Are horses making you delay starting a family?

[Sandylou]

As title really.
I'm 31 this year and have a 5 year old horse who needs lots of time to bring him on. I have no children but feel like I really need to start giving it serious thought now. Aside from being petrified of giving birth I don't want to ruin my boys education by having to give up the time he needs.
Has anyone here had children whilst bringing on a youngster? How did you do it?
Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me?

 

[scatty_mare]

I'm in the same boat!
I know that once we have kids there is a chance that we might not be able to afford to keep my lovely loan mare, and competing is expensive too, plus people keep saying I'll lose my nerves after kids! so I'm desperate to get a couple of seasons of eventing in and have my fun before it's too late!
Probably made worse by the fact that I have missed out on 2 years of competing due to various horse injuries so feel that I have some catching up to do!
I'm 30 this year, OH a bit older and has less to give up so he's a bit more keen than me.
I also am a personal trainer and run a lot so will mean big changes for me, at least in short term.
Plus, yes, giving birth looks horrendous! All those people with their heads stuck up between your legs! And you poo yourself! Oh God!

 

[CatStew]

I don't have a youngster, but other then that I'm in the same boat as you!

My husband and I got married just over a year ago and he has been making noises about starting a family for quite a while. He's 29 and I'm 25. I know as soon as I fall pregnant I wouldn't even be 'allowed' to look at my mare from afar, let alone do anything with her, I feel very selfish tbh but she has been in my life longer then he has!

I'm also considering getting a youngster to bring on and have fun with, but the only thing really stopping me is that a few years down the line I don't think I'll have time for it which would be unfair.

I'm interested to follow this thread to learn of other people's experiences

 

[Lisamd]

Yeap! Exactly the same, I'm 31, OH is 37 (nearly!) and I have 4 youngsters at 3, 5, 6 and 7 and a job I love...dilema!
But basing myself on a good friend who has just had her first at 34 I'm guessing we're all fine. She rode until she was 34 weeks and was back in the saddle 5 weeks later (although she does has my rather saintly old eventer who is now 17!)
Also if we have to ask ourselves baby or horses we're clearly not ready! I'm making the most of the next 3 years thats for sure!

 

[jumpthemoon]

I know what you mean! I'm the same. I've been thinking about it for a couple of years now (I'm 33) but apart from being petrified too, I don't want to give up my horses! I know it woudl be a big stretch to afford horses and baby and although I do feel I would like to have children, I just don't want it THAT much lol! I'm sure in a couple more years I will get on with it, but can't bring myself to do it yet

 

[Abacus]

I certainly did delay... I was 31 when I finally agreed to have a baby, and then got pregnant much quicker than I expected, and had a 12 year old eventer (lame) and the project I had bought to keep myself amused with, who was only 4. To be honest I didn't really think it all through at the time and probably shouldn't have bought the project but I have never been very good at being sensible (or horseless).

I kept going until 5 months pregnant, when the young horse took me up a 30 foot bank and I thought it was time to stop riding him, so I gave him some time in the field and rode the (then sound) older one. It depends on how you feel but I rode till 2 weeks before having a baby and then got back on 10 days afterwards.

I did sell the young horse eventually although I managed to keep both going for a while, it was going back to work that I couldn't cope with... but I still have the old one and do manage to ride - you just have to be quick about it, don't faff at the yard, get on and ride, they don't need grooming every day... I have mine on full livery as there's no way I can be there every day twice, and I accept that sometimes i don't see him. I don't have a good work-life balance (or work-horse life balance) which is something I would like to change but i don't quite know how... I would definitely recommend getting help, and don't be afraid to say you can't cope - send the horse away to be schooled, stick it in the field for a bit in winter, just do what you have to do... (sadly you can't send the baby away).

But I wouldn't change having had a baby - it's great and I can't wait to start him riding and playing with ponies. Giving birth isn't nice but it does come to an end (the best thing is, the pain goes away very quickly and you feel brilliant).

God knows if this helps - but it is possible to keep your horses and have a baby - you do need an understanding OH and accept you don't have many free hours in the day...

 

[Lisamd]

My friend says babies are expensive as you make them...and not a patch on owning horses!
A few weeks ago I went to see a pony for some friends and was greeted by 2 twin girls aged about 13/14. They tacked the pony up, rode him, answered my questions etc and were really pleasant. I mentioned that it must be hard work what with school and producing the ponies, to which they answered that they didn't go to school but were home educated so they could do both...clever mother I say!

