Amusing things you hear on the yard

[dianeholmes]

Once on a pleasure ride we passed a couple of small boys on bikes down a dene. They asked what we were doing and we explained, "oh" he said " is that why there is a martian on the top road!!! "Son if there is a martian on the top road then we are all in trouble"!!!

Could hardly stay on for laughing!!!!

Mind you memories of the day one of my livery pals bedded down her horse with rolled oats intended for the cattle instead of shavings always raises a laugh. He really was keen on his bedding that day!!

A non-horsey pal asked why I spent so much time tidying my horse's bed when he would just have to spend all night putting it back how he liked it. I actually did not have an answer to that!!

This thread is so funny!!

 

[gonebananas]

I was once on a hack on my 14hh fell in a quiet area. a woman comes out of her car and shouts excuse me but is that a shetland pony? i reply no. woman says but shes really small :S what breed is she? i say fell. she says awwww will she grow anymore and what breed will she be then? i say shes not going to grow anymore and shes still going to be a fell.
at this point i set off again she was either taking the p*** or was on some other illegal puffable substance.....

 

[caramel]

Not heard on the yard but amusing nonetheless:
A yard close to us has a confirmed case of strangles. Cue other horse owners debating whether it's airborn (it isn't) and rumours flying that another large RS has it aswell (it hasn't). All this was done over facebook.
A colleague of my mum's was reading all my comments on the subject... and asked "Does it mean there are men going around Clacton strangling horses???" Had a have a giggle And said yard is in quarantine so shouldn't be too bad. No other yards have it that we know of but there are restrictions nonetheless.

 

[Smitty]

One lady on our yard is a hoot without meaning to be! She put a new rug on her horse and called me over, wanting to know if I thought it made him look fat

She wanted the YO to move the gates as there was mud around them and apparently he didn't like walking through it

Whilst out hacking the other day we encountered an oldish chap walking his dog. She was a little way behind me but caught me up very excitely saying that she thought that was her horse's old owner! I asked why and she said her horse had put his head up when he saw him. I replied it was unlikely as the horse had come from 2 counties away, the man hadn't recognised him and also my horse had done the same. Bless!

 

[825kk]

I was working at an equine college, whilst taking a walk around and happened to give one of the horses a nice juicy apple.. Which he proceeded eat creating a appley slobbery mess all over the floor..
10 minutes later cue a student running in to the office saying "quick, quick Hectors been sick"

Trying to keep a straight face explaining that it wasnt possible was rather difficult.
: )

 

[nickslynn]

Many years ago, we were showing at a large county show,and the judge had done the final placings, and handed out the rosettes, I got the last one and a friend was next in line when the judge goes to her and says it was a nice pony just a little naughty, but would the rider like a sweety, the said rider was late 20's early 30's! (Dont think the judge had looked at age of rider just assumed she was a young teenager.)

 

[tigerlily12345]

I took other half to help me as had to do my friends horse . Got them in and was brushing my friends and other half was doing my horse. He says to me there is a hard dirty spot that wont come off on my girls inside legs ( chestnut) as he walks over to me and my friends horse and says he has them to. I say its there chestnuts not mud. He then looks at horse and says ,but he aint chestnut.....pmsl my horse is..

this made me laugh

 

[jroz]

Not long after I had got my first horse I had gone out for the morning, when I got home at lunchtime my Dad (all proud of himself!) told me he had mucked out my stable for me. I thanked him, and didn't think too much more of it, until I went to bring my horse in from the field. In the stable there was a perfectly circular pile of straw with banked up sides in the middle of the stable. When I had got in I casually asked my dad why her had bedded down like this, to which he said " I thought your horse would like a nest!"

Aww, lol! At least he got a "A" for effort!

 

[LaurenBay]

Last weekend, whilst picking up a new livery. The novice owner asked "how do we get him in the trailor then? do we push him" hehe gave me a giggle

My non Horsey mum dropped me at the stables once and whilst looking into the feild said "oh I didn't know they had cows here" they were 2 piebald cobs

One of my mates came to the yard with me one day when I had my old share Pony, we was turning him out and I said she could lead him, he stopped to eat a patch of grass, friend looked very confused when she shouted "yee haw" and pony didn't move!

 

[tallyho!]

Until this very day, I couldn't really think of anything immediately funny. However, after a run in with a member of the public today.. had to share.....

Because one half of the paddock is so muddy, I've taken to putting hay out on the far side, much lusher and drier, although backs onto a housing estate - a posh one if I may add.

