Why do so many people own/ride horses they dont enjoy?

indie1282

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There have been alot of posts of late of people struggling with their horses to the point of where they dont want to or are scared to ride them.

I have noticed that a fair few people are loaning/sharing and they are dealing with napping, bolting or tanking off and I cant think why anyone would want to pay or put their time in to a horse that they dont seem to get any pleasure from.

I get that there is sometimes an emotional tie and I get that some people are happy to just spend time with the horses.

Thoughts?
 

Lillian_paddington

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I think sometimes it’s hard to know when to quit - I have never not gotten back on a horse after a fall (although there’s plenty of time and I’m sure I will!) unless I think it’s in pain. Napping, bolting, bucking is something people will put up with if they can work through it and have a nicer horse and be a better rider at the end of it.
I do agree that if you’re truly scared of the horse then you’re out of your depth - riding while you’re tense and nervous is not going to be your best riding.
 

Eloisee

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I’ve lost confidence with my riding and I’ll admit that

But, I keep going for many reasons
1) it didn’t always used to be this way. Once I was confident, decent little rider, but time out of the saddle and I’ve lost it
2) my pony is 22 and has cushings - I couldn’t possibly sell him and I love him so don’t want to pts
3) he’s naughty - I couldn’t just let anyone ride him and I doubt any confident lightweight teen is interested in a pony that although full of quirks and is fast as you like he won’t jump and doesn’t hack well - he is suited to dressage
 

TPO

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Fear of being judged
Dont want to give up/in
See it as a failure
Told that it's normal and nothing worth having comes easy
Pride...if they cant "fix" the horse no one else can
Money...can't afford help and/or sales livery
Have never had a good experience so this stress/drama/worry is normal

I think a fair few of us also grew up on pony stories where the heroine had to tame the wild horse, built a bond and lived happily ever after so keep going trying have this elusive "bond".

Life is short, yes it wont all be plain sailing but it should still spark joy rather than negative emotions.

If you scroll through the Tarr Steps Services page on fb you'll find quite a few posts about why it should be fun and how it's not a failure to get a different horse.
 

teddypops

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I don’t know about loaning/ sharing, but one of my Connemaras is not nice to ride because she is such a stress head, she spooks at everything, hates traffic of all shapes and sizes and gets herself totally wound up. Occasionally I get a glimpse of what I’m hoping for but it doesn’t last long and we are back to stressing out. She has had everything checked out inc xrays, scans and a scope for ulcers. However I wouldn’t sell her because I just don’t know where she would end up and she doesn’t deserve an uncertain future. I live in the hope that we will get there one day but if not, she can just be a field ornament.
 

milliepops

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Because sometimes the struggle is worth it - sometimes you have to go thru difficult times to achieve your goals... it’s like any relationship there are good times and there are bad if you give up at the first difficulty you can miss most of the best times of your life
This is why I've struggled on 😎
I have ended up with a second heart horse, there were times when I willed her under an artic and times when I've wanted to shoot her, and what I've ended up with is the most amazing relationship and a fabulous fun competition horse that has ticked off a fair few bucket list items for me.

But.
If she was my only horse I'd have given up riding at some point. Some of it was so so awful that if I hadn't had a normal horse to ride alongside it would have been soul destroying.
A learning point for me, I personally only ever want to have a project alongside an established horse, otherwise you lose riding skill and its emotionally tiring.

I think sometimes people struggle on cos there's no alternative or it seems that way.
 

splashgirl45

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after id had my horse for 6 months i decided i had to sell as i was getting scared to ride her. not easy as she was very quirky and i was worried where she would end up , not many people want a stressy horse who doesnt jump and is very difficult to ride alone, so not really a happy hacker. she was 11 at the time, i kept her and she was pts at 25 due to cushings....i found that she was not confident and i spent years building her and me up so eventually we could hack alone and enjoy life. it was a long hard road but i am glad i persevered and she had a good life and i never regretted not selling...
 

