Would this push you to leave? (long sorry)

shadowboy

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Some of you are aware of the problems that I have had regarding my horse at livery. And some have questioned why dont you keep her at home? The reason being that I dont have anyone to ride with or talk to and we dont have floodlights and I am not around during the day for farrier etc.
Now let me outline the situation. Horse is on assissted DIY- this is not optional- it is the lowest livery band available at the yard which is very small. (only 7 horses there in total) Included is grazing, stable, hay and straw, also included is your horse is turned out 5 mon-fri and mucked out monday to friday. You are responsible for bringing in, feeding and everything over the weekend. The YM is lovely and only offers advice when it is asked forand is super with the horses! One of the liveries is the most interfering person ever. Not only does she bring my horse in with hers every day (unless i beat her to it) she will also rug her up and turn her out at the weekends (unless I beat her to it) the only chance i get to see my horse in the mornings is at the weekends. While im genuinely grateful horse is never out alone- what if i wanted to ride etc? I have spoken to yard owner about the rug incident so she no longer re-rugs her thank god, but I feel like i have lost any control over my horse. She always makes comments like "its minus four tonight, i'd put three rugs on her tonight" etc and tells me how I ought to do things. I'm nearly 24 and have had horses since I was 6, and although open to new ideas Im finding myslef feeling very claustrophobic. Problem is the yard itself has super facilities and hacking and the YM is around when farrier is here etc so i dont have to take time off work.

But would you leave? Im so tempted to as I turned up today at 4.30 and mare had already been brought in! Grrrrrrr! I purposfully didnt go for full livery as I love doing things with my horse. Oh and her tea had already been made- guess who had made it? I managed to keep my cool, and just blanked her, i'm hoping that the lack of a thank you will put her off. Honest opinons here- I may just be over reacting- should I just be grateful for the advice?
 

Guinness

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Well I have never had my horse on a livery yard and never would. However I have also kept him alone, and although I loved the peace and quiet sometimes, I did get a bit lonely (and Im sure he did too). Is there no other livery yards you could move to? Or if you could keep your horse at home could you not take on a few liveries? Sorry probably not much help!
 

Baggybreeches

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I think you should talk to her about it, I would be a bit upset about it, but I know thats its not done with any malice, some people just cant help themselves!
I am very particular about the way things are done with my horses, (in fact my friend was laughing at me today!) I can just about let people fill water buckets, but dont like them doing rugs/haynets and heaven forbid they muck out.
Try explaining that you cherish the time you spend with your horse and that you appreciate her help, but you will ask if you need anything in future.
ETS mine are kept at home, but I have been at livery, I have people/family who come and hack out with me, but TBH I enjoy the solitude most of the time.
 

arwenplusone

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I would be livid if anyone but the YM/staff touched my horse.

Can you have a word with the girl in question who is doing this? Perhaps she thinks she's 'helping'

IMO it isn't worth leaving, good facilities and a great YM are worth their weight. I would talk to the girl personally.

good luck -
 

hannah87

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tbh it sounds like she is just being over helpful and not realising its irritating you - i very much doubt she is doing it to try and undermine you or piss u off..
it sounds like evrything else is ideal and at least you know someone is there that genuinly cares about your horse etc
i would just have a quiet word, but keep it casual - she probs has no idea you feel like this and may be quite upset if she realsies shes being driving u mad.. just say how much you luuuurve doing your horse wen u have time at wkends blaj blah lots of unsubtle hints , shel get the message
 

bexandspooky

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I think rather than ignore her - you need to speak to her and say to her something along the lines of while you appreciate all the help that she is giving you - you would rather that she left your horse where she is, as you feel that you are missing out on quality time with your own horse.

As for unwanted advice - all you can do is ignore that, but remember she might have some advice you need one day!
 

