Would it be horrendous as a horse owner to.....

[Cahill]

the horses are OP`s responsibility and it is up to her to makes a decision .

it is nobodys business apart from hers and as expected polar points of view on this subject.

 

[LaurenBay]

the horses are OP`s responsibility and it is up to her to makes a decision .

it is nobodys business apart from hers and as expected polar points of view on this subject.

Whilst it is no ones business, she did ask the question so will get mixed reviews. But what she decides is up to her.

 

[Ambers Echo]

the horses are OP`s responsibility and it is up to her to makes a decision .

it is nobodys business apart from hers and as expected polar points of view on this subject.

Well yes of course. But she posted asking a question and presumably therefore wants some replies??? My feeling from the OP is she is genuinely torn and doesn't know what to do. I hope the thread has felt helpful and has offered some possible ways forward. As well as reassuring her that many people agree PTS is a reasonable, responsible option so no she is not a horrendous horse owner for considering it.

 

[AandK]

In your shoes OP, I would get them all living out for the summer, they will still need same hay as stabled if you are lacking grass, but the burden on you chores wise will be a lot less.
I would then look to re-home the Shetland, as it is just a pet, and give the 28yo the summer and let them go before winter sets in. You could also look at getting a sharer for the happy hacker, leaving you just two to look after and one to ride, with the option of someone to share chores on their share days.
I would also go to my GP and get a check, whilst that sounds like a tough schedule, you may have something else making you so tired recently and if you want baby no2 soon then best to get checked sooner rather than later, because the schedule will only get tougher! Good luck.

 

[meleeka]

I don’t know how anyone keeps multiple horses part stabled, or why they’d want to. A round bale in a well sheltered field is much easier and cheaper for horses not in work.

 

[asmp]

Not read all the replies but I personally think you would be kinder to have your oldie PTS than, as I so often see on local sites, people trying to give away/sell their oldies even when they've had them for years (not that you've said you'd do that - just me having a rant at those who would).

 

[LadySam]

Deary me. I'm not surprised you're exhausted. It's exhausting reading your description of your life!

As others have said, I can't see that having your old field ornament PTS would really solve your problems. Especially if you're going to have another baby next year. There are worse things than a horse being PTS in its advanced years and I honestly wouldn't judge if you chose that (it doesn't make you evil), but personally I couldn't do it if the horse still had quality of life and was happy and in good health. And the other horses liked having her as a companion.

Even if you got down to only having your main ride now, would you really have time for one horse in full work with two babies? Especially when you eventually return to work after the second one?

I really, really sympathise because my horses too have always had a forever home with me once they find me. I've never sold or moved on one of my own, ever. But I've also never had to figure out how to divide my time between horses and babies. It must be a tough choice, but it strikes me that if you are committed to having human babies then tough choices and - ugh - sacrifices - have to be made. We're sold a lot of bull as women about having it all, but in practicality it's not possible. (Unless you have staff!) I do know that much.

I think there are two possible scenarios here - getting rid of the shetland, getting a loaner for the happy hacker, putting the old girl out 24/7 and working the competition horse. Or, if the possibility of having a second baby is a strong one, I'd be looking at selling the good horse while its worth something, keeping the others as pets for my sanity but have them living out. I'd give myself a few years off riding and competing, spending time with the kids while they were very young, and by the time I was ready to work another good horse the old girl and the hacker would be gone to the big paddock in the sky and I could concentrate on campaigning one good ride. It's the opposite of what you were asking I know, but it's the kind of shift I think needs to be considered if you're always knackered and have a young family depending on you.

Above all, you need to look after yourself. You're no good to anyone if you have no energy to give. I'm just very dubious that getting rid of one horse that doesn't really have huge demands on you will make the difference you need now.

 

[Gallop_Away]

I think it's using a sledge hammer to crack a nut.

There are plenty of other options before having your older horse PTS. There is nothing cruel with having a horse PTS, a kind death at a ripe old age is a good thing. But I don't think you are at that point yet.

I would turn all out 24/7. It wont save you much money and overall not much time but it does mean that you can organise your time more easily. For example, poo picking and field boundary checking can all be done at the weekend. This means that you only need to do a a half hour check twice a day in the week. I'd put a big round hay feeder in the field so you don't have to worry about giving hay in the field.

