Amusing things you hear on the yard

[Ilovefoals]

My OH wondered if my friends Sec A would be pregnant for as long as my warmblood "cos it's smaller".

 

[Zerotolerance]

We told woman (who reckoned she'd competed at really high level all her life - yeah right!) that horse needed a clip on top bolt, as he kept undoing it, so could get a leg trapped etc. Her response - oh I don't think so as how will he open his door to escape if there a fire!
I told her not to worry as one of mine would call fire brigade on their mobile!!

So glad to hear about other OHs - thought it was just mine (who does ride!):
bag of straw = hay net Packet of sawdust = bale of shavings

When will he ever learn that standing in front of the horse holding the headcollar open does not mean the horse will stick it's head in and is more likely to result in a smack in the face when he then shakes it at them! Aargh!

 

[twisteddiamond]

when my non horsey OH was helping make up the feeds, he asked me how much 'slop' they got, took me ages to figure out he meant sugarbeet lol
he also calls stable rugs 'pyjamas' and turnouts 'coats'
i also heard someone refer to foals a 'puppy horses' which did make me giggle slightly

 

[Geraldine]

I call my horses rugs PJ's and coats!!

Tom used to call Speedibeat Biddiebeans (he was 5) and Anya calls it Mud (she's 3). She has also asked why there was Dragon Poo in Bob's bed............

 

[KVH]

Haha these are brilliant!!
Really needed a laugh after the day I'm having!

 

[JessandCharlie]

I have tonnes.

A DEALER (and friend) once came to ride my horse years ago (who loved doing giraffe impressions) and she told me it wasn't a schooling issue, he was actually very sweet and had his head in the air to try and keep me on

My non-horsey friend is fascinated by horses wearing "Gladiator sandals" (leather tendon boots) and having "Two textures" (clipped)

But my favourite and most recent was my (surprisingly horsey) Dad. Pone had decided for some unknown reason that a head collar and lead rope is in fact horse eating and there was no way he was going to let me catch him. (He's nearly 14. ) I started trying to catch him at lunch time and gave up at half ten that night, went up first thing the next morning to continue We tried absolutely everything; hay, feed, treats, chocolate biscuits, no head collar, just opening the gate in the hope that he'd come in, taking all the other horses away so he'd want to join them, join up, ignoring him etc etc etc.
I get a phone call at twelve ish on the second day. "Jess, look. I'm coming up to help" "Thanks, but I'm fine thanks, I think it's a one man job, I'm nearly there" "But Jess! I have a plan!!!" "Oh? What's that?" "I'm bringing a CARROT!"

Hmm. Thanks for the offer, it was thoughtful, but that had occurred to me

J&C

 

[cumbriamax]

I remember when non-horsey parents bought teenage daughter who'd had four riding lessons an ex racehorse- used to find bananas in trough and porridge oats as they had no idea what to feed him and when he cast a shoe they were horrified that he wouldn't GROW another, then next time he cast a shoes they were horrified again as they just assumed they would stay on forever- this horse didn't last long with these owners

 

[Brownmare]

When I asked my parents for a stud girth for Christmas my Dad asked if it was really likely a stallion was going to jump on Belle

 

[Smitty]

My neighbours were very concerned that my horse couldn't see through its blindfold (fly mask!)

Badminton X country day many years ago a young child asked her Mum why the horses had bandages on. Mum replied they needed them as they all had bad legs It was a year when the Queen was there so a lot of people just went to see her

My ex when he picked up my dressage sheet: 'I don't know whether this is good or bad, none of the others had it, it says "above the bit".

A friend on hearing his racehorse had mudfever: "Oh my God, thats terrible. She hasn't even been abroad".

 

[Toffee44]

Usually when I call to mine whilst rustling a packet of polos!

Normally when the shires my OH look after have broken out (again), see the truck and gallop away from it. Its a rather nice sound of galloping hooves first thing in the morning

 

[tallyho!]

LOL These are wonderful...

