WWYD Husband doesn't want me to jump anymore

I've never had a jumping fall, however, on the flat I've broken my ankles three times, broken my hip, chipped my spine and cracked my skull (over many years and many horses). Jumping is almost less risky as you're more prepared for accidents.
 
You can have a fall/injured stood still! You don't need to be out posing on a pretty pony, jumping carved logs and cut leaves to have a major accident.

Crikey, I fell off a mare that jumped at a mobility scooter while I was chinwagging to a neighbour in the 'hood. Broke three ribs.

If you give up, you can always pick up the reins again when the kids are self-sufficient. I know where you are coming from, I have lo's too... it' crossed my mind. SO... I gave up jumping. I have fallen off more times trying to stressage than I ever did sailing over a bird bath on the floor. It has crossed my mind to give up altogether but I am more and more convinced that this horse lark is actually an affliction, not a hobby.
 
It is not an assumption Conniegirl, the OP clearly states her husband bring in the most wages and she works part time!
My husband had a serious accident and spend two years having operations to save a very badly broken leg. It was touch and go for a while whether he would lose his leg completely. We had just bought our first home, which we were renovating and wedding plans were under way.
It changed our plans completely and we needed support from our wonderful family, not financially but in help with hospital journeys, doing up our house etc, it was a horrid time and we didn't even have children to consider.
We were both working full time and self employed, I managed to cover our mortgage and bills but emotionally it was a tough time!
 
If I couldn't jump, event and hunt then I wouldn't ride. My husband would never ask me to not. He says I'd be insufferable to live with.

This has been my life for 25+ years. It's not changing.

Re the motorbike, I've told husband I'm doing my bike test next!

In the day job I see people who have horrific injuries from the most mundane of day to day tasks. Life is for living, not thinking what if.
 
I had this conundrum. I'd had 2 crashing falls jumping. Had a break from jumping and haven't gone back. To be honest I have now totally lost my jumping nerve.

My OH would rather me not ride at all but is much happier now I am not hunting and jumping.

I always think what if I was seriously injured jumping and he has to look after me.
 
But what sort of example is quitting giving your children ?

It is a sport and hobby that you enjoy and presumably if hubby was there so were the children and having a fall and giving up is not exactly setting a good example for them going forward. Yes invest in the air jacket, yes invest in getting the horse checked, yes possibly invest in getting it professionally schooled but if you want to carry on having minimised the risks then that is what you should do.
 
There are more heroic ways of giving children a good example than jumping horses. Putting your responsibilities and your family first for a few years might provide a more valuable life lesson in how to behave responsibly and selflessly. Jumping horses can be resumed in a few years when the children are older and the family would be less disrupted by a mother out of action. There are always risks in being alive but we do not need to take unnecessary ones when children still need a lot of care.
 
leave him at home. he clearly can't take the pressure. he obviously worries but doesn't need to see what you are doing
 
From another man , Is he for real ! A broken finger ! I usually get slated for lack of concern. (though fortunately it seems that no one has twigged that I always take time out to go with "A" for BE and xc schooling )
 
If it was me...risk is a part of life, and I play risk sports as well as riding. My mum played risk sports while we were growing up and she stopped because of a catastrophic injury a few years ago - sustained walking the dogs on the beach!

For me and my partner, we've agreed that both of us have dodgy hobbies and we accept that. If the worst happens, everyone else will have to get on with it. Life may be short; a friend died at 41 and left two tiny children from cancer. You may not get a chance to go back to it, so do what you love now.

There is no way I'd stop or give up while I physically could do it
 
Snowfilly said:
If it was me...risk is a part of life, and I play risk sports as well as riding. My mum played risk sports while we were growing up and she stopped because of a catastrophic injury a few years ago - sustained walking the dogs on the beach!

For me and my partner, we've agreed that both of us have dodgy hobbies and we accept that. If the worst happens, everyone else will have to get on with it. Life may be short; a friend died at 41 and left two tiny children from cancer. You may not get a chance to go back to it, so do what you love now.

There is no way I'd stop or give up while I physically could do it
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Out of interest do tiny children feature in your list of those who will 'have to get on with it' if you are seriously injured or die?
 
