Yikes, thats some attitude...!!!

[Red-1]

I like the advice your friend has given. There is a different tone in your post today. A tone that is likely to be much more successful, whatever success you decide you would like to work towards.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Thanks everyone.
As someone said earlier on in the thread, I tend to post here when I'm super stressed, making things probably sound worse than they are.
Bailey is a nice chap who has "something " about him that going to make him really special for someone. Probably not me, but I can relax and enjoy playing my little part in his journey now I'm feeling less pressured.
My friend was somewhat bemused that I would buy such a small horse, she knows me from a time I very rarely rode anything Under 17hh. She thinks that an ID X or similar around 16.2 is going to be a better fit for me long term.
She believes that Bailey would possibly make a great event type horse, though obviously he's too young to really know. He appears to be very bright and we think he's going to learn quickly.
She has faith that I can bring out the best in him if I can get past the stressand anxiety I have about messing up, I've dealt with horses far worse in the past but that is the somewhat distant past. Apparently I need to stop having crackpot ideas about my physical abilities, they aren't going to change and I'm no longer 20 🙄😳
She wants to help me get Bailey to the point of being a nice, polite youngster ready for someone to take forward, get a sensible price for him and buy a sensible horse for myself. She's also very bossy 🙄🙄

 

[Cortez]

I like your friend

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

I like your friend

I like her less #thetruthhurts 🙄😂

 

[Cortez]

I like her less #thetruthhurts 🙄😂

A really good friend will tell you the truth...

 

[Leo Walker]

I have the horse I need not the one and I want and actually its really nice! I'd like something like Bailey, well actually I'd like smaller and sharper. I love those sorts of horses. The hot heads that you have to constantly talk down. I cant physically manage it. I'm too wrecked to ride anything never mind something like that. So instead I have a very sweet natured cobby pony. She is an absolute delight. She went out competing 4 weeks after being broken to drive. She stood all day at the wagon with no fuss, drove nicely and didnt get upset at me being excited and nervous about competing, she didnt panic when I put her wrong and we ran some cones over, and didnt bat an eyelid at being in an enormous indoor school with mirrors and a load of spectators in the viewing gallery. We just generally had the most amazing day. It would not have been like that with the sharp little hot head that I think I want.

Theres a lot to be said for having a suitable horse!

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Yes, you're right. I need to stop making horse owning such a chore for myself, I'm sucking the fun out of it by buying unsuitable beasts.
I don't want/need a showy, busy or sharp horse. Just a nice, middle of the road, affable sort that will cheerfully have a go at a bit of everything. I really do KNOW this, it's just hard when you find yourself unable to do the things you used to because your body won't play ball. I'm only 38 but honest to goodness I feel ancient some days.

Bobbie sounds like a little diamond ❤❤❤

 

[Cortez]

I went to look at horses in Spain last year, I'm 60 and definitely feel it. I looked at some of the most glorious creatures that 20 years ago I would have been flinging myself on, but I didn't buy the beautiful, fantastically extravagant-moving, unbroken 4 year old Spanish stallion. I bought the "old lady's horse" that I went to buy: still beautiful but slightly older, a mare, broken, kinder, more sensible and suitable for what I need now and over the hill into the future. It was the right choice for me now, and she's coming on perfectly.

 

[paddi22]

it's really easy to buy with your heart over your head. Or to buy a horse with some vision of how you COULD be in mind. The older I get the more I think it's like trying on clothes - you want to be able to walk out of the changing room immediately feeling confident and comfortable in stuff that fits correctly. It took me years to learn what horses are a good fit for me.

 

[Goldenstar]

Adjusting your purchasing as you age is tough you have to prepared to admit that you need to choose with more care .
Finding something that’s kind and safe and amusing is not easy .

OP you need to save up and buy a really nice ID .
A good Irish draught passes the size test and good well trained ones are the kindest most sensible horses .
They also usually very funny to have about .

 

[tristar]

the more i see and hear about id horses the less i like them.

or is it the way they are trained or handled? so many threads on here about id`s behaviour and soundness issues

 

[Cortez]

the more i see and hear about id horses the less i like them.

or is it the way they are trained or handled? so many threads on here about id`s behaviour and soundness issues

He he: can't stand 'em. Very unpatriotic of me I know, but they are not my sort of horse at all. Now, if I wanted to blatter about the countryside jumping out of bogs there'd be nothing to beat an Irish Draught, but that's not what I want to do with a horse.

