Would you be offended?

arizonahoney

arizonahoney

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Someone I know has the quietest horse ever, yet is still completely afraid that said horse will do something... I think rationally this person knows that the horse will not do something, but emotionally is another matter.

I noticed that I have Kelly Marks' Perfect Confidence knocking around my house - but have no recollection of buying it. Do you think they would be offended if I gave them the book? It's all about visualising and setting goals and ignoring your negative inside voice...

I guess my worry is that the horse will regress if not ridden more frequently / more positively...

Thoughts please!
 
I wouldn't just hand the book over, but engage them in conversation, and steer it around to confidence. Let them admit they are lacking, and then offer to lend the book?

Make it seem like you're reacting to their suggestion rather than initiating it.
 
I wouldn't be offended at all (and your description of the person could totally be me!). I think it is a kind thought and if I was your friend I wouldn't be offended at all. Poss does depend on if the person thinks they lack confidence, some people can be a bit funny about admiting it.
 
flamehead said:
I wouldnt be offended if you were quite close friends. xxxx
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I wouldn't be offended either (I am though quite upfront about my general level of wussiness!)

Maybe hand it over with a "great book this really helped me, thought you may find it interesting"
 
Nope not offended at all..just bring it up in conversation about this great book you have been reading and how much you have got from it...hopefully spark some interest then hand it over ;)
 
I wouldn't be offended and I've actually done that twice and the people weren't offended :) I've got the same book and I just brought it up in conversation ie 'I've got a really good book at home for confidence giving, I've found it useful, woudl you like to borrow it?'

After all, you've got the book - it's not like you're saying 'you should buy this book for completely useless riders' :)
 
as an adult novice greatful for any help or advice id think yu were a loveley caring person trying to help me and my horse, id be pleased youd thought about us :)
 
It's a tricky one, because if I had confidence issues, I would get lessons... But this person isn't doing that and I don't quite understand why.

Trying to put myself in their boots, perhaps addressing their fears is quite scary?

I dunno... And I am a bit **** at addressing such things sensitively, being more like the proverbial bull in the china shop.
 
Why not have it at the yard and be flicking through it when they're there or leave it near their stuff (if you think it won't get pinched by someone else) for them to find or hide it under some rugs and casually ask if they've seen it anywhere, when they ask what it's about you can enthuse about it and say how much it helped you. Come on, you must have some imagination too if you don't want it pushy (which I don't think it is but they might be touchy about, lol!
BTW, lovely idea to try and help, hope they accept it.
 
As a fellow stupidy nervous person with a 'safe as' horse, I can identify with the unwillingness to get lessons. One side of me would like lessons, but I am scared that I would be too rubbish and nervous in the lesson and would be pushed into doing things that are way out of my comfort zone (I am happy to push myself, but I have limits!). Nerves are just a pig, shall be looking up that book and getting myself a copy I think!
 
We've got the Perfect Partners book - OH won it at for first place at a winter trec - and although I'm an experienced rider I think it's great, with some really useful tips.

So, yes, I would turn the conversation round and say: "You know I used to have a few problems with my horse doing xxxx, this is a really interesting book and I found it helpful, would you like to read it?"
 
Glosgirl, I think that's exactly it...

I am struggling to get over how frustrated this makes me feel - and yet, it really is none of my business!

Aaaargh :(
 
Do people really learn to ride or improve from reading a book? She has to get to know the horse and trust him in every situation, I wish there was a quick fix but there isn't. If you could offer to hack out with her and face a few monsters that would be of invaluable use. If he's as safe as you say he is she'll soon see for herself. I see the value in being in the school but not for building rider confidence.
 
arizonahoney said:
Someone I know has the quietest horse ever, yet is still completely afraid that said horse will do something... I think rationally this person knows that the horse will not do something, but emotionally is another matter.

I noticed that I have Kelly Marks' Perfect Confidence knocking around my house - but have no recollection of buying it. Do you think they would be offended if I gave them the book? It's all about visualising and setting goals and ignoring your negative inside voice...

I guess my worry is that the horse will regress if not ridden more frequently / more positively...

Thoughts please!
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Sounds exactly like me after getting back on my horse following the birth of my daughter!! lol. I would not have been offended if somebody offered me the book, I would have been incredibly grateful that somebody was wanting to help.

can you perhaps offer to ride this persons horse? maybe them seeing their horse being ridden/handled by somebody else may help with the worry/paranoia and reassure them that the horse is not going to misbehave. Plus this will keep said horse ticking over
 
glosgirl said:
As a fellow stupidy nervous person with a 'safe as' horse, I can identify with the unwillingness to get lessons. One side of me would like lessons, but I am scared that I would be too rubbish and nervous in the lesson and would be pushed into doing things that are way out of my comfort zone (I am happy to push myself, but I have limits!). Nerves are just a pig, shall be looking up that book and getting myself a copy I think!
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PS Glosgirl, dont be afraid of getting lessons. Find a good supportive instructor and this will help your confidence so much. Explain to them how you are feeling. A good instructor will not push you to the point where you are feeling unsafe/unhappy :)
 
gingerthing said:
PS Glosgirl, dont be afraid of getting lessons. Find a good supportive instructor and this will help your confidence so much. Explain to them how you are feeling. A good instructor will not push you to the point where you are feeling unsafe/unhappy :)
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Thank you, will do, there is a nice one that comes to the yard. As soon as my mare is back off sick leave then I will def get started on regular lessons!

To the person who said how can work in the school help? It does! Learning how to tidy up your riding and have your horse listen and respond to you better is a massive help. There is no logic to fears and confidence issues and it unfortunatly isn't simply a case of getting to know how safe the horse is and getting on with it! - I wish it was so easy!!
 
I struggled for ages with my confidence jumping, putting off getting lessons as 'it wouldn't be worth it until I felt a bit braver'. Silly thing to do but I think one of the worries is the instructor will try to push you and you're scared! Quite understandable, really :)
 
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