Absolutely Terrible Day

[sjp1]

IMO, yards are yards, and if you take lots of money for livery, you have to accept the fallout!! My YO or husband would not over react and tell you to get off the yard - they would probably take the pee that you had got wedged in but we are a small yard and are friends.

We farm and have boys working for us, they are in and out of the house constantly for cups of coffee if its cold or to find someone if there is a problem with something lambing - even if we are asleep - think your YO's husband massively over reacting and he needs to get a grip!!! But I guess we are more agricultural and thats the way it is!!

 

[tristar]

its a yard for horses and their owners, you are paying you should be treated with respect.

I for one have been I situations of varying degrees of stress with horses and it is mind blowing almost as if you don`t function as normal or can`t, you are arriving somewhere new and worried about your horse you are nervy something goes wrong, they should have been there for you and come out to welcome you and help you get sorted, I have no time for ignorant, bullying and frankly stupid people, and have every sympathy with you.

and as for knocking on the door and looking in for someone, I think that is perfectly acceptable and only to be expected! if you had gone and done something without asking they would have been the same, they sound plain thick to me, how can you have a yard and not have people knocking on the door? for sake sake!

 

[Pedantic]

its a yard for horses and their owners, you are paying you should be treated with respect.

I for one have been I situations of varying degrees of stress with horses and it is mind blowing almost as if you don`t function as normal or can`t, you are arriving somewhere new and worried about your horse you are nervy something goes wrong, they should have been there for you and come out to welcome you and help you get sorted, I have no time for ignorant, bullying and frankly stupid people, and have every sympathy with you.

and as for knocking on the door and looking in for someone, I think that is perfectly acceptable and only to be expected! if you had gone and done something without asking they would have been the same, they sound plain thick to me, how can you have a yard and not have people knocking on the door? for sake sake!

^^^^^^^^^ This as well as my own previous comment, too many happy to take the money but not the responsibility.

 

[Fiona]

The hubby sounds horrible, why on earth wasn't the door locked if he was in bed...

Where I live everyone bangs on the back door, and if its open just walks in...

Fiona

 

[Nancykitt]

As for saying they should lock their door if they don't want random people going into their house, that beggars belief IMO!

Sorry but I do lock my door, especially if there are people around. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but we do.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine, who has a small yard, had someone walk in, pick up her car keys and drive off. This wasn't one of the liveries.
The insurance company were very unimpressed that she had left her door unlocked.
I don't think it 'beggars belief'. I think it's just common sense to lock a door if you don't want to run the risk of some unscrupulous person helping themselves.

 

[YorksG]

Sorry but I do lock my door, especially if there are people around. It would be nice if we didn't have to, but we do.
A few weeks ago a friend of mine, who has a small yard, had someone walk in, pick up her car keys and drive off. This wasn't one of the liveries.
The insurance company were very unimpressed that she had left her door unlocked.
I don't think it 'beggars belief'. I think it's just common sense to lock a door if you don't want to run the risk of some unscrupulous person helping themselves.

But this was a livery customer, who decided to just enter the house! Our back door is unlocked, because the yard gate is locked, no-one who has no need to be there could get into the house, but people who have legitimate access to the yard could, no-one has ever been rude enough to do that!

 

[Nancykitt]

But this was a livery customer, who decided to just enter the house! Our back door is unlocked, because the yard gate is locked, no-one who has no need to be there could get into the house, but people who have legitimate access to the yard could, no-one has ever been rude enough to do that!

Admittedly I haven't been on a livery yard for some years but the YO did not leave the house door open. It was his family's home and we knocked on the door - if we didn't get a reply we had to walk away as the door was locked. Also, there were people on that yard who were not very trustworthy - I had several things stolen and we were all told to keep everything locked up. Very sad in a way, but there you are.

 

[tankgirl1]

The hubby sounds horrible, why on earth wasn't the door locked if he was in bed...

Where I live everyone bangs on the back door, and if its open just walks in...

Fiona

I'm not a YO but live in a small village where friends and family knock on, if no answer they open the door and yell, which usually results in me hastily running downstairs as I was either napping or on the loo. If I don't want people opening the door, then I lock it, simples. I think the hubby has over-reacted here - maybe YO promised to lock the door on her way out and forgot and so he's redirecting his anger at the easiest target - OP and her sharer.... OP I'd keep your head down and wait for them to get back to you, you've left a bottle and some tinnies, just lay low for now and don't over think it! xx

 

[popsdosh]

Admittedly I haven't been on a livery yard for some years but the YO did not leave the house door open. It was his family's home and we knocked on the door - if we didn't get a reply we had to walk away as the door was locked. Also, there were people on that yard who were not very trustworthy - I had several things stolen and we were all told to keep everything locked up. Very sad in a way, but there you are.

