Why is the horse world so toxic.

[Smoky 2022]

Just had fight we the yard manager for my horse being slightly overweight even though the vet is happy as she very good blood test results . What really annoys me is there is obese warmbloods on the yard. the yard manager thinks it’s okay because they are warmblood as they are apparently built to be fat and getting a massive amount of haylage when they barely feed my horse. I am very annoyed.

 

[Goldenstar]

The horse world is no different to anywhere else, you are a customer if you don’t like the place move .

 

[Leandy]

I can't say I find it toxic. Rather the reverse, people with a common interest getting together to enjoy what they do. We can't tell from your post what exactly your argument was about or whether the YM is giving you reasonable advice or not. You have said your horse is slightly overweight so I would concentrate on sorting out what is in your control and leaving what is not (other people's warmbloods) to them.

 

[Ratface]

Sorry to read this. It must be extremely upsetting for you, having to deal with this.
Depending on whether you wish to stay at the yard, perhaps draw up a Plus/Minus Points chart? If the Minus points are higher than the plus, perhaps start looking around for somewhere else? Although I always think that the Devil you know is better etc.
I have my horse at a yard where I have to do this on a regular basis. I won't go into the details as I don't want to "out" the owner.
Anyway, every time I start seething about one of X's habits/requirements - especially the main two - I think of the very many plus points that make the place ideal for my horse.
I hope it works out. When people make idiots of themselves, I usually smile, nod and make excuses to be somewhere else . . .

 

[Cortez]

is your horse overweight? If so, then the yard manager talking to you about it is surely part of his/her job? The fatness or otherwise of other horses on the yard really has nothing to do with it.

 

[AmyMay]

I have to be honest and say that ‘no’ I’ve never found it toxic either.

Perhaps as your horse has needed blood tests there’s something about its weight that is concerning? Without context it’s hard to comment really.

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

If the vet is happy then that should be enough.You are paying for your horse to be at this yard not to be insulted so try and find a better yard.There are too many bad yards around now with the wrong people running them.Try and get away ASAP.

 

[Cortez]

If the vet is happy then that should be enough.You are paying for your horse to be at this yard not to be insulted so try and find a better yard.There are too many bad yards around now with the wrong people running them.Try and get away ASAP.

Oh yeah, I'm sure the horse is raging at being "insulted"......

 

[ycbm]

I think it's going a bit far to call the whole horse world toxic because your yard manager won't give your admittedly overweight horse more food. Can you talk to the yard manager about lower calories feed, like straw chaff, if you are unhappy about how long she's in a stable without food?
.

 

[lhamm]

Ive just left a really toxic vile yard, where I and other liveries were bullied. Ive now found a lovely quiet yard, where it is friendly and the yard manager is lovely. x

 

[meleeka]

This is just one of the many reasons I wouldn’t be on a yard. It sounds extreme, but I’d honestly rather not have a horse. Lots of women together will always be bitchy and I’m long enough in the tooth not to need telling how to look after my horse.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

This is just one of the many reasons I wouldn’t be on a yard. It sounds extreme, but I’d honestly rather not have a horse. Lots of women together will always be bitchy and I’m long enough in the tooth not to need telling how to look after my horse.

Agreed, the day I have to give up my yard is the same day I stop horsing.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Yard managers should be telling clients that their horses need to go on a diet.
I don't agree that doing so is toxic.

But the horsey world is incredibly bitchy and people gossip and judge each other on everything. I'm in my 40s now and it's taken me this long to develop a skin thick enough to not be upset by the b0ll0cks that goes on.
Having said that , I'm on a small yard with a good group of liveries- but I've been through it all on different yards.
In no other industry would a customer be called an effing c-word like I have been for example, but this seems OK in the horsey world.
I keep my circle small for a reason.

 

[Rowreach]

The YO has a duty of care to your horse, it's their job to ensure the welfare of any horse on the yard. Other liveries, on the other hand, shouldn't be commenting (or you on theirs), but it doesn't sound as if they are.

 

[Floofball]

Agree with YCBM re a discussion about low calorie feeds. Is your horse miserable and hangry? I’m not a lover of seed haylage for any horse really so I wouldn’t be worried about the warmbloods getting haylage, it’s up to their owners - you say they are obese, are they under veterinary guidance for any weight issues as I’m assuming yours is? If the yard/livery set up can’t allow for little and often, hay soaking etc I would be looking to move to a yard with these options available or a track as it really is the best way to control weight. I feel for you as I know how hard it is to keep a good doer.

ETA - if blood tests are good they must be doing something right?

 

[Sanversera]

Move, just move, don't give them anymore of your hard earned money.

 

[ycbm]

To balance, I've been on livery for 4 months now after 31 years of having nobody looking over my shoulder. In that time no livery (and there are 200!) has caused me any issues at all. I have struggled mentally with not being completely in control of what happens to my horse, but that's inevitable, I think, after 31 years alone and given my own controlling controlling nature. I am absolutely revelling in the facilities, and the maintenance of them by other people, and not doing the basic work of looking after my horse(s) any more.

And I can get up in the morning and decide to sleep somewhere at the other end of the country that night - bliss!
.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Move, just move, don't give them anymore of your hard earned money.

Why? Because YO is doing what they're supposed to and looking after the horse's welfare?

 

[Wishfilly]

FWIW, the yard I was on until very recently was lovely, and very supportive. People would mention (in a helpful way) if they thought there was an issue, as they cared about the welfare of other horses, but there was genuinely no bitchiness or anything like that. New place is very different and I do miss the social aspect of being on a bigger yard, although there are lots of pros to being here!

