Who’s cried in a lesson?

[atropa]

Yes, ironically I cried at a confidence camp once. I was so excited to go and took my green mare, our schooling wasn't really the best but I didn't think that would particularly be an issue, since, you know, it was supposed to be about building confidence.
Anyway, it took what little confidence I had at the time to get us there, the first lesson of the camp was a group flatwork lesson. The instructor spent approximately 75% of the time during the entire lesson telling me to ask my mare to "come a little rounder" over and over again. I didn't have the skills to ask her to do that in a way she understood, the instructor didn't offer any actual advice on HOW I should do it and I seemed to be the only person out of the entire group whom the instructor was asking to make adjustments. It was too much for me and I burst into tears and spent the rest of the camp subsequently mortified.
If the same thing happened now I would question the instructor exactly how they felt I should be asking the horse to adjust their outline, but I'm older and wiser now.

 

[ycbm]

No, I get angry instead. No instructor shoud make you angry or make you cry for anything but happiness.
.

 

[Gloi]

Only in karate (Bit embarrassing mind)

 

[Flicker]

I am a bit of a cry-er generally, in the sense that if something upsets me or makes me cross, I don’t really lose my temper or raise my voice, but I do cry quite easily. Frustration is a biggie - trying over and over to ‘get’ something, and not getting it, leads to despair and then ‘boom’… tears.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Yes, and I felt humiliated and embarrassed. It was a group lesson and I was unable to get my horse to perform to the level he does at home. I asked the instructor what she thought and was treated to a string of criticisms of my riding followed by a list of my horse's conformation faults. My face must have been a picture as she concluded by saying I should give up trying to train that particular horse. I was upset for several days after.

 

[tda]

Oh yes , was at a pony camp with friends (we had all met thru love of our pony breed) and it was a combination of nerves and lack of confidence ?
The instructor was lovely and sent everyone else out while I calmed down. The next day she even let me do a few jumps with no one watching.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

I've cried once or twice...generally due to the frustration of chronic pain and being unable to do things now that I once did easily.

 

[Cragrat]

yes - quite recently in a lesson with sheer happiness at what a superstar my horse was being, and how amazing he felt

And many years earlier, hacking home from a lesson, I cried at how badly it had gone, and how guilty I felt for trying to get my horse to do as the instructor demanded, and how upset my horse had become.

Not the same instructor ;/

 

[ArklePig]

Yes me! I cried in a group adult lesson in front of 7 other adults about two years ago because the instructor just kept telling me how bad I was but not helping me get the skills to fix it. Honestly, I was nearly glad of covid stopping my lessons and then I just never went back! Once I also cried cause the horse was very large (17 2) and I was just back in the saddle from a fall where I really hurt my back. I held the tears for the whole lesson and when the instructor told me I could dismount I burst in to tears and said 'how' ?

*edited as I forgot this is a no cursing forum ?

 

[Dave's Mam]

I am a bit of a cry-er generally, in the sense that if something upsets me or makes me cross, I don’t really lose my temper or raise my voice, but I do cry quite easily. Frustration is a biggie - trying over and over to ‘get’ something, and not getting it, leads to despair and then ‘boom’… tears.

Yep. With you here.

 

[Trinket12]

Spent a lesson wandering around crying because I messed up a trot pole exercise ?‍ Not trainer related, this was all hormones (thanks Peri-Menopause) then cried in the cross ties while apologizing to Sugar that we didn’t do any jumps….. not my finest hour

 

[Red-1]

Yes. Once had a trainer tell me I didn't deserve my horse, I was going to ruin him.

Said horse was healthy, happy and had just come second in a BE90. My crime to ruin said horse? I fold to the left when jumping...

Cried buckets, although, to be fair, it was as I went home rather than on the actual lesson. And that night. And the next day.

It took plenty of friends to put me back together.

I didn't go back.

