Why does every advert I see looking for a first ridden/first pony say the rider is nervous?

[SEL]

Because the adverts you see are written by the parents & what they mean is that they are nervous.
The parents who need to write wanted ads are out of the loop/non-horsey . (The experienced parents have already loaned a pony that their friend's child outgrew etc.)

Their child is learning something they know can be potentially dangerous. People who fall off horses break their necks*. There are only two sorts of pony- naughty and bombproof. They need to be sure to get the latter. The more they emphasise how delicate the child is, the less likely it is that they will be Miss-sold a Dangerous Pony by a Dodgy Dealer.


*The ones who land on their feet & pop back on don't end up in the news

Good point. Friends of mine leased most of the PC ponies for their kids and when they were outgrown other mums (& it is usually mums) were snapping at their heels to take over the lease. The ones they had in their teens were proven competition ponies which was fabulous for winning rosettes but I do think they missed that stage with the green ponies. Best to do that part of your riding education whilst you're still young enough to bounce.

Friend was a bit horrified when I said I was a crash test dummy for a dealer at the same age as her daughter. I did fall off a lot....

 

[Glitter's fun]

Good point. Friends of mine leased most of the PC ponies for their kids and when they were outgrown other mums (& it is usually mums) were snapping at their heels to take over the lease. The ones they had in their teens were proven competition ponies which was fabulous for winning rosettes but I do think they missed that stage with the green ponies. Best to do that part of your riding education whilst you're still young enough to bounce.

Friend was a bit horrified when I said I was a crash test dummy for a dealer at the same age as her daughter. I did fall off a lot....

Interestingly I saw someone recently saying "it takes 7 falls to make a horsewoman of you". When I was learning (1960s) I was told it takes 21 !

 

[eahotson]

Combination of factors I think.Some children are just very poorly taught, some ponies, in fact a lot of ponies are barely properly backed when they are sold as suitable for a child, over ambitious parents.The pros when they buy a first pony choose one that is as close to a rocking horse, but with a pulse that they can find.Each new pony is at the most, one step up from the last.
I read an article in horse and hound a few years ago.It was written by a showing judge.She had been judging a childrens show class and saw one child, obviously over horsed and looking terrified.She heard the mother hiss at her from the ring side "Get a smile on your face or I will smack it on later".

 

[eahotson]

I think part of the problem, is you don't see a lot of properly produced first ponies any more.

Week in, week out you see posts on here from parents who did all the right things, but have ended up with a 'first pony' that bucks or tanks off when ridden by a wobbly novice.

Sadly, it doesn't take too many experiences like that for a small child to lose confidence.

Agree 100%. Heard of a very green young pony sold to a novice child with novice parents.Saddle fitter not the best and saddle poorly fitted.Child landed on saddle a bit heavily and pony took off.Child no longer wants to ride and pony has, no doubt, got an undeserved bad reputation.

 

[DeliaRides]

From my recent experience of selling daughter's pony as a definite 'second pony' (whizzy Welsh mare who jumps for the moon), a lot of parents over-estimate their child's ability. I also think there is a hunger to see children 'progress' in ways that are visible to parents who might not be horsey themselves. I encountered, at a number of sales viewings that turned out to be quite unsuitable, parents who thought because their child could canter on a riding school pony or at least a proper schoolmaster (with flapping legs and elbows etc.) that their child was ready for a very forward off the leg jumping pony, to go off and do exciting things with. In reality, those children need to stay at the 'level' they are at for quite a lot longer, building confidence and a more secure seat. Some of them I led them around and had to say it wasn't going to be a suitable fit, and didn't let them do anything independently on the pony. There is a bit of a mindset with some people that it should be like swimming lessons, that you do something once and it gets ticked off and you are now ready for the next level, but ponies and riding are simply not like that. I remember years and years of trotting around and around in a riding school, building confidence, skills, secure seat, and the ability to deal with the unexpected. These FR ponies for nervous children are probably for children who are not really ready to come off the LR, especially not outside of their own arena at home. Which leads me to another thing....everybody expects to do more with ponies these days, everybody has transport and wants to go out to shows, arena hires etc. and so ponies are expected to tolerate a lot more change and stimulation, and not lose their grip on things. I think that also makes it harder for nervous kids....trotting around your field at home is always relatively safe and secure compared with the wider world that is open to everybody now.