Meowy Catkin

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I am a physical and mental wreck... so when I wanted to buy my first post-accident horse I really needed to find the right one. At first I thought that I had bought a horse that was too quiet, I soon lived to regret those thoughts when I moved livery yard and she became a tad more lively (understatement of the century here) but with some regular lessons all was fine. The key was that she has never scared me. If I had been scared it would have been a very different situation but to be fair to her, there aren't many horses that you can tack up while a tractor is welded up outside their stable, that you know will stand for you to mount and then hack sensibly. She's an absolute diamond.
 

Starzaan

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Because my horse is so effing quirky and difficult that he didn't sell, even after being advertised for almost two years!

Luckily I love him, but there are times when I really question why I do it to myself and wish I had something a little less opinionated.
 

oldie48

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Because sometimes the struggle is worth it - sometimes you have to go thru difficult times to achieve your goals... it’s like any relationship there are good times and there are bad if you give up at the first difficulty you can miss most of the best times of your life
Yup, totally empathise with this. Every single horse i have owned has made me question my (somewhat imited) ability, every single one of them, at some time, has knocked my confidence and I have felt over horsed. Every single one has improved my riding but has ended up giving me a huge amount of pleasure. I don't ride plods and I don't want to and I am prepared to deal with the consequences, however, I do try not to moan when things are going pear shaped as they frequently do!
 

ycbm

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I don't, normally, but sometimes it creeps up on you week by week. You tell yourself there's an improvement and you'll keep them another six months, and suddenly three or four years have gone past. The last two I have sold should each have been sold a year earlier. By I really thought I was winning over the spooky behaviour with my paint horse and it took him bucking me off and damned near breaking my nose to bring me to my senses. And I loved my cob so much I didn't really want him to go and had to force myself to admit I was asking too much of him.

It's sometimes difficult to identify when you've reached the end of the road.
 

Bernster

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I’m with tpo and JFTD. Yes there are good reasons but I think there are a hell of a lot more negative reasons as to why folks continue on. I wouldn’t continue if a horse scared me or I got no enjoyment from it, despite working at whatever might not be going so well. I’m prepared to put a lot of time and effort into trainable issues but, if it’s not that, or were clearly not suited, then I’d call it quits.

Only happened to me once so far though and sold it within about a month. Horse went on to do really well in a more experienced comp home.
 

catembi

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On paper, the one I have recently sold ticked all the boxes. When it started going wrong, firstly I thought it was just 'new horse settling in' issues & didn't want to be one of those serial buyers & sellers who sell at the first hint of trouble. Then I wanted to dig in & sort it out myself. Then I got the odd random good day when she went really well or did something sweet and I thought, awwwww, I love you really. Then I felt really awful about not wanting her any more, giving up on her & sending her away when it wasn't her 'fault'. Then I thought that it might be 'better the devil you know' as she was at least sound & had a huge bold jump. But OMG I am sooooooooo pleased that she's gone & that I can hop on my new boy & go out for a hack without all the angsting & stressing.
 

windand rain

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Because if I didn't keep it I would have to shoot him he is a git always has been from the day he was born always will be. He has done far greater damage to me in his 14 years than 50 years of many others. He bites, kicks, attacks anyone he feels like but I still care about what happens to him so while I can keep others safe from him he will continue to plague my life if he gets laminitis again or injures anyone else he will be shot
 

Lyle

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I'm starting to come to this conclusion.... I have a lovely WB who I've had since he was green broken at 5. He's a lovely horse, competing elementary equivalent dressage. On a good day he's sensational, but he really is quite un-motivated to work hard, which can make even elementary level hard work. It can be a super frustrating and I've finally decided to stop trying to make him something he doesn't want to be. It's been a disappointing realisation as he's nice enough to go higher and we've put in a lot of hard yars, but he doesn't want to. So I'm spending the next 12 months getting him jumping (he's only just started and is as honest as all get up and thoroughly enjoys it), going showing, (he's already great to hack) and rock solid to load. He's such a solid horse to compete, but if he's a bit tense he tends to go a little backwards thinking, making it hard work at the higher levels. However, for someone a bit nervous this probably isn't a bad thing! So I am to find him a home with someone who will love him for him, life is too short for the both of us.
 

