Who/Where is my tribe?

[palo1]

A post on the thread about Western riding made me think...about the sense of 'belonging' within equestrianism. I know a lot of us have fairly confirmed equestrian identities as dressage riders, eventers etc which ime is a good feeling. But what about those that don't feel they have a 'tribe' ? I am there right now really as competing looks very unlikely for quite a while and I am not entirely sure in any case that I want all the 'extras' that go with competing (not just financially). I do want that sense of freedom, of simplicity in the experience of riding that I had as a child but I also want to develop in skill, knowledge etc - as I know others do too. That process of learning outwith a discipline feels...messy, and a bit lonely. Clinics are great but I have found most people use them, very reasonably, to advance skill within an existing discipline. Lessons with a good trainer in any sphere are invaluable too and I love lessons. But that still leaves me a bit lonely, tribe-less!! I do have a great circle albeit quite small of lovely horsey friends and my family are all horsey too so that is a real tribe lol but a wider community seems a bit lacking. I think HHO is a great resource as well and I am not sure where this post is going tbh but I am interested to hear how others find their 'tribe'. I have competed previously and loved most disciplines and the communities around them but I am not in that space at the moment. I am a very happy hacker but the connotations of that term here in the UK feel a bit 'static' and unambitious in horsemanship terms. What possible tribes are out there for people like me?

 

[pistolpete]

My favourite riding time of all was my tellington touch bridless riding lessons with the fabulous Trudy Affleck. Also taking my warmblood on holiday. He was a legend. Now it’s about pootling in the countryside in my part share Connie.

 

[dorsetladette]

I'm a bit where you are right now OP. I'm from a showing background, but I moved from north to south and then had a child. While child was growing up I was the 'showing mother' or 'dressage mother' so still had a label and a group of people to associate with ring side so to speak. child has gone off and started her own family and moved away from the horse world entirely. I now have her last pony (currently broken and out of action) and 2 youngsters (one bought as a companion for childs last pony and one bought as I felt sorry for him and HHO encouraged it obvs). I'm now in limbo with nothing to ride and only taking babies out showing for experience. I'd like to get back to some serious showing, but currently we would be travelling vast distances for shows for just one class, which I'm struggling to justify to OH (and myself to be honest).

I watch friends go off to fun rides and my livery is off 3 or 4 times a week with her daughter to pony club and lessons etc. I've got offers of riding a friends pony, but I can't get me head around having a field full of ponies and then riding someone else's.

I'm really frustrated with it all at the moment. I just need to be patient as the 2yr old will be a 3yr old next year and I can start backing him in the summer - I'd just like to be doing something productive now!

 

[stangs]

Fellow non-discipline-focused rider here. If I had to pick a label for myself, I'd just say 'alternative/ethical horsemanship' - can't get more specific than that as I seem to have an opinion to p*ss off every community out there. But this tribe is an entirely abstract concept for me - the vast majority of horse people I've met in my time are "all horses need a good bollocking", "show him who's boss", "he's deliberately being a knob" types. So I'm a very much a tribeless lone ranger. Would be nice to know people irl who share my thoughts on horses but unlikely that it'll happen any time soon.

In your case, "people who like long hacks", "more casual RC riders", "not so happy hackers", "trail riders"?

 

[palo1]

I'm a bit where you are right now OP. I'm from a showing background, but I moved from north to south and then had a child. While child was growing up I was the 'showing mother' or 'dressage mother' so still had a label and a group of people to associate with ring side so to speak. child has gone off and started her own family and moved away from the horse world entirely. I now have her last pony (currently broken and out of action) and 2 youngsters (one bought as a companion for childs last pony and one bought as I felt sorry for him and HHO encouraged it obvs). I'm now in limbo with nothing to ride and only taking babies out showing for experience. I'd like to get back to some serious showing, but currently we would be travelling vast distances for shows for just one class, which I'm struggling to justify to OH (and myself to be honest).

I watch friends go off to fun rides and my livery is off 3 or 4 times a week with her daughter to pony club and lessons etc. I've got offers of riding a friends pony, but I can't get me head around having a field full of ponies and then riding someone else's.

I'm really frustrated with it all at the moment. I just need to be patient as the 2yr old will be a 3yr old next year and I can start backing him in the summer - I'd just like to be doing something productive now!

Yes, I can understand that sense of limbo! I feel like an ambitious rider; I like to challenge my training and skill but I don't belong to a competitive organisation nor am I interested in RC/unaff stuff. I have 2 really nice horses to ride (and even a 3rd really lovely one if I wanted lol). I was training my younger horse at Novice level for dressage and jumping at about 80cm and improving but that, realistically isn't going to go toward any competitive end game. I love longer distance riding and am very happy to do up to about 35 miles in a day but I have competed in Endurance formally and found that the structure and some of the courses took the joy out of the actual riding!!