You shouldnt need to lock your door!! Its common courtesy not to just walk in.

I am sorry if people dont agree but thats how I was brought up. To much fuss has been made about this I can really understand why he was not happy. When we had liveries it was always made clear where the yard finished and our private space started otherwise you never get a break.
I am also sure that if things were just left it will sort itself out however posting a thread on here may not help much ,the horse world is a small one.
To those who think the husband is terrible,remember he did sort out the lorry situation if I was really angry I would have left you to it.

 

[fatpiggy]

I lock my front door behind me as I go in, I certainly wouldn't leave it unlocked if I was asleep, even if it was just having a nap on the sofa. Yes, you should be able to leave it unlocked, but in this day and age you just can't, end of. You should be able to leave your car unlocked too, but the insurance take a dim view of that when it gets pinched. I grew up in the countryside and we only actually locked the doors with a key if we had gone on holiday. People always used to open the door and shout if we weren't immediately in view. I think the YO's husband is potentially a nasty piece of work. No-one likes being disturbed but I didn't go off on one when the fire brigade knocked me up at 2.30 am as my elderly neighbour had been taken ill and they needed to know if I had a key. Hopefully things will calm down but I'd be somewhat wary of the man. In the meantime, just keep your head down and hope for the best. Moral of the day - back the lorry in next time!

 

[XxCoriexX]

Have you completely lost your minds!!!! Of course it was rude for the sharer to just walk into someones house! My FRIENDS walk into my house unannounced but I would be furious if someone I had only met maybe once or not at all just walked in because I didn't answer the door! Its my house and if I choose not to open the door to you then you should take that as a sign!
For those of you saying the husband is horrible and rude.....it never stated that he was furious about being woken up, he was furious that someone had just walked into his home....which is a normal reaction. Perhaps if she had knocked again, and given him time to get up he would have been more than happy to help....which he did anyway!
Also why in the hell should he have to tell all liveries about what hours he works! its none of their business! She knocked on the door....which no one would have had a problem with if she had just left when no one answered!
maybe I was just raised with more manners and respect for other peoples property than some of the other people out there.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

can't believe this is now all the YO's husband's fault for not locking his door lol. sort of like victim blaming

Wake me up at the equivalent of 1 or 2am in the morning at your peril-especially if done in such a way as to give me a bit of a fright.


fwiw I rarely lock any door at home but I don't expect people to come in and shout (ie delivery drivers) if they don't get an answer. My ex landlord thought it completely acceptable and its a gross invasion of privacy-I would never dream of doing it.

oh, and paying for a stable for your horse, does not give the owner the right to the YO's house. Boundaries people, boundaries!

 

[DD]

Anyone know whether or not the OP is still at the yard?

 

[Goldenstar]

Anyone know whether or not the OP is still at the yard?

Well it crossed my mind that if someone's pointed the yard owner in direction of this thread it's unlikely to help matters .

 

[FfionWinnie]

I cannot believe anyone would think opening the door was fair game whether or not it was locked!

The only house I would walk into would be my parents house where I lived as a child. I would NEVER enter ANY other house without invitation and certainly not someone I did not know.

This was not any sort of an emergency it was just a few silly girls having a ridiculous melt down about nothing.

Agree if the YO reads the thread the op is doomed. Probably is anyway to be honest - the more I think about it the more I feel irritated on the YO's behalf.

 

[Spyda]

I think the husband was totally out of order. Ok so he may have been woken up and wasn't thrilled at someone (a client for goodness sake) in his house asking for help, but the fact that he was so very angry wouldn't sit well with me in the slightest. He sounds vile, especially as OP and sharer have bent over backwards to apologise.

I'm not sure I'd want to keep my horse on his property.

I'm sorry for your situation, OP, and I know your horse isn't the easiest to keep settled, but in your position I'd be thinking of moving on and taking your poor sharer with you.

I have no time for bullies.

Agree with this.

I'd keep your head down now and see how things pan out over the next week or so. See if you can start to feel comfortable on the yard and around the YO. Ultimately, if you're going to stay on the yard, you need to feel happy being there. If the bad vibes continue or you are asked to leave, then do so, with your head held high. You did nothing terrible, so if such a small issue cannot be over come, then escape whilst you can. Nothing worse than being on a yard where you feel uncomfortable - no matter how nice the facilties or how close to home it is. If you leave, it might be a crying shame for the sake of the facilities and closeness to your home, but a bad atmosphere and dogmatic, territorial, irritable YO's who are making you feel bullied, aren't worth paying your money to.

