Why are yards bitchy?

Can I ask why a 'happy hacker' seems to be regarded by some as a less skilled rider than a 'competition rider'?

I am glad to say I'm not on a yard, as my OH has her own paddocks. Some of the stories I hear locally and read about on here are horrific, but then, as a male rider, I really don't understand bitching at all, it just strikes me that there are an awful lot of insecure people with fragile ego's out there.
 
The last yard I was on was great for quite a long time. Then there were some serious issues, with the YM leading the bitchy team with the help of a couple of others and we left. We had a 1/3 of the horses on the yard, she thought she could fill the boxes overnight, but it didn't work out that way. We rented a field after that, saved a fortune and never looked back.
 
Neil,

You are probably right. I think age has a lot to do with things as well. As you get older you learn not to take yourself so seriously. I know for instance that I'm not "all that" and life is so much simpler!

When I was younger I galloped back home in the States for 12 years. I got on some of the best horses of the time. I did a good job but I was a bitch. You only realise this later in life by the way.

I don't have anything to prove to anyone anymore except to myself. And I see no difference in competition riders or people who enjoy themselves with their horses. Whatever makes you happy. But the old me rears it's ugly head when I do feel someone is insulting my intelligence.

Case in point, I live on a private property with my 6 horses and 2 other people have one each. A new girl moved in about September. We heard all these amazing stories about her talent ect. I was like great someone to help me with my flatwork. Well come to find out none of it is really true and her horse care basics are appalling. And she just lies about really stupid stuff. But this is not my place so I bite my tongue to a point. I will say something when you make sure your grey horse doesn't have a speck of dirt on him yet you want him to drink dirty water and leave him on a really messy bed. So yeah I don't win the popular vote. But I just get on with my stuff. But things came to a head last week when I found the radio and electric fence pulled out of the wall twice. Not a word of a lie she said the radio did her horse's head in due to our choice in stations. That was it, I let fly. Radio was very low. But I'd also gone out of my way to help this girl with anything her or her horse needed so I had enough. I let her know she is not special and we are all fighting the same battle and all love our horses. She couldn't believe it.

I also remember the time I sent my mare away for jumper training. There was another girl there who was pregnant and why she couldn't jump her own horse. She lectured me everyday on the difference of being only a breeder and her who competes. I just let her lecture me daily on the physical demands of riding. She asked to be a Facebook friend and then called me to ask why on earth I never told her that I actually rode. I just replied you never asked! And personally whatever makes you feel better is fine so long as you don't go too far.

Like I said before, most bitchy will go away in time. Just watch out who you choose to put in a corner. You could get a dose that knocks you back on your hocks fairly quickly. I know as I used to be a bitch. And thankfully there was someone always there to put me firmly where I belonged!

Terri
 
Maybe insecurity? Envy?
To be honest, I don't really give a monkeys ... Most people at my yard find me a bit scary / strange / grumpy etc and probably don't like me very much at all... And I am not really that interested in any of them to actually care or try to convince them otherwise ;-p
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
Neil,

You are probably right. I think age has a lot to do with things as well. As you get older you learn not to take yourself so seriously. I know for instance that I'm not "all that" and life is so much simpler!

When I was younger I galloped back home in the States for 12 years. I got on some of the best horses of the time. I did a good job but I was a bitch. You only realise this later in life by the way.

I don't have anything to prove to anyone anymore except to myself. And I see no difference in competition riders or people who enjoy themselves with their horses. Whatever makes you happy. But the old me rears it's ugly head when I do feel someone is insulting my intelligence.

Case in point, I live on a private property with my 6 horses and 2 other people have one each. A new girl moved in about September. We heard all these amazing stories about her talent ect. I was like great someone to help me with my flatwork. Well come to find out none of it is really true and her horse care basics are appalling. And she just lies about really stupid stuff. But this is not my place so I bite my tongue to a point. I will say something when you make sure your grey horse doesn't have a speck of dirt on him yet you want him to drink dirty water and leave him on a really messy bed. So yeah I don't win the popular vote. But I just get on with my stuff. But things came to a head last week when I found the radio and electric fence pulled out of the wall twice. Not a word of a lie she said the radio did her horse's head in due to our choice in stations. That was it, I let fly. Radio was very low. But I'd also gone out of my way to help this girl with anything her or her horse needed so I had enough. I let her know she is not special and we are all fighting the same battle and all love our horses. She couldn't believe it.

I also remember the time I sent my mare away for jumper training. There was another girl there who was pregnant and why she couldn't jump her own horse. She lectured me everyday on the difference of being only a breeder and her who competes. I just let her lecture me daily on the physical demands of riding. She asked to be a Facebook friend and then called me to ask why on earth I never told her that I actually rode. I just replied you never asked! And personally whatever makes you feel better is fine so long as you don't go too far.

Like I said before, most bitchy will go away in time. Just watch out who you choose to put in a corner. You could get a dose that knocks you back on your hocks fairly quickly. I know as I used to be a bitch. And thankfully there was someone always there to put me firmly where I belonged!