 

[HEM]

Your friend sounds very wise and by the sounds of it told you exactly what you needed to hear (no matter how hard it was to hear) good luck with Bailey I am sure he's going to be a cracker!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

You have a very sensible friend!

I'm pretty sure a good few of your HHO friends told you something similar. Relax and Bailey will relax with you

 

[Pippity]

well your friend sounds a very sensible sort .

I like the horse you need not what you want there’s lots of people who need that bit of advice .

Something my instructor kept saying to me! My eyes kept being caught by 17hh WB/ISH/TBs making beautiful shapes over enormous fences and doing all kinds of twiddly sideways dressage malarkeys. There was one big, skewbald hunter that I still wish I could have been happy on, and I get a bit wistful when I'm out hacking and the sideways-teleporting Arab is getting all the admiring oohs and ahs from everyone around us. But being able to safely march along on the buckle end and thoroughly enjoy every moment I'm on board makes up for it.

And I didn't remotely 'click' with her the way so many threads say you will with a horse you should buy. I chose her because she ticked all my essential boxes, with the added bonus of really good movement, and she sailed through the vetting. Talk to your friend, put together a list of essentials, a list of nice-to-haves, and a list of don't-touch-it-with-a-bargepoles, and then STICK TO IT! It's only been four months and my little cob lifts my heart every time I see her.

(I also have ME, and I really know how easy it is to over-estimate what you're capable of. I found it helpful to spend a few months making a note of what I was doing and how I felt, and I was able to find the happy medium level of exertion. That was one of the factors on my shopping list - I couldn't cope with a horse who needed to be ridden every day.)

 

[Palindrome]

I think you should have a look at quarter horses, some of them have the best temperament you can find in a horse. Think 6 year old stallion left "ground tied" (that's when you let the rope on the ground) while the owner potters about... on a yard full of other horses. They might not be very big in size but they ride big and comfy to boot.

 

[splashgirl45]

you have got a couple of good friends there. i understand your dilemma though. when i was younger i would and could ride almost anything, i love the lighter build horses and would really like to have a retrained racehorse. BUT i am 72 with really bad arthritis everywhere and know that if i ever could have another horse it absolutely must be as bombproof as possible and not too big so would have to look for a cobby type or a native. i dream of winning the lottery so i could pay to have the hard work done and i could do the nice bits like grooming and riding....bailey looks like an eventer type to me and if you can sort out his anxiety (and yours) and manners you should be able to find a good home for him...lots of luck

 

[MagicMelon]

I had one like this, he was quite agressive but I realised it was his defence mechanism when he was stressed (due to the move / change in environment and routine). I would just get into a routine and ignore the bad behaviour (mine would get even more stressed / worse if I even raised my voice at him), while making a fuss of him when he was good even if it was just something simple like leading nicely for a minute. Id spend time getting to know him, just grooming and lungeing etc. I'd also recommend a string halter (the type that tightens when they pull), it was the only thing I could lead mine in during the early days as otherwise he was so bolshy and soon learnt he could tank off in a regular headcollar. I'd honestly just take your time, no pressure, just try to get him to relax and get to know him so he soon learns to like and respect you. I also think a herd (or at least another couple) would benefit him, mine was bolshy with other horses too so needed to learn not to push it from them.

 

[ycbm]

I am SO sitting on my hands trying not to send you a PM to take him off your hands! I think he's really nice and a fab colour.. If you can just get him settled enough to sell he'll sell easily. If you can get him settled enough to send away and back, you should even make money on him! Keep us updated, won't you?

 

[JJS]

There's an awful lot to be said for the horse you need, OP. I chose Mary with my sensible head on, knowing that if I was going to get a third horse to ride, said mount had to be safe, sane, and low maintenance. Thoroughbreds have always been my first love, but realistically I needed something that was less likely to break and carried the lowest possible risk of putting me on the floor. I'm only 27, but a fall at 17 means my pelvis simply can't stand up to being smacked into the ground if I come off, so a 14-14.2hh cob was the goal.

