yard owner likes to talk... about customers.

[QuietLife]

Hi all,

Im new to H&H forum but hope you can all give me a dig out and some much needed advice.

The yard ive been at for just under a year has a lovely setting and I generally get on well with my fellow liveries. There is always one fly in the ointment however but unfortunately mine is the yard owner.

Dont get me wrong they seemed lovely until about a month ago when said owner decided to talk about other paying liveries to me.

I find it very uncomfortable to deal with as I've never had this happen to me before. I've had liveries talk about each over and yard owners but this is all very new to me.

Am I wrong to think its highly unprofessional? As my username would suggest im just after a quiet life... help please.

 

[Equestrienne]

I'm not really sure I can help. Sure it's probably unprofessional if the YO is bagging on their paying clients, but in one form or another I think this happens from time to time where ever you go.
Nice that you've been taken into their confidence but I can see you're uncomfortable.

Change the topic of conversation if you aren't brave enough to tell them to stop outright (personally I'm not so would change subjects until they got the idea). Or c'est la vie.

 

[QuietLife]

Thanks!

Thats what I've been doing. Im one of those people that can talk to anyone but I feel this is a step to far.

I am on the look for somewhere new as they don't seem to be getting the hint. The other liveries are nice people and I genuinely get on well with them.

It does make me wonder if its across the board... livery yards are truly awful places at times!!

 

[Equestrienne]

You're so welcome!

From what I've heard about liveries and the few different places that I've been it does seem to be common. Although I'm sure some places are worse than others? Perhaps a smaller livery situation may work? For me I tend to avoid as I ride a lot earlier than anyone else, but it is also a lot less social.

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

I would not move, there is no perfect yard, just make sure you are to busy to get in to conversation.

 

[Antw23uk]

Agreed there is no perfect yard so for this slight inconvenience I think you would be mad to move ... trust me it does not get better and you will get used to it. If your staying in this hobby then you will need to toughen up!
Be polite (she is probably saying the same about you behind your back anyway or perhaps testing to see if you will go ratting on her to the other liveries!) and just either be too busy or say you like so and so and change the subject ..... change the subject to something weird and stay consistent and I'm sure she will get the hint soon enough.

 

[WandaMare]

It is a bit unprofessional but its not a major thing, gossiping happens everywhere. Unless its malicious and nasty I wouldn't take any notice. I have found situations like this have been very useful experiences in learning how to handle myself and be assertive when i need to. If you feel uncomfortable about it, tell her firmly but kindly. I would at least give her a chance to change before considering leaving and try not to be too judgemental.

 

[webble]

Sounds like my old yard owner the things she would say about people behind their backs and to their face in front of other people were awful

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

Sounds like my old yard owner the things she would say about people behind their backs and to their face in front of other people were awful

yes, its madness, trying to fing a good yard with all perfect people and ponies is just impossible, believe me, I went to a place where they invoiced me for three ponies including two months before one of them was born!
Apparently it was my fault as the yard ran on trust with regard to payments ........... lol, the YM used to pocket any cash, paid one of the liveries to muck out and was rarely seen, certainly she was not the "welfare is my watchword" person she presented herself as, fences were not maintained, in fact one was about 18" high, others loose sheep netting which horses got caught in, including her own which nearly died.
The previous YM bought ponies from a dealer through the books then sold them for cash [to save the purchaser VAT apparently!]

You could prepare a wee speech, so that
.......... "gosh we will be accused of gossiping next, lets change the subject "

 

[Goldenstar]

If the yard is good for the horse then all I would do is smile vaguely and change the subject .

 

[Archangel]

If you keep changing the subject they will move on to a more willing ear I think. However trouble always starts at the top and the yard owner should stay out of the gossip.

 

[Equi]

Mine would have a touch of this. Just be bold enough to remind them that you like so n so or have no issue with them and if they do its best they talk to them.

 

[Dry Rot]

Sounds like the YO is a bit lonely and needs someone to talk to. Maybe steer the conversation onto anoher subject rather than avoid or cut her dead? As someone who is generally happy to be alone, I am aware that I sometimes prattle on when I do find a willing ear!

