimes... it just makes me long for her to be back with me.

Thank you for the kind words and sorry to everyone else who knows all too well the pain I feel.
I know there are far worse things to happen to a person, than losing her horse... but, never having dealt with greif before in my life, this hurst :(
 
and I can't buy something for one of the horses without having to get Starla one too...even though she's dead.
(She now has a lovely stable door sign hanging in the feed shed because I wanted one for the other two)
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I actually choked at this. I haven't any advice at all which is going to help as the only suggestion I have is to move something else into her space so at least you aren't hit with the rawness of looking at her empty stable.

And, having read all the other heart-rending experiences and coping mechanisms, a bloody good bawl seems an excellent idea.
 
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