Nonetheless, Mary has delighted me. I love the very bones of her. She can occasionally be stubborn but you could not find a kinder horse if you scoured every corner of the earth. She's immensely intelligent but not the sort who will ever use it against you. She's beautiful to my eye, despite her funny black face, and I'm forever happy to see that gorgeous head lift at the sight of me. She's also - and I never imagined this would be the case when I got her - incredibly, adorably affectionate. She finds being fussed heavenly and can always be counted on to line herself up next to Flower for a groom and a cuddle, no head collar required! I never thought the horse I needed could make me so happy and grateful, but over time, she's become the horse that I wanted too. Choose wisely and you'll soon discover the two can become one and the same.

 

[paddi22]

Along the lines of JSS posts, I also think you have to consider if your horse would pick YOU as their ideal owner.?If the answer is 'no', then it's usually the person that needs more work and training than the horse

 

[Marigold4]

Thank you for all of the replies/advice and even critical comments...They have been needed.
I have spent many hours in Bailey's company today, just observing, not handling, along with someone extremely experienced in young horses. She had read through this thread and met Bailey etc and come to the following conclusions:
* Its no wonder people on here think I'm a dickhead because quite frankly I make myself sound like one. 😳😳
* I underestimate my ability with horses but grossly overestimate my physical abilities (I have Fibromyalgia and ME)...which is where my main problems lay when I'm stressing out.
* I have an emotional reaction to horses that seem to have had a hard time and consequently buy with my heart, not my head and this isn't doing me, or them, any favours.
* She sees no advantage to turning Bailey out with a bunch of youngsters but definitely agrees there needs to be a third horse in the field.
* Bailey is mainly reacting out of anxiety, as many of you have said.
* He has almost definitely been punished physically (not suggesting severe abuse) ie been smacked on the face, for biting etc which has escalated the issue.
* She agrees that for the time being I need to stick to the basics and not put any pressure on him. However I must firmly insist he stays out of my space.
* She believes I'm perfectly capable of getting all of the basics right here but feels that physically I will be unable to give Bailey what he needs long term and that ultimately we won't be the right match.

There were many other things discussed but the general outcome is as follows:
* I will very likely have to sell Bailey on to a more suitable home but for at least the next month I'm going to gently, firmly and quietly on his basic manners and teaching him how to relax.
* A third horse will be sought but for the time being it's been agreed that the mare in the field will not be moved from his sight in order to avoid causing him undue stress.
* I will spend as much time as possible passively interacting with him, such as hanging around the field, poo picking etc.
* Nothing else is to be done with him other than catching, tying up and basic handling for at least the next few weeks. Then my friend will come over when she has time to reassess the situation.

All ending in the comments that I'm not allowed to so much as sniff another horse for sale until she has fully approved it as suitable. I'm not allowed to buy anything Under the age of 5, nothing unbroken, sad, mangy, skinny, ancient and nothing with legs skinnier than my own!!
I have to do right by Bailey and then look for the horse I need and not the one I want.
All her words, not mine.

I too have an "emotional attachment to horses that have had a hard time"! Most of which have been free or very cheap. They have mostly been difficult, cost me a fortune in vet fees and I have often been in despair. But ... I have really enjoyed the challenge of sorting their problems. They have all competed at their own level and when successful I have been immmensely proud of them. I bought a straightforward 3 year old which I backed myself but sold as 'boring'! It's doing much better with its new owner than any of my hopeless little crew but maybe you won't ever like "the horse you need"!

 

[MotherOfChickens]

but maybe you won't ever like "the horse you need"!

which is quite depressing! sometimes you just need to try having the horse you need, before you come to love it.

 

[Tiddlypom]

which is quite depressing! sometimes you just need to try having the horse you need, before you come to love it.

Yes indeed! I now have the 'horse I need' rather than the 'horse I wanted', and it has taken a little while to re-evaluate my riding ethos, but it was always the right choice for me who is now 60 .

When my then instructor told me that I was 'brave' to take the late (highly sensitive and forward thinking) maxicob on, and that I made him look easier to ride than he was, she was right. The falls came soon after...