I feel like I belong to a local community of riders though the summer is full, for them, of fun rides and a couple of shows. I won't pay for fun rides over open hill that I know really well though and don't currently want to spend diesel money on heading to distant fun rides. I am constrained financially somewhat but that is a choice I am making. I have been enjoying teaching my mare simple walk to canter transitions and I guess I keep going with that kind of thing - for the pleasure of developing her and to keep my brain ticking over...A bit of like minded company (possibly more than just 1 friend hahahahaha) would just be lovely though.

 

[palo1]

Fellow non-discipline-focused rider here. If I had to pick a label for myself, I'd just say 'alternative/ethical horsemanship' - can't get more specific than that as I seem to have an opinion to p*ss off every community out there. But this tribe is an entirely abstract concept for me - the vast majority of horse people I've met in my time are "all horses need a good bollocking", "show him who's boss", "he's deliberately being a knob" types. So I'm a very much a tribeless lone ranger. Would be nice to know people irl who share my thoughts on horses but unlikely that it'll happen any time soon.

In your case, "people who like long hacks", "more casual RC riders", "not so happy hackers", "trail riders"?

I love that you say '' I seem to have an opinion to p*ss off every community out there'' - I really relate to that though I enjoyed, back in the day, the company of eventers!

I have found the seriousness that some folks have around themselves and their competitive aspirations at the lower levels is a bit off-putting. I don't mean the seriousness of intent to improve but more the insecurities around making mistakes, feeling vulnerable to open or constructive discussion etc. I hope that doesn't come across as unfriendly but I don't think I have time (in life) to work round that stuff regularly. I think that a sort of 'working' discipline would suit me and locally there is a historic community and precedent for working horses (sheep herding/gathering hills and commons) but now largely done by quad bikes!! OH has instructed me to assist with sheep work and I love doing that but I don't know anyone else that currently does mounted stock work at a low level in the UK. Perhaps I should try adapting Doma Vacquera for a Welsh cob...any takers??!! Lol.

 

[planete]

As a non competitive rider obsessive about learning all aspects of horsemanship and training methods I have met a few fellow spirits over the years, mostly quirky, sometimes controversial individuals whose minds and skills made life more exciting and rewarding. i tend to shy away from communities anyway as they can have a very claustrophobic feel for me and require me to keep many thoughts to myself in order to fit in. I am happiest doing my own thing really, just me and the horse.

 

[Caol Ila]

I guess Palo's post was inspired by my post, wondering where my people were. I like developing my horses, on the trail and in the school, but I'm not desperate to show dressage again. I might when Hermosa is old enough. I might not. It's a lot of expense and faff. But I can still train it and see how far I get.

Ever since I moved to the UK, the dominant paradigm, at all the barns I have stayed at, has been "show him who's boss" and "he's being a knob." From my time this forum, I know that's not everywhere, and there are people who train with the alternative, classical, horse-focused approach, but I haven't come across it in meatspace. I haven't met many people who want to better their horsemanship, or who even know what "lightness" really means. Like the way some Western/classical/Doma Vacquera horses are truly light. In her late years, before she had to retire from schooling, Gypsum kind of got something akin to that lightness. It was an amazing feeling.

The other day, I was finishing a hack, riding past the outdoor, and one of the young lassies was trying to get her little mare into the arena. The mare was planting, and the girl was thumping her sides and yanking at her face. I asked if she wanted a lead into the school. My horse likes the school and would have gone straight in. "No, she's just being stubborn," the rider said. I sighed and kept going. What can you do?

 

[palo1]

As a non competitive rider obsessive about learning all aspects of horsemanship and training methods I have met a few fellow spirits over the years, mostly quirky, sometimes controversial individuals whose minds and skills made life more exciting and rewarding. i tend to shy away from communities anyway as they can have a very claustrophobic feel for me and require me to keep many thoughts to myself in order to fit in. I am happiest doing my own thing really, just me and the horse.

Yes. Yes to all of that. I like doing my own thing too but I would sometimes like to feel a sense of their being a community of us solitary souls too!

 

[SEL]

I'd be a trail rider if I wasn't in the SE with limited bridlepaths and too many roads!! I've spent a lot of my life riding far and wide and I miss it. Hoping new boy will grow into that horse and accepting I'll have to box us out to any decent riding

But yes, I'm tribe less. One of my friends still considers herself part of the dressage tribe even though her mare has been broken as long as mine. She was quite disparaging of my response to her "what are you going to DO with him?" question about the new cob. Apparently explore the countryside and perhaps join a riding club aren't good aspirations ?