 

[starsky]

I delayed it to the point that I decided not to have any children and have been very happy with my decision ever since! Have seen too many horses sold over the years because children came along and there was no longer time for the horse or competing.

 

[Sandylou]

Thanks everyone! I thought I was the only person in the world that felt the way I do
I think horses and children can work but I'm under no illusion that it'll be tough. My hubby is very supportive and encourages me to ride as much as possible which is great (probs because he plays alot of golf so it gives him the time he needs too!)
I think another year before I make a positive committment to the whole baby thing is OK. By then my boy will be 7 and I'm sure i would be able to find someone to keep him ticking over while I don't ride. If I can't find someone then my instructor will have another schooling livery on her hands

 

[Ranyhyn]

I'm 26 and I've told my OH quite explicitly that I don't intend even thinking about children til I'm ten years older (if ever) I don't want to compromise my riding for children, I doubt that will ever change!

 

[Ginge Crosby]

i'm 26, and 7 months pregnant, my OH is 29 and has always said he wanted his first child before he was 30... i'm due on the 20th august which is the day before his 30th so i only hope the child is more punctual than its father is!

i'd owned my 6yo 'project' for just over a year when i fell pregnant. Carried on riding to 5 months (against my OH's wishes) but got too uncomfortable to ride any more (midwife says its going to be a big baby :0). I would still be riding now if i could, TRUST ME!!!!

I have just bought another project about a week and a half ago.... a pony for Bump when s/he's ready to ride. Slight problem.... needs breaking in! i'm just getting tack sorted and will start lungeing and (sort of) leaning over in the next few weeks (but OH will not be a happy bunny about it!)

My 16h 6yo is having a little holiday, but will start lungeing and walking in hand again in the next few weeks so he's got a little basic fitness back ready for when i start riding again after the birth (i'm planning on riding ASAP, want him to be ready for our local winter dressage league). Also once i'm back on, i'll be riding him and leading the pony on hacks for fitness too.

PS - this is my first child, and tbh i'm not sure if reality has kicked in for me yet - i'm still poopicking daily, lifting full water troughs around cos they're not in the right place, generally doing things that my OH and his parents are horrified at - but i'm not really worried about the birth, i think if its going to happen it's going to happen (i.e the pooing mentioned earlier....)

and to be perfectly honest, i'm more worried about the thought of having an epidural than actually giving birth - dreading the thought that gas and air might not be enough, i've turned into a real needle-wimp since being pregnant!!

I agree with lisamd - like horses, they are as expensive as you make them. I've been very lucky, in that 2 of my sisters have a 9mth boy and 9mth girl, and have unloaded all of their baby stuff onto me - seriously, i have two of most things! And anything we havent been given has been bought second hand. Also joined ALL the baby clubs with the supermarkets, boots, lloyds, and anything else i can find, and have saved alot of money with vouchers from them. My sister-in-law, however, insisted she buy EVERYTHING brand new, to the point of spending a grand on a pushchair, she has so much stuff its ridiculous, and the baby's grown too quickly to wear most of the clothes she's bought.

I wouldnt have been able to keep my horses if they'd had to stay in livery. whilst i loved the yard, and would love to go back, it was just silly paying for lovely facilities which i cant use because i'm not riding. So again i've been lucky in that i've been able to move them to my OH's parents paddocks. Otherwise i think the horses would have had to go.

wow, just realised i've written an essay.... OP you can have my bag of melted malteasers that the baby-brain left in the car earlier if you make it to the end of this

 

[Sandylou]

Mmmmmmmmm melted malteasers....it's the only way to eat them!!!
Congratulations alj7 x

 

[Lippyx]

As title really.
I'm 31 this year and have a 5 year old horse who needs lots of time to bring him on. I have no children but feel like I really need to start giving it serious thought now. Aside from being petrified of giving birth I don't want to ruin my boys education by having to give up the time he needs.
Has anyone here had children whilst bringing on a youngster? How did you do it?
Does anyone else feel the same or is it just me?

I am in the same boat too!!
I am 32 this year, have no horses or no children. I ride once a week, and am hoping to get my own horse soon (VERY soon!)
My OH has a 5 yr old boy, and is 3 years younger than me, but is very busy with his own company.
We have spoken about children, but I have told him horse first, then I MAY consider one child, but its not on the top of my list TBH. I am also petrified of giving birth, and looking after such a vunerable bundle, but never say never I guess.

