DD
Well-Known Member
nightmare !
Advice needed: Getting people to shut up when you're there to see your horses?
- Thread starter Andiamo
- Start date
Pinkvboots
Well-Known Member
Years ago this would happen to me with one livery, it drive me mad she literally would try and trap me by standing in doorways, once when she was outside my stable chatting away she pulled down her bottoms and did a wee right in the middle if the yard!!
It was a standing joke that she had a crush on me and I was the butt of everyone's entertainment for a while, good job I have thick skin lol.
I left the yard in the end it was time to go any way but she didn't help matters.
Slightlyconfused
Go away, I'm reading
I am so glad everyone on my yard is happy to go about three or own business and only stops for a chat if its invited or we can say "sorry have to be quick tonight catch you later" and everyone understands.
I would go down the headphones route.
I would go down the headphones route.
skint1
Well-Known Member
We are quite sociable on our yard, it's part of the experience but if someone wants to be left alone, we understand and we are all busy people sometimes it's not possible to stop and chat. I'd hate to think that someone I admired thought I was just a pain in the bum, I'd rather someone just told me if I was bugging them by talking too much.
Talism4n
Well-Known Member
Headphones, or say you have a migraine. Gives you an excuse to get snippy if she keeps pushing.
On an unrelated note, OCD is a mental health condition suffered by many, which is often stigmatised, misunderstood and not taken seriously. I believe the phrase OP is looking for us verbal diarrhoea - also a condition suffered by many, although in this case, those suffering are only the people near the afflicted.
On an unrelated note, OCD is a mental health condition suffered by many, which is often stigmatised, misunderstood and not taken seriously. I believe the phrase OP is looking for us verbal diarrhoea - also a condition suffered by many, although in this case, those suffering are only the people near the afflicted.
Cinnamontoast
Fais pas chier!
I would stop whatever I was doing, look at her very earnestly and say 'I'm spending time with my horse, will you excuse me?' Wait for her to hear what you've said, don't speak, wait for her to walk away. You haven't been rude, you've just told her that you'd rather spend time with your horse.
Alternatively, be more pushy and say 'I'm not in a chatty mood, can we talk later?' Turn and ignore any further chat. Again, not rude, no personal insults (some people on here are bloody obnoxious), just a simple statement of fact.
Alternatively, be more pushy and say 'I'm not in a chatty mood, can we talk later?' Turn and ignore any further chat. Again, not rude, no personal insults (some people on here are bloody obnoxious), just a simple statement of fact.
G&T
Well-Known Member
I found the short time I kept my horse at a DIY livery yard really annoying for just this reason. There were a couple of women who didn't have proper jobs, either they didn't work or they just worked a bit part time, and I think they just had way too much spare time and so didn't seem to get that other people had places to be and needed to get their horses done and ridden (and weren't there to listen to their lengthy tedious tales of this and that). It's nice when people are a bit friendly on yards, but I can remember very similar scenarios where I literally couldn't get a word in edgeways for about 45 minutes (literally) and actually was physically blocked into my stable while some strange person ranted at me. Short of shoving her out of the way there was little I could do (I'm sorry to say that I did eventually resort to just loudly blaring over the top of this woman 'I NEED TO LEAVE NOW OK BYEEEE' and forcibly pushing past her)
Evie91
Well-Known Member
Tack up and ride off, bit hard to carry on a conversation if you’ve ridden off into the sunset. Plus her horses are lame so unable to follow you. Problem solved; ride more, worry less!
Cowpony
Well-Known Member
Why do you keep saying she has OCD? Do you know for a fact that she has this condition? I'm not sure that talking a lot is a symptom of OCD. She might however have Aspergers or ASD. If so, she probably has no idea she is annoying you, and there are nice ways of getting her to understand the situation. How about engaging with her to work it out?
Gloi
Too little time, too much to read.
I wish the people at my yard were mare talkative. Where I was before we all sat around in the brew room before/after we rode our horses but where I am now hardly anyone is sociable and it makes for a lonely place.