Caol Ila

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When I was on my freelance teaching stint, most of my students were overhorsed in some way, but some, I knew that with a bit of work, rider and horse could learn to work together and others were just hopelessly mismatched. All were emotionally attached to their animals, and that was a good thing in some cases, and not so good in others, when both the horse and rider would have been far better off and happier with other partners. Sometimes, you go through a rough patch and become a better rider at the end, but sometimes, it is just the wrong horse for you. I can't easily descibe the difference on the internet, but I know it when I see it.

I sold my first horse because i wanted to do more dressage, and it would not have been kind to make her do more than American First Level (which is roughly Prelim-ish in British money... I think). Not overhorsed, but my goals changed and the horse wanted to go on trail rides and pop over jumps, not be forced into shoulder-ins.
 

Celtic Fringe

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I've kept my quite unsuitable old Welsh cob for 15 years for several reasons:
- he was my first pony, bought when I was 39. Although I knew about pony care and riding I was definitely quite green - but had to become a fast learner
- emotional attachment - he was sold to me from a riding school. If I'd given him back he would have ended up in the local market as he had begun to buck violently. We did sort out his health problems in the end.
- I learned loads from him - every step along the way was a negotiation but we've had so many great adventures over the years
- he (still) makes me smile every day as he is such a character. I don't think anyone else finds him funny at all!
- he is old - probably nearer 18 than 14 when I bought him and so now in his 30s, happily retired from ridden work.

In retrospect I should never have bought him. He knocked my confidence for a long time and a different pony would have been a lot easier, safer and possibly cheaper. However, he is such a part of my life there will be a huge hole when he eventually goes.
 

Gloi

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Too many people buy animal for what they would like to be doing rather than for what they are capable of attheat time then get frightened by them and the horse becomes and expensive pet which they can't easily sell because they can't ride it and show it to purchasers.
 

JFTDWS

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Too many people buy animal for what they would like to be doing rather than for what they are capable of at the at time

Absolutely. It's like buying a pair of jeans for "when you've lost those couple of pounds". It doesn't happen and you just end up beating yourself up for it in the end.

I generally advise people to buy a horse you can cope with on your worst day, rather than your best. That applies to confidence, skill and stickability!
 

poiuytrewq

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For me it'd be the worry of them getting passed around. It's a lot easier to sell the easy ones than the quirky ones!
This was the reason I kept one I was struggling with years ago. I did put him on loan, he lasted a week and sent him to a racehorse rehoming place who couldn’t rehome him and returned him!! However they returned him nicer than he went having had some free professional schooling so it kind of worked in my favour. Sadly his health went downhill and I lost him anyway. I did 7 years of ups and downs though solely for the above reason!
 

Pippity

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My old share horse frequently scared me, but I kept on because:

- I looked out for an alternative share, but there was always something that made it worse than my current one - vastly more money, more chores (I have CFS, so this would have been an issue), yard was inconvenient/unpleasant, owner was frankly batshit, etc.
- On his good days, doing what he was good at, he was frankly amazing. He taught me a hell of a lot over the years.
- I loved him.

Giving up the share was heartbreaking, and I still miss him, but the owner moved to a yard that was too far away for me.
 

Merrymoles

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Because sometimes the struggle is worth it - sometimes you have to go thru difficult times to achieve your goals... it’s like any relationship there are good times and there are bad if you give up at the first difficulty you can miss most of the best times of your life

I have struggled with my confidence with my current horse - oh the joys of getting older and being self-employed...However, I am always sooooo chuffed when we learn something new, things go well, he copes with something that would previously have caused a meltdown, that it outweighs all my wobbly OMG moments. I would also worry about him being passed around - I was his fifth owner in about eighteen months - and he is definitely a much happier horse than he was when I bought him.

I do know someone who is currently on about her 20th horse because whatever she buys always ends up scaring her in one way or another so she sells it on and gets yet another "bombproof" horse - until the next time. That would not be the right path for me. Despite still struggling with my confidence at times, I am still enjoying learning how to deal with my horse's strange brain!