 

[maya2008]

I was told it was 100 falls - and that’s what I have told my kids!

I have seen some videos of kids riding in posts of ponies being sold as unsuitable and…wow…that’s a living creature they’re bouncing around on top of. I have taught a fair few kids to ride and we never had that level of bounce - who is teaching these kids?

 

[marmalade76]

I was the opposite. I rode anything when I was a kid and teenager. I was the yard go-to when people were too frightened of their sharp horses and I genuinely had not one jot of fear about coming off.
Even handling them. I remember as a (tiny) young teenager bringing a 17.2hh well known idiot in from the field. It spent the whole time bronching on the end of the rope as we crossed the car park and I just laughed while my friends looked in on absolute terror.
Ah the confidence of youth.

I’m a wuss now

Same. I deal with it by not doing the things that worry me and I would do the same with a child.

 

[honetpot]

I think apart from parents being inexperienced, worried about getting the wrong one, its a lack of time to truely make a child confident, so hopping on a pony is like riding a bike. I was lucky that I bought a first pony which was not perfect but predictable, and they rode at least five times a week, even if it was loop of the village and trip to the viillage shop. Now every time a child rides it seem they have to acheive something, often which they are not yet capable of, and their confidence gets knocked, instead of having a bit of fun on four legs.
If you look at child development, a child is often not mentally or physically capable of what they are being asked to do, which realy pees me off, they haven't failed, they are not unreasonably anxious, its up to the adult to manange the pony and what they asked to do, until the child has developed the right skills.
The perfect FR is a very rare pony, and will often be sold by word of mouth, the ones I used to see at PC, which would often be passed on every two years, perhaps did not look the part, but they adapted to every new rider.

Our FR was a 14.2 cob X, who my daughter rode from the age off eight off lead rein, did PC and went to shows on, but the older daughter could take hunting. He was bought from a friend, who I thought was mad to sell him, and I snatched her hand off, its the most money I have ever paid, but worth every penny. If we wanted to get placed in family pony at a show, to be objective he was as stiff as a plank and an if only pony, we would borrow the smallest child and stick them on him. A lot of novice children had a lot of fun with him as when he was truly outgrown we used to loan him out.

 

[eahotson]

I think apart from parents being inexperienced, worried about getting the wrong one, its a lack of time to truely make a child confident, so hopping on a pony is like riding a bike. I was lucky that I bought a first pony which was not perfect but predictable, and they rode at least five times a week, even if it was loop of the village and trip to the viillage shop. Now every time a child rides it seem they have to acheive something, often which they are not yet capable of, and their confidence gets knocked, instead of having a bit of fun on four legs.
If you look at child development, a child is often not mentally or physically capable of what they are being asked to do, which realy pees me off, they haven't failed, they are not unreasonably anxious, its up to the adult to manange the pony and what they asked to do, until the child has developed the right skills.
The perfect FR is a very rare pony, and will often be sold by word of mouth, the ones I used to see at PC, which would often be passed on every two years, perhaps did not look the part, but they adapted to every new rider.

Our FR was a 14.2 cob X, who my daughter rode from the age off eight off lead rein, did PC and went to shows on, but the older daughter could take hunting. He was bought from a friend, who I thought was mad to sell him, and I snatched her hand off, its the most money I have ever paid, but worth every penny. If we wanted to get placed in family pony at a show, to be objective he was as stiff as a plank and an if only pony, we would borrow the smallest child and stick them on him. A lot of novice children had a lot of fun with him as when he was truly outgrown we used to loan him out.

