Would you take offence at this?

[Winters100]

Just wondering how everyone else would view this situation.

Today a fellow livery (actually new to our yard and a first time owner) told me that my horses are "too skinny". I totally disagree, they are fit, have access to hay 24 hours, and actually quite big feeds, but they do work, and I don't mean a gentle trot around the school. One is a poor doer, but I am really happy with her weight at the moment, she receives 5 feeds a day, small-ish because she is older, but I don't see what else I could do, and to me she is just about where I want her now. They regularly see the vet and physio, who I often ask about what they think of condition, because it is sometimes hard to notice changes when you see them every day. Both have been recently and tell me that they look good.

To me the horse that this lady owns is obese, but I would not dream of giving my opinion unless I was asked.

I am not very quick to take offense, but I was a bit taken aback by the suggestion that I do not feed my horses enough! I pulled up a body scoring chart on the phone and showed her that all 3 would be classed as moderate, but her parting words were 'I'm having a nutritionist come next week, maybe she should look at your horses'.

How would you feel about this? I am inclined to just laugh it off, but I am also a bit uncomfortable that she must think that I am starving or over-working them! She seems like a nice lady, so I am sure that her concern is genuine, but as she was comparing them to her own horse I don't really know what to say without being rude enough to say that to me her horse is fat!

How would you all feel about this and what would you do?

 

[eggs]

I think people have got so used to seeing overweight horses that they think that it is normal and any horse not carrying excess weight is underweight.

I would be slightly offended but as you vet is happy with them I would just try to ignore her.

 

[Renvers]

I wouldn't pay it too much attention, a new owner with lots of opinion probably has a lot to learn about horses and also how to deal with other liveries. Her opinions of your horses are just her opinions don't have to be taken as fact.

A lean fit horse is far better than an overweight horse. Plus horses are coming out of winter, even if not in work most horses will have dropped a bit over the winter, that is how they are meant to cycle through the seasons. You know your horses, you know you have a poor doer and sounds like you are watching it.

 

[Cragrat]

Wow. What an awkward, unpleasant situation! To be honest, she doesn't sound like a 'nice lady', she sounds like an awful ignoramus who thinks she knows everything already and is a bit of a bully. Well done you for being so restrained!

I wouldn't take offence,but she clearly has less knowledge about what a fit horse is. I REALLY hope the nutritionist knows their stuff and is strong enough to stand up to her!

 

[planete]

I would be offended, think her very rude and ignore her and her opinions from now on.

 

[SusieT]

I would ask myself if she had a point and if she did i might see who she is having out. if she doesnt I'd carr y on

 

[brighteyes]

Just wondering how everyone else would view this situation.

Today a fellow livery (actually new to our yard and a first time owner) told me that my horses are "too skinny". I totally disagree, they are fit, have access to hay 24 hours, and actually quite big feeds, but they do work, and I don't mean a gentle trot around the school. One is a poor doer, but I am really happy with her weight at the moment, she receives 5 feeds a day, small-ish because she is older, but I don't see what else I could do, and to me she is just about where I want her now. They regularly see the vet and physio, who I often ask about what they think of condition, because it is sometimes hard to notice changes when you see them every day. Both have been recently and tell me that they look good.

To me the horse that this lady owns is obese, but I would not dream of giving my opinion unless I was asked.

I am not very quick to take offense, but I was a bit taken aback by the suggestion that I do not feed my horses enough! I pulled up a body scoring chart on the phone and showed her that all 3 would be classed as moderate, but her parting words were 'I'm having a nutritionist come next week, maybe she should look at your horses'.

How would you feel about this? I am inclined to just laugh it off, but I am also a bit uncomfortable that she must think that I am starving or over-working them! She seems like a nice lady, so I am sure that her concern is genuine, but as she was comparing them to her own horse I don't really know what to say without being rude enough to say that to me her horse is fat!

How would you all feel about this and what would you do?

I'd tell her straight (about her misguided opinions and fat horse) and feel extra pleased about my own and their evident good management.

 

[brighteyes]

Wow. What an awkward, unpleasant situation! To be honest, she doesn't sound like a 'nice lady', she sounds like an awful ignoramus who thinks she knows everything already and is a bit of a bully. Well done you for being so restrained!

I wouldn't take offence,but she clearly has less knowledge about what a fit horse is. I REALLY hope the nutritionist knows their stuff and is strong enough to stand up to her!

She's not. She's also an idiot.

