Will it ever be worth it?

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Tonight has really hit home to me what I have to deal with from my mare.

Everytime she has to stop work for whatever reason we go right back to the beginning. This time she's had a month off due to a massive abscess, which has left a huge cavityand taken away some fo the hoof wall, meaning that her shoe still isn't back on. I've started working her on the surface on long lines as I knew I couldn't leave her unworked any longer.... tonight is the third night that I've worked her and we still haven't gotten past the attitude.
Every request is met with 'Ef you!' and getting any sense out of her is like trying to get blood out of a stone. She takes ANYTHING as an excuse to try and piss off, with real head-between-the-knees broncs thrown in. A magpie screeching was one of the things tonight that triggered one of her episodes
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Once she's in full work; hard and twice a day; she comes on in leaps and bounds and it seems worth the effort, but as soon as something enforces a break I effectively have to re-back her and start all over again, taking my life in my hands.

If I'd brought her back in last week and she'd been like this then she'd have been a late entry for Malvern with no hesitation. I'd possibly sell her now if I wasn't so embarressed by her behaviour.

I think having Elvis here for a couple of weeks schooling has just made me realise how much heartache she really is. Elvis came with a stinking attitude but once he knew where the lines were drawn he turned into the most pleasurable horse that I have ever worked with.
In contrast she is the LEAST pleasurable horse I have ever worked with. With her having boundaries/rules just seems to piss her off, and make her more determined to try and cross them.

Not sure whether I've made any sense and I'm sorry for rambling... i just needed to vent.
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I used to feel a bit like this with my old horse - took me 6 years of relative misery before I decided to sell him (waited til a time of year when I knew he'd be at his most chilled, which to be honest were getting less and less frequent the longer I kept him) and bought myself a new horse, who actually makes everything seem worthwhile. Old horse had a bit of an attitude problem coupled with a very complex ex-racehorse personality and multiple OCD tendencies, and at 17.2 it sometimes got a little wearing trying to curb his tantrums.
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Me and Boozle have done about 2 1/2 years together... and clocked u nearly no mileage in that time as we just can't progress far enough for long enough to get about and about.
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She's very split personality as well... one minute you're on a soft, relaxed, pliable animal and the next you're sat on the floor wondering what the hell happened, having been ejected by a rodeo monster.

My gelding is going absolutley fantastically and really loves his work, but it just seems to make everything with Boo seem so much worse as she's so different to him.

Glad you're happy with your new beasty
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Take heart.

I have had my tb mare for just over two years. Last summer was a nightmare, with two sets of long box rest. Bringing her back into work in the late autumn / winter was particularly trying. There was more than one occassion when I thought that maybe I wasn't suited to a tb mare.

However, I have just spent all summer hacking out with the odd bit of schooling, lots of grass (out 24/7) and have just picked up the lessons. I am not saying that there have been no issues but what an improvement.

BTW I do everything by the BHS manual with her now and pad her up to the eyeballs, but it is worth it to keep her injury free.

She still cannot be forced to do anything and I have to find other ways to let her make the decision that I am right. I am the queen of subtle horse manipulation now. I always get my own way somehow!

So my point, perseverance will bring rewards and quite probably stunning results, but a lot of mares are quirky, sensitive, and surprisingly intelligent. Patience is important, I have a diploma in it.
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Thanks. I am patient with her, and last night was the first time that I've felt so.. I don't know.. despairing?

I kept calm and sent her out to trot on the circle until she was quieter (aka knackered!) and then asked again for some nice walk-halt, halt-walk, walk-trot etc transitions where she listened to me and cooled off at the same time.
Ended on a good note, put her away and then flopped down on a bale and felt utterly useless.

Has she not have had this last month off then I know full well we'd be steaming along at the moment and ready to do the OTECC thing on the 6th Oct as planned. Usually that makes me feel better about her, but last night it made things seem even worse than they were
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She's always sharper in the autumn/winter anyway, so fun times ahead as her attitude is just enhanced with the cold weather
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Glad you and your mare are seeing eye to eye now... maybe me and Boo will one day when she stops giving me the two fingers all the time!
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Quirky, sensitive, intelligent etc I can deal with... it's the constant 'I HATE YOU' that is wearing thin
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I don't know all your history with the mare but from what you are saying it's just no fun any more. tbh I'd get shot of her, even if it meant taking a thumping loss.