 

[palo1]

I guess Palo's post was inspired by my post, wondering where my people were. I like developing my horses, on the trail and in the school, but I'm not desperate to show dressage again. I might when Hermosa is old enough. I might not. It's a lot of expense and faff. But I can still train it and see how far I get.

Ever since I moved to the UK, the dominant paradigm, at all the barns I have stayed at, has been "show him who's boss" and "he's being a knob." From my time this forum, I know that's not everywhere, and there are people who train with the alternative, classical, horse-focused approach, but I haven't come across it in meatspace. I haven't met many people who want to better their horsemanship, or who even know what "lightness" really means. Like the way some Western/classical/Doma Vacquera horses are truly light. In her late years, before she had to retire from schooling, Gypsum kind of got something akin to that lightness. It was an amazing feeling.

The other day, I was finishing a hack, riding past the outdoor, and one of the young lassies was trying to get her little mare into the arena. The mare was planting, and the girl was thumping her sides and yanking at her face. I asked if she wanted a lead into the school. My horse likes the school and would have gone straight in. "No, she's just being stubborn," the rider said. I sighed and kept going. What can you do?

Yes, it was your post that inspired me to think about it!! Thank you. Yours sounds like quite a difficult experience here in the UK though thankfully almost everyone I have met on livery or out and about isn't like that! I am glad about that as I hoped that the kind of thinking you have encountered was definitely on the wane; it is utterly uninspiring and miserable to hear that sort of thing. I hope before long you can have better, more positive encounters tbh.

 

[Caol Ila]

With training these green horses, have a tribe of people who understood my approach and philosophy would be living the dream. It often feels so lonely.

 

[palo1]

With training these green horses, have a tribe of people who understood my approach and philosophy would be living the dream. It often feels so lonely.

Aw, that is really sad to hear. It makes me realise how lucky I am too - friends and family haven't really needed explanations from me about how I want to start young horses or support them as they experience new stuff. There are good places with lovely people; I hope they head your way!!

ETA - I think the potential community of different horse people on HHO is probably invaluable though even that can feel quite restricted and narrow at times. Sorry HHO!!

 

[scruffyponies]

I used to feel like this, but somehow we now have a group of sharers and their parents who turned out 20 strong to help organise pony rides at the local fete last weekend. We seem to have formed our own tribe!

 

[stangs]

OH has instructed me to assist with sheep work and I love doing that but I don't know anyone else that currently does mounted stock work at a low level in the UK. Perhaps I should try adapting Doma Vacquera for a Welsh cob...any takers??!! Lol.

Alternatively, dress your Welsh up as a collie and smuggle yourselves into sheep dog trial... "Yes, she's a tad overgrown. No, I don't consider that a problem."

It's a shame that quad bikes are used instead of horses now, though understandable. Once, I had the privilege of riding a pony whose main job was sheep-herding and he was an absolute dude. Coolest little pony I've ever met. And much better for the land using him to round up sheep. I suppose all that's left of that approach now are the NF/Dartmoor roundups - perhaps there'd be a way for you to get involved in those?

 

[bouncing_ball]

With training these green horses, have a tribe of people who understood my approach and philosophy would be living the dream. It often feels so lonely.

Over time I have built up on facebook trainers and bodyworkers that I follow on facebook that inspire me, or FB groups that inspire me. I tend to unfollow / unfriend anyone that crosses lines for me, but I have built up a range that I follow that inspire and encourage me to develop as a horse person, and give me a place to learn from.

I also follow a number of great equestrian podcasts.

I also have a facebook group which is my private equestrian blog, it has about 60 members, and this forms a supportive like minded community.

I do a mix of classical training / groundwork / in hand work / low level endurance / dressage competing / huge amount of hacking / some le trec / horse agility.

I ride out on the downs before work when racehorses being trained, I feel affinity for the exercise riders especially on windy / cold mornings, but they arent my tribe.

I meet lovely people competing dressage / doing clinics - but I turn my horse out overnight, hack at speed on open ground, dont use shoes or leg boots, they probably arent my tribe either.

I enjoy low level endurance, but I have a large fancy moving warmblood, who is a bit new to hacking and tires fairly easily - so probably not my tribe either

Etc. etc. but I think you can build your own philosophy whilst having a foot in lots of camps!

 

[palo1]

Alternatively, dress your Welsh up as a collie and smuggle yourselves into sheep dog trial... "Yes, she's a tad overgrown. No, I don't consider that a problem."

