Your best "it shouldn't happen to a horse owner but did

[topclass]

Years ago I have a tb ex racer Id ony had him about 8 weeks riding in a huge big field about 30 acres plus instructor giving me a lesson walk trotter, canter and oh jumping!!!! there was a bit of a hollow on the ground nothing major infact all the horses just used to carry on oh no mot mine, mine decides its a jump!!! I clear it hit the thich tree branch head first took the peek of my hat sumersaulted right off his back landed on my feet and fell on my backside "He" calmly came trotting over and then procedded to have a wee right next to me my dad and instructor were in stitches my dad took a video of my lesson and its all on there for proof I wasnt hurt just covered in wee and grass stains and needed a new hat.

 

[Teagan]

OH and I took the horses to the beach for a ride. OH newish to riding.

My horse, good, solid, sensible cob. His, WBxTB nut case.

His horse is rather spooky and can turn on a sixpence / change direction etc in a flash. Spooks at seaweed, changes canter lead and direction in an instant etc.....

Cantering nicely down the beach, lovely sunny day, sandy tidal pools which the horses are cantering through ..... you get the picture ..... lovely

Then, coming up, was a stream where water was running off the nearby cliffs down into the sea. Not a big stream, not fast running, just cutting a flat path from the cliffs to the sea, shallow, probably 2 foot wide (nothing different to the sandy pools).

His horse is in front being a twinkle toes, mine thundering up behind.

His horse stops dead at the 'stream'. OH comes out of the saddle and lands in front of it on the horses neck ...... ouch. My cob, who is in full flight, comes thundering on past (no chance of her stopping on a sixpence), so his horse, thinks, "oh must be ok then", and breaks straight back into full belt gallop to catch up with my horse, with said poor partner, with watering eyes, still sitting on his neck !!!

I turn to see OH pushing himself backwards back on to the plate, legs flailing, pained expression on his face whilst horse is galloping on thinking "this is great Dad".

How the hell he stayed on I will never ever know. (But by God did I laugh)

 

[cambrica]

Not so long ago my 10yr old daughter came off her Welsh Sec a hitting her leg on a fence post. Ever the unsympathetic mother I told her she was fine and its not broken. About and hour later she's still in pain - Q better be a good mother and take her to A&E. Got there, got the wheelchair, miles of corridors, seen by doctor, sent for x ray. Well what a surprise - no break, no fracture just perfect bones. My daughter, totally disappointed managed to get the doctor to give her some purple crutches to help her walk.....
The following day at the stables, on purple crutches, lots of sympathy when all of a sudden she was like bloody Forest Gump. Crutches thrown aside, running around and wanting to ride.

When my son was much younger he fell of a standing still pony ???? Don't ask!! but he was in pain, called the paramedic who called the ambulance. We had laid him on a fleece blanket on straw bales. Turned out he broke his collar bone. Took him to hospital leaving the ambulance crew to sweep out all the straw. Straw in the corridors, straw in the xray room. It was highly embarassing.

 

[Teagan]

Remembered Another One, or Two.

At a winter show with my cob, freezing cold. Stood in the lorry park, horse tied to lorry whilst sorting out show gear.

I walks up to cob, who is still in her travel attire and thinks, oh the back boot has slipped down. So goes over and pulls it up - startling the poor horse, who promptly lifted her hock up very swiftly into my face, lifting me off the ground.

I was then staggering around the car park clutching my face thinking said horsey had broken every bone in my face and fellow competitors thinking my horse had actually kicked me full on.

Poor OH, who was not particularly horsey at that time, then had to put on my show gear, including the jacket (with bust darts in etc) and rather large big bummed jods, to take the horse into the inhand classes and kept on getting called by my name ...... they must have thought I was one butch looking munter !

Or the time .......

I came off my cob whilst cantering, landed flat on my tummy and actually "knocked myself out" without actually going unconcious.

