Why are yards bitchy?

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asterid

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I have always wondered why yards are so bitchy?

I am on a big livery yard/ riding school. The facilities are second to none, but the liveries are a pain in the deriere! I am the only competition person on the yard, most are hackers or just basic riders, which is all cool as each to their own etc. I try and steer well clear of things, but some people take a dislike to me and are complete cows for no reason at all and when asked, they just say 'I dont like you', and yet others are really encouraging of my competition outings. I dont care but have always wondered the following:

- Are people jelous of others success?
- Are horses so emotive like kids that people feel the need to bitch and moan?
- Is it just that too many females in one place = trouble?
- Is it more prevalant on DIY yards?
- Is there any harmonious place to keep your horse other than your own yard?
- What is it that makes people bitch?

It is a funny old world and I couldn't give a monkeys what some think of me as I enjoy doing my thing and going competing, just curious as to why it happens really and what people are trying to gain?
 
Our yard isn't biatchy, we have had the odd troublemaker in the past and one who did a fair bit of damage, probably never will be the same as it was. It is a small yard, total diy with an owner who lets us get on with it and doesn't really interfere. We just all get on with our thing and help each other when necessary. so non biatchy yards do exist.
In answer to your question, I think lots of females and PMT is probably the main issue :p
ets yes i think some people are jealous of success, they can't help it. just do your thing and let them get on with it. I always think it is an unhappy person who behaves like that.
 
I think its jealousy hun. I'm being very general here but IMO when women in particular see someone who's doing better than them (or perhaps doing the things they want to do but aren't able to yet) rather than being pleased and supportive (and quietly jealous!!) They bitch to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings!! Kill them with kindness is what I say! They will then begin to look like idiots as you're lovely to them and they're vile to you! Head up :) xx
 
- Are people jelous of others success?
Ooooo yeah

- Are horses so emotive like kids that people feel the need to bitch and moan?
Ooooo yeah

- Is it just that too many females in one place = trouble?
Not just females imho. For 'female' read 'people'

- Is it more prevalant on DIY yards?
I don't think so

- Is there any harmonious place to keep your horse other than your own yard?
My yard is pretty cool at the moment. People come and go, but the present bunch are ace. (Hope they feel the same about me...)

- What is it that makes people bitch?
Jealousy, paranoia, having not enough else to worry about, and in some cases, simply having a mouth.
 
P.s; I'm on a private yard but hack out with girls from neighbouring yards - I'm insanely jealous of the one as she does SJ and showing with her cob which is what I want to do but am a scardey pants so rather than bitch + moan about her I asked her if she'd hack out with me and on our hacks I pick her brains about showing :) xxx
 
asterid said:
- Are people jelous of others success?
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Yes, some people are jealous of the success of others.

asterid said:
- Are horses so emotive like kids that people feel the need to bitch and moan?
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Yes, people tend to put the needs of their own horses before those of others. This can lead to conflict and bitchyness.

asterid said:
- Is it more prevalant on DIY yards?
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In my experience it will be, unless there are clear yard rules and strong leadership from the yard owner / yard manager.
 
Aren't humans just bitchy about each other innately? I don't think I've met anyone who hasn't has a bitch to one degree or another about someone at some time! That's just life.

OP: Just ignore the ones who 'dont like you'. That's what I do at our yard. I'm never going to understand why some people take an instant dislike to me nor why others think I'm great! Who knows. Who cares, eh!! :p And to the ones who 'dislike me', well, I dislike them right back!!! :D
 
In my experience, yards are biatchy for 2 reasons:

1. The YO allows it, joins in, is selfish and/or sets the standard

2. Liveries are insecure (normally as a result of number 1)
 
here is a thought. No offence intended. Have you ever wondered how you come across? you say people are/aren't encouraging of your competition outings which suggest you talk about them, do people ask about them? Do you ask others about their 'basic' hacks and schooling sessions and be encouraging towards them? Do they know you see their riding as 'basic' ........ I am not starting an argument just showing how you may come across to people.
 
how i have searched for the answer to that question! a big one is jealousy and another is there not happy themselves so have to try and make anyone that is happy not happy and some people just simply take pleasure in being a bitch and cant keep there mouths shut or opinions to thereselfs as they are always always right! have moved to many DIY as i like doing my own horses but have since moved to my first part livery which is basically full livery 5 days a week but still go down everyday and there is no bitching as people are to busy to i guess!
 
mrvelvet-of course you are suggesting it must be the person who is doing better for themselves who is actually in the wrong here? Why should a competition person have to hide who they are/their pride in their horse any more than a hacker should?
 
no mrvelvet is simply stating that sometimes people unintentially might come across as snooty or self righteous?? they might talk about what they do alot becuase they are pleased but forget to show interest in what others do? no offence to op but just thinking how bitching might start? apart from obvious jealousy ofcourse!
 