I'd find a sharer for your happy hacker and I wouldn't ride that horse any more myself. It doesn't need to be ridden. I would also consider cutting the amount of competing down. It takes a lot of time and energy to compete and it takes up a whole day of your weekend that you could be using to rest and recover from your working week.

Agree with this.

I've nothing against putting an old horse to sleep when the time is right (whenever that may be), but it seems a bit of an extreme jump when there are other options that could be explored first.

Put the shetland on loan, find a sharer for your happy hacker, and cut back on the odd competition.

I just wouldn't feel right having the oldie pts unless I knew I'd tried everything else first.

Personally I'd get rid of the baby, but then that's why I'm sticking to horses and fur babies

 

[windand rain]

I knew someone would be keen to get rid of the baby rather than the horses hey ho it would seem about half those that have horses dont like kids. Personally I would PTS the old horse, sell or loan the shetland and keep the other two out 24/7 compete as when time allows as its good for your mental state

 

[hopscotch bandit]

Personally I could not PTS a well and happy Horse because I was tired.

Can you sell the Shetland? Find a sharer for your other Horse who is in lighter work or loan that one. Keep your current riding Horse and your Oldie.

I agree I'm afraid

 

[scats]

No it wouldn’t be horrendous, and I would applaud you for choosing this over offering it as a free companion, as so many people do, but in all honesty, I think you would need to go down to 2 horses to make a really noticeable difference to your workload. Although I totally agree that a change by 1 horse does make a difference (my move from 3 to 2 made me feel redundant!) I think your schedule is so hectic that you would actually be better getting yourself down to 2 somehow.

 

[laura_nash]

Not to be too alarmist but I actually found combining horses with babies/toddlers pretty easy. They were portable and did not have a vote on what we did. Or a social life of their own.

It was MUCH harder when they went to school - they were suddenly invited to birthday parties EVERY weekend (32 kids in a class - most of whom did the 'whole-class-gets-invited' thing) and they developed independent interests: Rainbows, Gymnastics, Dance. Was I going to stop them doing those things for my own hobby? No. Definitely not. Realistically it is only going to get harder for you I think.

This! I only had one horse on DIY but I got on okay when my daughter was a baby / small toddler. When she got to 4 or 5 things became much harder. I had to take a hard look at my life and ended up relocating in order to have my horse at home in an environment where he can live out 24/7 on enough acreage he doesn't need daily poo-picking, haying etc. My riding has been drastically cut to just the odd hack when I have time, and mostly only in summer.

I would have no moral problem with you choosing to PTS your old horse, though make sure you are ok with that decision yourself and it isn't going to stress you out even more, but I'm not sure its a long-term solution for you. Especially if you are considering a second child, some more drastic changes may be needed. Can you yard them all with access to a deep litter shelter or barn? Could you get a sharer for the BS who pays or does significant chores? You might be more likely to get someone suitable if you are offering a decent horse to ride, especially if they can come with you to competitions.

 

[Queenbee]

It's not wrong to be considering PTS of an elderly 28 year old horse, but I do think you are being prompted by the wrong reasons if you catch my drift? I think you sound very overwhelmed by life in general at the moment and perhaps could do with having a chat to you Health Visitor or GP. That is not to say that I am totally against your consideration of PTS of the old girl and I would far more support this than moving her on to another home/owner however I believe that ideally the decision of PTS a horse should generally boil down to the quality of life of the horse and not the owner's. So the fact that it is your life prompting this decision suggests to me that whatever decision you make about your horse you could do with some extra support with your health and wellbeing x

 

[Nasicus]

If you're planning on having another child next year, having one less horse isn't going to make much of a difference, as the time saving you'll get from less horse will be taken up twice over by another baby and a growing toddler. You might need to consider if eventing (and all the keeping the horse fit/schooled that entails) is something you can fit into your life at present. May be an idea to sell the eventer whilst it's fit and worth it, take a step back for a few years, keeping something to plod around on, and come back to it in a few years when the kids are more independent/you have some time again.

 

[paddy555]

There is no way I could put a healthy horse to sleep for my convenience. If unhealthy, struggling etc then I would be the first to do so but not a healthy horse whose only crime is to be old. Your first post said you rode daily and competed at week ends. Could you not reduce your riding/competing and rearrange your horse keeping methods to make more time for this older, healthy horse?