Rode home asking some really silly questions, and saying things like I have never fallen off before .... when I had the previous weekend whilst doing XC, and then denying that I had ever done XC. Got to the yard, stopped in front of my stable and asked a good friend as if I didnt know her at all, "if she would kindly help me off the horse as I didnt know what I was doing up there and didnt know how to get off"! She, at first, thought I was joking and just laughed at me. So I said again, "no I really dont know how to get off and why wont you help me".

It was only then that it was dawning on people that I had scambled my hard drive.

At the hospital, I kept on asking the same questions over and over again. "what was I doing at the hospital, what time of year was it, if I had a horse was it OK and where was it. My dear OH answering me exasperatedly. I was repeating my questions so many times, in the same order, to the point that the Casualty Doctor actaully wrote all the answers down on a piece of paper and each time I started to ask the questions, he would hand me the piece of paper !!!

I was kept in for 3 days. Memory of coming off and getting back to the yard and hospital have never come back

 

[lcharles]

The other day i put my horse out in his field. By the gate its quite boggy so as i walked into the field he stopped just before the boggy bit (which i was stood in) so i called him and pulled his lead rope to get him to walk on.......so he leaps over the muddy patch, ripping me upwards out of my wellies (which have been sucked off by the mud!) and leaves me face first in the mud with no wellies!! Had to retrieve wellies before going to remove headcollar from my smirking horse!! x

 

[walkers_dream]

Summer last year, took my youngster out for the 1st time on the roads, at the time he was a yearling, A moto cross biker came towards us, got off and walked past us with the bike, turned it back on which in result scared the hell out of my colt who jumped sideways to look at it (not a major spook but thats a mega spook to him!)

I was then found on the floor in a heap in a bush of stinging nettles, i was wearing 3/4 lenth trousers and my leg was uncontrolably shaking from the stings. Dante was just looking at me like a pratt and my friend at the time (sadly no longer friends) proceeded to almost pee her self laughing at me with her stallion trying to get to the mares in the field next door...

i have to admit at the time even i was crying with laughter even though i was in imence pain from the nettles! Owie! my leg was numb for a week!

 

[x-di-x]

still lmao at all these, another few for you....

My oh ois non horsey, not long after we started going out, I persuaded him to have a leadrein hack on my mare. I rode my mums horse and my mum led him (she was going thru one of her non riding phases but that;s another story). The hack went past without incident. and we got back to the yard. I tried to talk my oh thru getting off said horse, swing right leg over rear jump off sort of thing,. but I didn;t tell him he had to ensure he straightened his legs to land on his feet and benf his knees when landing, well here he is swinging leg off back of horse sliding down but under at the same time leg came over th back and he landed in a heap on the floor.

As i;m kind and caring I sat on aboard my mums horse peeing myself, tears were streaming down my face, I couldn;t breathe for laughing, my horse - who hated people making a fool of themselves, walked off in disgust it took me 5 mins before I could ask my oh if he was ok. needless to say he;s never got on another.

Another one, with my delightful old pony, we were out for a hack and as ususal were stuck at the back of the ride (there was 4 or 5 of us) we went for a canter/gallop along this track that had a few bends in it - nothing sharp or anything. the ride got to the end of the canter track and looked round waiting on me (as usual), 10 mins passed and I still had not turned up so they decided to head back and look for me (days before mobile phones) after 15 mins of searching the found my pony grazing quite happily but no rider. another 20 mins of looking and they found me stuck up a tree in tears.

To this day (20 years later) I still don;t quite know what happened, to the best of my knowledge he never bucked me off, we had got into canter, eventually, started going round a corner and I parted company and ended up 10 feet off the ground, I wish to god someone had a video camera filming it - I would have got 250 quid for sure on You've been framed.

