Why can’t I just do stuff with my horse? Is there a good calmer to help?

I'm probably one of those people you'd see out and about doing stuff. For context I got my lorry 3 years ago when my gelding was 5. Our first Intro dressage test was spent on 2 legs with a rodeo at X. Our first in hand show was mainly spent with him on his back legs.

It took time..... lots and lots of time. We went through a stage where he was so bad to load I got professional help in. Every time I had an issue I paused and came up with a plan to move forwards - some of that was at home, some at external venues - but it felt painfully slow when it felt like the world was out enjoying themselves!

And all that without the complications of a foal and mare hormones.

So slow down. It'll be worth it in the end.
 
Onemorefling said:
As others have posted, slow right down. Yes it's difficult seeing others going out enjoying themselves, (I'd give my soul to be able to have one more ride on fynn ). You'll get there, there's tonnes of owners out there in worse situations.
Click to expand...
It definitely is difficult! I got my mare backed and riding away last year, we had literally just got to the point where our rides were enjoyable and stressfree, and then my body crapped out on me. I've spent a lot of time getting upset and frustrated on all we could have been doing and enjoying, especially at the start of it all. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to go back to doing just stable chores, let alone ride again.
What I'd give to be able to just have another one of those crappy hacks with her again!
 
Kirstineridesagain said:
As for spring grass, it’s been really slow and she’s eating mostly hay still. But yes, good points.
Click to expand...

Do bear in mind the horses are eating any fresh growth, you may well be but you have to judge by ungrazed fields and even then they may not be growing the same.

I wouldn't fit a saddle to a horse if it was stressed like that, and that's 1.5-2.5 hours, at home, without asking what you'd be asking of this mare. I always explain that it's not worth it to set a horse back that much in its training and emotional wellbeing. I would cancel.
 
OK ........ so you might not appreciate me for saying this, but this is how I'm seeing it.

Firstly, YOU as the owner/rider are stressed to sh!t over this mare. This comes across loud and clear. 'Tis easy to see why; she obviously isn't easy, and there's been a lot going on for her right now. But I'm really picking up on your stress OP, and this won't be helping your mare one bit.

Secondly, the mare herself has had a lot of change to deal with; and I would agree with others that she's not "over" the foal at the moment, and this is adding to the mix as well. As someone else has observed, she just isn't seeing you as her Herd Leader and someone she can trust when she's away from the yard, she's totally thinking of her foal and whether they are safe or not. It isn't her fault, but the mother-instinct is far outweighing anything else for her right now.

Meanwhile, you are obviously stressing over her behaviour and the fact that you want to get to a clinic tomorrow! Really...... sorry but as others have said, I think you just need to slow everything down.

You know what I'd do?? And please, take this "advice" however you will: but firstly, forget about the clinic tomorrow. Let that go, there will be another time. If this were my mare I'd forget about doing anything with her right now and chuck her out with her foal for a few weeks. Let her chill. What I will say is that being the breed she is, you may have to beware of letting her have too much grass and her intake might need to be restricted (I use a grazing muzzle), but this is what I'd do.

Leave her be with her foal for as long as it takes, then at some point in the future I'd see how she is; and I would also recommend that you may benefit from getting a professional to work alongside you both at some point.

Good luck!
 
Until last year you had never owned a horse before. Your imported mare arrived in January last year and spent the next ten months at a full livery yard where you weren't allowed to visit her much. Then in November you moved her and her foal along with your newly-acquired second mare and foal to a field you found and have had them there on DIY since.

That's less than six months of being (in your own words) "a real horse owner".

Do you have much support by your field? Is it part of a DIY yard or is it a privately rented field? Are there yard owners, experienced liveries or other professionals who are able to be on hand to give you advice? And most importantly, are YOU able to take advice from others?

You seem to have expectations of doing things that others are doing, but many of those others are on livery yards with a horse they've been riding for years, or have their own yards and are very experienced.

You have two foals, an unbacked mare and an imported mare who until two (?) weeks ago still had her foal with her. And less than six months experience of being "a real horse owner". No, you can't just do stuff with your horse, and no, there is no good calmer to help.

You want to go to a clinic for a few hours tomorrow, with a 2+ hour round trip, and don't want to waste the opportunity because it was expensive to hire the lorry? No.

You have received so much good advice on this forum over the last couple of years, but you seem determined to do things the way you want. Your mare is now telling you that's not how it works.

Please, get some local support, and adjust your expectations.
 
I once didn't go to a clinic I'd paid for because I didn't like how my mare was standing on the box. I could have loaded her up and gone but I felt this was going to create more issues.

Welcome to horse ownership. Others will always have 'better' horses and be doing more. You have to work with the horse you have and your horse does not sound in the right place for this.

At some point you do need to make a choice about whether the things you achieve with your horses are more important than the horsemanship you develop. Thats not to say they are always mutually exclusive but horses ownership is full of choices like these and you have to decide which way your values lie. I don't mean to sound harsh more philosophical.
 
You've had some great advice already on this thread. And I know how well you've been doing with your little herd since you've got them home. You've so much to be proud of. And of course this is just another of those learning curves. But to add my voice - it's just too soon post weaning to be taking the mare out and about. The time will come. But it's going to be summer, rather than spring.
 
Why the desperation to make her travel? If she's not settled in general riding/at home yet, you're then trying to make her travel potentially 2 days in a row.

Definitely cancel tomorrow.

I never even tried to travel mine because he was a massively Welsh stresshead and if id even got him on the thing, i think it would have then sent him into complete meltdown for a few days after. Yes it was frustrating, but thats just what it was.

Id work on building up the hacking first without bombarding her with travelling
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top