 

[Lippyx]

Also... I have told my OH that I will not, no matter what, have any child out side of marriage! I am very traditional in that respect, so if he gives me my wedding, then I will give him his child (a girl of course, who will also be into ponies )

 

[ThePony]

You don't know what a relief it is to know that all you guys seem to feel the same as me!!!

I'm 31 and OH is a little older, he would have kids anytime, as soon as possible being better for him. I could take them or leave them tbh which I think really isn't the right way to go into the whole having a baby thing! I like my life, and I would hate to give my mare time off and possibly ride and compete less after. I worry that having a baby would change things (well, how could they not?!) and I just don't want them changed!! I am hoping I have a few more years to ignore this, but then who knows? I do feel a bit selfish as oh really wants children, but tbh it would affect his life very much less.

Phew, so nice to feel normal, this thread has made me feel so much better!

 

[Ginge Crosby]

Also... I have told my OH that I will not, no matter what, have any child out side of marriage! I am very traditional in that respect, so if he gives me my wedding, then I will give him his child (a girl of course, who will also be into ponies )

I wanted to at least be engaged before i got pregnant.... oops!

i have told OH that if he wants the child to have his last name, he'd better produce a ring straight after he's cut the cord.....

and i'm desperate for a girl, else if it's a boy it will be pushed into rally driving like his father and the new pony will be a very cute lawnmower and nothing else!

 

[Ranyhyn]

My OH has a 5 yr old boy, and is 3 years younger than me, but is very busy with his own company.

You are 8?!

 

[luckylou]

I got married last August, I kinda promised that we would have a family once we were married, once we were married I knew it was imminent, just couldn't do it, I love my horses way too much, we divorced three months later ... I have since bought a third horse and have never been happier

 

[Lisamd]

I got married last August, I kinda promised that we would have a family once we were married, once we were married I knew it was imminent, just couldn't do it, I love my horses way too much, we divorced three months later ... I have since bought a third horse and have never been happier

Lol, this made me chuckle! (not in a spiteful way)

 

[stencilface]

I really want to acheive something with my horse before I give up my normal life and have any kids! This for me is to acheive jumping at at least 1.20m (or at least make a concerted effort to get to this level, if me/my horse aren't capable, then fair enough ) and if I can - 1.30m

Me and the OH got married last month, and have agreed that the next year - at least! - is dedicated to having fun and holidays, the last two years have been spent doing up our house and paying for the wedding, I'm ready for fun! Then again, if I get a PhD - it may get further put off, on the other hand - if I'm still in the same job, I'll have a baby just so I can leave work

 

[Firewell]

I'm in the same boat as well. I'll be 29 in September. I'm just going to get on with it.
No I don't feel ready, no I'm not happy thinking that I might not be able to ride or compete my lovely 6yr old horse but my mum says that it never feels the right time to have a baby but once you have a little son or daughter it's the best thing in the world.
I also want to do it before I get too old as I know there are less chances of problems occurring. Put it this way I'd rather have a baby too soon then leave it too late!
I actually hate the thought that my precious horse may take a back seat but my mum managed with work, 2 kids and 4 horses! She actually did the majority of her competing after I was born, my sister and I were 5 and 7 when she was eventing properly. She would compete twice a week at least and box up for lessons ect.
I'm lucky in that my OH has lots of time, financially we don't have to worry and I also have my mum and friends who can keep my horse ticking over.
It will be OK! I'm scared and worried but sod it .

 

[ThePony]

I'm in the same boat as well. I'll be 29 in September. I'm just going to get on with it.
No I don't feel ready, no I'm not happy thinking that I might not be able to ride or compete my lovely 6yr old horse but my mum says that it never feels the right time to have a baby but once you have a little son or daughter it's the best thing in the world.
I also want to do it before I get too old as I know there are less chances of problems occurring. Put it this way I'd rather have a baby too soon then leave it too late!
I actually hate the thought that my precious horse may take a back seat but my mum managed with work, 2 kids and 4 horses! She actually did the majority of her competing after I was born, my sister and I were 5 and 7 when she was eventing properly. She would compete twice a week at least and box up for lessons ect.
I'm lucky in that my OH has lots of time, financially we don't have to worry and I also have my mum and friends who can keep my horse ticking over.
It will be OK! I'm scared and worried but sod it .

Wow, your mum sounds like a legend! Sounds like she has set an amazing example - it can be done!