 

[cambrica]

Following my last post on this I must say I am quite frankly the worst person to call upon in an emergency.
I received a call from my mum saying "please come quick, I've really hurt myself and feel faint" nothing more than that. Panicking I phoned my brother on the way to stables and arrived there as he did. Thought Mum had fallen off as I knew she was riding that day.
When I arrived she had her head in her knees, covered in blood with a shovel beside her.
As she looked up I said quite without thinking "god blimey mum that is the biggest nose I have ever seen!" with that my brother and I had the worst attack of the giggles, couldn't stop. Even laughing as Im writing this.
She had tried to move some big heavy paving stones in a gateway and loosened them with the shovel which pinged back hitting her square on her nose. Massive nose and two of the worst blackeyes. Luckily my mum, who I love dearly knows what Im like.

 

[LaurenBay]

Everyone is looking at me with strange expressions in my office as I keep bursting out laughing!

I've also done the punching myself in the face doing up girths.

A couple of months ago, my YO asked me to bring her Horses in for her. I bought in her mare and had just hung her rug at the back of the stable, when I walked past her to leave her stable, she tugged her haynet so hard she lost grip and headbutted me. I heard a big crack, but wasn't sure which one of us it was. It turns out I had fractured my cheeckbone. To add insult to injury, I had a date that night and turned up with a huge swollen red cheek.

A few years ago, I was cantering my old share Horse up a hill, there was a cyclist at the top and we scared him so much, he fell off his bike and then rolled into a tree. God did I feel guilty!

The other week, I was getting my Horse in from the field. And I got stuck in the mud, my mare was getting really impatient (she was the only Horse left out) and tried to barge past me, She ended up standing on me, which only made me foot sink deeper. I had to ring my YO and ask her to come down to the field and help me as I was now stuck.

The other month, I accidently picked up a dead rat that was hidden in my loose straw. Eurgh.

 

[smiffyimp]

Projectile wee all up my leg last week! Nice!!!

 

[SpruceRI]

Went on a B&Bing holiday with a friend. Bridlepath took us through this lovely river near a village green. Hot sunny day. Loads of kids paddling with buckets and nets. We ride through and friends' horse does the biggest diarrhoea poo as she wades through said river..... leaving the kids screaming / running and their mothers tutting!!!

We had to find another way home, we were too embarrassed to go back there!!


Trying to help a previous boyfriend load his mule-like beast in my trailer.

The beast stepped off the side of the trailer ramp, head down tanking towards the yard, whereupon my boyfriend was flung out of the trailer in a wide arc behind his horse, before letting go of the rope and somersaulting down the steep concrete driveway .

It was the funniest thing and after checking he was OK had to go and scream with laughter elsewhere - he was NOT amused!!

 

[JFTDWS]

I was up at Norton Heath doing a wee bit of evening sj last night and I left my brat of a highland on the trailer while my friend was riding J. F's normally fine on trailers/tied up by himself, but on this occasion he decided to kick him was out and come flying round to the collecting area, which was pretty busy by this point. I was just heading over to sort him out as I'd heard him yelling, and he cantered straight past me. In a moment of optimism, I grabbed a handful of mane, yanked, and it slipped right through my hands I chose the wrong day to bath him clearly... I felt such a wally as he trotted over to J and I stood there staring at my slippery, baby oil covered hands Then I tried to lead him back to the trailer using just my tie as all my headcollars / tack etc were there. Not impressed...

Particularly uncool as I'd been having a bitch about the people next to me who'd parked right next to my trailer and tied their ponies up so I had to unload into them (literally, they were about 3 feet from the bottom of my ramp ), leaving me no room to tie up, and they'd left one pony freaking out tied up there Least their pony stayed tied up

I regularly do the "hit self in face while girthing up" and assaulting self with whip things too

 

[millikins]

Took pony for a hack I hadn't done before with instructions on route from daughter. Couldn't find a right turn that looked like she'd described so eventually went down a track that at least went in roughly the right direction. Proved to be the rear gateway to our local private school on the last day of Summer term, kids, parents, cars, balloons etc everywhere I got off and lead, it seemed somehow less rude, but nobody said a word!

