Amusing Comments From Instructors?

PaddyMonty

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A couple from my wifes last session. Must I we have a very good relationship with instructor and comments were taken as intended

1) "One of you two is a bit slow today and it isn't the horse"
and at the end of the session said in very slow, deliberate voice....

2) Stop, pat her, get off.....before I scream!

Any others?
 
I am five foot nothing and currently riding a stonking great 17hh Thing...went to give him leg aids for trot, nothing happened, instructor said, "try that again, he's just not used to feeling heels so far up his sides!"

I know I'm short, don't rub it in !
 
1. The thing at the end of the ears is called the head. It helps if its pointing in the general direction you want to go.

2. Despite the red bull adverts neither you or the horse is going to fly...... so stop flapping your arms.
 
"Bend those elbows! - you look like your pushing a trolley round Tescos!"

"Shorten your reins theyre like washing lines - I could hang a weeks washing on them!"

And this was said during a jumping lesson:
Instructor:"Whats the worst that could happen?"
Me:"I could fall offand hurt myself"
Instructor:"No..... you could knock a pole down"
 
Daughters instructor:

'are you a wally?..no?, then stop riding in the wally track!!!'
'that was crap!'
'floppy bottom...floppy bttom'...
 
Years ago my instructor said 'I'm going to tell you to do something your mother always tells you not to - open your legs!'.

Most recent was in the middle of a lesson I was told 'you know what I think you finally have some respect' - not that I let Molly walk all over me or anything!

Can't think of any more just yet
 
don't forget to breathe I don't want to perform mouth to mouth on you, - i hold my breath over jumps,

'are you a chicken' 'no' 'well stop flapping your elbows or i'll stick you on a kebab'
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but the one that made me laugh the most was 'your horse is beautifully schooled its just a shame you can't ride' er hello I broke him in and schooled him myself!!
 
I took a youth group to a trecking centre and the instructor (who had a very posh voice which made it even funnier)
shouted out- 'Right keep behind me and no falling auffff!!!!'
 
Funniest I can think of was when mine said 'stick your boobs out, imagine "pony" is a hot man and you want his attention. It worked, although I don't think the pony was that attracted to me as he wiped green slobber down the front of my jumper when I got off, or maybe thats a sign of love
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. x
 
not all said to me but:
Stop shagging the saddle
Stop nagging
He's more hard work than I thought - and you make it look like hard work!
Now make him put his ears forwards (how?)

one that always makes me chuckle when someone is about to fall off

SIT UP - well if they could, they would!
 
As heard by the local instructor;

You have the concentration span of a Goldfish!!
Watch the lower leg you are riding a horse not sking!

There are others, just can't remember them
 
stop aggravating the pony - either KICK it or sit still (to those kids who go flap flap flap flap..........)

and "if you don't stop tipping forward I'll take your saddle away" (funny how riding bareback makes the rider sit up straight......)

from the days when I were a really 'mean' instructor

"it's not a motorbike - stop leaning in on the corners"

"a straight line doesn't have bends in it" for those trying to enter at A and actually get to C..................
followed by "circles don't have corners"
 
This has got to one of my favourite threads so far!
PMSL AT WORK!!! going to get in trouble but brillaint- I will be glued to it all day!
 
'use your legs they aren't just for looking pretty in short skirts!' (you have to shout this as loud as possible right in someone's ear to get the effect...)
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And once when I had a cold he also shouted 'I don't give a sh1t about your snotty nose' LOL.

I was about 13 at the time but thought it was quite amusing. He trained me for 7 years and had a reputation as a 'hard task master' - he lasted half a session with the local pony club PMSL.
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'I know your arms are short but you can still bend them'
'I promise you your arms and legs are not connected by string so move your leg back but keep your hand where it is'
 
My instructor, bless him, said to me once 'are you a ballerina?' (I have a tendancy to only have my toes on the stirrup bar). 'I said no, but I think i'd make a good one' and he said (cheeky bugger) 'I think you've missed the boat'..... good job he's a fab instructor or he would've seen the wrong end of my whip!
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