The year after, at the same event venue, we upgraded and came second in the BE 100. We won points BD Nov and even ele (he hadn't done BE before), then finished the year winning a BE100.
I remained rubbish at SJ, but I guess they were wrong, and I didn't ruin him after all

 

[sportsmansB]

I cry far too regularly in lessons
But its because my instructor is a really good friend and really understanding, and is one of the few people in the world who I CAN cry in front of. If he was scarier I might man up a bit better and stop blubbing...
I cried last week because I felt useless and scared
And bombed around an event at the weekend after being told to get on with it and have a strategy to cope with the horse being fresh, which I did and he helped me on the day and it felt great.

Also cried on a dressage holiday in portugal as the quite scary trainer lady basically picked our riding apart before putting it together more classically. I was riding irish youngsters at the time so there was rather a lot to pull apart to put back together for a GP lusitano. At points in the first lesson, I didn't even have steering & I cried from frustration. She appeared to be used to it and barely batted an eye.

I don't think I'd cry in a lesson with someone else, maybe in the truck on the way home...

 

[Widgeon]

Yes, although never because of an instructor. I've cried (a bit, lots of times) with frustration at myself, although more usually I end up swearing at myself and then pulling myself together and starting to actually ride! Also from being utterly miserable and frightened - my horse (who turned out to have various interesting issues) had taken off with me several times and ended up dragging me down a main road. I knew I had to get back on *a* horse (not mine though) so I was having lessons with our YO on my friend's steady cob, and when YO suggested I canter I was so scared I just sat and wept. It was not a good point in my life, with horses or anything else. Much better now though.

I would say if you ever find you're crying because of something an instructor has said or done I would probably re-assess whether that's the right person to be teaching you. No matter how good they might be there has to be some understanding between the two of you or you won't learn particularly well.

(Edited for spelling)

 

[Pippity]

Yep. The instructor was too kind and gentle and I just couldn't cope! If an instructor's too harsh, I just shut down and endure the lesson, but too kind absolutely makes me fall apart! (It was a half-hour trial lesson. I didn't have a second.)

I now have an instructor who'll call me a nitwit, bellow at me when necessary (usually along the lines of, "Hands down and use your leg!"), but can tell whether to bully me through confidence blips or coax me through them.

 

[Mrs G]

So many times - through fear (horse can be a bit of a prat), and through pain (when said horse had been a prat and got me off)! Ive even cried through happiness on occasion (tbf I am a crier - always have been) but sometimes Im so grateful to have my boy and if Im feeling particularly emotional or hormonal and he's been extra fab I just cant help it!

 

[J_sarahd]

Yes, quite a few times. At my old riding school there were instructors who were just plain rude. One time I was on a horse who kept just taking off towards the jumps and then stopping dead. I wasn’t confident enough to deal with it or say to the instructor that I didn’t want to ride this horse anymore. So I kept going and horse kept stopping dead and instructor kept yelling at me. Then I got told off for crying because of my age (I was a teenager at the time).

More recently, on the welsh section d i had the ride of, there was an instructor who came to the yard weekly. People started going off her but I remember getting on the pony absolutely excited to tell her how our first ever show had gone (we had worked so hard to get to the point where i was happy to compete) and she went off on me for a good 10 mins about how absolutely dangerous it was that i didn’t wear a body protector and how she didn’t “want to attend my funeral” - bearing in mind that it wasn’t a cross country/hunter trial competition. It was workers and I get where she was coming from but it was the way she said it.

Thankfully my current trainer now doesn’t make me cry one bit and I’m lucky to have such a good relationship with her.

 

[Annagain]

A lot - especially recently! Always at the start of a lesson, never once I've got going. It's not proper crying, I just seem to get weepy when I'm nervous.

 

[Alibear]

Not in a lesson since I was a kid, Western instructors are also a different breed to English in general; they don't do raised voices. But have 100% empathy for anyone who does. It can be a lot to handle on top of life's usual challenges, and we all put so much effort into it, sometimes things just bubble over. Lessons definitely have a massive impact on my general mood, which is not really healthy, so I'm working on it. I had a right strop to myself this week just over saddle fit!