I heard a patio door slide open behind me and a man said "excuse me?". So I stopped throwing flaps of hay out of my pink wheelbarrow and turned around.

Resident "Why are you doing that?"
Me "I'm feeding my horses"
Res "But why here?
Me "This is thier paddock and it's too muddy over the other side, and it's drier here so thier feathers can dry out abit in the sun"
Res "Horses have feathers?"
Me "Yes, there look"
Res "What? Like birds?"
Me "..... well, sort of..." *does mischievious eye flick* "thats how they fly at night"
Res "Hmmm. Mind the grass doesn't blow onto my lawn"

He walks away, the patio door zips shut and I honestly have not stopped sniggering since....

I know he probably thought I was mad, but the thought that horses could have bird like wings on thier heels really really tickles me...

 

[Kinkyangel]

Until this very day, I couldn't really think of anything immediately funny. However, after a run in with a member of the public today.. had to share.....

Because one half of the paddock is so muddy, I've taken to putting hay out on the far side, much lusher and drier, although backs onto a housing estate - a posh one if I may add.

I heard a patio door slide open behind me and a man said "excuse me?". So I stopped throwing flaps of hay out of my pink wheelbarrow and turned around.

Resident "Why are you doing that?"
Me "I'm feeding my horses"
Res "But why here?
Me "This is thier paddock and it's too muddy over the other side, and it's drier here so thier feathers can dry out abit in the sun"
Res "Horses have feathers?"
Me "Yes, there look"
Res "What? Like birds?"
Me "..... well, sort of..." *does mischievious eye flick* "thats how they fly at night"
Res "Hmmm. Mind the grass doesn't blow onto my lawn"

He walks away, the patio door zips shut and I honestly have not stopped sniggering since....

I know he probably thought I was mad, but the thought that horses could have bird like wings on thier heels really really tickles me...

Lol! I just got told off for snorting reading that!!!!

Xx

 

[Rudolph's Red Nose]

Love this thread, has made me chuckle and remember many years ago...

I was rang at work by a house sitter at a private yard where I kept my horse - she was panicing as her daughter had told her that my horse wasnt very well as it had been bitten by flies.. she was scared of horses and didnt want to go in the field to check him but thought she had better tell me.

I left work thinking allergic reaction, whether to phone vet etc etc - arrived nothing was wrong with him, had a chat with daughter and slowly realised during a conversation with her the previous evening I had informed her he was a 'flea bitten' grey...

Also at same yard, a posh family stayed for the summer with a naughty pony who whilst daughter was riding decided to trot back off down the road heading for home - the girl while passing me said excuse me, excuse me, excuse me - I cant stop, can you rescue me - see manners cost nothing !! bless her..

 

[brighthair]

Dad calls body protectors, body armour. Rugs are duvets, and overeach boots are "those rubber shoes"
I can't complain, he treats horses like big dogs so if you give him a snorting rearing horse on a lead rope, he waits for horse to stop waving it's front legs, and goes "Ready now? come on then" Everything is like a lamb with him because he seems to have no fear

Oh one the other day at work "Riding isn't exactly cardio is it, it just works your thighs and nothing else?"

Mum calls dressage "dancing horses" but seems to have developed a fascination for watching it, and slightly more worrying, for Parelli.......

Weird people on hacks - I seem to meet lots of these

woman walks up to me and asks how old my horse is. I tell her he is 20, and she replies, no, he isn't. I look confused, she walks close to him, opens and roots in horses mouth, goes "Humph" and walked off. I'm not sure who was more shocked, me or poor horse

elderly man walked past on a hack and says "On your way". I said, yes I am on my way. No, the horse. Total confusion until he says "Good horse he was" and I realise he had watched him racing.... his race name was "On Your Way"

 

[fidleyspromise]

Hmm, I can't think of any but this thread has given me a chuckle!!!

The othe day, I posted on FB along with photos of me and pony jumping and mentioned that "I had lost my stirrup over that jump". My mum came back with comment "what? it just fell off?" Had a little chuckle before telling her what it meant.

 

[buzzles]

A client once asked me to check was his girdle tight enough, looked at him a bit funny til I realised he meant check his girth was tight! Another time I led out a horse and a lady exclaimed 'Oh my God do you know that horse has an extra nipple!!' The horse, a gelding, had a melanoma just behind the girth!

 

[little_critter]

When will he ever learn that standing in front of the horse holding the headcollar open does not mean the horse will stick it's head in and is more likely to result in a smack in the face when he then shakes it at them! Aargh!

