Who would like to ride my horse?

Hoof in cheek (with tongue possibly over the bit maybe ;-) as this thread is, i would like to add my lurky two pence worth.....


BH - you obviously love this beauty of a big girl and have ups and downs with her but im the main have fun and sucess - i "must" be missing all the video's of those people slagging you off...as they must be SO fantabulous and want to show you how its done !

Well done you - very brave. I certainly wouldnt dare post my riding !!

And for the record - id love to ride her!!
 
black_horse said:
More then welcome too :)

In all fairness, they have a point. Dee shouldnt be in the double for the reasons she is, so i am going to change this :)
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My baby girl is only 4 and were still at intro level!! (getting placed 1-3 every time though!!) So seeing how she rode at 4 (with or without vile reins) im very jealous !!
 
I will get her back into her snaffle. I will compete in her snaffle, this is my ultimate goal, to have her light and loose in front :)

ETA

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black_horse said:
I will get her back into her snaffle. I will compete in her snaffle, this is my ultimate goal, to have her light and loose in front :)
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Nice to hear BH, keep us posted how you get on! I noticed (and I really hope you don't mind me mentioning on this thread) that you said you have clinical depression (please forgive me if I read this wrong!). Just remember that depression is also known as The Doubting Disease and has a terrible way of destroying your confidence and self belief. It will play every trick with you possible! Been there myself and I doubted every part of my life.
 
Moomin1 said:
Nice to hear BH, keep us posted how you get on! I noticed (and I really hope you don't mind me mentioning on this thread) that you said you have clinical depression (please forgive me if I read this wrong!). Just remember that depression is also known as The Doubting Disease and has a terrible way of destroying your confidence and self belief. It will play every trick with you possible! Been there myself and I doubted every part of my life.
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Totally agree (and yes you are right) it also saps away all my energy and means that finding motivation (particularly for change) difficult.

TBH i feel a little ashamed of myself that i have let this contiue for this long. I know dee shouldnt be in a double really, but when fear and panic of what has happened sets in, its hard to let go. But i owe it to delicia.
 
..Another wonderful symptom of the dreaded depression - guilty feelings! You are not a bad person, it's the depression making you think that way. And by the sounds of it you are beginning to maybe emerge from that horrid insular world that surrounds you when you are depressed. You are making changes and looking ahead. I suffered from severe depression and anxiety in 2010 and I got so bad that everything around me felt like it was in slow motion. I couldn't go to the supermarket and even stood staring at a can of soup for nearly an hour because I couldn't concentrate or think straight. The strangest darkest thoughts and feelings flood you when you are in the midst of depression and it is exhausting trying to get through a day. Just try and remember that there is no need for you to prove yourself to anybody but yourself. Take your time and every time you get those doubting feelings about yourself - remember it is the disease talking!
 
black_horse said:
moomin - the worst think, asking someone to continualy repeat themselves because, although i am listening, i am not taking it in...
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I know so well what you mean. Reading sentences over and over again and still not knowing what it said, driving a whole journey and then not even remembering most of it, analysing absolutely everything and anything and desperately trying to work out why you feel the way you do. I was convinced I was mental and actually asked my mum to drive me to hospital on xmas day (she didn't thankfully!!!) because I thought I was losing my marbles! I thought everyone was staring at me and thinking I was a nutcase, yet after I got well and people found out I had depression they all said they hadn't noticed anything! Sounds strange - but the one biggest thing that sticks in my head is that I found it almost impossible to drink a glass of juice or water - I used to stare at the glass and get this horrible feeling that something was very wrong with it (crazy I know!!) but I couldn't figure what! I take it you have seen your gp and are recieving treatment? If not then maybe it's an idea to just explain how you are feeling to the doc. People tend to get uppity about the thought of meds but they really are fantastic and get you back on track and to yourself again. Obviously though, if you are getting better without meds then that is the best option!:)
 
black_horse said:
I will get her back into her snaffle. I will compete in her snaffle, this is my ultimate goal, to have her light and loose in front :)

ETA

237_12654265977_670970977_527376_2176_n.jpg
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She really is lovely. :) I think you need to print out a selection of pics like this and hang them somewhere you can see them everyday to remind yourself what you're both working towards. :)

Have you thought about taking a break from dressage? Having a go at Trek or showing? Something to give you both a change of pace. :)
 
OP I genuinely think so many of your problems are in your head which is obviously a symptom of your depression.
Firstly I think you need to think of Delicia in a different way. Yes, she throws toys out of the pram but honestly, so do lots of horses and many are far far worse than Delicia. By thinking of her as a dangerous horse you are sapping your own confidence and doing her a serious injustice. Focus on when she is good and try to ignore her hissy fits as best you can. I appreciate she is difficult but for your own mental health I suggest you alter your way of thinking.

Secondly, perhaps lay off competing for a while. I'm sure Dee doesn't mind, so take some time to enjoy her. Also, it doesn't matter if someone else competes her for you. You train her and therefore it's still your victory.
 
I find it funny you say shes out winning elementaries, when her record shows no wins? And according to her record she hasn't even done a handful of them yet and only has 15 points since she started competing in 2008....

I think quite a lot of your problem is obviously linked to your depression which in a way is quite sad. I would suggest you take time out from the forum, stop living your life through it and sort out your head, speak to someone who can help and focus on the positive things in your life.
 
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