 

[RunToEarth]

The husband and wife appear to have a bit of a stormy relationship and it is spilling over into the livery business that seems to have little to do with the husband in the first place.

I'm mesmerised that you can come to that conclusion based on the posts the OP has put on!!!

OP - you sound like a complete drama queen and rather the typical neurotic equine related person I try to avoid - you are being completely overbearing and you have been there less than a week. Moving a horse does not need to be that stressful, really.

To everyone who thinks the husband is a complete monster - how many of you have worked back to back night shifts? I don't work nights and I would be incensed if someone entered my home without permission and yelled, waking me up because some livery's friend couldn't drive her lorry.

As far as I can understand, the husband is nothing to do with the livery yard - I wouldn't be happy being woken in the middle of the night owing to something that doesn't concern me, this is no different.

 

[popsdosh]

Agree with this.

I'd keep your head down now and see how things pan out over the next week or so. See if you can start to feel comfortable on the yard and around the YO. Ultimately, if you're going to stay on the yard, you need to feel happy being there. If the bad vibes continue or you are asked to leave, then do so, with your head held high. You did nothing terrible, so if such a small issue cannot be over come, then escape whilst you can. Nothing worse than being on a yard where you feel uncomfortable - no matter how nice the facilties or how close to home it is. If you leave, it might be a crying shame for the sake of the facilities and closeness to your home, but a bad atmosphere and dogmatic, territorial, irritable YO's who are making you feel bullied, aren't worth paying your money to.

Ive got news for you with that attitude I would show you the gate!!

 

[Red-1]

Well it crossed my mind that if someone's pointed the yard owner in direction of this thread it's unlikely to help matters .

I nearly put that too, but lately I must have said the same to 4 or so threads, and it had started to sound like I was some sort of secret loving spoil sport!

If I were the YO I would not be happy that my privacy was invaded with thoughts and speculations on my personal relationships, critique of my OH's supposed bullying etc.

I think people forget how small a world it is with horses, and I am sure wind will get back, as another livery etc will recognise the yard set up, the facilities, the YO and OH situation etc.

I also hate advert slating threads, seems unfair on the poor advertiser, if they have not asked for their advert to be discussed in such a public forum. But, I guess at least they put their advert out there in public to be seen, unlike the poor TO's OH, who was just in bed asleep.

I also agree that people who are saying he was over reacting, that they probably have not worked back to back nights. It is not just an inconvenience at being woken up. Your body is in disarray, sleep is not easy to come by, and it can affect you for days.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

I'm mesmerised that you can come to that conclusion based on the posts the OP has put on!!!

its hilarious!

 

[Pinkvboots]

I am stunned that some people are calling the yard owners husband a bully! I think he has every right to be angry a stranger just took it upon herself to open his fro the door and shout out to get someone's attention, I could understand the urgency if someone was dying outside but it was the fact that someone could not move there lorry.
I often rent one of my stables and my oh would be furious if the livery just decided to walk into our house on there own accord, just because someone is paying you £25 a week it does not give them the right to just walk into your home.

 

[YorksG]

I just cannot believe how rude some people must be! A new livery who has a parking issue, feels that it is acceptable to barge in to someone elses house, having knocked and got no respons. As someone upthread pointed out, you are paying for a stable and grazing, not constant access to the house and someone to sort out poor driving! If I were the YO, you would be off the yard by the weekend!
We don't have liveries here and never will, threads like this confirms my view, that too many liveries believe that the world should revolve around them.

 

[paddi22]

My husband would be furious if a client was to just walk into the house and start shouting. I would never in a million years just barge into someone's house. I remember it happened to me and at the time i was bawling crying over something at the kitchen table in t shirt and knickers, and i was mortified having to explain myself to a complete stranger and completely embarassed!! You can't just walk into someone's house, and being a client doesn't give you a right to demand that someone deals with you over a minor incident.

I wouldn't class not being able to move an empty lorry an emergency issue worth panicing over?? Why not just sit and wait till someone arrived who could do it. You's all honestly sound like you just need to calm down a notch of two!

Edited to say: as someone who does night shifts at times i would have reacted the exact same way as husband, especially over something as stupid as someone managing to jam their lorry. If you are tired and sleep deprived its awful being woken up as then you just can't get back to sleep.

I can understand his reaction as well, as you just can't encourage an open house on a livery yard as they'd have everything thinking it was ok to intrude.