There's an interesting aspect of training I am working on with one of the ponies at the moment and it is that it is quite difficult to think of two things at the same time! I think that's why food rewards work so well. They change the focus of attention from whatever the horse finds upsetting to the offered tidbit. I've also noticed you can divert someone's attention by suddenly popping an irrelevant qustion into the conversation. The more irrelevantt the better. The one questioned is surprised at the question, starts to try to work out it's relevance (ideally, there should be none at all), and has then forgotten the point or topic of conversation they were trying to make in the first place! It does work!

 

[Deltic Blue]

I wouldn't move just because of a YO talking about other liveries, I'm sure it happens everywhere.
Like others said, just make yourself too busy to talk, or change the subject.
I'm often just up the yard for less than 30 mins in the mornings as I just quickly muck out and sort my own out, no time to chat as I've got work to get to, so I just get my head down and get on with it.

 

[QuietLife]

Thanks everyone. I've been around horses for a very long time and talking does happen. Im afaid its getting to much, they are very insistant about what is and is not done with everyones horses so im sure those of you are correct to assume I am being spoken about also. I know deep down I am but im an adult and I dont care about that so much. Im getting into trouble for fences breaking and my horse just being a horse. Yes he can be destructive but hes an animal and im not there to watch him every second of the day.

Maybe this was the icing on the very obscure cake that is my livery yard. . .

I'll do my besy to keeo you all posted.

Thank you again,
Its good to know im not alone in this situation.
QL

 

[glamourpuss]

Is it talking about in a derogatory manner or just conversation? It may be that the YO thinks they are just trying to help you fit in by giving you information about your fellow liveries.
IMO a conversation like
'Do you know Kate yet? She has the big bay gelding, she lives near you. She had a really good season last year & did very well at dressage, she hasn't been out as much this year though'
Is VERY different to:
'Do you know Kate? She bought her horse after ripping off little old dears in a pyramid scheme. She lives near you but is having an affair with the vicar over the road. She hasn't been out to much dressage this year because she's in a witness protection scheme'

Talking about fellow liveries isn't an issue unless it's being done to stir up trouble/gossip/pass on information that is private.

 

[Wagtail]

Thanks everyone. I've been around horses for a very long time and talking does happen. Im afaid its getting to much, they are very insistant about what is and is not done with everyones horses so im sure those of you are correct to assume I am being spoken about also. I know deep down I am but im an adult and I dont care about that so much. Im getting into trouble for fences breaking and my horse just being a horse. Yes he can be destructive but hes an animal and im not there to watch him every second of the day.

Maybe this was the icing on the very obscure cake that is my livery yard. . .

I'll do my besy to keeo you all posted.

Thank you again,
Its good to know im not alone in this situation.
QL

What type of talking is it? I run a very small yard and we are like a family here. I may say something about a livery to another livery like 'oh soanso is so kind, she'll do anything for you.' Or a livery might ask me how someone is getting on with a horse that's been injured and I'll answer them if they haven't been able to run into the owner themselves. But everyone is very open and friendly with one another here. I'd never say anything negative about a livery, or anything which is sensitive. But if I refused to answer innocent questions, that would be very unfriendly and spoil the atmosphere of the yard. So I don't think you can expect a yard owner never to mention or say anything about other liveries. That's just unreasonable IMO. But if she is slagging liveries off to other liveries, then that's another matter completely.

 

[Damnation]

My current YO does this. I smile, zone out, say nothing!

But I am moving tomorrow (other reasons) woppee!

 

[wingedhorse]

My current YO does this. I smile, zone out, say nothing!

But I am moving tomorrow (other reasons) woppee!

My current yard is fine, and I barely see yard owners / other liveries.

Previous yard, yard owner did a lot of discussing what others did with other liveries, and picking the good and bad apart and sharing views.

No one was sacred, and everyone was talked about behind their backs. It was the way it was, and did drive atmosphere and gossip and drama and storms in teacups.

But she did do it to everyone / with pretty much everyone / about everyone.

