Why does every advert I see looking for a first ridden/first pony say the rider is nervous?

[maya2008]

(And why does no one teach their child to canter on the lunge/led without reins any more?)

Consequence of selling two small ones last year - my Facebook keeps pinging up pony ads! I haven’t seen a single ad looking for a first ridden for a confident little rider though, which seems odd to me. My two were super confident on lead by the time they started pestering me to come off, and my son had the confidence to fight little special Shetland, and daughter to ride a 13.3hh golden oldie (because special Shetland decided ditching her and running home was the plan!). Any fears had basis - the golden oldie could get a bit quick in canter and bounce small riders off for example.

I cannot conceive of a child who hasn’t come off lead yet being nervous in general of riding - experiences on lead are all good surely? Is this a consequence of poorly started ponies due to price hikes in Covid and people buying youngsters who didn’t have the experience, or of people pushing their kids too hard, or of life somehow changing so kids are nervous about everyday things?

 

[catkin]

Or is it the reverse - ponies being mis-described? Maybe people have been stung and are overemphasising the nerves to not be offered ponies that won't suit.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Tbh I think it is most likely pushy parents.

 

[maya2008]

Or is it the reverse - ponies being mis-described? Maybe people have been stung and are overemphasising the nerves to not be offered ponies that won't suit.

But all of them???

I sold two LR/FR ponies last summer. To homes with competent parents/grandparents who were going to keep up the ponies’ education from the ground, provide adequate turnout and exercise, and actually teach the children. The ponies were too slow and steady for us by nature, but perfect for a little one to progress on. I still get updates - very happy ponies and small people.

I wouldn’t have picked a home with a very anxious child, because the worry is that they won’t carry on riding, so the home won’t last a reasonable length of time.

I have one we have kept (you can pep her up on oats and she becomes quite fun, but minus the oats is a steady kind pony). When she goes, I will likewise look for a home with a keen child so she will have a more long term home with lots of fun. So I am not sure that saying your child is nervous to get the best ponies would really work?

 

[LEC]

My observations are:

Parents have been late to horses, not that experienced and also I think pass on a lot of their worries about riding. The most nervous of the parents have very anxious kids who have terrible nerves.
PC is now uber cautious and do not like young kids on ponies with a risk of falling off
People are expecting unicorns and my experience as a kid would be 3 year cycle - year 1 was pretty eventful as you were always slightly too small for the pony and it had a lot of say in what went on, year 2 you were a bit bigger and were getting to grips with the pony, year 3 getting too big or too big by end of year and had an amazing time. Then time to sell the pony and onto the next one for the same cycle. Now people want success from the off.

I also do not think kids ride now unsupervised. I do not think I was supervised on a pony from 6 years old. I would hack, disappear for hours etc which is all time in the tack and making mistakes. Go off and meet my friends etc etc Its very protective and almost official. The best kid riders I know have very experienced parents who let the kids be kids on their ponies. Riding round the fields bareback, playing games etc

 

[Xmasha]

i think its because the competent riders/parents dont need to advertise for what they want. They know exactly what to buy / usually word of mouth etc. Its the parents that l;ack experience that are looking for the rare unicorn that doesnt think for itself

 

[humblepie]

My father would normally go for the ones that had "issues" at previous homes. I definitely got to ride quite a few that had been problem ponies including one turned into the most fab show jumping pony. I sort of ended up as the child that people got to sit on things to sort out, quite often small ponies when I was a teenager and didn't weight much. Not sure if that was good parenting or not......

 

[snowangel5]

My father would normally go for the ones that had "issues" at previous homes. I definitely got to ride quite a few that had been problem ponies including one turned into the most fab show jumping pony. I sort of ended up as the child that people got to sit on things to sort out, quite often small ponies when I was a teenager and didn't weight much. Not sure if that was good parenting or not......

Sounds like you had a brilliant time can you remember any of the ponies names

 

[humblepie]

Sounds like you had a brilliant time can you remember any of the ponies names

Trigger (seriously) was one and Babycham another.