Guess it's not what you want to hear but heck you've given it a really good shot and neither of you is happy.

Best wishes with whatever you decide to do.
 
It sounds as though you worked through the tantrum admirably.

Perhaps you just need a break from her that isn't an injury break. Give you and her some cooling off time and you may feel less tired and despondent. I am sure the horse doesn't hate you, but sometimes they get weird ideas in their heads about what their purpose is. She probably thinks that it is her job to wind you up.

Or it could well be that your personalities are just not suited. It would be no shame in giving her up, if that is what you really want. It depends entirely what you want as an individual from your horses. Personally I like a bit of a challenge. Imagine how bored you would get, if everything were perfect!

I don't think I am helping. You have a goal of the 6th October, try setting mini goals to help you get there. Day 1, remain injury free, Day 2, mare puts ears forward once when I am with her, Day 3 still injury free, day 5 got on and had a fun hack etc. I get really excited by tiny baby steps in progress. It keeps me positive which often helps.
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Good luck, anyway.
 
All I will say is that having spent 2 years struggling with a mare who hated me riding her, and was a complete money pit to boot, I eventually got rid (to the best home in the world where she has a lovely life). I replaced her with the most fun horse in the world, who does exactly what I want, and whom I do not begrudge all the time and money spent on him.

I look back now and wonder why the hell I carried on for so long. I have so much fun now, it's brilliant! I never come home from the yard in tears, and I never dread getting on - fantastic!
 
I acquired her as a 2yo as a BYGOF
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Since then she's played a little polocrosse but has mostly been out of work through injury (kicked in the field on off-hind pastern, which kept growing proud, being cut back, growing proud... you get the picture!). Came back in at Xmas and chucked me at the end of Jan. Broke my collar bone which needed plating etc, which further hindered our progress
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. Got her back into work again and started taking her out to as many different venues just to see the sights as poss which seemed to work well. She was stimulated but not pressurised. It's almost as though she's too clever just to do the boring stuff at home, but not schooled enough to go and be competitive yet.
Had her working really well over the summer and had the best session ever with her, both of us came out smiling and she'd actually been trying to please me rather than working against me. The next day she went hopping lame with her abscess and now we're back at square one!
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I do love a challenge... the horses I tend to deal with are ex-racers and especially ex-polo ponies which I re-school. It's just with her the lack of progress is just astounding
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Once she's in full work and has her working mind-set on then we mostly get on like a house on fire... it's just the bringing her back into work stage that doesn't do either of us any good.. and with her being injury prone we have more of these stages than we should
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Tonight she worked much better by the way
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and I've recruited my OH to be my crash test dummy for the first few times under saddle!
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I wouldn't rehome her as she is now on principle... when she is bad she is REALLY bad and I just couldn't bear her being passed from pillar to post because of her behaviour
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I always try to take the rough with the smooth with my horses... but with Boo at times it's easy to forget the fleeting moments of smooth!
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Believe me, I did not home mine (who reared and went over backwards more than once with me) to a home where she will ever be ridden!

All I'm saying is those moments with my horse were also fleeting, and whilst many people said how great I was for persevering with her, how patient etc etc etc, looking back I wish someone had been a bit more blunt and said 'get rid and get something fun'. Not sure I would have listened though!

I can only afford one horse, my time is pretty tight, and I have a much better time with my new horse than I ever did with my old one!

Only you can make the decision, but all I am saying is that for every person who tells you a 'came good' story, there is someone like me...they just won't own up as readily - after all, noone wants to be thought a failure.
 
You have done a lot more in the way of re-schooling than I have so I won't pass any more comment.

I am sure that once she is back in regular work with no injuries she will be better. It does seem to be that they are reasonably smart, for horses, and do get bored easily. I certainly get that impression with mine. My tb x new forest however is tb smart and native canny and a chestnut mare to boot, so I stand little chance!

These things are sent to try us...
 
If it ever gets to the point where, as you say, you wouldn't re-home her for the fear of her being passed on from home-to-home, then if she really is as bad as you say, the way I see it, is that you have 3 options. She's reasonably well bred (if it's the mare we were on about the other night?) 1) put her in an early TB sale next year as a BM prospect, 2) put her in-foal to a TB and sell her at somewhere like Tats July or 3) PTS ..............