 

[WandaMare]

[QUOTE: There's an interesting aspect of training I am working on with one of the ponies at the moment and it is that it is quite difficult to think of two things at the same time! I think that's why food rewards work so well. They change the focus of attention from whatever the horse finds upsetting to the offered tidbit. I've also noticed you can divert someone's attention by suddenly popping an irrelevant qustion into the conversation. The more irrelevantt the better. The one questioned is surprised at the question, starts to try to work out it's relevance (ideally, there should be none at all), and has then forgotten the point or topic of conversation they were trying to make in the first place! It does work![/QUOTE]

I love that DR, sounds fun. I'm going to try this with the next person who starts annoying me

 

[QuietLife]

Hi again,

I'm struggling to keep up with everyones names. Apologies!

The talking is more along the lines of private matters. Its always done with the words "concerned" or "welfare issue" when its quite obvious there isn't one.

Its like they feel they have to justify the money they spend. Shoeing is an example of where stupid money must be spent along with a whole load on name dropping. Whereas rubbish hay we are supplied with is okay. (Im talking a new level of dusty)

Ive always just shrugged things off but feel there are contradictions. Everyone has a different way of doing things and thats okay, I don't think it's okay to slag people off due to this, yard owner, manager, fellow livery or your grandparents.

Maybe I just expect too much from people. Sigh!

 

[SO1]

Maybe the YO is genuinely concerned about welfare issues and wants someone to talk to about it and thinks you are a nice person on the same wave length as them and so is talking to you about their concerns. YO may spend more times with the horses than owners, if the owners are at work all day and the YO are on the yard all day, so YO may get fond of the horses on the yard and care about them too.

With regards to ways of doing things and which farriers or suppliers to use, most people believe they are using the best suppliers and that includes liveries as well as YO. In my experience you get two sorts of YO, those that are really hands off and do not care who does what and does not get involved even if they thought there was a potential welfare issue, or those who are more hands on and like to know who is doing what and want to be more involved in the care of the horses on their yard. YO who like things to be done in a certain way or like to be move involved in the care of the horses on their yard are probably more suited to running part/full livery yards, whereas people who don't want to get involved and don't have a preference regarding how horses are managed may be more suited to having a DIY yard.

Your personality type will have an influence on what sorts of yards you will be happy on. If you are very controlling you may need a very flexible yard, which may be hard to find. Where you might come unstuck is if you are very controlling but need someone to keep an eye on horse whilst you are not there as you are going to want someone who is interested in the welfare of your horse and getting to know your horse well enough to know when something is wrong but who is not too opinionated when it comes to horse care so they will fit in with your ideas if they are very different from their own.

No YO and no livery is going to be perfect but some combinations will be a lot more suitable than others. It is a bit like workplaces you have to compromise sometimes and it not always easy, sometimes your colleagues and your boss will become friends, sometimes you will not get on all and it will be so bad you have to more on, but in most cases you try and get on the best you can, with some days being good and others not so good.

Reading between the lines it seems from what you are saying that YO has a preference for a more expensive farrier than some owners are using and it telling you that people who do not use that farrier are putting their horses health at risk. You are now thinking that YO is being hypocritical with regard to the farrier when you are being supplied with dusty hay which could be putting your horses' health at risk and you are also having an issue with the fencing.

I actually don't think it is the YO confiding in you that is going to be the problem here - if you are not happy due to the dusty hay and fencing and you can't resolve either of these issues by speaking with your YO then you need to move on.

Hi again,

I'm struggling to keep up with everyones names. Apologies!

The talking is more along the lines of private matters. Its always done with the words "concerned" or "welfare issue" when its quite obvious there isn't one.

Its like they feel they have to justify the money they spend. Shoeing is an example of where stupid money must be spent along with a whole load on name dropping. Whereas rubbish hay we are supplied with is okay. (Im talking a new level of dusty)

Ive always just shrugged things off but feel there are contradictions. Everyone has a different way of doing things and thats okay, I don't think it's okay to slag people off due to this, yard owner, manager, fellow livery or your grandparents.

Maybe I just expect too much from people. Sigh!

 

[QuietLife]

Myself and the yard owner are not on the same wave length at all. Honestly, they are not the kind of people I'd choose to be around.

They work all day so are not around to see what happens with horses and I can honestly assure you they are not observant unless it involves their horse or their stuff. Ie fencing.
Let me be clear in saying I have raised both issues with hay and fencing and they have both been dismissed. Hence why I'm at a loss now of what to do now.