ETA - I am lucky enough to have a very good friend who has been kind enough to "babysit" us through the worst times - might not have achieved nearly so much without her. And as a bonus, she treats him as though he was her own (he shares a field with her horse) even though she doesn't really enjoy riding him. Recently I looked at some old photos which reminded me that I can actually ride, have ridden anything and everything, and that has boosted my confidence in my own "stickability", which in turn has transmitted into our general relationship so I'm looking forward to achieving more new things with him this summer.
 
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SpottyTB

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This is something i'm dealing with at the moment...

My big beautiful warmblood has (in the last 8 months or so) become incredibly hard work... he's 7 this year round and suddenly filled out and is looking amazing.. he's fantastic to handle and lovely to be around, but every single time i ride him - he is incredibly hard work. Nothing is easy anymore and i keep asking myself why i'm doing it!!

However, i will keep at it because i've convinced myself it's just a phase (checked teeth/saddle/feet etc)... he doesn't do anything dreadful, but it just takes SO long to settle and he is tense and strong for a good 40 minutes before he gives in and actually works. I rode him last week and jumped him, usually he's keen but manageable into a fence - last week he ran at it with his head in the air. Granted he'd not been jumped for 4-6 weeks but that isn't a good enough excuse in my eyes!

I've had him since he was 6months old and he's been a delight the whole way through (and was easy peasy to back/ride on ... so this is probably my pay back!!)... hopefully it sorts itself out..

In answer to your question, i won't give up just yet because i'm stubborn, he has incredible potential and in reality, if it takes me 24 months to get him going the way i want and to be happy doing it ... that is not time in the bigger picture (ie; he's a lifetime horse).
 

spacefaer

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I bought a horse a few years ago from a girl who was terrified of him. He actually didn't do anything bad, he was just a young 17.2hh chap who had learnt it was easier to intimidate her than do any work. I have no idea why she bought him in the first place as he was too young, too green, too big for her before she bought him (and then he grew and she taught him nothing!)

It had got to the point where if he lifted his head up when she went to put the bridle on, she'd give up, and put the tack back in the car, and not ride him that day (or any other day).

Thankfully she realised that it wasn't working for either of them and he went on to a fabulous hunting home. She went on to buy something smaller and older.
 

MagicMelon

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It depends on other circumstances though. I had a horse years ago who I wanted to compete (I own horses to compete, Im not a happy hacker) - problem was he had been treated badly in the past in the ring so unfortunately 9 times out of 10 he would just nap (when he didnt, he'd win which made it even more frustrating). I battled with him for 5 years but admitted defeat that he wasn't the horse for me eventually, but it took that long because he was the most gentle, sweet natured horse - he was a dream to handle and so extremely affectionate that it was really hard to part with him.

Also, I think some people don't sell and have to keep riding because if its difficult/they cant ride it well they probably can't sell it and then if its their only horse they'd have nothing else to ride!
 

Annagain

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My story's slightly different as its my horse's physical limitations than mean I can't enjoy him to his full potential rather than me being scared of him. Foot problems mean that he isn't up to the job I wanted him for, although he'd be fine as a happy hacker. Although he's solid as a rock in traffic, utterly dependable and great fun, he is scarily strong at times. Even at 23, nearly every ride where there's a chance to canter we have that brief "oh s**t" moment :rolleyes:. It doesn't bother me as I know letting him go doesn't produce much more speed and certainly not for long but he's not easy to ride. It would have been very difficult to find a buyer who wanted to hack him out. Also as long as he wasn't jumping, he was perfectly sound so I worried somebody would try to jump him again and end up getting hurt. He also has melanomas which would make selling more difficult.

I felt I couldn't move him on for his safety, for any future rider's safety and because I'm a big softy and couldn't bear to part with him. I might have sold one more suited to a pure hacking home but I probably wouldn't!

I'm lucky that I found a solution (sharing a friend's horse and finding suitable sharers for A) that meant I could carry on competing but had I not, I would have adjusted my ambitions until I could afford another. 12 years on, we still have great fun hacking, going on fun rides and attempting some dressage (it's not his strong point but he makes people laugh, including me!) although he's starting to show signs of his feet deteriorating so he might have to retire. Again, he's going nowhere, even if that means I have to adapt what I do for a few years.
 
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