 

[charlimouse]

Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"

 

[pipper]

overheard in the office where i work by a 'know it all bloke'

'A baby horse is called a FOWL! then it becomes a shetland, it then grows into a pony and then when fully grown, is a horse - when it becomes old it is a shire horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRICELESS!!!

 

[Toffee44]

Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"

My mum did the opposite, she used to muck out before getting me from school bless her. And I had recently experienced a horse cast in the stable and explained to her that she needs to make sure the sides are banked up so Toffee didnt get cast too.

Bought her in and I kid you not the banks were half way up the walls and the bed was at least knee thick. Mums face in the morning after "box walking" Toffee had completly trashed her lovely made bed. I only had her stabled at night for 4 months


And mum used to call tacking up, tackle your horse up.

Cant moan without mum I wouldnt have Toffee she definately is no.1 mum And I think she will seceretly miss Toffee when she moves with me.

 

[caramel]

today there was a group of children learning the points of the horse.

One of them thought his cheekbone was on his leg. Had to have a little laugh really.

 

[qaz]

My horse was imported from Russia & when he was first turned out in company he didn't get on with one of the other horses despite his best efforts to be pals & one of the other liveries said that obviously the other horse didn't understand him if he neighed with a Russian accent!

 

[wizbit]

Lol my other half does come out with some gems.

Refers to rugs as cloaks, and haynets as "balls of hay". Also has a habit of watching me ride going "how are you getting her to go faster, you aren't doing anything!!".

Also assumed that when walking a SJ course, you memorised it, then taught it to the horse!! If only!!

Love this!!

 

[kellybee]

We have a riding instructor on our yard who also coaches MGA, sometimes she gets the kids doing gymkhana so they can have a little fun learning about using legs and balance.

A few weeks back one of the more advanced kids, a little boy was doing some games, and the pony was a bit nappy on the start line. His dad was watching (mum normally brings him), and he asked with genuine concern "Are you alright, your horse looks really scared son".

Son replied with "Na its fine dad he just likes doing wheelies while he's waiting his turn".

I witnessed a conversation yesterday where a friend said "mum she's really muddy wheres the bendy whatsit?".

Her mum said "I dont know where you've put it... Kelly have you got a rubber curry comb we can borrow?" I would never have guessed that! Great minds hey.

I have a horrible habit of calling Alfie (my grey appaloosa) Bluey (which is a grey arab I've had for about 12yrs, who has been in Daventry with a new rider for the last 4 years). As such a new livery said recently "Bluey's been ever so naughty this morning he kept nipping as we walked past his stable".
"Bluey?" Confused.com
"You own a grey pony called Bluey, dont you".
"Yes but how do you know him?"
"Oh we see him every day".
"You do?"
"Yes, he's normally very sweet but today he isnt happy at all".
I'm thinking oh no, he's getting older, must go visit him, what a coincidence. So I call the girl who has him and ask her is everything ok as our liveries know him and they say he's been acting up. She says he's fine, we're away competing for the weekend... in Chepstow. With Bluey. So I get wondering how the liveries could be in Chepstow first thing and at the farm for 9am (warwickshire). In the evening i went to get Alfie in, wondering if they've confused my bluey with another bluey (there are a few locally), and he nipped at the new livery as she walked past with her feeds. "See, told you he's grumpy today".... Its not even funny when I've had alfie for a year now, and still dont realise I'm always calling him the wrong name. No wonder he's grumpy!

 

[swalk]

Back in the day when vets used to dole out injectable antibiotics with nary a question, a lady on the yard had a TB with an abcess. The vet visited, told her the horse would need a course of antibiotics and asked if she was ok giving the injection, if not the vet was sure that Patsie on the yard would be happy to do it for her. The lady replied 'Well, I'm quite happy to do it but I always have such trouble finding the vein' at this the vet looked very alarmed and said yes well I'll give every thing to Patsie then!!

 

[kellybee]

Hha hilarious!

 

[mcnaughty]

My other half was reading a stud advert in the H&H recently and commented on the stallion's 10 inches of bone.......