 

[expanding_horizon]

My father would normally go for the ones that had "issues" at previous homes. I definitely got to ride quite a few that had been problem ponies including one turned into the most fab show jumping pony. I sort of ended up as the child that people got to sit on things to sort out, quite often small ponies when I was a teenager and didn't weight much. Not sure if that was good parenting or not......

I worked for rides at a local livery / riding school / dealing yard from the age of eleven. I got sent out on the new sales purchases at guinea pig. I also got sent out on any horses riding school clients fell off. I used to tell my father about my experiences but not mention to my mother. At the time I thought it was a great game.

However as I got older and bounced less it did damage my overall confidence.

 

[maya2008]

My father would normally go for the ones that had "issues" at previous homes. I definitely got to ride quite a few that had been problem ponies including one turned into the most fab show jumping pony. I sort of ended up as the child that people got to sit on things to sort out, quite often small ponies when I was a teenager and didn't weight much. Not sure if that was good parenting or not......

We do something similar. Buy unbacked and back them ourselves. Some obviously don’t quite suit (the too quiet ones for example) but we always end up with some that do the job we want, safe and fun for a price I can afford! The kids learn plenty too.

 

[Wishfilly]

i think its because the competent riders/parents dont need to advertise for what they want. They know exactly what to buy / usually word of mouth etc. Its the parents that l;ack experience that are looking for the rare unicorn that doesnt think for itself

I think this is part of it? A lot of the real saintly first riddens get passed around by word of mouth at pony club etc- if you're having to advertise then you're probably (for whatever reason) not in that circle already.

I also do wonder if children in general are less physically confident than they used to be- not just in terms of riding, but it's rarer and rarer to see children "playing out" etc without parental supervision, kids often have a parent hovering over them saying "don't do that" etc. Schools are increasingly risk averse in terms of what they allow in the playground. And all of that potentially translates into a child who may not be the most confident rider.

 

[LilMyPony]

I thinks the RS has a lot to do with it…
I am 13 and my parents are as non-horsey as they come. They aren’t the problem though! They are not very ‘hover-overly’ at all, now I hack on my own, mess around bareback, and just generally have fun with little worry/supervision. (There is definitely a limit though) Most ppl I know with un horsy parents are more nervous as the parents are more overprotective etc. the ones with horsey parents are super confident and comfortable on ponies.
Also..
I started at 9 or 10 in a riding school (went to 4 in total) and stayed until I was twelve. Then I got my own pony.
At the RS they made a huge meal out of of new stuff, falling, ponies misbehaving etc. When you’re with normal horsey people, eg doing something new/big it’s just like, bit of advice then ‘grab the neckstrap, you’ll be grand’ or if you fall off someone grabs pony and you hop up and keep going. I’m very confident now compared to when I was in the RS!!

Also I tried two ponies advertised as that…. Ehhhh no way!!!!

 

[Barklands]

With two small ones I can confidently say, just like horses all children are different. Some are desperate to come off the lead and have bags of confidence (that was me many many years ago!) and others are just more nervous naturally! Our two personality wise are quite timid and shy and this translates into riding. This has been exacerbated by the odd spook and general antics of section A's (they don't call them a welsh dragon for nothing!), even on the lead rein. They are improving all the time but I don't think it is to do with nervous parents - if anything I am quite the opposite and encourage them to muck around and have fun but also go at the pace that their nerves allow.

Is it a bad thing that children are a bit wary of what at the end of the day is an animal and not a machine? If anything, I think as the confidence of my two eventually grows, they will have respect for their pony and the fact that if it wants to if can do anything at any point! This philosophy has certainly served me well with some sharp horses!

I'm also not phased that my two aren't galloping around, popping fences on their own when some children their age are. Each at their own pace IMO!

 

[marmalade76]

I also do not think kids ride now unsupervised. I do not think I was supervised on a pony from 6 years old. I would hack, disappear for hours etc which is all time in the tack and making mistakes. Go off and meet my friends etc etc Its very protective and almost official. The best kid riders I know have very experienced parents who let the kids be kids on their ponies. Riding round the fields bareback, playing games etc

Agree with this. I think to make riders of them you need to teach them the basics then let them get on with it to learn the things that cannot really be taught.

My two never really progressed off lead rein mainly due to lack of interest but I don't ever remember them being nervous. They still handle horses almost daily (they give me a hand and bring them in most nights whilst I'm doing feeds) and they do that confidently.