 

[meleeka]

If you're planning on having another child next year, having one less horse isn't going to make much of a difference, as the time saving you'll get from less horse will be taken up twice over by another baby and a growing toddler. You might need to consider if eventing (and all the keeping the horse fit/schooled that entails) is something you can fit into your life at present. /QUOTE]

I think you ought to consider very carefully whether you want another child who will no doubt impact on your time. Having two children is a lot harder than one!

 

[Tory27]

You've all made some really good points - thank you.

Certainly given me a lot to think about and also a bit of a kick into reality, which i think is what i needed. I've only sheared these thoughts with you guys, I've not mentioned it to anyone else. I have been leaving them all out his week and already things have been so much easier.

I have reduced our show days to a max of 2 a month so will not be going anywhere now until June, which will be good for all of us.

I think i am just going through a 'rough patch' and came to thinking how i can I unselfishly make my life easier. I agree with all your thoughts, for and against, all your advice has been greatly appreciated. I never realised how understanding and respectful people can be.

I will defiantly be taking the advise on board, starting by leaving them all out in the nicer weather. As I've said before i cant just pop off my oldie 'just like that' shes such a precious mare! a lot more thought would certainly go into it before anything was decided.

We have a kiddy play date booking this Sunday so already with have non horsey activities to look forward too which will do me the world of good. A change of scenery and fun with my friends, plus the pleasure of seeing baby happy and enjoying herself.

I will take it steady, and try all I can to make life easier all round.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

sounds like a good plan OP, your schedule sounds completely knackering-take some time out and then reassess. And if you do feel desperate or overwhelmed, please talk to someone.

 

[xDundryx]

WOW! I don't know how you do it. I've an 18 month old, 2 TBs, full time job 8-5 and have to try and fit in some sleep/eat as well. Noone can judge you for having your old girl PTS field ornaments still take time/money. Personally for me there would be 2 options, sell pet shetty and find a sharer/part loaner/loan home for happy hacking horse. Keep other two. Or sell pet shetty, PTS older mare who's had a fab life it sounds like. Keep other two but still find sharer for happy hacking mare to ease burden a couple of days a week.

 

[xDundryx]

Just to add OP there are no rules when it comes to juggling it all and don't ever be afraid to cut down a bit/ask for help/have a day off. I reached breaking point not so long ago, I've not competed for a couple of months, I don't feel guilty if I can't ride every day and hubby (non-horsey) will do them one day a week to ease up the workload.

Sometimes it's nice to hang up the Superwoman cape xx

 

[ester]

I'm glad you have found it helpful Tory, one thing not said too is that it can be quite isolating keeping them at home on your own too which doesn't help. x

 

[Slightly Foxed]

Sadly the issue isnt the horses. You have followed most other people and thought it a good idea to breed. Having a child has ruined your life but its not your fault, you have been brainwashed and conditioned to believe thats the thing to do! (I mean its not like the human race is an endangered species and needs you to breed is it!)

Anyway I digress slightly..... You've had some great advise already OP and if it were me I would turn them all out for the summer to reduce just how much work you are doing and then I would look for a sharer and then at the end of summer I would see how I felt and then probably call it time on the mare and re home the shetland if you genuinely don't need a companion! And if your horses are fine left alone for a few hours or a day then you dont need a companion!

Good luck and please think again about reproducing again. I mean do you really need another child? will the world benefit from another one? ... Just a thought

You're brave!

 

[Notimetoride]

Nope not selfish. Been there, done that, got the t shirt. I spent years trying to keep mine sound and the stress of not knowing what I was going to find at the stables (ie lame/not lame) really broke me. There was only one answer that was kindest thing to everyone. Wasn't much fun but I had to save my sanity.

 

[Auslander]

You're brave!

Or just a bit of a ********!

 

[pippixox]

I think there is a lot more to this than thinking about having your oldest PTS.
sorry if I'm over stepping the mark, as I know you asked for advice on PTS a horse not your life, but as you have shared your hectic schedule with us I can't help but comment..... I have a 20 month old and I am due number 2 in august. I have 3 horses, I did have 4 until last spring (sold 6 year old new forest mare who was ready for more than the occasional hack) I now have a 21 yo retired ex-racer, my first horse, who Ive had for 12 years now, a 15 yo happy hacker mare and 7yo new forest gelding who I got 3 years ago as a project. going from 4 to 3 did help, but so did addressing expectations and dramatically reducing them!!!