I.M.N. said:
I've never had a jumping fall, however, on the flat I've broken my ankles three times, broken my hip, chipped my spine and cracked my skull (over many years and many horses). Jumping is almost less risky as you're more prepared for accidents.
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Count the number of seconds you spend jumping compared to the number of hours you are on the flat.
 
ycbm said:
Out of interest do tiny children feature in your list of those who will 'have to get on with it' if you are seriously injured or die?
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This. My greatest fear whilst my children were growing up was what would happen to them if something sudden happened to me and OH and we eventually came to an arrangement with friends who had four children that we'd step in for each other should the worst occur. Taking on children until they are ready to leave the nest is a big ask for elderly parents/friends/family.

Fine, do your risky stuff, but make sure that financial and care arrangements are made for any dependents you leave behind.
 
Fidgety said:
Fine, do your risky stuff, but make sure that financial and care arrangements are made for any dependents you leave behind.
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Serious question, as I'm not a mother and don't know any orphans to ask - is there ever a mother substitute for a four year old?

And how much does it cost to insure for a high risk sport so that a husband on a good salary can either become carer to a disable wife, or pay other people to do it so he can continue to work?

I do think there's a world of difference between an eventer becoming a mother and a mother of tinies becoming an eventer. Maybe that's odd of me?
 
I feel sad for you, esp. as you are working towards your BE goal.

I think I would learn to love the other aspects of horses if it were me. Just thinking of how I would feel if my hubby did something that seemed very dangerous to me. And to be fair Eventing esp. XC is a rather dangerous sport.

But who know with time he might change his mind.
 
ycbm said:
Serious question, as I'm not a mother and don't know any orphans to ask - is there ever a mother substitute for a four year old?

And how much does it cost to insure for a high risk sport so that a husband on a good salary can either become carer to a disable wife, or pay other people to do it so he can continue to work?

I do think there's a world of difference between an eventer becoming a mother and a mother of tinies becoming an eventer. Maybe that's odd of me?
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That's an interesting point and maybe I'm odd too :), because I see where you're coming from. Even so $hit still happens to pros and even the person crossing the street which was why we worried so much until we'd established who would be our children's guardians if something happened to us both.

Being mostly the sole carer of our children because OH worked abroad a lot at the time when they were little, I was very aware that we'd be totally stuffed if I broke myself whilst riding.

When OH bought his motorbike it was on the condition that he took out insurance should he become disabled and unable to work. Unfortunately he wasn't able to find a policy that wasn't in the £100's per month region.
 
Completely agree. That's emotional blackmail! Plenty of couples have one half who either takes part in a potentially dangerous sport or has a dangerous job. I had the sport, OH had the job and we NEVER ever even considered asking one another to leave/give it up. You enjoy it and tell him to grow a pair.
 
I've become hugely aware of the inconvenience of being injured after a bad fall several years ago that rendered me out of action with a broken ankle and then again with a broken wrist a few years ago. My poor Dad was having to get up early before work to help with the horses and then again in the evening. I couldn't drive so needed lifts everywhere. Nightmare.
I'm also aware that I have a load of other animals at home who need me to care for them, and that becomes extremely difficult to do when I'm broken.

I didn't have any of these concerns when I was a teenager!
 
I should imagine if my husband had heard I had a fall his reaction would be please stop jumping but when he had calmed down he would realise this wasn't a reasonable request for him to make, once he saw that only my finger was broken he would logically work out that I really won't die from this

How many people actually die from jumping, serious question as I have no friends who have died whilst jumping, few broken bones and injuries but I have looked after more horses for others due to accidents whilst out hacking

Unfortunately I am more the sort of person that if someone tells me to stop doing something I want to do it more

Is childbirth risky what are the stats for dying during that, its not like everyone who falls pregnant starts to write an up to date will, dread their own death or start worrying who will care for a newborn when they die but I bet there are risks attached to it

Live is full of risks so you either get on with it or avoid things, just two different ways of looking at how you wish your life to be
 
Personally I think you are more likely to get injured hacking out with all the idiot drivers around these days!! And I have just had a crasher of a fall in a stable yard when a plastic feed sack blew and got caught to my horses leg setting her off broncing!! (neither of us hurt and just a freak accident)..... Accidents can happen in any situation at any time, not just jumping.
 
Cecile said:
How many people actually die from jumping, serious question as I have no friends who have died whilst jumping, few broken bones and injuries but I have looked after more horses for others due to accidents whilst out hacking

Live is full of risks so you either get on with it or avoid things, just two different ways of looking at how you wish your life to be
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i have friends who have died from jumping, hacking, standing in the yard, walking across the road, driving cars, being driving into by drink-drivers, genetic disease, numerous cancer including one breast cancer (39yr mum left 3yr old).