Moggy in Manolos

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i would be very annoyed and if it continued i would have to leave if they did not listen when i asked them to stop bringing in my horse too early and putting extra rugs on etc, these things wear you down
 

express_75

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It's great to have help with your horse but it seems like this lady is taking over your routine. Maybe you should tell her that you appreciate her help but feel like you're not having enough time with your horse. If you're generally happy with the yard and this is the only reason that you'd leave, you should tell her and hopefully she will see your point and maybe back off.

Good luck
x
 

Dillon

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Speak to her!!! It may be that she genuinely feels she is helping you (some people are a bit mad like that!!!!) Tell her that you like spending time with your horse and feeding and re rugging is part of it!!! If she doesnt listen tell you yard manager and ultimately tell her where to go!! Your horse is your horse!!! How do you know she is feeding the correct feed/ can you be sure she checks your horse for cuts/rubs etc when re rugging. If you wanted full livery you would pay for it!!!!
 

Faithkat

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If you have horsey facilities at home, then keep them at home (what a wonderful thought). I can't stand livery and if circumstances mean that I lose my fields, I'm afraid the horses would go. The excuse about not being around for the farrier is a bit feeble, I'm afraid. I take a half-day's leave from work for the farrier or the vet for vaccinations. I don't have anyone to help but, at the end of the day, they are mine and my responsibility.
 

shadowboy

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I would love to have her at home but its not fair on her or me to be honest right now. I have a 30 x 20 arena but its got no lights and as a youngster she needs the correct facilities ie a set of jumps/ regular ridden work. She is also quite an anxious mare and I think she needs more around her than mums two field ornaments. As for taking time off work thats imposible- I'm a school teacher and its not a job you can take time off for. I think im going to have to pluck up the courage to have a word with her- I hate confrontations!
 

Dillon

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I have often thought about having my horses at home but to be honest the livery yard thing can work well - people to bounce ideas off, others to hack out with, help if needed, company for your horse etc. to be honest if I had my horses at home with only my partner for company and as a hacking partner / instructor the horses would be sold or we would be divorced!!!!!
 

Murphy3

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I'm really surprised someone on a yard who is not the YM would interfere with anyone else's horse without the owner's permission. I kept a horse belonging to a friend at my place for a couple of years and if I was going to do anything like bring her in a bit early I would always phone her owner first and check it was OK or just to tell her what I was doing. l am always aware that doing anything with someone else's horse if a big responsibility.

It sounds like a situation that could be put right with a few careful words though - some people are in a little world of their own and not aware of how others are feeling! I would think over what I wanted to say and then say it to her without getting angry or emotional. I would also talke to the YM. It would be a pity to leave a yard that suits you so well in every other way.
 

Weezy

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You need to speak to her. For example, say "Thank you very much for bringing my horse in if you get here before me, but could you leave her in her TO so I can make a decision about what I want to put on her in the evening. I would also appreciate it if you only feed her if I leave her feed ready
smile.gif
" Possibly she honestly thinks she is being helpful to you and has no idea you are being so wound up.
 

Puppy

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No, it wouldn't make me leave. It would make me speak to the person in question and ask them to leave my horse for me to do.
 

Persephone

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I would rather someone brought my horse in if she was going to be the last out, and, I would do the same for anyone else. I don't believe in leaving horses alone in the field. However with regard to turning yours out to keep hers company I guess, then yes I would be annoyed. I don't keep my horse for other people's turnout convenience! With regard to rugging/feeding anything like that, I would put my foot down. The silent treatment obviously isn't working. I would tell her politely that while it is sweet of her to help, you don't want/need her to at weekends as that's quality time. At least then nobody can say you have been unreasonable if she decides not to comply. If she ignores you I would get a bit stroppy, perhaps it's all she understands.
 

aimeerose

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Personally I would be very grateful if someone brought my horse in to prevent it being left out after dark and changed its rugs.

However, doing beyond that would begin to niggle me after a while (im pretty laid back!!)

I'd be inclined to speak to the lady and say, thanks for bringing horse in but please leave rug on/tea unmade as i want to/ride/rug up/make tea myself.
TBH she prob thinks she is helping and that as you work she'll 'help you out' as shes got more time or something similar.