 

[PurBee]

Quite an attitude to openly say to a relative stranger ‘your horses are skinny’.

From the posts here about livery yards, If i ever find myself at a livery yard, im going to pretend im deaf, so other liveries wont even bother talking to me!

 

[Winters100]

I would ask myself if she had a point and if she did i might see who she is having out. if she doesnt I'd carr y on

Yes, you are right that we should always consider the opinions of others, but in this case I am really satisfied that they are OK. Poor doer pony can sometimes drop below what I consider ideal, but I work very hard to keep her at the right level (she is fed 6am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and at 10pm gets her nighttime 'soup'. At the moment she looks great to me. Others are one 'average' and one good doer, who I have worked very hard to get fit and keep at a sensible weight. None of them is starved, they have hay in the paddock, and are in at night with plenty of hay, all have some left over in the morning. Good doer gets 2 meals a day and a 'token' lunch, and my 'average' horse gets 2 proper meals and a small lunch. I have no idea why but I now feel that I have to justify to this lady that I am feeding them enough!!

 

[Dave's Mam]

People are too used to seeing fat horses. They should be trim & fit.

 

[MuddyMonster]

Maybe she thought she was genuinely being helpful? Perhaps she was trying to cause a scene? Perhaps she isn't used to seeing an poor doer or average weight horse? Who knows.

If your horses are fine, then I'd continue as you are and still continue to smile, say hello and be polite to the livery in passing.

 

[Lurfy]

You don't need to justify your feeding to this lady at all. You sound like you manage your horses weight carefully and with a vet on board, there is no further discussion required. I would tell her your horses are well managed and mind her own business.

 

[smolmaus]

I think you gave her too much credit even showing her the body scoring chart tbh. Taking offense would also be giving her too much credit. Trust your own expertise.

 

[Lois Lame]

I would be offended, no question.

I'm even offended on your behalf. I wish I could learn to ignore nonsense.

The person in question sounds very ignorant.

 

[laura_nash]

No, I wouldn't be offended because I'd be confident in my own judgement of their weight. I might think "what an odd / rude / busybody woman" but that would be it.

Of course, if anyone ever said my horses were too skinny I'd probably burst out laughing, not too fat is about the best I hope for and I work hard at that, so the problem will likely never arise for me.

ETA: Its amazing how people will leap onto a slightly skinny horse (not saying yours are) and ignore a seriously over weight one even though all the veterinary evidence shows that being overweight is much worse for a horse than being a bit skinny. I would love to get mine a but skinny over winter but haven't managed it yet.

 

[HollyWoozle]

I think people have got so used to seeing overweight horses that they think that it is normal and any horse not carrying excess weight is underweight.

I would be slightly offended but as you vet is happy with them I would just try to ignore her.

I agree with this - some owners have lost sight of what a fit horse/ horse of a good weight looks like.

I would also be a little upset thinking that this lady assumes you are under feeding but I think just try to ignore her if you can. Her approach sounds quite rude but I guess I’d just avoid engaging with her as much as possible in future and take comfort in the fact you know what you’re doing.

 

[windand rain]

i would be delighted if the owner of a fat horse thought mine were skinny to be honest as it would mean I was getting it right. If it wasn't goinng to cost me I would love to hear the nutritionists view of her horse and even more delighted if that nutrtionist then used mine as an example of the correct weight. I get more upset when people call mine fat

 

[honetpot]

I would ignore it, but if she mentions it again say that your vet is happy with their condition. What is an equine nutritionalist now, if they were any good at their job they wouldn't be selling feed to make horses fatter and give them 'top line', what ever that is.

 

[FinnishLapphund]

She's new on the yard, and to horse-owning, and yet she thought it suitable to not even first ask you about your horse's weight, without instead went straight to informing you about that your horses are too skinny.
I thought you were very polite showing her the body scoring chart, and if she's rude, and ignorant enough to come back, and repeat what she said at some point during the next following weeks, tell her that besides the body scoring chart, also both your veterinarian, and physio, agrees about your horses fine weight, and that you prefer listening to their well educated opinions.

If she still tries to say anything a third time, tell her to go spend more time on exercising her own horse.

 

[luckyoldme]

Oh god yes!
She's new to the yard , new to horses and new to you and yet she's wading in there with uninvited and completely wrong opinions.
I've just been through this at work and the only way to deal with it is to distance yourself from her.
It's really difficult to do because they are like bloody super glue . Stick your hand in the air say hello and think swear words to yourself when you see her!.