To be truthful a lot of us older riders could do with something like that.What goes around comes around.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Now every time a child rides it seem they have to achieve something, often which they are not yet capable of, and their confidence gets knocked, instead of having a bit of fun on four legs.

Hear, hear.

It’s too much training, lessons and competitions these days, instead of just hanging out with and having fun with their pony. And kids taken off the lead before they are ready rather than them demanding that the lead rein be taken off.

 

[honetpot]

To be truthful a lot of us older riders could do with something like that.What goes around comes around.

A lot of older riders would have tried to 'improve' him, the more competant the rider the more of an opinion he had. He was an if only pony because he could do Prelim 7, like he knew the test, his way, with any novice, and be completely obedient but try and get him to get a better score, and he would not be perhaps so obedient. His two perhaps most unhappy weeks was when my oldest came back from Talland and tried to get him to do more. When we loaned him out I made sure it was for a family that were well aware of his limitations, he would jump 3ft, but not a 3ft course, and was a b**tard to load on his own. He loved boys because they just want to have fun and not fiddle.

 

[eahotson]

A lot of older riders would have tried to 'improve' him, the more competant the rider the more of an opinion he had. He was an if only pony because he could do Prelim 7, like he knew the test, his way, with any novice, and be completely obedient but try and get him to get a better score, and he would not be perhaps so obedient. His two perhaps most unhappy weeks was when my oldest came back from Talland and tried to get him to do more. When we loaned him out I made sure it was for a family that were well aware of his limitations, he would jump 3ft, but not a 3ft course, and was a b**tard to load on his own. He loved boys because they just want to have fun and not fiddle.

Sounds a cracker.

 

[Julia0803]

To be truthful a lot of us older riders could do with something like that.What goes around comes around.

That’s why I’m delighted I’m only 5’4. I inherited my son’s fire pony/wondercob after he (very reluctantly) outgrew him.

Best hand me down ever!!

 

[2ndtimearound]

I wonder if it’s also partly due to a lot of the children only having lessons in an arena of some sort, not getting out on hacks?

At the trekking centre where I ride there have been so many times when we’ve had older children join us on the experienced trek and come completely unstuck because their parents / they themselves have assumed that, because they can canter in an arena, they’ll be fine on the experienced ride, and it’s a different kettle of fish when you’re riding in open country. For those who actually have lessons at the centre, they’re encouraged to go out on treks when they’re ready (starting with the beginner-friendly ones, of course) and it does wonders for their confidence.

 

[Winters100]

It is a good point that OP makes, I do not remember ever being nervous as a child, even when my Father purchased the naughtiest pony I have ever come into contact with, who took great delight in ditching me on a daily basis. I do think that part of it comes down to how we treat children in general. Last year I was in the UK and went to watch a friend's child at a riding school. One of the children fell, and the fuss that was made was incredible. Parents running into the arena and fussing over them, instructor stopping the lesson while the child, who was unhurt, sobbed. When we were children we were simply told 'if you have not broken anything get back up', and the instructor would turn her attention to someone else while you remounted and joined the end of the ride. Crying, unless you were seriously injured, was simply not tolerated.

It is the same in all walks of life. When our son broke his arm falling out of a tree we did not make a huge fuss and forbid him from climbing trees, but as soon as it was healed his father took him to the forest and showed him the proper way to do it (starting with tree climbing 101, do not select an old dead tree with rotten branches).

Children in general take the lead from us, and if our reaction is 'You fell, how dangerous, are you sure that you are ok?' it will make them nervous. If you reaction is 'nothing broken? Good. Jump back on then' then they will see that falling is nothing to be terrified of.

 

[eahotson]

There was one western teacher who had a class for children and awarded prizes for the best "fall".

 

[cauda equina]

Society in general is so litigious now, it's not surprising if instructors are far more risk averse than was the norm when some of us were kids

 

[maisie06]

I fell off loads as a child, bailed out when I was run off with more that once, bucked off, chucked into fences, ended up dizzy, got knocked out, none of this stopped me wanting to ride more than anything else in the world. What I can't understand is why the parents of nervous children keep making them ride? If they're not enjoying it why not give up and let them do something else? They've got to want to do it, really want to do it which is why my children haven't had ponies for a few years now.