TotalMadgeness
Well-Known Member
Good grief!!!
canteron
Well-Known Member
Does she do the same to others - or does she see you as a ‘weak link’. I am sure she is lonely and has lots of problems - but these aren’t your problem and you don’t have to take them on. So I would suggest you say ‘ I am sorry but I don’t want to talk while I am with my horses’ , put up your hand up as a physical barrier and look away from her - and then ignore (putting headphones in at that point is also good)
If you can, when you see her in your path, I would still say hello reasonably politely but don’t engage and repeat as above if necessary.
Your pattern of behaviour has to be stronger and more consistent than hers - just like any good horse trainer!!
If you can, when you see her in your path, I would still say hello reasonably politely but don’t engage and repeat as above if necessary.
Your pattern of behaviour has to be stronger and more consistent than hers - just like any good horse trainer!!
DD
Well-Known Member
So, OP, did you do anything about it ? not had chance yet ? what happened ?
alexomahony
Well-Known Member
I'd be wary of going down the 'just being mean' route - she may very well have a condition that means she misunderstands social cues, but you can be blunt without being rude. You also never know what's going on in someone's personal life - so you should always be kind.
Why do you care whether or not she knows about your horses? Their yours, not hers, and if you don't have time to talk about them then she'll never know about them. She approached you to talk about her horses, not the other way round. If you don't have time to talk, then don't... but sometimes it's important to listen... even pretend you're listening. You can get on with your jobs whilst she's talking and concentrate on your horses. If you don't have time, then simply explain that you're in a real rush today and apologize that you don't have time to chat - she might not take the hint, but at least you've told her so then if she chooses to follow you around, you don't have to respond.
Why do you care whether or not she knows about your horses? Their yours, not hers, and if you don't have time to talk about them then she'll never know about them. She approached you to talk about her horses, not the other way round. If you don't have time to talk, then don't... but sometimes it's important to listen... even pretend you're listening. You can get on with your jobs whilst she's talking and concentrate on your horses. If you don't have time, then simply explain that you're in a real rush today and apologize that you don't have time to chat - she might not take the hint, but at least you've told her so then if she chooses to follow you around, you don't have to respond.
Peter7917
Well-Known Member
Forget how to speak English. You are French now.
Annagain
Well-Known Member
THis is where being a Welsh speaker comes in very handy. I have someone on my train to work who seems to think we are best friends as we make the same journey. I tried the imaginary phone conversation and she started commenting on what I said so now I have the conversation in Welsh!
WandaMare
Well-Known Member
You could disappear back to your car for a while, pretend to answer a fake phone call or anything to cut the conversation, then creep back to your horses when she has gone. Failing that I would see it as an opportunity to be more assertive and test out different techniques with her. Ask her assertively, talk over her if necessary and don't stop talking if she tries to interrupt you. Progressively get more and more definite with her and tell her you need time to relax with your horses. I get it all the time with customers and I sometimes resort to talking very loudly over them until they go quiet. Then I explain that I would love to chat but I'm way too busy.
I don't think its ever necessary to hurt people's feelings, some people are lonely and this lady obviously likes spending time with you. You just need to draw a very firm boundary, then stick to it. Be confident in yourself and try to exude authority with your body language, she will get the message and you will be back in control of your time.
I don't think its ever necessary to hurt people's feelings, some people are lonely and this lady obviously likes spending time with you. You just need to draw a very firm boundary, then stick to it. Be confident in yourself and try to exude authority with your body language, she will get the message and you will be back in control of your time.