 

[shortstuff99]

I think just some children are different! I was very wimpy as a kid and did want safe horses when I came off lead rein and would easily lose my confidence.

Now I will back horses and ride lunatics but as a small child no way

 

[Julia0803]

With two small ones I can confidently say, just like horses all children are different. Some are desperate to come off the lead and have bags of confidence (that was me many many years ago!) and others are just more nervous naturally! Our two personality wise are quite timid and shy and this translates into riding. This has been exacerbated by the odd spook and general antics of section A's (they don't call them a welsh dragon for nothing!), even on the lead rein. They are improving all the time but I don't think it is to do with nervous parents - if anything I am quite the opposite and encourage them to muck around and have fun but also go at the pace that their nerves allow.

Is it a bad thing that children are a bit wary of what at the end of the day is an animal and not a machine? If anything, I think as the confidence of my two eventually grows, they will have respect for their pony and the fact that if it wants to if can do anything at any point! This philosophy has certainly served me well with some sharp horses!

I'm also not phased that my two aren't galloping around, popping fences on their own when some children their age are. Each at their own pace IMO!

My husband and I used to refer to our eldest son as ‘Captain Cautious’ when he was small. He was the kid who went to Disneyland and gave rides the suspicious side eye.. ‘the rides don’t look very safe…’

He was never super brave but lost his confidence on a loan pony we had who wasn’t a good match. My fault, not his, not the pony’s.

When we went looking for his first owned pony, we were very much in the ‘more woah than go’ camp and could deal with a very nervous rider.

We were lucky. So lucky. The pony we bought (and still have almost 11 years later!) was a complete angel and looked after 10 year old son, if he stopped getting clear instructions he very slowly went down the gears and ground to a gentle stop. It gave son the confidence to realise he wasn’t going to be run away with/dumped and his confidence grew and grew. I have brilliant photo of the pair of them about a year or so after we got him- bareback and bridleless with just a holy crap strap around his neck, jumping with my son with his arms out like an aeroplane- he was so nervous of trot poles he’d be in tears when we first got Coblet.

But like others said above, re advertising, if we had ever sold him, he wouldn’t have been advertised, he had a queue of PC parents who were very keen to have bought him.

On the other hand, his youngest brother, who is now 7, rides very occasionally and has no fear… nor any skill either! He thinks he’s perfectly capable of cantering and I’m being a PITA to restrict him to trot (he rides once a flood and really would end up in a heap on the floor in the downward transition). He’s only ever really ridden our cob (on the lunge/leadrein) and only had good experiences so that, combined with his naturally self confident personality, makes him a different kettle of fish.

 

[Wishfilly]

I will say as well with some children (and I think this has always been the case, or at least since I've been a child) it just takes one bad incident to create fear- e.g. a pony running off with them, or dumping them etc. And in that scenario, I can imagine wanting/needing a very safe sane pony to rebuild confidence with.

Perhaps you see more of these wanted ads because the ponies often go by word of mouth. Most ponies I see for sale on the open market have some kind of quirk or are too green for a nervous novice child. I do think true first riddens are pretty hard to find (and indeed pretty hard to produce!) so I can understand why you see more wanted ads for them than e.g. a second pony that can have a bit of something about it!

TBF I'm on one of the "pony club ponies for sale" type groups on facebook and currently there are all sorts of want ads on there ranging from horseball to something for a competent teen to yes, a few looking for a safe/sane type for a nervous child. Sometimes if you click on one post, facebook shows you lots of similar ones, so maybe a bit of confirmation bias going on?

 

[Bonnie Allie]

I think pony ownership and what parents want for their children now has changed. Many want their children to be winning on day 1, on the perfect pony - and they have the budget to do that.

Agree with others, the best ones don’t get advertised. Our cracker of a pony was an a*** when we got her for kids. She certainly taught them resilience! Through time, experience and training she became a gun pony. We loaned her for her riding career when she was outgrown and then bought her home to retire with us. Her waiting list was long and some tricky conversations had to be had with those whose children we didn’t think might cope with some of her quirks.