Regarding TO on weekends i would say firmly but politly that you want the horse left in at weekend unless you make a specific prier arrangement.
Although what time are you getting there? personally if someone hasnt turned up by 10.30-11 am i would think about turning the horse out (prob a left over of running a yard .. i meddle!!)
again - maybe she thinks shes helping?

At the end of the day 'helpful' people can be hard to find on a yard and if handled right can wk well for all parties.
 

shadowboy

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Yes she probably does think shes helping- she used to work at a yard amany many moons ago and was sacked because she alwayds did far more than she was paid to do/was suposed to do- so i guess its juast a habit. I arrive between 8.30 and 9am in the mornings at the weekend
 

shadowboy

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She does it to mine and another lady whos also on Assisted DIY. (As she is) all other liveries are on full livery. she too have made complaints in the past but these have; so i was told; fallen on deaf ears. So she gave up and now lets her get on with it- I saw her picking out one of the other horses feet the other day. But that lady doesnt ride (her horses are big pets) so i guess she doesnt have to worry about if she will be able to ride in the morning/evening etc.
 

SpottedCat

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I have a question - why can't you rid ein the morning if your horse has been turned out?

I think the behaviour in general would irritate me, but the being TO part wouldn't stop me riding.

Knowing how many people read this forum but don't post, there's a good chance you've solved your own problem though, if she reads this....
smirk.gif
 

shadowboy

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Because the mare will have just been fed before being turned out! And no she wont have read this. She constantly asks us to sheck the online weather report as she doesnt have a computer/let alone the internet!
 

SpottedCat

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Okay, okay! Mine does not get breakfast and so it makes no difference to me. I'd just put your foot down with her. Leave a stroppy note up somewhere saying PLEASE DO NOT: Feed my horse, TO or bring in my horse, rug/unrug my horse.

Think also you need to get your YM to be a bit firmer - it's her job after all.
 

Christmas_Kate

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Although it's lovely of them to 'help' and ensure your mare isnt out alone etc you seriously need to have a chat. Just tell her you'd rather that at weekends etc you had some quality time with your horse and like to bring in etc. It wouldnt make me leave (but then I don't 'do' livery yards).
 

Ravenwood

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I can only imagine that this person has plenty of time on her hands and probably genuinely thinks she is helping and you don't want to fall out with her because it is really handy to have someone keep an eye on your horse for you. Be bold, bite the bullet and tell her that although you appreciate her help and are willing to help her with her horse in return, but please don't do anything with him at the weekends - or something similar. Otherwise this will keep niggling you and might brew into something bigger.
 

Toby_Zaphod

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YOu need to speak to this woman & tell her that you perfer to make up your horses meals, you prefer to bring your horse in & basically not to interfere with the way you chose to look after your horse. If you don't tell her then she will continue to stick her nose in & annoy you..... stand up to her
 

aimeerose

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8.30-9 is plenty early enough off a weekend ... def think a quiet word is in order. No way she can say shes turning out because the horse is being left in to long.

Just be nice and polite but firm ... you are very grateful etc but would she please desisit in ..... changing rugs/making feeds/turning out at weekends etc.
 

the watcher

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Whenever I have been on a yard I have always found another livery to double up with, then I can be confident that my horse will never be left out last alone - however we arrange it so that we know who is doing what.

It seems to me that this person is keen to help, and it may be that you could make use of this, in the nicest possible way. In your shoes I would take her a bunch of flower or box of nice biscuits, whatever rocks her boat and thank her very much for her help but explain that sometimes I like to do my horse myself - maybe she would enjoy a lay in sometimes at the weekend and you could pop her horse out for her in return, once you have a line of communication open it will be much easier to tell her in advance that you would prefer your horse left in, or out or not fed.

This can be sorted without it ever needing to be a confrontation, and isn't worth leaving over
 

Cahill

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just another little thought....what would happen if this woman and your horse had an accident,like horsey trod on her or barged her over?
(i`m not saying your hosre is naughty,just that if something unexpected happened to scare him.would she blame you?)
 
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