 

[vickyb]

I was riding one of my employers youngsters on Epsom Downs. He whipped round and comprehensively dumped me, then set off at speed. My riding companion threw her whip at me (so she would have a free hand to catch him) and set off in pusuit. As I was walking back, covered in mud, a whip in each hand, a string of racehorses on exercise appeared. Oh the ribbing I got - 'It must be a bad'un, it needs two whips!' was one of the funnier ones.

 

[LaurenBay]

Just thought of another.

I was riding a stubburn nappy Pony around the XC course. In the other direction we saw a Horse cantering up in our direction. Que my Pony slamming on brakes and standing there snorting and watching. Other rider spots us and comes back to a walk. I try to get Pony to walk on, but he was having none of it. I was flapping, growling and nothing. I had to wave the rider on and she walked passed us, she was giggling to herself. I still couldn't get the little b*ugger to move!! other rider kept glancing over her shoulder to see if we had moved on yet (huge huge field) and no, Pony would not move until Horse had completly dissapeared, which all in all was about 20 minutes off planting! I eventually got him going and when I returned to the yard, the other rider was just leaving and said "oh finally got him round then" I was so embarrsed

 

[Littlelegs]

Pmsl at all these & done my fair share too.
In my teens was on my way back from a morning hack, trotting down a narrow road when a maniac came speeding out of nowhere beeping and driving up ponies backside. Pony luckily bombproof & kept going calmly till we reached a drive way I could move into so car had space to overtake. Being 14 I then shared my thoughts of his driving with a selection of hand gestures.

 

[Littlelegs]

Hate phones! Cue driver reversing & getting out, it was my teacher. Teacher proceeded to scream at me, & I told him what I thought of his driving skills. Houseowner who knew us came out & told teacher he had been watching & was reporting him for dangerous driving. Suffice to say I was not a teachers pet lol.

 

[3BayGeldings]

Went on a B&Bing holiday with a friend. Bridlepath took us through this lovely river near a village green. Hot sunny day. Loads of kids paddling with buckets and nets. We ride through and friends' horse does the biggest diarrhoea poo as she wades through said river..... leaving the kids screaming / running and their mothers tutting!!!

We had to find another way home, we were too embarrassed to go back there!!

Hahahahaha!

 

[azouria]

Washing off horses muddy legs = ok, then washing off my muddy wellies = ok. Followed by putting the hose down, walk 2 steps to the tap to turn off and in that time the hose pipe had gone all 'firemans hose' on me, snaked and squirted water UP my trousers making me look like I had wet myself!

Something similar happened to me the other day Hosing the pony's legs off, didn't realise there is a massive leak in the top of the hose - only realised when my leg started feeling a bit damp - I had been standing in front of it and my leg was dripping wet. It looked like I had weed myself at the back and also had to ride the pony still not sure if i've ever been so cold by the time I got home!

 

[ljohnsonsj]

I punch myself in the face doing my girth up regular,it hurts alot.

 

[Paint it Lucky]

When I was about 13 (so quite small!) I went to catch a big horse in from the far end of a large field. I had just put his headcollar on and was starting to lead him when something spooked him and he set off at a gallop back towards the gate. For some reason I didn't let go of the leadrope and got dragged behind him halfway across the field through all the mud before I had the sense to let go! It was very embarrassing them having to walk back onto a busy yard with the front of me completely covered in mud!

Also was hacking my cob across the common one day and thought he was being too slow as we were trotting along. So I reached out to grab a branch off a tree, thinking it was dead and would easily snap off so I could use it as a whip. However it wasn't dead, as I reached out and grabbed it my horse kept trotting (suddenly a lot faster!) and I was literally pulled off the back of him by this branch that did not want to break off the tree! Luckily he was a good horse and stopped and waited for me, I decided to let him off being lazy for a bit then!

 

[Odd Socks]

Hehe love this thread!!