Many children are anxious, many parents are also anxious and know they don’t have the skills to deal with problems. They need to search out the perfect pony.

We certainly won’t be winning any parent of the year awards. Our kids were told, “there is your pony, it’s the only one you are getting, we will help you but you have got to want to love riding for it to be successful. If you don’t want to ride, that’s ok as well - there are other sports we can do as a family.”

My kids are resilient adults now, they will have go at most things and learn from mistakes and failures.

I have had the thought that maybe my retirement hobby is bringing on perfect ponies for sale to anxious parents. However I need to do another degree in Comms to improve my dealings with parents.

 

[maya2008]

I have had the thought that maybe my retirement hobby is bringing on perfect ponies for sale to anxious parents. However I need to do another degree in Comms to improve my dealings with parents.

The very worst part of selling our two was dealing with people! Found two fantastic homes in the end but it’s wading through the rest to get there!

 

[marmalade76]

I will say as well with some children (and I think this has always been the case, or at least since I've been a child) it just takes one bad incident to create fear- e.g. a pony running off with them, or dumping them etc. And in that scenario, I can imagine wanting/needing a very safe sane pony to rebuild confidence with.

Perhaps you see more of these wanted ads because the ponies often go by word of mouth. Most ponies I see for sale on the open market have some kind of quirk or are too green for a nervous novice child. I do think true first riddens are pretty hard to find (and indeed pretty hard to produce!) so I can understand why you see more wanted ads for them than e.g. a second pony that can have a bit of something about it!

TBF I'm on one of the "pony club ponies for sale" type groups on facebook and currently there are all sorts of want ads on there ranging from horseball to something for a competent teen to yes, a few looking for a safe/sane type for a nervous child. Sometimes if you click on one post, facebook shows you lots of similar ones, so maybe a bit of confirmation bias going on?

I fell off loads as a child, bailed out when I was run off with more that once, bucked off, chucked into fences, ended up dizzy, got knocked out, none of this stopped me wanting to ride more than anything else in the world. What I can't understand is why the parents of nervous children keep making them ride? If they're not enjoying it why not give up and let them do something else? They've got to want to do it, really want to do it which is why my children haven't had ponies for a few years now.

 

[Ceifer]

I think that a lot of ponies aren’t in enough work. Some, not all need keeping on top of work wise.

I remember selling a pony for a friend a few years ago. My friends children rode regularly and their mum would also keep him ticking over it’s the kids couldn’t. The pony was ace and well known at PC. Sold him to what I thought was a knowledgeable home explaining the pony enjoyed having a job and needed regular work.
2 months later I got a call from a desperate mother saying the pony was sharp and un maneageble. I went for a visit. It was winter and pony was stabled 20 hours a day, fully clipped, kids weren’t riding much as it was ‘too cold’. They were only feeding him a handful of chaff but I then noticed the jumbo box of stud muffin treats that were being given regularly.
I explained to the mother he needed work, if the kids didn’t want to ride pay someone else to, or he’d lead off another horse and turn him out more. She was utterly insulted .
They sold him on in the end to a fab home and I taught the new owner at PC with him.

 

[shortstuff99]

I fell off loads as a child, bailed out when I was run off with more that once, bucked off, chucked into fences, ended up dizzy, got knocked out, none of this stopped me wanting to ride more than anything else in the world. What I can't understand is why the parents of nervous children keep making them ride? If they're not enjoying it why not give up and let them do something else? They've got to want to do it, really want to do it which is why my children haven't had ponies for a few years now.

I was nervous and my parents never pushed me, but I still wanted to ride even though I was nervous! After the age of about 13 when I had the better balance and ability and could do something if it went a bit wrong then I started gaining loads of confidence and then at 15 I got a brilliant horse and my confidence soared and now at 35 I'm probably the most confident I've ever been riding. So I don't think it is quite so black and white.

 

[Caol Ila]

I was nervous and my parents never pushed me, but I still wanted to ride even though I was nervous! After the age of about 13 when I had the better balance and ability and could do something if it went a bit wrong then I started gaining loads of confidence and then at 15 I got a brilliant horse and my confidence soared and now at 35 I'm probably the most confident I've ever been riding. So I don't think it is quite so black and white.