One of my old yard owners had her house on the yard and I never went near her house as it was her personal space and i respected that.

 

[Orangehorse]

Cripes, talk about over reaction! I can't see why everyone is so cross. Sticking you head through an unlocked door and shouting "hello" isn't the crime of the century. They weren't casing the joint. No wonder there are wars ..................

 

[MontysKeeper]

OP have you managed to talk to over liveries to find out what the husband is normally like? Being on a new yard is hard to suss out what people are really like and depending on what they said would make my decision, on whether to stay or go. I definitely wouldn't be pestering the yard owner for an answer anytime soon! You've apologised and not much else you can do. Hope it all works out for you and your sharer.

 

[YorksG]

Cripes, talk about over reaction! I can't see why everyone is so cross. Sticking you head through an unlocked door and shouting "hello" isn't the crime of the century. They weren't casing the joint. No wonder there are wars ..................

The OP states that the sharer knocked, got no answer and went into the house, calling for "Jill". Loud enough and far enough into the house to wake the sleeping person. That is rude and let's remember these people don't know the YO and her husband, they had only just arrived, how many strangers houses would people go into, because they hadn't locked their door!

 

[Spyda]

Ive got news for you with that attitude I would show you the gate!!

What! What for!! Lol. Sheesh, I'd be gone before you had the chance to show me the gate if you expected me to endure feeling intimidated and uncomfortable as a livery on your yard!

There are far too many YO/YM who become too bogged down with their lives and work, and lose sight of who's paying who and who's supposed to be providing a professional service to their clients (their liveries.) I do think it part of a YO/YM job to make their liveries feel comfortable, welcome and appreciated. If they can't smile and be consistently pleasant to their clients on a daily basis, then maybe they're in the wrong equestrian role. Sure, some liveries can be an absolute nightmare to have on a yard, whilst there may be other individuals that simply can't seem to 'gel' at a particular yard for no obvious reason, and these liveries need to be handled in a professional manner by the yard.

All I have suggested is that the OP keep her head down for the next couple of weeks and see how things go. If things smooth over and she and her sharer are made to feel welcome and part of the yard and the 'unfortunate arrival' incident can be fully over come, then great - stay. But if not, and let's remember keeping a horse on livery is not a cheap hobby and they are PAYING for a service, and the atmosphere remains chilly and the OP and her sharer are left on tenderhooks about whether they are permitted to stay or not, then move. Why pay to be somewhere that gives you a pit in your stomach every time you pull into the car park of the livery yard you're on because of the atmosphere there or because of an irritable YO you are too nervous to approach.

Sure, the OPs arrival at this new yard was certainly less than an auspicious start, but it doesn't mean she needs to cowtow and be vilified indefinitely. If the YO and her husband can't get over the unfortunate incident within the next couple of weeks, then the OP needs to shrug it off as a 'bad lot' and spend her hard earned livery money elswhere. If she's been at her last yard for 15 years then she sounds neither immature or a nuisance livery to me - as some commenting have implied.

 

[ester]

The OP states that the sharer knocked, got no answer and went into the house, calling for "Jill". Loud enough and far enough into the house to wake the sleeping person. That is rude and let's remember these people don't know the YO and her husband, they had only just arrived, how many strangers houses would people go into, because they hadn't locked their door!

This!

both I and the YO live on site. Emergencies, absolutely no problem/if I need to get my own horse in or something. Someone struggling to get out because my car was parked in the spot it is always parked in no I wouldn't be terribly happy even if I weren't asleep. Particularly as she wasn't actually stuck if the Hubby managed to sort it out for the driver! Come and knock by all means but step in and holler, just No! I have access to the main house for various reasons and have a key but if I think someone is in I always knock first/go in the back way to see if in the kitchen.

 

[atropa]

Yes, but let's not forget that neither OP nor her sharer were waltzing into this house and demanding 5* special treatment, a foot massage and a glass of champagne under normal conditions...yes they shouldn't have got into such a panic over not being able to move an empty box, but they WERE panicking and who hasn't done something stupid and rash in what they considered desperate circumstances?! Sharer has obviously come to her senses afterwards and thought 'why on earth did I think that was okay to do?', has been so mortified that she has offered to quit the share, and OP is understandably anxious about the future of where her horse is going to stay. It has all been blown completely out of proportion now, and I don't think the behaviour of OP and sharer at what they considered a very stressful time is necessarily representative of them day to day.

 

[ester]

In future the whole advantage of a big lorry is surely that you can give up and make a cup of tea for a bit!