 

[only_me]

OP if you do get to the point of having him backed and riding quietly away send me a pm if you do end up selling - he’s lovely and agree with your friend, he’d make a lovely event type or working hunter.

I don’t really agree with the ID bashing, often they are just big horses with confidence which if handled correctly isn’t an issue. OP I bet once he settles in after a while and understands you are “his” he will be better.

 

[ElleSkywalker]

He is exceptionally beautiful 😍 and I agree with everything your friend said as well as Michens advice that given time it may work out once he's settled etc so don't put pressure on your self either way. you have a plan

With regards to the pony you need rather than want this is my experience. I got an exceptionally unsuitable horse when I was aged 15 who I kept till she died in Nov last year. I also have her daughter and a few others. Sadly for one reason and another of the two rideable ones I have neither are easy or able to compete. I had a serious knee injury last Aug that am still recovering from and I realised none of my current horses would be suitable for me to ride with dodgy leg. So it was either don't ride or get another.

What I wanted was a sporty native or a tbx native to compete on, dressage, SJ low level eventing, what I needed was a kind traffic proof sensible pony. So I got the kind traffic proof sensible pony. She's younger and greener than I wanted but her attitude is wonderful. She went to an in hand shown on Sunday and was perfect (first time in an indoor) And yesterday hacked alone to meet a friend then left her new pony friend to come home. Yes she had some jogging and squeaking but we got home safely and happily.

I have friends who have met her that think she might event or dressage, if she does that's great, if not she'll do what I got her to do, be a confidence giving fun pony. The friend I met yesterday commented she never thought I'd get a coloured cob, neither did I, but she is exactly what I need

 

[tristar]

i must say i agree with only me, about a lot of id`s being big strong horses, i think thats what i see is they often need a person who wants that kind of horse, who can cope with the strength and power, and the boldness.

but i do think some horses are never going to change, some show who they will be when hours old, and certainly the horse they will be is there at three, and yes they can become more civilized and educated but the actual personality will always be there.

i have one who was condemned at 3 hours old by the vet as`` difficult`, he is eleven now and has been hated by some who have had dealings with him, his personality is arrogant, however i love him to bits and enjoy working with him because i have a close attachment to him and see his honest side and he thrills with his sheer beauty and spirit.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

It's really interesting to read different people's thoughts on all of this. I'm really grateful I'm not getting too hard a time for cocking up lol.
The most ridiculous thing about it all is that the horse I want is probably closer to the horse I need than I had really thought. As a general rule I don't go for flashy colours or sporty types, it's more "something" about the personality that draws me in. Unfortunately that's where the crux of the problem is, that type of personality doesn't suit me as a riding horse.
If I could outline my dream horse from a visual it would be a 17.2hh coloured Drum Horse dripping in feather....go figure lol.
There are a couple of things I now know to be sure....
* I absolutely 100% want/need a big, chunky horse. I don't do small horses and never have. My friend assures me that she doesn't see a problem with that. But I do need something I can fit into a trailer etc so need to be sensible.
* I should definitely NOT by an unbroken youngster again, while I might not be ancient at 38 my body believes me to already be dead on some days 🙄🙄
* I really just want to enjoy having a horse again, I don't need the drama of a complicated horse. I am, however, committed to getting Bailey where he needs to be. He didn't ask to end up with a prat for an owner 😳😳 He deserves a chance to learn that people can be trustworthy and even fun.
* I very much appreciate the honesty of people on here, it may seem like I'm not listening but I'm really trying to.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Well done, OP. I know that folk are trying to be helpful in offering other suggestions, like quarter horses, or advising hanging on to see if Bailey suits you, but be strong and stick to what you, and your knowlegeable friend, know is right for you.

You may be able to move Bailey on quite quickly with a clear conscience if he settles soon, and then you can look for your own horse for you .

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Thank you. I will absolutely not be letting him go until I'm sure he's ready, and any potential new owner will be questioned thoroughly.
His long term welfare is now my very utmost priority. If it takes months, then it takes months. I'm 100% committed to him. I'm now looking at it that he will be a fun challenge and it will be lovely to see him blossom into the cracker I know he will be. Plus, I can wait til he starts to change his coat 😍😍😍😍