I was also nervous as a wee kid. I was terrified of cantering for a while. I was never that kid who would get on a pony and gallop off bareback into the sunset. I'm envious of all of you who were (and I hated those f*(kin kids when I wasn't one). But I still wanted to ride, despite being so nervous about lessons I'd feel sick (God...what if they make me canter!?).

Kids develop differently. A nervous kid can *want* to ride.

I also developed more confidence as a teenager.

 

[scats]

I think just some children are different! I was very wimpy as a kid and did want safe horses when I came off lead rein and would easily lose my confidence.

Now I will back horses and ride lunatics but as a small child no way

I was the opposite. I rode anything when I was a kid and teenager. I was the yard go-to when people were too frightened of their sharp horses and I genuinely had not one jot of fear about coming off.
Even handling them. I remember as a (tiny) young teenager bringing a 17.2hh well known idiot in from the field. It spent the whole time bronching on the end of the rope as we crossed the car park and I just laughed while my friends looked in on absolute terror.
Ah the confidence of youth.

I’m a wuss now

 

[SEL]

I went through a stage of being the nervous kid when we were posted to Germany and my transition from hairy Welsh types to mini warmbloods was a bit too abrupt. I didn't have the skills to handle hot, highly schooled ponies.

But I still wanted to ride desperately. So much so my poor mother had to deal with me wandering off the base to go and ride some horses up the road as well as my planned weekly session. Some nervous kids really do still want to ride.

Taught me a lot - I was the throw on anything child when we returned to the UK.

The microcob should be out being a PC pony if it wasn't for her needing to be bitless. She's a saint on the lead rein but she's a whizzy little thing and she did rock the confidence of the kids who had her before she came to me. Not a nasty bone in her body but she is very forward (& I'm happy to relive my childhood )

 

[Bobthecob15]

As a parent of a kid that was super confident...and has now changed to being much more cautious (in life, not just horses!) I can confirm that it is not easy to find the ideal pony! If you are not heavily involved in the PC set or have friends who are the 'golden' ponies get snapped up before advert so it makes it really tricky. Its really hard, we've been led a merry dance by lots of dubious sellers who say anything to get you to try their 'ideal' pony. Nothing is perfect of course but so many lie about their ponies its really bad!

I will say that how the teach nowadays is VERY different to when I was a kid. BHS is so much stricter now, insurance rules everything, kids cannot do half the fun stuff we used to do as kids and as a result they are more cautious. You will find more confident kids of course, mine was! But so many now don't let them off the lead rein at riding schools until much much later, we had to try 2 or 3 places to finally find somewhere that would. One place won't let them off the lead until age 8 or over....

Shame really because those that are forced to go down the riding school route are going to be a generation of more cautious riders I think because of the way they have been taught. That's my view anyway!

 

[southerncomfort]

I think part of the problem, is you don't see a lot of properly produced first ponies any more.

Week in, week out you see posts on here from parents who did all the right things, but have ended up with a 'first pony' that bucks or tanks off when ridden by a wobbly novice.

Sadly, it doesn't take too many experiences like that for a small child to lose confidence.

 

[Bobthecob15]

I think part of the problem, is you don't see a lot of properly produced first ponies any more.

Week in, week out you see posts on here from parents who did all the right things, but have ended up with a 'first pony' that bucks or tanks off when ridden by a wobbly novice.

Sadly, it doesn't take too many experiences like that for a small child to lose confidence.

this is so true, see so many adverts for just backed 4 year old 'ideal first pony'

 

[Glitter's fun]

Why does every advert I see looking for a first ridden/first pony say the rider is nervous?​

Because the adverts you see are written by the parents & what they mean is that they are nervous.
The parents who need to write wanted ads are out of the loop/non-horsey . (The experienced parents have already loaned a pony that their friend's child outgrew etc.)

Their child is learning something they know can be potentially dangerous. People who fall off horses break their necks*. There are only two sorts of pony- naughty and bombproof. They need to be sure to get the latter. The more they emphasise how delicate the child is, the less likely it is that they will be Miss-sold a Dangerous Pony by a Dodgy Dealer.


*The ones who land on their feet & pop back on don't end up in the news