This didn't happen to me but I was witness to it... It was a hot sunny day and me my mum and her friend were stood outside her stable chatting. Friend's daughter who must have been about 3 saw us and came running over. Not realising the water bucket was not solid (those big rubberry ones) ran straight into the full water bucket which gave way at the side and ended up upside down in the bucket full of water. Obviously she was quickly yanked out by her ankles but needless to say, she was not impressed.

And just so you don't think I'm completely heartless laughing at a small child's misfortune, here's one from me...

Riding my pony for perspective loaners being very flashy and showing off. All of a sudden, mid extended trot, pony trips on to his knees, I then somersault over his head and land bum first in a massive puddle. Everyone bursts out laughing whilst I sheepishly collect pony who is just stood looking at me like I'm a complete numpty and carried on showing pony with muddy sandy water all over my bum looking like I'd done more than just wet myself

 

[Kamakazegirl]

haha these stories are hilarious-i'm getting some right strange looks at work giggling to myself. I have a few to share too:

-The other day i'd just untacked my horse after a ride. I'd mucked out his stable earlier on and noticed he was about to have a wee so grabbed my muck bucket and ran into the stable to catch it in the bucket. but unfortunately he'd just slopped water on the floor causing my legs to fly out from underneath me and fall flat on my back skidding to a stop underneath him. He however missed the bucket and wee'd all over my crotch (and he'd clearly been saving it up for a while!)My friend was in the stable next door and almost wet herself laughing and my horse turned and looked at me lying under him like i was a total numpty...

-A few years back i was competing a Show cross accumulator-it was the last competition and we were in the lead of the points accumulator. In the SJ we were approaching a triple, and i'd got a little complacent and wasnt quite concentrating as it was the last combination so she decided to slam in a dirty stop to keep me on my toes causing me to slide way up her neck so my face was next to her ears-by which point she charged off in a circle and decided to jump the triple this time with me hanging around her ears. how i stayed on i will never know...
Keep them coming!

 

[Puzzles]

- I've been eliminated in all but 1 show jumping competition I've entered, the last time being when the horse fell over (though I managed to stay on)!

- Lungeing one of the ponies for my completely novice niece to have a plod on, I had spent ages reassuring her how safe and placid he was only for the wee sod to gallop around me in circles bucking the whole time. I just kept saying 'aaaaand walk' through gritted teeth trying to make it look deliberate.

- The last time I went on a hack the fluorescent exercise sheet Floyd was wearing broke and I had to stuff it up my top. The whole way home people were stopping their cars to stare at what looked like a 9-month pregnant girl riding...

- When I was younger, I was once feeding a pony titbits from a plastic bag over a fence, only the bag blew over into the field and he started to eat the entire thing. I completely panicked and my mum heard every swear word under the rainbow (sorry ma) as I bounced up and down before the - quite unpreturbed - pony luckily finally spat the bag back out.

- I was trying out a 4-year-old pony who had just been broken in. He was described as being quiet as a rock, only te second I got on him in the school he took off round it bucking for aaaaaages. I managed to stay on and was just starting to feel a little pleased with myself (albeit rather white-faced) when he stopped dead and I went out the side door. That was bad enough but it happened 4 times in a row. At that point I was bloody well going to stubbornly keep getting back on when my mother (she's terrified of horses anyway but she always manages to be there when it all goes wrong) put her foot down. The owner was still happy for me to have him though!

- I was attacked in a field by a herd of bullocks and had to get two petrified passer-bys to open the gate while I desperately tried to fend them off ... that's bad enough, but my friend was with me who is terrified of cows and took a lot of persuading to go into the field when I reassured her that I used to look after cows and 'could deal with anything'. Oh the shame ...

- On holiday in Skegness we stopped at the pub and then decided to go riding in the sea whilst a little bit inebriated. In front of a million holiday-makers the horses cantered out of the sea as though in a film, the people around us filming and taking photos, until my friend's horse spooked into mine, who leapt out of the way and I popped out the side door (yet again). I and my friend were both left in a heap on the sand half a mile away from the shore while the horses bolted back to ... the pub!: Mortified, just mortified.

I could go on forever!