Thought it was a bit small......;-)

 

[c2b]

Two friends were riding through a housing estate. A group of kids surrounded them. My friends, one on a 16.2 bay id x the other on a 13.1 piebald cob were wearing hi viz and tried to convince them they were police horses.
One bright spark said pointing at the piebald, that one isn't it's not big enough. My friend remarked that he was indeed a police horse but had been trained to be a sniffer horse sniffing out drugs. Cue wee pony sniffing said bright spark (looking for treats) his timing was impeccable.

I too have had lots of Why are those ponies blindfolded comments. I was so tempted one time to explain that they were like that as they kept jumping out of the fields. If they couldn't see where they were going.............I was very good and just politely explained yet again about fly masks.

 

[glitterbug]

Went to clip a horse once and the owner asked for a trace clip. Fine not a problem when I had finished she said 'oh can you not blend the lines in like on his head'
(Because he had very fine hair you couldn't really see a line where I had taken off half his head.)
when I said no I couldn't she got in right strop and said all her friends out hunting would laugh at her :rollseyes:

 

[sjp1]

Friends colleague at work was very sweetly trying to have a 'horsey' conversation with her and was suggesting how time consuming it must be - even 'tacking down'. We laughed and laughed when she told me and now often talk about tacking down when we get back!!

 

[Carajack]

A not very nice Ex thought he knew about horses, the vet came to fit a chip, the horse played up a bit and the vet asked if he had got a twitch, the not very nice ex got quite upset and said no, he had not and told the vet he was very rude to be so personal, I thought it was hilarious and so did the vet.
That is probably why he is now my Ex, good riddence.

 

[nikkimariet]

Haha!! These are all so funny!!

Luckily my family are all horsey, and even my OH knows basic equine lingo (he knows the difference between a leg yield and a half pass, bless!)....

However, people at uni constantly ask when our Shetland will grow into a horse....I find myself explaining using a Chihuahua VS Great Dane argument before introducing the concept of Shetland VS Shire. Some things are just little!!

 

[caitlineloise]

Not heard on the yard but in a tack shop.

Non-horsey family had been told after a couple of lessons to get a schooling whip, I was hanging around whilst they talked about it.

Mum - "He said it was a long one, not leather."
Dad - "Hmm.." *Continues looking at crops looking very confused.
Mum - *Taps child on the shoulder* "OOooh, here they are!"

The mother had a lovely purple lunge whip in her hand... :rollseyes:

I thought at this point I would show her where the schooling whips where, I think they'd get in a bit of a mess trying to give a horse a tap with that when on board! But the riding instructors missed out on a bit of a laugh!

 

[JessnGeorge]

My mother in law came to help me put the boy away one night, all was ready, feed in, hay, nice straw bed etc. I was filling his water bucket when she said "will he eat all that then", I said yes and she said "are you sure you haven't given him too much?" no, I said (she is not horsey at all)
She thought I had put straw bed down for him to eat.

The other one that makes me laugh is (unhorsey dad) was reading my dressage test to me as a teenager, and all of a sudden said "can you stop a minute I've lost my place"

 

[Sophie_Bailey]

My Mum is one of those who constantly refers to hay as straw... I keep reminding her that I don't use straw AT ALL.

My mum does this! We dont even have stables and havent for 2 years....

my non horsey friend came up to the field and asked when my mini is going to get like 'that big one over there' (my 16.1 big lad). When i explain shes a mini and 14yrs old all so it isnt likely to happen, all i get is 'aww so shes like a dwarf then? poor thing'

 

[Kellys Heroes]

Seeing about the wheelie thing, my YOs fb status really made me laugh the other day...

something along the lines of...

'After our peaceful ride around the estate with Christopher (son) went horribly wrong yesterday, (Patrik (older, 'sensible' ID!) once again disgraced himself!) it was decided we wouldnt mention a word to "dad" for fear of repercussions . I nearly choked on my breakfast when Christopher announced, " Dad, Patrik is ace, he can do wheelies, and really big ones!!!"


K x