It's a shame that quad bikes are used instead of horses now, though understandable. Once, I had the privilege of riding a pony whose main job was sheep-herding and he was an absolute dude. Coolest little pony I've ever met. And much better for the land using him to round up sheep. I suppose all that's left of that approach now are the NF/Dartmoor roundups - perhaps there'd be a way for you to get involved in those?

Well in these parts horses are still used for more difficult gathers and there are still some legendary riders locally. Hill farmers still largely take pride in having horses and will occasionally work them. We have done some of the sheep work on horses ourselves - partly as fun and education for our children, partly for convenience (if we are already on the horses we may as well check the sheep, bring in any strays etc). My Arab-y horse hasn't really got the temperament for it lol as he finds any kind of running about from anyone (including sheep, sigh) VERY exciting. Alw has proven, on the few occasions she has tried it, to be an absolute natural. It's like she has read that book. She crosses the ground incredibly easily and just seems to 'get' the job of finding and then shepherding sheep. Jumping gorse bushes/streams and other obstacles is peesy for her where the speedy Arab-y devil gets very het up and a bit generally 'over-fast' lol.

Perhaps I need to consider shepherding more seriously...

 

[CanteringCarrot]

I feel this. When I was younger, I dove into any discipline I could, mostly in the US so that included, saddleseat, Western, huntseat, hunter/jumpers, jumpers, eventing, dressage, trail riding, halter/showmanship, and probably a few things I'm forgetting. I also took some lessons with a Linda Tellington Jones instructor. I learned a lot about horsemanship at a stable that offered lessons and bought and sold many horses (English and western). A lot.

Right now I primarily ride dressage but still don't call myself or consider myself to be a dressage rider. I also really value groundwork. I like to be creative and understand the horse. I'm also of the mindset that it's never the horses fault.

At many yards in Germany, no one really thinks like that. It's always "the horse must" and sometimes harsh methods that are quite...primitive. Plus loud words. Every horse has to fit the same mold and do the training scale exactly so. As if they're mechanical.

My closest livery friend said she's never met anyone like me and I've changed the way she thinks on quite a few things, and has also realized how antiquated and/or "stuck" things get around here.

I don't have a tribe. I have some people with similar views on a few things, but no tribe. Idk that I'll ever have one, and that's fine. I'm such a hodge podge of disciplines and ideas.

 

[milliepops]

I've swapped tribes over the years which gives you a bit of imposter syndrome

Was in the eventing tribe for many years, first as a groom and then competing. i cut myself out of the tribe when i couldn't afford to do it any more and was tribeless for quite a while before finding a way into a dressage tribe.. i have not been competing for a couple of years and probably won't for another year so I feel a bit like a fringe member.

However, being stabled next door to my trainer's place helps, i suppose i am in their tribe in a way as I know most of my horsey friends through them coming for training. it's a nice gang of people and everyone has a similar approach, lots of them have funky horses with "ishoos" but are doing brilliant things with them so i find that quite relatable! there's a better sense of community even with these flying visits than i ever felt on a livery yard, probably because of a shared training ethos (which, FWIW is not all horses need a bollocking...) every week a different mate is staying over and it's a supportive atmosphere. then it goes all quiet over the weekend. there are hiccups, naturally, but it feels like coming home each time i drive in the gate.

 

[DirectorFury]

I feel similarly but it doesn't bother me so much these days; the bonus of not having a tribe means that you can bypass any difficulties with gossip and strong personalities. I liked doing RC training stuff for a while but others kept ramping up the pressure for us to compete in teams - my horse does not stand tied to a box all day (I've been working on this for 7 years!) and I don't have the free time to spend 5-6 hours hanging around at a show. We just bimble around aimlessly and do bits and pieces these days, though not having a goal means that I end up finding excuses not to ride.

Perhaps I should try adapting Doma Vacquera for a Welsh cob...any takers??!! Lol.

Yes please! Mine loves herding sheep and cyclists ?.

Perhaps there's a variation of Western cutting using sheep rather than cows?

 

[palo1]

I feel similarly but it doesn't bother me so much these days; the bonus of not having a tribe means that you can bypass any difficulties with gossip and strong personalities. I liked doing RC training stuff for a while but others kept ramping up the pressure for us to compete in teams - my horse does not stand tied to a box all day (I've been working on this for 7 years!) and I don't have the free time to spend 5-6 hours hanging around at a show. We just bimble around aimlessly and do bits and pieces these days, though not having a goal means that I end up finding excuses not to ride.


Yes please! Mine loves herding sheep and cyclists ?.

Perhaps there's a variation of Western cutting using sheep rather than cows?

Cool - that's a tribe then lol!!