Terri
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Before riding, I rained in the Martial Arts for a little over 25 years. The styles I learned / taught were full contact, so whenever a student got a little too big for their boots, they were brought down to earth with a bump.

I remember becoming a little too cocky when training in Kendo. My instructor put me with a much more senior student who trained in 'the old style', real battle ground stuff. My fancy moves were too flashy and slow, and I ended up with a split lip (yes, inside all that armour) and stars before my eyes several times that evening. It was great training on many levels, and I learned my lesson well.

I have a lot of sympathy for those, who are so fragile that they need to raise themselves by lying and bullying, but I feel more sympathy for the poor horses who get punished for their riders lack of ability.

Spite and malice are ugly companions, and it is a shame that some people on yards are apt to use them both to such ill effect.
 
Enfys said:
This place is like one big yard if you ask me. You get the good, the bad and the ugly on here too :) It's one big melting pot.
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AGREE! it's a combination of thigs isn't it. Have you ever worked in a large office? Just the same re bitchiness!! In any situation where there is a large group of people, who in other circumstances, wouldn't chose to be so close together due to personality clashes etc....there is going to be sniping and back-biting! Sad, but true! You can relate it back to a herd of horses....they aren't all best buds. There a 'cliques' of friend units, some horses moving between a few groups...and of course, there is always the bully amongst them!

For me, my three pet hates re bitchiness are those who offer nothing but bitchiness to new riders/owners. What I dont understand is that at some point in their lives, they were a novice, and they would never have got to where they are today without help from those more experienced riders.

My second is the yard know-it-all who feels they have to tell you their opinion on everything! And usually not in a nice way...always in the negative 'I wouldn't do it like that...' etc

My third is what someone on another forum labelled 'inverted snobs' - i.e the ones who think you are terrible just because you have bought a more expensive horse than them, and buy nice saddles and equipment. It's like the reverse of snobbery. You get comments such as 'well you will buy a fancy horse' - like the fact that the horse was more expensive means it has an excuse to be bucking or something!!! Well If I work hard for my money, I am going to spend it on my horses!

I have been on various livery yards and, sorry to all you young uns', but from my experience the ones where there are a lot of young girls together are the worst. That said, the worse 'bitchy' person I knew was a retired lady who apparantly had too much sare time on her hands lol

I think the key here is to keep your head down and out of 'sniping' when it happens...be nice where possible and smile sweetly at those you know are not!
 
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You lot need to come onto the yard which Im at... the worlds most bitchiest yard!!!
Theres a lady who just basically bullies the younger people and Im one of them, constantly getting abuse of her about my horse and how Im doing everything wrong! I just tend to ignore her now but it knocks your confidence sometimes which pees me off. Try and let it go over my head now :)
My friend on the yards horse died and a couple of months later she picked up the courage and bought herself a new horse, which is abit livey compared to her last horse, well this lady has done nothing but bitch about my friend none stop and complain how her horse is a nasty peice of work, which is a lie! Hes just excited about everything! Anyhow shes upset my friend so much that she wont come up to the yard till the ladys gone home!

Then we have like 2 seperate groups that seem to bitch about each other! I just stay out of the way nowadays and it seems to be working.

And on the riding in the arena, we dont really have a problem riding in groups we always say left to left.... UNLESS... the lady who likes to bully comes in and basically shouts at your for once again doing everything wrong, critisising how your horse looks and what not.... or if this other lady comes in, she just rides where she wants and doesnt give a toss what your doing (now im being a bitch) and tells me the type of bit Im using is illegal (its a wilkie haha) xx
 
We are lucky at our Farm there are only six others so its really not bad thank god, we have had the odd trouble maker in the past who come in and try to take over the place. I have been here for 27 years and have seen alot come and go, and in the end the horrid ones do go. Who gives a rats bottom if their horse can run faster, jump higher or has better breeding than another horse. We all love our horses and they are all different in their own special way and thats why we all love them so much. Life is far too short to be bothered by these horrid people you never know what is around the corner as I very well now know. Most of these people are a classic example of a little bit of information is a very dangerous thing and the ones that shout the most know the least. We should just enjoy are horses no matter what we do with them :)
 
I forgot to add to my post that Ive just remembered whilst reading another post...
This lady who tends to bully people organised a christmas do at some swanky resturant, she carried the menu round with her for two weeks and what really peed me off was that she was basically inviting other people in front of me but never asked me. Cant say im bothered about going to the meal but i just found she was very rude! Haha oh well!
 
Wherever there's us females, there's bitching I've found! Even though I rent my own field with a friend my field neighbour often comes along bitching about what my friend is up to, moaning about what rugs she uses, what time she goes up, how much she feeds etc and she bitches about me to my friend lol, I'm glad that I'm that interesting to bitch about as I thought I was quite boring!!!!! :D
 
OP maybe it's because you walk around the yard thinking your better than the "basic" rider/owner that people make comments?
If it's a yard where it's all hackers and basic riding then maybe you would be better on a competition yard with other people with your interests and same level of ability or is it a case of you like being a big fish in a little pond?