Because having a child who rides is giving them points on their socials...I honestly think with nervous kids it's the parental pressure that makes them worse.

 

[conniegirl]

Well im the mum of a nervous but pony mad 2.5 yearold.
Im on the look out for a saint on legs because my pony is just too much for her outside of an arena (he’s a competition pony who likes to go fast when his feet hit grass).
I know how fragile her confidence is and i know that right now a fall would stop her riding all together.
Confidence will come in time, with the right pony, i’m sure.

On the other hand my yard owners daughter is far more bold and brave generally. She is only a month older than my daughter but is already riding off lead. She has no fear at all and never has, the first pony she sat on bucked her off as soon as her bum touched the saddle, she was very very upset that her mum wouldn’t let her get back on.
She is also twice the size of my daughter.

 

[Tarragon]

When you see the smallest of children whizzing down crazy slopes on their skis in the Alps, deliberately aiming for the bumps and dips, their youthful enthusiasm is obvious, and it makes you wonder if the attitude towards getting young children skiing should be applied to riding. You see the ski instructor with a trail of children behind him, the more competent ones keeping up, and the stragglers at the back, falling over and having to get themselves back up and keep up.
As others have said, we seem to have lost the fun of riding! The day rides with picnics and village gymkhanas.

 

[maya2008]

When you see the smallest of children whizzing down crazy slopes on their skis in the Alps, deliberately aiming for the bumps and dips, their youthful enthusiasm is obvious, and it makes you wonder if the attitude towards getting young children skiing should be applied to riding. You see the ski instructor with a trail of children behind him, the more competent ones keeping up, and the stragglers at the back, falling over and having to get themselves back up and keep up.
As others have said, we seem to have lost the fun of riding! The day rides with picnics and village gymkhanas.

That was kind of what I did when mine came off LR - stuck them on a safe pony I knew would follow mine and not deviate no matter what…and go! They could confidently stay on in all paces on LR attached to my pony, so I knew they wouldn’t fall off. When daughter transferred to a second pony, same rule applied. If you fall off, we’ll wait for you to get back on, but please don’t, it ruins the canter. Have some reins, ride and don’t hit the ground! Pony spooked this week going past a house with a dog in the garden. Daughter called out, ‘It’s ok, it wasn’t his fault, the dog’s face suddenly appeared in the hedge!’ At least she can sit a spook now !

 

[shanti]

It could partly be that the parents are setting the standard, even non horsey parents have access to loads of information online to help them when buying a first pony and most of that info says first horses should be bombproof saints who can't go faster than a plod.

When I was 10 my very unhorsey mum decided I could get my first pony. I'm old so this was back in the days before the Internet, so she had to put an ad in the newspaper.
She let me write the ad and I remember it clearly - Horse wanted for very experienced child rider, 14hh or over We got lots of calls and viewed a ton of exceptionally unsuitable horses as I was NOT an experienced child rider by any stretch of the imagination.

After a weekend of falls, bucking and being tanked off with my mum decided to go and talk to the instructor at my riding school (where I went trail riding on old plods once a week, such was the extent of my experience) to ask why all the horses in town were wild and crazy, my instructor set her, and me, straight and found me a nice little pony who was lovely and much more suitable

 

[SEL]

When you see the smallest of children whizzing down crazy slopes on their skis in the Alps, deliberately aiming for the bumps and dips, their youthful enthusiasm is obvious, and it makes you wonder if the attitude towards getting young children skiing should be applied to riding. You see the ski instructor with a trail of children behind him, the more competent ones keeping up, and the stragglers at the back, falling over and having to get themselves back up and keep up.
As others have said, we seem to have lost the fun of riding! The day rides with picnics and village gymkhanas.

I've always said you should teach kids to ski, swim and ride before they're 10 - no fear and they bounce back!