I think it is just some people's nature to gossip negatively about others, it really gets on my wick, my yard is fab on the whole but I know there are plenty of undertones of bitchiness without a doubt, I knew it was happening this morning, something about me too I think, pathetic really, no need.

I hate it, and try and steer clear of people that may want to do this. I prefer to mind my own business to be honest and be with my horse, I am at the yard for my horse not to hang around with people per say. I do enjoy a little chat with some people as there are some real nice peeps, but I am quite happy in my own world thanks, always been that way. Perhaps it came from the fact when we had our own land I never grew up on a yard with other people, we were a family small holding who kept horses for pleasure and bred a few quality cobs too :)

Just try and get on and enjoy what your doing and just let them get on with it.
 
In reply to your question. It is because yards are predominately composed of women.
Most women are in fact bitches. Ask yourself why is it that we call a female dog a bitch and a male dog a dog. Bitch evokes the perception of something not very nice. Touchy, hormonal and liable to go off on one. Two faced and generally not to be trusted. After seeing the teeth on my bitch and hearing her when she goes off on one then I do concur that bitch= woman and woman = bitch. ;)
 
Fantasy_World said:
In reply to your question. It is because yards are predominately composed of women.
Most women are in fact bitches. Ask yourself why is it that we call a female dog a bitch and a male dog a dog. Bitch evokes the perception of something not very nice. Touchy, hormonal and liable to go off on one. Two faced and generally not to be trusted. After seeing the teeth on my bitch and hearing her when she goes off on one then I do concur that bitch= woman and woman = bitch. ;)
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haha love it!
 
Have the same problem at our yard:o. At our yard it's 97% hackers/people who just want to trot around once a week (all fine, to each their own) and then the other 3% is VERY specialised (all above Elementary dressage if they compete in dressage or jump B grade or above) - so I do think it partly comes down to jealousy but also to a clash of interests. For example, I know I can send out the wrong signals myself - especially if I have to practice my dressage tests the week before a show but they're all occupied by people who just want to ride in them for no reason - if I do then ride my tests in said arena the other riders will view me as rude for riding them out of the way and I'd view them as selfish for not riding in the 3 other arenas we have when they all know I have a show coming up

actually come to think of it - it's a clash of interests quite often:p
 
The yard I'm at isn't bitchy.

We've got high level dressage, eventers, lower level competitors, hunters and happy hackers

No one bitches about others, we all encourage. I'm getting towards the back end of a confidence crisis. I've had encouragement, understanding and alot of patience from everyone.

I really do think it's the YO/YM that can control any bitching. It was made very clear when I went on the yard that bitching wasn't accepted and wouldn't be tolerated. Not that I do that sort of thing, but if you're that way inclined, you know from the start.
 
I'd like to politley raise some dis-agreement with your above post Queen of Cadence ...... I am a 'happy hacker' who occasionally does some showing (just for fun) using the menage is really instrumental in building up my confidence in my schooling. To someone more advanced than me it may seem I'm 'riding in the arena for no reason' but to me its very important, so perhaps don't get so irritated just because they're not practising for a competition :) if there are three other arenas (just out of interest) are you un-able to ride in those?

** not having a go just putting an alternative view across ** xxx
 
It's not the "Yard" it's the people on it, and it's not just "horsey" people it happens everywhere from time to time - it's human nature - all born out of insecurity! People who feel the need to critisise and be bitchy usually do it so they will feel more superior, and they usually need to feel more superior because they are feeling inferior to start with. So I always find it's best to feel very sorry for them, and concentrate on being confident in your own position as a generally friendly, kind, and considerate person who doesn't make judgements on others, and who steadfastly refuses to be drawn into any bitchy conversations about anybody. Ultimately there are so many people on this planet it really doesn't matter if someone doesn't like you - cos there are plenty more people around who you will find you CAN get along with, and if you make a real point of refusing to be bothered about bitchy comments, or returning the comments, you will show yourself to be a much better person - who really doesn't deserve to be bitched about!
 