If I add to the list the ones who have got hurt then this goes very high if i think about it, but i have friends who compete or actively train in car racing, rugby, fencing, competitive road bike, all types of riding, binge watching telly............. (he got of the sofa and dislocated knee tripping up on pizza box over games of thrones i know what an athlete!)

what i am trying to say everything has a risk, would i advocate a young mum to take up tightrope walking whilst fire eating over the grand canyon, nope. But you know your capabilities, only you know if this was within your and the horses comfort level, be honest if you both were pushed maybe coming back down a little bit gaining more experience and then back up and out but only you can know this............

its difficult for anyone on this forum to give more than from their perspectives, to some people this is too much a risk to others it is not.
 
He's had a fright and is reacting. Give you and him some time for things to calm down and then have a think. I broke my hip due to a fall on a very non eventful hack - my husband took a very long time to get over this, which made my recovery and return to riding more difficult! I want to ride, but now have a horse that is as safe as any animal with a mind of its own can be. I fell off today (schooling) and laughed it off with my husband. You can't make any horsey activity totally safe but maybe you can reach a compromise that works.
 
Possibly not an option your OH would like, but I'd stop eventing *other people's* horses. At the sharer level (as opposed to the pro riders riding for owners), there are usually compromises regarding management and also a lot of horses up for share in the first place due to some or other problem with them. Even if there isn't really a problem and it's just an incompetent owner letting them get away with all kinds. The end result is you feel that as sharer you have no choice but to put up with these less than ideal things and compete, or even just ride, under circumstances where you'd do things differently given the chance. You hinted at this in your first post, the horse being tested for various medical things.

When you've got your own horse, it can be incredibly frustrating when they're out of action, but at least you know you've all the time in the world to put whatever it is right before riding again. There's nobody else's agenda, nobody else saying enough's enough when it comes to treatment/time off etc. It's too easy to get attached to a share horse and not walk away from the situation when you disagree with how things are being done. So you stay out of loyalty to the horse, and it's your health, safety or finances that suffer as a result. I'm not saying this is your situation OP, just something to think about. I do think in general it's safer to ride your own horse who you know inside out than to ride someone else's.
 
I was banned from hunting when I bought a horse after 10 years. "I don't want to be left to look after 3 children if you have an accident." (There was a local girl he had admired who had a severe head injury out hunting and she spent the rest of her life in a hospital)

That is how I became interested in bridlepaths and places to ride!
 
The problem I have with this kind of emotional manipulation is that it seems so very reasonable, but really, it is such a small step from 'i don't want you jumping', to 'I want you to get rid of the horse', or even 'I don't want you driving/travelling without me/going out on the town' etc. etc.

I am sole earner and mother to 6... and the day my husband tells me what to do/not do, or tries to emotionally manipulate me for that matter, his card will be marked. I would not dream of telling him what he is allowed to do, and it cuts both ways. It's called respect.

I appreciate that OP's husband may have not meant it like this, but the very fact that she now feels conflicted and guilty identifies this as controlling behaviour.
 
Personally I don't find this controlling behaviour, I completely understand where your husband is coming from I think I would feel the same with a young family, my children are 5 and 7 and I can see how having little people who depend on you can change your perspective on high risk sports however in my few years of marriage I have come to understand that compromise is sometimes what's needed and I think the air jacket and back protector idea is great then at least he can see you have taken his views into consideration and you can still focus on your goals.
 
Abi90 said:
The two worst falls I've ever had were on the flat. I understand his concern, I fell off and broke my collarbone and severe concussion recently and my husband was not happy but he jumps out of planes for a living so I don't feel like he can say anything
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Really sorry about your fall but your comments about your husbands job made me giggle 😂


I dropped a padlock on my wrist and broke it 🤔 poop happens but I agree maybe just leave it for a bit and come back to it at a later date. Maybe talk about show jumping instead
 
I never used to jump. I went ten years of my adult life never jumping because I was a bit of a chicken and had convinced myself I couldnt do it. Then one day I looked back and thought how much fun I could have had, how much I might have achieved and learnt. So I just thought screw it and started having lessons. I'm not great by anyone's standard but I've gone from never jumping, to going clear round a 2ft3 course and gradually working up. Do I fall off? Absolutely. But I sure as hell don't want another ten years to dissappear without proving to myself that I absolutely can do it!! Things like jumping are exciting because it is more of a risk. We only live once, we need the excitement and to do what makes us happy. If jumping makes you happy then keep doing it.
 
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