 

[EarsofaSnowman]

I've cried after lessons a couple of times. Different instructors but they had a similar style of of belittling, elements of bullying, and an attitude of "my standards are higher than your usual instructor", whereas in reality they focused on different things, and failed to teach the horse and rider combo in front of them. I do wonder whether its arrogance, or a lack of self awareness as to their impact on clients.

 

[milliepops]

Its something I really appreciate about the trainer I have now, I've turned up in all states between completely on the edge to deliriously happy and he's always able to bring about a state of equilibrium i have always said my lessons are 50% therapy and 50% riding instruction... so much of riding is about what's going on in your head anyway. getting a good rapport with a trainer is a huge part of it.

 

[Rowreach]

I don't think I'd cry in a lesson with someone else, maybe in the truck on the way home...

Yes, the time I had the worst lesson of my entire life, with Pat Burgess, I managed to keep it together until I was loading my horse in the lorry, where I burst into tears. I then had a procession of people (spectators, connections of other riders, the centre owners) coming up the ramp to see if I was ok, express their horror at the way I'd been treated, and apologise for it.

There were four of us in the lesson, and she had distinct favourites and a distinct non-favourite (me). I'd never met the woman before, I was there because one of my liveries wanted to go and paid for me so that I'd take her. The livery also had someone else there riding her young event horse. The fourth person was a BHS student from the venue, called Bryony. Bear in mind this was about 20 years ago, and the phrase "we must ALL try to be like Bryony" is still used by us to this day

 

[Sleighfarer]

I've come close to it, and also come very close to just getting off. I keep it together until I've left the yard, then cry buckets on the way home.

I think it's easy to underestimate how complicated and demanding a riding lesson can be. You are trying to assimilate information that may or may not make sense to you, put it into practice to the best of your ability, stay in balance and keep control of a creature who may also be struggling to make sense of the whole thing. If you add nerves, high winds, gum-chewing spectators and cats suddenly springing up from behind the boards (as happened to me once) it can become overwhelming.

I have a really wonderful instructor but have in the past been taught by people who lacked even basic manners or were just downright rude. I wouldn't put up with that now.

 

[FourWhiteSocks]

At least three times I can remember, probably more. The worst was in a group lesson on a Derby course with some very serious riders. I had fallen off twice on the same course the day before, and decided I had to go back and prove myself. Ended up in a right state, snot down my face, mascara smudged, heaving sobs. The instructor was lovely, but that just made it so much worse. She was very patient and understanding and paid me lots of attention while all the other riders were having to wait around, it was AWFUL! I did, however, get a big bear hug from a very tough and scary BSJA-type lady I know (and deeply respect) after the lesson. That almost made the whole ordeal worth it and shows that sometimes people do soften if you allow yourself to be vulnerable. This thread shows that we really have all been there!

 

[ester]

I keep reading the thread title and wondering who hasn't lol.

 

[Dustygirl]

Yep!! I went through a confidence blip (menopause) and cried in frustration at myself . My instructor was amazing and never gave up on me - he literally had to hold my hand once!!! Pleased to say haven’t for a while now!!

 

[Flicker]

Wow you guys have no idea how much better I am feeling after hearing your stories - thank you so much. Knowing some of you from interacting with you on this forum, you are strong, competent and formidable equestrians - if you guys have the odd blip now and again, I now count myself in really good company!

 

[Antw23uk]

Yes and it usually spells the end of the relationship between me and the horse I'm sat on!

 

[Skib]

Cried after every lesson my first year. Till an observer reported it as bullying. The RI said I would kill myself hacking. May be but I still hack 20 years later.

 

[planete]

I keep reading the thread title and wondering who hasn't lol.

I am nearly ashamed to say I have not. I become coldly outraged at bad treatment from anybody towards anything, including myself and my horse and grit my teeth vowing never again. There is no way I will let on I am upset by some mean xxx. Only once did I go out of my way to widely say I would not recommend an instructor and I explained she had hit my pony hard across the face. That deserves public shaming in my book. All the other less than pleasant individuals obviously have a problem and it is not mine. On the other hand, one instructor burst into tears at the end of my lesson with her. I am still puzzling that one but I think (hope!) she had toothache.