Why do I let people make me feel like crap?

benson21

benson21

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I had a falling out with one of the liveries 18 months ago. We had been good friends, but I had said something that upset her, and she took humbridge to it. Something, to me, was a bit petty, but each to there own. She has a good friend that wasnt really involved, but is being loyal to her. The friend was a livery but has now left. There are more links between me and the friend that I wont go into, but I thought we could of been close, but obviously not.
They were both at the yard today, I drove past them, and was ignored.
I got round onto the yard I am on, and was too uncomfortable to go round the other side to get hay and straw, as I knew they were there!
I got really angry with myself, felt really pathetic, but still couldnt bring myself to go round there!
I dont know why I let it get to me, I was told awhile ago if I stayed out of her way, she might forgive me, I would have to wait and see!
 
I know the feeling. I hate tension of any kind and do try to avoid people if we've fallen out. It probably makes me look ignorant but I actually feel shaky and sick inside at the thought of confronting people.
Probably not much help but just wanted you to know you're not the only one x
 
I think sometimes time can make a situation become something it isn't, I think I would be tempted to offer an olive branch, offer my most sincere apologies for ever hurting her feelings and asking if you could out it all behind you.
She will probably be relieved to clear the air.
 
FoxTrotx said:
I know the feeling. I hate tension of any kind and do try to avoid people if we've fallen out. It probably makes me look ignorant but I actually feel shaky and sick inside at the thought of confronting people.
Probably not much help but just wanted you to know you're not the only one x
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I'm just like this and I hate it about myself. I let things go until I feel provoked beyond the point of no return and I have a volcanic temper so that's not good either. Either confront them or try and ignore it. You cannot change how other people choose to behave I am afraid, just how you feel about it.
 
Farma said:
I think sometimes time can make a situation become something it isn't, I think I would be tempted to offer an olive branch, offer my most sincere apologies for ever hurting her feelings and asking if you could out it all behind you.
She will probably be relieved to clear the air.
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To be honest, thats what I done about 12 months ago. I apologized again for what had happened and said I would like to put it behind us, and thats when she told me to stay out of her face, and she might forgive me in time.
Thing is, it all started with something she had done that really really hurt my feelings, and its my reaction to that that has hurt her. I am completely over with my hurt, and its just so sad that she cant be.
 
Don't let it worry you - I have exactly the same problem, I tend to ignore most of the time as they really are not worth worrying about, and no way are they forcing me off the yard.
 
I know how you feel as the same thing happened to me, and i am very sad to say 3 years later we still are not talking. i am still very sad about as we were very good friends and had so much in common. It is partly my fault as i am quite a stubborn person and i never like to seem 'weak' by saying sorry but i did try to heal the friendship but that wasn't possible.

Sorry it doesnt really help you in any way but hopefully you and this person will put it all behind you one day
 
Eighteen months and no sign of reconciliation? Sounds like your 'friend' would rather have some kind of power over you than restore your friendship.

The only power she has over you is that which you give her. I would treat her like someone you know, but who you don't class as a friend and move on. That seems a bit harsh, but she doesn't sound like the forgiving kind.
 
I agree with the above, problem with offering olive branches they sometimes take it and smack you in the face with it! From experience I would get on with your life now and take no notice. You are their for your horse, you have been the better person and apologised. It's their loss and one day I'm sure they will realise. A true friend would forgive.
 
Livery yards are soooooo notorious for it, i used to let crap like that bother me but not now, if they dont talk, who gives a crap, theyre not the only folks on the yard, go down get on with your horse, youve offered an olive branch and been ignored, be civil if you need to communicate, but dont look for them to be chatty and you wont be dissapointed.
Youre giving them all the power in the relationship........ Take it back by not letting them get to you.
Ipod on, earplugs in, sing and ignore the nasty gits
 
benson21 said:
I was told awhile ago if I stayed out of her way, she might forgive me, I would have to wait and see!
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Did she tell you this herself? If she did, she's simply playing games with you and is not someone I would want as a friend.

If you offered an olive branch and was rejected, I'd give up now.

Sometimes you just have to face the fact that you've been mistaken in your judgement and a person you valued turned out not to be worthy of your love or friendship. Chalk it up to experience and try to move on.

It's a painful thing to go through though. (((((hugs)))))
 
You would think with what all youve been through this friend would be bending over backwards to rekindle your friendship regardless of who was wrong and who was right. Do you really want a friend who has shown herself to be unfeeling and who is still holding a petty grudge.

You deserve better than that, forget her and move on, you dont need people like her in your life.
 
Oh Benson, I feel for you. I'm actually going to look at a new yard today because of a similar situation. Sorry, I vote with my feet and if a YO cannot sort out this kind of stupidity I'm outa here!

It wasn't the only reason I'm leaving though - loads of other stuff but basically I'm a full time working mum and I just don't have time to be poo picking every five seconds (feels like it!!) moving fencing every couple of weeks and I have just been told that all the water freezes in the winter to the extent that I will have to bring it from home! I just won't have time to do my own horses by the time I have finished doing everyone elses on my 1 day a week.

Arguement sort of stemmed from the above and it doesn't matter how many time saving exercises I come up with, I just keep getting the response of "thats how we have always done it and that is how it will stay" - sad to be leaving though.

Good luck Benson - dont let the buggers get you down!
 
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