Im not the fussy or controling type, I'm laid back but straight to the point. I have been on both kinds if yards you are referring to. If I'm being really honest, yard owners need to listen to what their paying clients want.

Too many people go about setting up Yards and knowing nothing about customer service and how to deal with problems as and when they arise.
Owning a horse and runing a professional and profitable business are two very different things.

If you overheard a shop owner and one of their customers talking about another customer in bad terms, would you return?
I know I wouldn't.

Its just common sense not to **** where you eat.

Sorry for the harsh term but I just don't think it's acceptable to make allowances for peoples bad manners and being downright rude.

 

[saalsk]

I learnt ( after several experiences ! ) that a very bland smile, along with a "I just worry about my own horse, I have no idea what others do, and frankly, it isn't my business to know, or comment on it" and carry on with what you are doing - they soon realise they are not getting any reaction from you, that you are not interested in gossiping, and are not going to join in with their attacks on other liveries.

 

[charlie76]

Myself and the yard owner are not on the same wave length at all. Honestly, they are not the kind of people I'd choose to be around.

They work all day so are not around to see what happens with horses and I can honestly assure you they are not observant unless it involves their horse or their stuff. Ie fencing.
Let me be clear in saying I have raised both issues with hay and fencing and they have both been dismissed. Hence why I'm at a loss now of what to do now.

Im not the fussy or controling type, I'm laid back but straight to the point. I have been on both kinds if yards you are referring to. If I'm being really honest, yard owners need to listen to what their paying clients want.

Too many people go about setting up Yards and knowing nothing about customer service and how to deal with problems as and when they arise.
Owning a horse and runing a professional and profitable business are two very different things.

If you overheard a shop owner and one of their customers talking about another customer in bad terms, would you return?
I know I wouldn't.

Its just common sense not to **** where you eat.

Sorry for the harsh term but I just don't think it's acceptable to make allowances for peoples bad manners and being downright rude.

I don't understand, if you don't like it there then leave?

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

This is a totally unprofessional way for any YO to behave and as a YO myself it raises my gander because we all get tarred with the same brush.

 

[WandaMare]

I don't understand, if you don't like it there then leave?

This^^ I don't understand why you aren't looking for somewhere else. Talking about other liveries isn't an ideal situation but maybe she thought she could trust you. While it might be a tad unprofessional, I don't think its that bad. Its probably because you are generally unhappy there that it has got a bit out of perspective.

 

[WandaMare]

deleted, posted twice

 

[QuietLife]

This is a totally unprofessional way for any YO to behave and as a YO myself it raises my gander because we all get tarred with the same brush.

Thank you!

I'm glad you agree.

 

[Tyssandi]

Hi all,

Im new to H&H forum but hope you can all give me a dig out and some much needed advice.

The yard ive been at for just under a year has a lovely setting and I generally get on well with my fellow liveries. There is always one fly in the ointment however but unfortunately mine is the yard owner.

Dont get me wrong they seemed lovely until about a month ago when said owner decided to talk about other paying liveries to me.

I find it very uncomfortable to deal with as I've never had this happen to me before. I've had liveries talk about each over and yard owners but this is all very new to me.

Am I wrong to think its highly unprofessional? As my username would suggest im just after a quiet life... help please.

Maybe the yard owner, needs someone to talk to about someone paying their rent. Right or wrong you must tell them your feelings so it is out in the open, just tell them you thank them in confiding in them but you feel uncomfortable about her doing so and could she refrain from discussing other livery issues.

Yard owners are only human, and i feel if this yard owner needs to talk too, someone maybe steer them to a closer friend or relative to discuss this matter. To say it is unprofessional is IMO a bit unkind, as some think this is, others think they need someone to talk too.

For example my yard owner has discussed another livery being behind in their rent or late paying, I don't mind it as I have become good friends with the YO and help them out where ever I can as late livery rent reflects on the business as a whole. They have no one else to talk too and like to bounce things off me and ask for my opinion. It must be so frustrating trying to run a business when certain livery owners fail to pay on time, just imaging these late payers owner work bosses being late paying them, all hell would break loose.


If your uncomfortable in the YO discussing this you must tell them