Andiamo
Well-Known Member
yes, she does it to others. I am in a completely different part of the yard to the rest, and no one has any reason to come into the bit where I keep my horses. But I have to go past the other bit for dumping out wheelbarrows onto the muck heap etc. She stands in her stable mucking out, and talking endlessly at whoever is on the other side of her stable - without seeing facial expressions, or if anyone is listening, she just goes on and one and on. She came into the part where I keep my youngsters, and blocked the exit door, and stood there for 1.5 hours nonstop talking about herself and all her lame horses (and what an expert she is on everything). My youngsters are babies, are not backed, they are very unpredictable, jumpy and will strike out and leap in the air without warning. Therefore I need to give 100% of my attention to them, to keep myself safe. With her standing in the door, blocking it, it was difficult to know how to get rid of her. Good point about the horse training, and being stronger and consistent with her. I'm good with setting boundaries with horses, but definitely not so good at it with people. I'll start applying some of my horse training skills to this situation, and see how that works, thanks
Andiamo
Well-Known Member
I arrived yesterday when I knew she wouldn't be there
Silence is bliss ) I got a lot done, my horses were focused, made progress, and my migraine (which appeared after the annoying situation on Sunday) slowly drifted away. Lots of great advice here. I need to use some of the techniques and tips people have suggested, in order to deal with it when it happens again. I definitely like a friendly yard, and I am very polite and empathetic, but when I am at the yard, I need time and space to look after my 2 two young babies, as they are very unpredictable. Taking my focus off them for a moment can lead to me getting squashed, or them getting injured - getting legs over doors or undoing their leadropes and running off loose.LegOn
Well-Known Member
Unfortunately it takes a bit of practice and consistency to get rid of some of these people! You know just like training young horses!!!
I think a few episodes of 'I'm going to stop you there, I really have had a bad day & I really dont want to talk or see another person this evening & just want to spend time with my horses' and a few headaches and then a few times on the phone will be a good start but also walking away really fast & far is also good - even if there isnt a job you need to do where you walk far & fast, just do it! A few more times where she doesnt get an ear - then it will trail off but you have to be consistent. I dont mind having mutual chats to people about our horses but those full on one sided monologues are just too much to cope with day in day out!
I think a few episodes of 'I'm going to stop you there, I really have had a bad day & I really dont want to talk or see another person this evening & just want to spend time with my horses' and a few headaches and then a few times on the phone will be a good start but also walking away really fast & far is also good - even if there isnt a job you need to do where you walk far & fast, just do it! A few more times where she doesnt get an ear - then it will trail off but you have to be consistent. I dont mind having mutual chats to people about our horses but those full on one sided monologues are just too much to cope with day in day out!
tristar
Well-Known Member
you are right this person is dangerous, you need all your attention on your young horses, distraction by persons who are oblivious to the dangers should be discussed with your yard manager.
my neighbour comes round sometimes and talks and talks,also he is a bit deaf so i have to say everything twice, and also picks me up on training horses, he helped me back a 6 yr old 16. 2 who was not easy and kept walking in front of him the first time i rode him, i had to shout get out of the way, he thought he should be leading the horse as it was the first time he was ridden, but i dont like that, he said i never saw anyone do that before, and said well now you have matey, he is however very good in general but sometimes they go too far
my neighbour comes round sometimes and talks and talks,also he is a bit deaf so i have to say everything twice, and also picks me up on training horses, he helped me back a 6 yr old 16. 2 who was not easy and kept walking in front of him the first time i rode him, i had to shout get out of the way, he thought he should be leading the horse as it was the first time he was ridden, but i dont like that, he said i never saw anyone do that before, and said well now you have matey, he is however very good in general but sometimes they go too far
pansymouse
Well-Known Member
I have a natural resting bitch face and a weak bladder, if the stony look doesn't get rid of people, the frequent rushing of a pee usually does the trick.
I work with a mansplaner who never stops transmitting pearls of wisdom even when I'm wearing headphones; I've taught myself to hear the sound but not the words; much less annoying - call it my man babble filter
I work with a mansplaner who never stops transmitting pearls of wisdom even when I'm wearing headphones; I've taught myself to hear the sound but not the words; much less annoying - call it my man babble filter
Hormonal Filly
Well-Known Member
LOL - This could be the same person we all had a issue with at my previous yard. I know exactly how you feel! Only cared about herself, didn't like it if you won any competitions or your horse was going well, just wanted to tell you how lame her horses are, butted in if you spoke and was the same with everyone. She had never even ridden a walk and trot test, yet would try and tell the lady riding advanced what to do.