 

[DabDab]

Would I take offence? No. It's just an opinion. I would just tell her that I was happy with them.

 

[little_critter]

Yes, you are right that we should always consider the opinions of others, but in this case I am really satisfied that they are OK. Poor doer pony can sometimes drop below what I consider ideal, but I work very hard to keep her at the right level (she is fed 6am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and at 10pm gets her nighttime 'soup'. At the moment she looks great to me. Others are one 'average' and one good doer, who I have worked very hard to get fit and keep at a sensible weight. None of them is starved, they have hay in the paddock, and are in at night with plenty of hay, all have some left over in the morning. Good doer gets 2 meals a day and a 'token' lunch, and my 'average' horse gets 2 proper meals and a small lunch. I have no idea why but I now feel that I have to justify to this lady that I am feeding them enough!!

I’d love to know how you get your good doer to look ‘thin’. I’m struggling to shift weight off mine even though I’ve cut back hay and it’s now soaked for 12 hours. I know what I really need to do is more hard work, but (my) work keeps getting in the way. I’m hoping that starting jumping again will help to shift some.

 

[asmp]

If she continues with the comments, show her the posts on here recently showing photos of our horses/ponies from when we were young - hardly an overweight horse to be seen ?

 

[Red-1]

Rigsby has to be slim, nay thin, to be healthy. I have vets backing. I can see 7 ribs. The vet insists that this is necessary for his metabolism to function. We work really hard to keep him this slim. I must admit, I would not feel as comfortable with him at this weight if the vet hadn't insisted. If anyone comments, I will direct them to the vet! 7 ribs is a lot for a not particularly fit cob but his bloods have come back clear of EMS and cushings, so it is working. His coat is good, he has rump muscle.

ETA: Its amazing how people will leap onto a slightly skinny horse (not saying yours are) and ignore a seriously over weight one even though all the veterinary evidence shows that being overweight is much worse for a horse than being a bit skinny. I would love to get mine a but skinny over winter but haven't managed it yet.

I have found the same about human weight. I was just into the 'obese' category on BMI. Really not healthy, although, TBH, because I was also fit and toned, I didn't look obese, but defo looked overweight. No one commented. I was big enough that my joints were suffering, I had belly fat and I snored! I am now an ideal weight (4 1/2 stone lighter) and feel fabulous. I have great muscle tone, can cycle/run further, have more energy but... there are ribs! To my amazement, 4 people have told me I am too skinny. One said I wasn't healthy. One said I looked awful! I am bang slap in the middle of my BMI range.

I think people are used to seeing overweight people too.

Rigsby and I are showing solidarity!

 

[Elno]

This is so typical of some horse people to give unsolicited advice...

We had a similar situation at my yard. When I moved my horse back after trying another yard for a month I got told by an owner of a severely obese WB that my horse had gotten too skinny. She really hadn't though and was finally at a good weight. Now she's porky again and the WB owner is appallad that I cut her hay back a bit so that she doesn't gain any more before she is put out on grass. The same owner likes to give advice right and left on any horse related topic on our yard, even to people who have way more experience than she has or ever will have. Really annoying.

The mannerly thing to do is to smile, agree and then carry on doing what you were doing. Unfortunately that rarely works with people like this, so it's probably better to calmly explain that you didn't ask her for advice and to mind her own business. Then maybe you can go a few months without comments, until she forgets and start again ?

 

[BaronSamedi]

I would to her to jog on and pay more attention to hers not getting laminitis

 

[meleeka]

I wouldn’t be too offended, but I would have said you think hers is obese! If she thought it acceptable to comment on your horses weight, why shouldn’t you return the favour! I probably would have said it in a lighthearted way, something like “Isn’t it funny how we all see things differently. I think yours is obese, but you probably think he looks fine”.

 

[Emilieu]

Honestly, I would be so offended and am a bit envious of those who wouldn’t be. I’m pretty laid back in general but probably over sensitive when it comes to my management of my animals - I guess because I want so much to get it right. That said, I also am unlikely to be hearing this anytime soon ?

 

[SEL]

Having seen how "thin" the fat camp vets get the metabolic horses I doubt yours are really too thin - we just get used to seeing fat horses. My vet says I'm one of the few clients she has who openly admits they are struggling with an obese horse - & mine is far, far from her fattest client.

I've been on livery yards long enough to develop a thick skin!