He should meet my girl - she puts her head in the headcoller, because it usually means she's a) about to be fed or b) about to be turned out.

I'm afraid I'm guilty of saying to Skye when I've finished riding her - "I'll just untack you and then you can go and play in the garden (get turned out)"!

 

[Dandycandy]

well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny.
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool'
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!

 

[zoe101982]

My cousin text me last week telling me they were selling cheap horse coats and leg warmers in lidl ha ha

 

[Elbie]

My cousin text me last week telling me they were selling cheap horse coats and leg warmers in lidl ha ha

Ha ha! Leg warmers for when they go down the disco

 

[Elbie]

My friend's horse wore brushing boots in the field and one of my friends asked why he was wearing football boots / shin guards.

I get annoyed when my horse-oblivious work colleagues ask questions, like when I said we were going to take my friends youngster showjumping (who is 4, only ever popped a couple of small cross poles at home and never been out to a show) but the start height was 80cm so we were put off, they said how tiny that was! and then when i mentioned the horse had hardly jumped before they said surely the horse could just step over it, especially as its legs must be longer than 80cm. I gave up trying to explain everything that was wrong with what they'd just said

 

[HashRouge]

I'm afraid I call turnout rugs "rain coats" and stable rugs "jim jams" and I've owned my mare for 10 years

I did have hysterics last year though when I got a new, made to measure bridle delivered to my flat at uni. I put it all together and then happily went to go and show it off to my flatmates, only one of whom, L, was horsey. J, one of my other flatmates, asked which way round it went, at which L put the bridle over her own head as though she were a horse and put the ends of the reins to her mouth. I stood behind her and held the reins. We were very proud of our working model but J, after looking at us in confusion for a moment, said: "it just looks like some weird bondage get up"

 

[hackedoff]

' I think I will need a double dose of this wormer as the horse poo'd just as I inserted the wormer tube and the paste came straight back out...'

 

[Kellys Heroes]

well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny.
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool'
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!

Haha yeah my Dad claims he doesn't care for horses - then will let our mare fall asleep on his shoulder and say 'look she likes me!' xD xx

 

[Bettyboo222]

I was walking Beauty once and over heard someone say 'be careful thats only a young 'un' ..... B is 44

 

[Birker2020]

overheard in the office where i work by a 'know it all bloke'

'A baby horse is called a FOWL! then it becomes a shetland, it then grows into a pony and then when fully grown, is a horse - when it becomes old it is a shire horse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PRICELESS!!!

Ha, ha

 

[Birker2020]

Got me thinking the other day when I was on the yard. One of the girls had taken her dad down with her (a self confessed novice).
As she began to pick pony's feet out her dad says "have you got another of those (hoofpicks) I'll do his other ones"
Just had to laugh!!!

Give us your stories!
K x

Go and take ****** over the fields and get him fit for the fun ride on Saturday (this was on the Thursday).

WHAT??? Is he going to become like Arnold Swarznegger in two days??? Wow if only it were that easy

 

[Birker2020]

well by the sounds of things dads are pretty good at this and mine is no exeption:
are you going cuddy riding today? - are you going horse riding?
sj is cuddy lowping (dunno how to spell that)
little horse i ride dad pats it on the head and says 'hey you would make a nice pan of soup wouldnt you' horse proceeds to cuddle him ' yes we shall be friends coz your little and fat just like me' both are little neither is fat.
they all seem to love him its very funny.
poll guard on a horse once 'hey i like its hat, you look cool'
'horse hut' stable.
mums pretty good with the lingo though brushing boots are sometimes leg protectors.
lol
this thread has made me crease though!

Dad calls fetlocks ankles, travel boots gaiters and rugs coats.

 

[Bertie10]

Thankfully my husband is great now, but a few years Ago he asked me if he could section off part of my ménage for a BBQ area!?!
He couldn't understand that I did actually need all 4 corners!!!!
B x

 

[olop]

Well not as funny as yours but just yesterday I was having lunch with my dad and he asked what my daughter was doing and I said

"Oh she's having a riding lesson then doing blahh blah"

He says "Riding lesson?! If she doesnn't know how to ride a horse after all these years she should get another hobby"

lol - I get that a lot, one of my work colleagues asked me what I was doing one evening & I said I was having a lesson (riding) & her response was "in all those years you have been riding you would think you knew it all now!"

I wish I bloody did lol!!

 

[Kellys Heroes]

Haha why do we always seem to get that?
"If you need riding lessons....!"
K x