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

i too have nearly always said i dont want children as i am not maternal . Horses are my life and always will be they come first . I dont want kids so i will not be in that situation I couldnt choose what i wanted to do as always tied to kids. So i made the decision not to have them.

I love my horses to much to risk loosing them

some people where born to be parents others we not I fall into this category

I too dont want to compromise my horses and my riding and driving for children ,

 

[trina1982]

I'm in the same boat as well. I'll be 29 in September. I'm just going to get on with it.
No I don't feel ready, no I'm not happy thinking that I might not be able to ride or compete my lovely 6yr old horse but my mum says that it never feels the right time to have a baby but once you have a little son or daughter it's the best thing in the world.
I also want to do it before I get too old as I know there are less chances of problems occurring. Put it this way I'd rather have a baby too soon then leave it too late!
I actually hate the thought that my precious horse may take a back seat but my mum managed with work, 2 kids and 4 horses! She actually did the majority of her competing after I was born, my sister and I were 5 and 7 when she was eventing properly. She would compete twice a week at least and box up for lessons ect.
I'm lucky in that my OH has lots of time, financially we don't have to worry and I also have my mum and friends who can keep my horse ticking over.
It will be OK! I'm scared and worried but sod it .

Where's the like button!
'Better too soon than too late' - Never a truer word said. I've witnessed the heartache with some friends leaving it too late, and sometimes you don't know how much you want something til the opportunity to have it is gone

Good luck and hope it happens for you soon. You have had a brilliant role model.

I also think riding is one of the few sports where you can continue (and get better at) with age. That what i keep telling myself! Mid 30's is when i hope to properly get back into horses - my kids will be 9 and 7 by then (and WILL have a pony )

Trina x

 

[Firewell]

ThePony yes she is amazing. I think thats why it doesn't worry me so much!
I've grown up in a horsie family because of my mum. There are pictures of me and my sister as tiny tots in snow suits standing next to my mum riding her horse out hunting. When she was eventing my dad would come as groom and we would all run round the XC course dragging the dog on a lead rope to catch glimpses of her riding.
Horses have been an everyday part of my life since day dot and I don't think it hurt myself or my sister. I had an amazing childhood playing at the stables for hours, getting covered in dirt and hay as you do and we were active, happy and healthy children for it.
That's why having children AND doing everything with horses doesn't bother me, I can only hope that I give my children as wonderful a childhood. I certainly never felt I missed out because of my mums horsie habit. Yes I wasn't taken on holidays or had lots of new toys or clothes. I had better, I had amazing times playing non stop around a farm and I had my very own pony!!

 

[Brandy]

Horses have delayed a lot of things in my life!!

Getting a 'proper' job - I worked with horses until my mid 20's when I finally gave in and decided that I couldn;t live the rest of my life 'living in' and earning a pittance!

Buying a house, bought last year as it took me 6 yrs of saving in my proper job to be able to afford the 15% depsoit needed!

Having kids - I am 33 and don't have any. I worry about how we would manage financially - I have a horse and two ponies. One pony and the horse are old and I would not get rid of them. The other is the one I ride, and belongs to a friend and actually costs me least of the three. I am the main wage earner.

I don't even know if I want kids, never been in the position to decide. Don't want to be too old before I make my mind up, though been thinking about it a lot this year.

 

[stencilface]

I do honestly think I'll start considering it next year, I need time to get used to being married first!

 

[4faults]

I am determined that I will have my own yard again and a successful business before we have children. I am 24 and im giving myself till im 30! We are engaged and planning a wedding which our finances will have to bounce back from also!

My OH is as horsey as I am so he knows they come first. He wants us to have our own place again as that would make it easier when we do have children, that everything will be all in one place.

I am too selfish to give up my horses, we have 1 each plus I have a section B I have had since she was 2 who I have always said will be there for my kids to ride

 

[Cocorules]

I delayed it to the point that I decided not to have any children and have been very happy with my decision ever since! Have seen too many horses sold over the years because children came along and there was no longer time for the horse or competing.

I delayed and am now too old to have kids. Glad I have my horses and it was the right choice but must admit I would have liked to have had both.

 

[scatty_mare]

I love this thread!
Mother-in-law, my parents and all my sprogged up friends have been (probably unintentionally) making me feel selfish and unreasonable for wanting to have my own life before settling down to have kids... so it's great to know that I'm not alone!
(For the record, OH is not guilt-tripping me at all, he is not in a hurry and happy for it to be on my terms, it's just everyone else!)