Zero confidence

[SkewbyTwo]

Its just causing so much friction... we arent rich, nor do I own my own land, so paying so much for something Im not 'doing' is not easily understood by non horsey husband. Im frustrated, so not a nice person to be around, and generally miserable!
If he says 'well, have you actually ridden today' I may lose it completely!!

Here is your problem...not your riding, not your horse. When my confidence has failed me, which it has at seemingly the oddest times, every time, it is to do with life outside, and nothing whatsoever to do with my (unchanged) ability to ride my horses. If life outside of your horses is not working, then stay on the ground and spend time with your equine friends, until you work it out and make it better. I, like you, forced myself back on and for me it was too early, my mind was in turmoil and just like you a quick video clip showed me an utter stranger on the back of my horse. I left it a while longer, attended to the other areas of my life which needed change and attention, then went back to it. Now there is no stopping me. Hugs xxx

 

[Jenni&Ditty]

Firstly, don't be afraid that you're not confident - you're certainly not alone! Enjoying your horses is the main thing, and even if you're just enjoying looking at them in the field, why should that matter to anyone else? It's your life.
Recently I had a lesson on one of those mechanical horse simulator thingies. The instructor said a lot of people use them to build up confidence, I know its not a real horse, but it might help with you getting the feeling of riding, without the dangers of a real horse. This one was called centaured sports in lincolnshire but Im sure they have them in other places too, I know a lot of the equestrian colleges have them