I am not a competition rider like yourself, but I do like to have things to aim for, even if just a sponsored ride, and I loved backing 2 ponies shortly before I got pregnant with my son. When I first had him I was determined to keep going, as I did for my pregnancy- working a 55 hour week and riding for as long as I could, never resting! 4 weeks after birth I was back on board. But raising a child (who did not sleep through the night for the first year!!!) and wokring (part time) and looking after 4 horses, even though they mostly lived out, was exhausting. thats not to mention ever just having family time.... my husband also compete at cross-country mountainbiking.

now, personally I could not face putting to sleep my retiree, as emotionally I would feel selfish. he is happy. However, I would say I would PTS if I could not keep him as personally would not want to risk him going anywhere else. I fully understand your reasoning, but I could not help but feel I was PTS because I chose to have children, which isn't his fault!

the main thing I found helped was massively reducing how much I ride. I know you like to compete and it is a big part of who you are. I got fed up with people saying was I going to give up horses because Ive had a child (and pregnant again!) because they are my family and a part of me, like the dogs I also have. BUT.... everything they say about children growing up so fast is TRUE! You said in your most recent post that you are competing twice a month not every weekend, but honestly you may even want once a month. try and find even one evening a week when you can get home early, or a tiny bit of money to pay someone even one morning a week so you get a slow start to the day with your family. I would strongly consider selling the happy hacker so you don't feel they are not doing anything but you don't need to ride a second. then let your competition horse just do a bit less for the next couple of years.

those years will fly.

(then your oldie and Shetland can be turned out 24-7 for the summer, or in for the day out at night to reduce mucking out time)

my horses have taken a 'back seat' but this is only a short moment in our lives when we have the joy and also the massive stress of raising small children!

 

[Pinkvboots]

You've all made some really good points - thank you.

Certainly given me a lot to think about and also a bit of a kick into reality, which i think is what i needed. I've only sheared these thoughts with you guys, I've not mentioned it to anyone else. I have been leaving them all out his week and already things have been so much easier.

I have reduced our show days to a max of 2 a month so will not be going anywhere now until June, which will be good for all of us.

I think i am just going through a 'rough patch' and came to thinking how i can I unselfishly make my life easier. I agree with all your thoughts, for and against, all your advice has been greatly appreciated. I never realised how understanding and respectful people can be.

I will defiantly be taking the advise on board, starting by leaving them all out in the nicer weather. As I've said before i cant just pop off my oldie 'just like that' shes such a precious mare! a lot more thought would certainly go into it before anything was decided.

We have a kiddy play date booking this Sunday so already with have non horsey activities to look forward too which will do me the world of good. A change of scenery and fun with my friends, plus the pleasure of seeing baby happy and enjoying herself.

I will take it steady, and try all I can to make life easier all round.

I think leaving them out as much as possible at the moment will definitely help I know you say you don't have much grazing how much do you actually have?

I broke my ankle in November so my 2 horses stayed out all winter on just under 3 acres with hay and yes it got muddy but they survived and are a good weight and seem happier for it, I would never have left them out in winter overnight before on what I thought was not enough grazing so I think sometimes we under estimate what is enough for horses to live on, and I will consider leaving them out more in the winter, I ordered 36 bales of shavings in November and still have some left because they have been out it's saved me a huge amount of money and mucking out time.

 

[Puzzled]

Personally I could put to sleep a healthy horse who had served me well because I was tired. I’d change my/their routine or look at the option of grass retirement livery.

 

[Regandal]

Ask all your horsey friends if they know of anyone decent looking for rides. You never know who could be available, and could lessen your workload. Not everyone is on fb.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Glad to hear you are feeling better with things

I'd struggle to compete as frequently as you were & I don't have a child!

 

[Kate23]

Not wrong at all in my opinion, and far kinder to PTS on your terms why she is happy and healthy rather than passing her on to someone else to deal with.

I think you owe it to her, and yourself to do right by her.