At the end of the day all yards have their cow bags and the great thing about being on a big yard is there are many people you can talk to and stay away from the people you don't like...not everyone gets on with everyone in the big wide world.
Just because we all have a common interest in horses doesn't mean we all think, act or behave the same way.
 
QueenOfCadence said:
Hey Sophie. This particular incident actually happened to me less than 2 hours ago. Yes, there are 3 other arenas - but they aren't 60 x 20 dressage arenas with markers - they're jumping arenas (and there is usually one clear arena without anything in it), on a normal basis I'd opt to just ride in another arena if I saw someone was using the adult dressage (we have 2, but one is usually marked with Children's letters and split in half - and that's of little use to me) - BUT I do have a show in exactly a weeks time on a horse I've never had at a show before, and tests that I haven't ridden in a LONG time, I'd also be happy with just warming up normally with another rider in the arena (after all a test only takes 5 minutes to run through) - BUT it is slightly irritating when arena rules are not obeyed (left shoulder to left shoulder is the general rule here in SA) and I'm not given space to really warm up properly (I do need to do leg yields/shoulder ins)

it may sound as if I'm over reacting but it just gets to me that everyone is aware that I have a show coming up - and yet all the arenas are empty except for the one I need

I might be over reacting (probably am) - but this was just a scenario I used to illustrate the clash of interests that often happens
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I can imagine that attitude would really get their backs up.... sorry!

To me, they have as much right to ride in that arena as you do. Whether you can see the point in them riding in there or not. I compete and there are a lot of people on my yard that don't. But they pay the same as me and are as enititled to use the arena, granted we only have 1, as much as I am. When I want to make sure I have sole use I go up at a time of day when I know noone else will be around and use it then.

People that huff and puff and think they should get special consideration do not go down well at livery yards.
 
I do feel bad for young ones being berated by not so young ones. I'm in the later category and I'm never going to say a word to you. Like this other girl on my yard, I did a lot for her and her horse as I would with anyone. People do the same for me. We all love our horses no matter what they do or don't do. As a matter of fact my husband is out putting a foot bandage on the other liviries horse right now. Her horse can be a numpty and John is just real good at foot bandages. But it's so much nicer to just be civil and understanding of each other.

Neil, great comparisons with the Martial Arts. I love MA as it teaches you more life lessons than just MA. Thanks for sharing that.

OP if you tried not judging people so much you may find people a little less bitchy. I'm sure the young girl at my barn finds me a horrible person but yet she can't get off her pedastool enough to see other people's perspective. Just try it. Do you ever think about those "happy Hackers". Some of those people are quite accomplished horseman who may now just enjoy their horse's in this way. When I used to gallop I rode on average 7 a day 7 days a week near enough 365 days a year. That's a lot of riding in 12 years. I might possibly not ride at all anymore except I bred a couple of nice jumpers so I have to get my useless self back doing something constructive. But I would never mind "just an easy hack" a couple times a week on a good solid horse. Just think before you judge.

Terri

Terri
 
QueenOfCadence said:
Hey Sophie. This particular incident actually happened to me less than 2 hours ago. Yes, there are 3 other arenas - but they aren't 60 x 20 dressage arenas with markers - they're jumping arenas (and there is usually one clear arena without anything in it), on a normal basis I'd opt to just ride in another arena if I saw someone was using the adult dressage (we have 2, but one is usually marked with Children's letters and split in half - and that's of little use to me) - BUT I do have a show in exactly a weeks time on a horse I've never had at a show before, and tests that I haven't ridden in a LONG time, I'd also be happy with just warming up normally with another rider in the arena (after all a test only takes 5 minutes to run through) - BUT it is slightly irritating when arena rules are not obeyed (left shoulder to left shoulder is the general rule here in SA) and I'm not given space to really warm up properly (I do need to do leg yields/shoulder ins)

it may sound as if I'm over reacting but it just gets to me that everyone is aware that I have a show coming up - and yet all the arenas are empty except for the one I need

I might be over reacting (probably am) - but this was just a scenario I used to illustrate the clash of interests that often happens
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From their point of view though they are presumably paying exactly the same as you for use of the facilities, the fact that you have a competition coming up isn't their problem. I agree it would be courteous to allow you to use it, but they shouldn't have to give precedence to someone just because they compete.
 
I think that everyone will gossip, it doesn't have to be malicious, sometimes it's just getting something off your chest and understanding whether you are being reasonable about stuff.

I've only met one or two people who never seemes to gossip or talk about others, but my friends, people who I consider to be 'normal' have opinions on every subject and very often that includes other people.

There is a difference between that and some of the horrible bullying that seems to go on on some yards. I have been a witness to and a participant in some of that, to my shame & horror after the event when I realised the bigger picture.

What always amuses me is the way that people throw the jealous card around. If you disagree with someone, if you are a bit bitchy about them, it may be because you think they are a bit idiotic not because you are consumed with jealousy.
 
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