I have been on three yards as a client and now rn my own part/fll livery yard. I can honestly say I have never come across any bitchiness. *now wonders if it just goes on behind her back*
 
asterid said:
TBH I find this a bit rude. What do you determine as a competition rider and a basic rider? I know people that might be considered "basic" (I don't like the word, makes them sound crap) that compete. At lower levels you don't need to be an excellent rider to do well.

A few weeks ago I moved to what I consider a big yard (12 stables in my barn, 16 in the other) and have not witnessed any bitching, I just keep my opinions to myself and treat everyone the same whether the have a retired pony or a PSG dressage horse ( no-one on the yard does have a PSG horse btw ;) )
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sophiebailey said:
I'd like to politley raise some dis-agreement with your above post Queen of Cadence ...... I am a 'happy hacker' who occasionally does some showing (just for fun) using the menage is really instrumental in building up my confidence in my schooling. To someone more advanced than me it may seem I'm 'riding in the arena for no reason' but to me its very important, so perhaps don't get so irritated just because they're not practising for a competition :) if there are three other arenas (just out of interest) are you un-able to ride in those?

** not having a go just putting an alternative view across ** xxx
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Hey Sophie. This particular incident actually happened to me less than 2 hours ago. Yes, there are 3 other arenas - but they aren't 60 x 20 dressage arenas with markers - they're jumping arenas (and there is usually one clear arena without anything in it), on a normal basis I'd opt to just ride in another arena if I saw someone was using the adult dressage (we have 2, but one is usually marked with Children's letters and split in half - and that's of little use to me) - BUT I do have a show in exactly a weeks time on a horse I've never had at a show before, and tests that I haven't ridden in a LONG time, I'd also be happy with just warming up normally with another rider in the arena (after all a test only takes 5 minutes to run through) - BUT it is slightly irritating when arena rules are not obeyed (left shoulder to left shoulder is the general rule here in SA) and I'm not given space to really warm up properly (I do need to do leg yields/shoulder ins)

it may sound as if I'm over reacting but it just gets to me that everyone is aware that I have a show coming up - and yet all the arenas are empty except for the one I need

I might be over reacting (probably am) - but this was just a scenario I used to illustrate the clash of interests that often happens
 
Even though the yard I am on can be a bit bitchy, it would never stop anyone helping anyone else out and I think sometimes something is better said than unsaid.

I used to do quite a bit of competing - out every other weekend just doing low level dressage and having lessons. We retired my old boy last year a few months before he was PTS and the TB mare which was going to be a nice dressage horse got lameness problems and now can't be ridden, so a couple of months back I bought a little coloured 2 year old. So basically I don't ride any more. The competition people on the yard don't take a blind bit of notice or interest in my horses now but still expect me to take an interest on how they got on at their comps. So being now on the other side of the comp riders, I am wondering how OP comes across to others. It might not be intentional, but it won't come across that way.....
 
I'm with you, maybe ask your yard owner to put some arena rules up? Or perhaps get a 'booking board' for the menage so you can book a slot when you've got a competition in the arena you need? That works quite well at yards over here! Plus if there are 'arena rules' posted somewhere + people still break them then you can tell on them ;-) xxx
 
QueenOfCadence said:
I might be over reacting (probably am) - but this was just a scenario I used to illustrate the clash of interests that often happens
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I'm sorry but I do think you are overreacting. If your horse is regularly competed you should be used to riding around other horses.
And a lot of people on liveries only have a 20x40 to ride in so never get the opportunity to practice in a long arena, you can work perfectly well in a 20x40.

As someone has already pointed out those "lowly happy hackers" may be nervous in the school so riding on their own is a huge benefit to them.
 
monkeybum13 said:
I'm sorry but I do think you are overreacting. If your horse is regularly competed you should be used to riding around other horses.
And a lot of people on liveries only have a 20x40 to ride in so never get the opportunity to practice in a long arena, you can work perfectly well in a 20x40.

As someone has already pointed out those "lowly happy hackers" may be nervous in the school so riding on their own is a huge benefit to them.
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Monkeybum it's this horse's first show in 3 years at a new level with tests I've ridden once or twice before. I agree with you that I'm probably over reacting - but please explain how I'm supposed to practice a 7m volte` with a shoulder in up the long side of the arena in a 20 x 60 dressage arena with 3 other horses in it?

Sophie might suggest that - we do have a bookings board for lessons so that lessons aren't interrupted so it might work well. May encourage the YO on the rules thing too - generally I think that part is just ignorance (nothing mean intended), but it's a little hard to manoeuvre 17 hands around 3 other horses :p
 
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