That's just the way I see it ........... apologies if you think I'm harsh
 
QR:

I don't think you're harsh SN......
I've not considered PTS outright, but have always said that if something happened to her that would take oodles of rehabiltation then she'd have to go, as she's not the sort of lady you'd want to be dealing with in that situation!
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I know I can't 'fix' them all, but I'm not ready to write her off just yet. Cybele was en-route to Potter's when I picked her up, and I will never have another horse like her.

At the moment the plan is to cram as much work as poss into Boo over the winter (shoulder pads for my BP arrived this morning for added protection!
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) and she how she goes. My inckling is that if I can get her really working and wrap her in cotton wool to prevent anything else happening then we should be starting to get somewhere.
Come the spring I'll reassess the situation and then look to either sell or carry on.
I think the best plan of action is for me to take a step back and really look at her objectively, as though she's a project that I'm doing for someone else, and not to be so emotionally hung up on the fact that she is my personal animal.

Elitemareslol - you're brave....! a sharp TB, a smart native pony, AND a chestnut mare all rolled into one. Glutton for punishment me thinks!
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SpottedCat - don't ever think you're a failure
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I'm sure Teasel will happily back up the fact that I bought a horse that turned out to be nothing like what I thought I was buying. I spent months of anguish trying to get somewhere with her, but we just weren't suited, end of. Teasel has since bought her from me and they are just incredible together. Sometimes it's just a personality thing.
With Boo I'm not so sure it's a straight forward clash, as we only don't get on in this 'in-between' stage, where she thinks she should still be out in the field dossing rather than working. Madam!
 
My mare had a real attitude when I got her and knew how to use her size and strength to get away with whatever she pleased. It has taken me 18 months to get her anywhere near having good enough manners for me to let anyone else handle her (she has injured numerous friends and me on a few occaisions!). She is much more pig-headed when she has had a bit of time off (only had 1-2 weeks at a time) and although she doesn't require hard work to keep her 'nice' the difference after you have worked is quite stark. We go from a horse that will push the boundaries constantly to a placid/submissive and pleasureable horse to have around.

Spring is not as extreme as yours though and TBH she is 100% better now she has strict ground rules and no messing about. WHilst yours seems to fight it, Spring relishes having structure and knowing what is acceptable and what's not. We keep everything black and white, no grey areas where she may just be able to get what she wants!

If you really don't enjoy her then sell her on, they are too expensive and time-consuming to have and not like
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Oh, I do enjoy her once she's in work... it's just getting her there!

She's 100% better to handle on a day to day basis than she was when she arrived. Previously you couldn't handle her legs at all, shoeing wasn't great and she was bolshy to lead etc. Now she's perfect to handle in the stable, to shoe, lead, box, clip etc, it's just on the lunge/long lines and under saddle to a certain extent.

She's used to nap like stink under saddle to the point where she wouldn't leave the yard, and then would take off out hacking if she decided it was time to go home, and this completely disappeared.
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Now her biggest 'thing' is the fact that she'll just turn in an instant from a horse that is working nice and calmly into a rodeo monster
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She never did this before, so I'm hoping that it's just the last of her 'terrible teenage' faze.
Back, teeth, saddle all checked, and is fed the absolute minimum (Equilibra feed balancer and a handful of HiFi lite and Speedibeet, plus calmer!) and getting 14hours turnout daily.
Our rules are black and white, and she know's full well what is right and wrong, but I swear she is naughty on purpose
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I've taken to ignoring the bad behaviour and just making a big deal out of the positive things, as this way she can't get a kick out of being naughty. Does that make sense?

I think I've got too hung up on the last few months... looking back over the 2 or so years... we've come a hell of a long way
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Consider this to be me giving myself a kick up the ass and stop whinging, and look out for my next update post, which WILL be a positive one!
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Sounds good to me
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I posted a similar post earlier this year about Spring as she had just dragged me and pulled me over in the field and had been a complete witch. I felt that she had forgotten everything that I had been working so hard on and was throughly despondent. People on here reminded me how far she had come on, and when I thought about it like that I realised that it was worth it and that it was just a bad patch, something to chalk down to experience.

Good luck with your mare, she is lucky to have someone that will give her a chance and I am sure you will reap the rewards eventually!
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