I all stopped when we fell out over something stupid (she was SO over dramatic) but I wasn't complaining. Eventually everyone fell out with her and she left.
Toby_Zaphod
Well-Known Member
You can tell her "Sorry but I've got to get on with sorting out my horses & then move on to do something". If she doesn't understand that then just tell her "I'm very busy, got limited time so have to get on with things" & carry on doing what your doing.
Then there's the other way, we had a livery who believed everything she saw on the internet. She was a conspiracy theory believer & believed in the weirdest things & insisted in running everything by me as if it was gospel! Eventually I'd had enough & told her "I've had enough of listening to the crap you're spouting, are you some kind of idiot" She was totally taken aback & from that day she hasn't troubles me with that nonsense. She does speak to me now but only about specific things like if there's an issue with her pony & can I help. Some people have to be told point blank because they are incapable of understanding anything else.
Good luck OP with your problem.
Then there's the other way, we had a livery who believed everything she saw on the internet. She was a conspiracy theory believer & believed in the weirdest things & insisted in running everything by me as if it was gospel! Eventually I'd had enough & told her "I've had enough of listening to the crap you're spouting, are you some kind of idiot" She was totally taken aback & from that day she hasn't troubles me with that nonsense. She does speak to me now but only about specific things like if there's an issue with her pony & can I help. Some people have to be told point blank because they are incapable of understanding anything else.
Good luck OP with your problem.
Auslander
Well-Known Member
We have an amusing "expert who can't stop gassing" here. He has no connection with my yard, as he's a mechanic, with a workshop on the same property - but he regularly treats me to some helpful advice.
The standout...
"Whats that saddle - it looks odd?"
"It's a dressage saddle"
"Why does your horse have a dressage saddle?"
"Because he's a dressage horse (and the big knee rolls stop me falling off when he's an arse"
"How much are they?"
"About £1500"
"If you sold it, you could buy a Western saddle for that sort of money, and then you'd be able to ride for 6/7 hours on the prairies"
Loud crash, as Alf fainted at the thought of being ridden for 6/7 hours across the prairies (which are in very short supply in Berkshire)
The standout...
"Whats that saddle - it looks odd?"
"It's a dressage saddle"
"Why does your horse have a dressage saddle?"
"Because he's a dressage horse (and the big knee rolls stop me falling off when he's an arse"
"How much are they?"
"About £1500"
"If you sold it, you could buy a Western saddle for that sort of money, and then you'd be able to ride for 6/7 hours on the prairies"
Loud crash, as Alf fainted at the thought of being ridden for 6/7 hours across the prairies (which are in very short supply in Berkshire)
Yorkrose
New User
Compulsive talkers are the bane of my life!
I run a shop and frequently get cornered by people who have no intention of buying anything but are just looking for a captive audience to spout bollocks at. On top of that the woman who has the stable next to mine is a compulsive talker to the extent that I can turn my back on her, walk away and she will follow me. 😩
I have to agree with PP that headphones are the best solution. I generally don't have them turned on but if she starts talking AT me, I put on a horse hour podcast, turn it up till I can't hear her, then carry on with my day. 🙂
She then starts talking AT her horse 🙄
I run a shop and frequently get cornered by people who have no intention of buying anything but are just looking for a captive audience to spout bollocks at. On top of that the woman who has the stable next to mine is a compulsive talker to the extent that I can turn my back on her, walk away and she will follow me. 😩
I have to agree with PP that headphones are the best solution. I generally don't have them turned on but if she starts talking AT me, I put on a horse hour podcast, turn it up till I can't hear her, then carry on with my day. 🙂
She then starts talking AT her horse 🙄
Shani
Active Member
Shani
Active Member
Maybe say sorry I cant chat at the I've working and want to spend time with my horse
Chinchilla
...
Go up with earphones in. Really.
You don't have to listen to anything obviously, but I've h
You don't have to listen to anything obviously, but I've h
nikkimariet
Well-Known Member
I'm sure it's nothing that can't be sorted by saying sorry I'm in a rush I don't have time to chat?...