 

[Smoky 2022]

is your horse overweight? If so, then the yard manager talking to you about it is surely part of his/her job? The fatness or otherwise of other horses on the yard really has nothing to do with it.

she was justifying the other horses weight in the conversation. I didn’t bring it up. It also wasn’t done nice manner she sounded like she just wanted to fight. It’s was a insult not a in the correct manner. Plus I think she was just angry because I wouldn’t let worker ride my horse.

 

[smolmaus]

My yard owner has a complex about overweight horses, not at all wrongly, it's a valid thing to keep an eye on and my pony came to me looking like a stuffed animal but the advice not to give her any hard feed got a bit old a bit quick when she was literally getting a handful of chaff and balancer to carry necessary supplements. I just nodded and smiled and carried on as I was anyway and the weight came off nicely and that was the end of it.

If she had come looking to FIGHT with me about it? That is a different thing entirely. Someone running a business and someone paying to use that business' services do not fight with eachother over disagreements, that is ridiculous. I don't think it's "horsey community is toxic" I think that is someone completely losing the run of themselves and I'd be out ASAP. There is a way to raise valid concerns like an adult rather than coming wading in looking a scrap.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Yep I’ve found the horse world to be toxic at times. Both in Real life and forum land. But to be honest most sports/shared hobbies are like that. Many people like to take their inadequacies out on others and many also like to take their frustrations out by using their fingers to hurt others.

I’ve met people on forums in real life, been pulled into friendships, ran from one end of the country to the other (Scotland) to help and then been treated like sh!t and dissed and even had people sending messages to others to encourage them not speak to me and to break off contact. Really showed me who the friends were and who the sheep were.

Also just left a yard (not for this reason as the YO was a lovely man who got rid of the troublemakers) where there was a toxic group of people who just want want wanted and formed a clique and tried to take over the yard. A good few people fell In with them just for peace, I’m never one to follow the sheep so I just did my own thing so it became a game to then to try to bait me and my real friends in the yard. Truly horrible people, they hung themselves though in the bed but they were truly toxic.

I also played high level badminton up until 2018 when my PTSD put paid to it and the toxicity levels were astronomical when the county bumpkin came in and beat the townies and was ranked higher (11th in Scotland and the oldest by ten years in the top 20) the better I played the worse the treatment got and eventually my ptsd got the better of me and I didn’t feel safe In that environment. Pretty hard to play high level sport when you brain is on high alert and focusing everywhere but the shuttle ?

So yes there are toxic people everywhere.

 

[scats]

To be honest, some of the nicest people I’ve ever met have been through horses. Sure there’s idiots everywhere, but on the whole I think the majority are decent people.

 

[Jenko109]

Hard to have an opinion here without seeing the horse and the set up.

I would much prefer a yard owner who speaks up, than one who buries their head in the sand and looks past welfare concerns.

 

[Peglo]

I expected to come across some nasty people when I started taking Tali out and about but all I’ve met is lovely, helpful encouraging folk. If they are bitching they are doing it behind my back and what I don’t know can’t hurt me. (But I don’t think they are.)

 

[DabDab]

To be honest, some of the nicest people I’ve ever met have been through horses. Sure there’s idiots everywhere, but on the whole I think the majority are decent people.

Likewise. One of the things I love about being involved with horses is the enormous variety and cross section of people that you can happen upon.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

To balance, I've been on livery for 4 months now after 31 years of having nobody looking over my shoulder. In that time no livery (and there are 200!) has caused me any issues at all. I have struggled mentally with not being completely in control of what happens to my horse, but that's inevitable, I think, after 31 years alone and given my own controlling controlling nature. I am absolutely revelling in the facilities, and the maintenance of them by other people, and not doing the basic work of looking after my horse(s) any more.

And I can get up in the morning and decide to sleep somewhere at the other end of the country that night - bliss!
.

So nice to hear you’re enjoying the break. It is weird not to have 100% control but, like you, I loved the freedom. Mine are at home on holiday at the moment but I am very much looking forward to shipping two of them off for winter ?

OP, if anyone supported me in getting the weight off my little porky one, I would be thrilled. I’d rather have them on the thin side than the fat side. I can’t see why you’d have a problem with the YO, what they are doing is in your interests.

 

[luckyoldme]

My last experience with horses was the best.
It was a smallholding with four liveries and five horses.
No one argued and everyone just got on with it. The owner was on a nice little earner , cash in hand and if anyone wanted to go away the horses were cared for just as their owners did.
I used to say to the owner it was nothing short of a miracle to have four women and five horses and no fur flying.
Then he got greedy and let the horrible people in who had already been kicked to touch out of everywhere they had been.
The whole place was ruined by one disgusting nasty couple after 6 years of no problems.
Greed.

 

[lynz88]

100% agree with Sossigpoker though I am only in my 30s. I can also attest that it isn't any different in other countries as well. There is just 'something' about horse people....and you do need to grow some thick skin.

That said, with the number of obese horses in general these days, I wouldn't find it b*!tchy for a YO to advise that they think my horse is overweight. Especially if YO has said anything further to others on the yard about their obese horses. If everything is fine and vet is happy, all you have to say is 'thank you. Vet says horse is perfect weight' and brush it off.

 

[Cortez]

My last experience with horses was the best.
It was a smallholding with four liveries and five horses.
No one argued and everyone just got on with it. The owner was on a nice little earner , cash in hand and if anyone wanted to go away the horses were cared for just as their owners did.
I used to say to the owner it was nothing short of a miracle to have four women and five horses and no fur flying.
Then he got greedy and let the horrible people in who had already been kicked to touch out of everywhere they had been.
The whole place was ruined by one disgusting nasty couple after 6 years of no problems.
Greed.

Have you ever run a livery yard? It's not exactly a "nice little earner", and I'm not sure I'd classify expanding a business as greed, but that's just a different perspective I suppose.