I think rather than typical 'tribal' communities (with all the gossip, informal hierarchies etc etc) I am thinking more of a 'community of practice'. That is pretty common in the arts but not in equestrianism - it's much more about approaches and contexts than tightly banded folk and tends to be more open and fluid.

I am now thinking of what my dream 'community of practice' would look like. This is a really helpful and positive thread for me - thank you for posts so far!!

 

[lme]

I am pretty tribe-less. I have horses mostly to have horses. Not to do anything in particular with them. I have zero interest in competing. My favourite activity is hacking (or hand walking) round the lanes. I prefer to spend little time in the school as possible. However I also a preference for nicely bred sports horses.

 

[paddy555]

tribeless loneranger here and no wish to join anyone's tribe. Not lonely and perfectly happy to be unsociably tribeless.

 

[Peglo]

I’ve just joined our local (only, I’m on an island ?) riding club. I’m too new to say I have a ‘tribe’ yet but it feels great. I see a lot of the other riding club members at my work and they all ask what events I’m going to next, what my plans are etc. it’s really lovely to finally be included in it all. Because it’s island life you hear of all the events going and always know people going to them. It’s a community feel and so far seems very friendly. I’m very excited for the summer.

I also have my horsey friends in my parish which is great. And then the best of all is when me and my cousin take our wee ginger ladies to the beach and just have a hoolie. Between us we have 5 horses in the field and that’s the true herd

I must admit I love the social aspect of horses and learning new things from other people. It’s why I love this forum so much. You read a thread that has nothing to do with you but I always pick up new information.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Another happy hacker here. I really don't like being around people who think they have to be the boss over their horse, and make it obey. Would much rather have a working relationship where I give direction and the horse co-operates. Competing is not my thing, but I have spent hours on windswept fields as a pony club mum. My cob is a dedicated hacker. Likes his routine, and likes two hours a day minimum trudging round the lanes. Perhaps it clears both our heads and stops the stress! Now he is semi retired, I have tried to walk him in hand, but he can turn into a lunatic at short notice, which he has never done under saddle.
No idea which tribe I belong to - I listen to my horse and am kind to him. Soft touch, probably!

 

[scats]

I have no desire to belong to any tribe. I enjoy a bit of low level dressage but I do my best to avoid the majority of dressage people. They aren’t really my thing if I’m honest and its not a world I want anything to do with. Same when I was showjumping. I do my bit and then return to my world.
I have a lot of friends through horses, but we are all very much into different things.

 

[Flame_]

I define myself as a leisure rider now, and my horse is a leisure horse. I think that's ok. Although I am about to make another gentle attempt at some endurance.

 

[milliepops]

I wonder what it is that puts people off a group with shared interests. This week i hung out with a professional with a great sense of humour (as had her horse ) someone who picks online shops at a supermarket and a lettings agent, last week it was a uni lecturer, all these are Dressage People, all want the absolute best for their horses, all super friendly and supportive.. i used to like most of the eventers i met and i've got on well with most dressage folk too. i guess it's a self selecting crowd that i mix with, plus any dreadful clients get sacked but it has been the same at shows really. there are some that i have found less friendly but i could say the same about the people in the queue at the post office, i think that is just Hoomans.

 

[palo1]

I think it's cool to be a lone ranger and not want any tribe at all I like some sense of belonging though too so I am very happy to be just in the company of my horses but I find people have good things to offer in terms of different perspectives, knowledge, skills, contacts...jokes etc!! I am just off out to hack with a mate so I will ask her about all things tribal too.

 

[palo1]

I wonder what it is that puts people off a group with shared interests. This week i hung out with a professional with a great sense of humour (as had her horse ) someone who picks online shops at a supermarket and a lettings agent, last week it was a uni lecturer, all these are Dressage People, all want the absolute best for their horses, all super friendly and supportive.. i used to like most of the eventers i met and i've got on well with most dressage folk too. i guess it's a self selecting crowd that i mix with, plus any dreadful clients get sacked but it has been the same at shows really. there are some that i have found less friendly but i could say the same about the people in the queue at the post office, i think that is just Hoomans.

Yes I like most of the horse people I come into contact with and can very quickly swerve the dodgy ones!! I'd love to have a sense of 'group endeavour' as you do when you are all into dressage/eventing/archery. I like the niche chat and all that goes with it as I am clearly a social being. I love the parts of my equestrian life where I am sat on my horse on a windswept hill sharing a chat with a purple headed punk on a pony, an artist and a scientist and we all know and trust each other and our horses. Its' not quite hitting the 'new challenges' mark in some ways though so I am still searching for something that isn't quite competitive but isn't either so relaxing as to be a bit repetitive and un-cerebral!!