Are horses making you delay starting a family?

[riding_high]

i've never felt i had to choose, i've got 3 kids (only one is sort of interested in horses) and i've had horses through each pregnancy, in fact my OH bought me my horse during my last pregnancy as i was going round the twist having nothing to do during the day!

i was lucky in that my OH is happy to help with the horses or look after the kids while i do the horses, it does make things alot easier. i don't have family around me and my in laws are very much against horses so it is just myself and my OH.

there are times i wished i waited to have kids as it would be nice to just go for a hack without thinking about anything other than myself and horse BUT i think i will always have them moments. i never really wanted kids, i felt it was expected of me to have them, now i've got them i wouldn't change them for the world (maybe less arguing!) they love my horses and will help me out when they are at the yard, such as filling a haynet, doing the waters, mixing feeds which means i can crack on with the harder jobs.

don't feel pressured to have kids but if you want them then just go for it, they will only change your life, cost you loads if you let them, exactly the same as a horse.

 

[Jingleballs]

Yes I'd say my horse has definitely delayed any family plans for me. I always said I'd have a baby when I hit 30.

I got into riding pretty late - in my early/mid 20's. I'll be 30 this year and have owned my 8 year old for 3 1/2 years.

I feel that I've got a lot of catching up to do and have so much that I want to do with him that I've now said I'll have a baby when I'm 35 lol!

My OH is fine - we don't really discuss babies - neither of us seems fussed and he's also too busy with his hobby.

We enjoy our life too much as it is at the moment and until that changes there are no baby plans!

 

[BlueCakes]

I have one horse, and have never been a fan of children. However, I would never delay my life for my horse. I have worked around him so much already, I could never sacrifice anything else for him.
I think I am fairly lucky however, to have one horse, on full livery, and to have a child on top of that would simply mean someone else having to exercise him for a few months whilst I couldn't. I'm not rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he has his place and his funds and is sorted. Everything other than him is an extra on top, because he isn't going anywhere. x

 

[mulledwhine]

I also was too in to horses, too selfish and not ready, plus terrified to give birth.

Got pregnant, insisted on a c section ( not too posh to push, just too scared lol )

Had a little girl, still don't feel like a mummy, whatever that is supposed to feel like!

I had been quite a lonely owner, due not non horsey oh and friends, and horse being kept at home.

I now have a new group of horsey friends due to her wanting to ride, have got back into pony club and we have a cute new pony for her.

Non of this would have happened if it had not been for our little mistake

 

[katia]

i'm 26, and 7 months pregnant, my OH is 29 and has always said he wanted his first child before he was 30... i'm due on the 20th august which is the day before his 30th so i only hope the child is more punctual than its father is!

i'd owned my 6yo 'project' for just over a year when i fell pregnant. Carried on riding to 5 months (against my OH's wishes) but got too uncomfortable to ride any more (midwife says its going to be a big baby :0). I would still be riding now if i could, TRUST ME!!!!

I have just bought another project about a week and a half ago.... a pony for Bump when s/he's ready to ride. Slight problem.... needs breaking in! i'm just getting tack sorted and will start lungeing and (sort of) leaning over in the next few weeks (but OH will not be a happy bunny about it!)

My 16h 6yo is having a little holiday, but will start lungeing and walking in hand again in the next few weeks so he's got a little basic fitness back ready for when i start riding again after the birth (i'm planning on riding ASAP, want him to be ready for our local winter dressage league). Also once i'm back on, i'll be riding him and leading the pony on hacks for fitness too.

PS - this is my first child, and tbh i'm not sure if reality has kicked in for me yet - i'm still poopicking daily, lifting full water troughs around cos they're not in the right place, generally doing things that my OH and his parents are horrified at - but i'm not really worried about the birth, i think if its going to happen it's going to happen (i.e the pooing mentioned earlier....)

and to be perfectly honest, i'm more worried about the thought of having an epidural than actually giving birth - dreading the thought that gas and air might not be enough, i've turned into a real needle-wimp since being pregnant!!

I agree with lisamd - like horses, they are as expensive as you make them. I've been very lucky, in that 2 of my sisters have a 9mth boy and 9mth girl, and have unloaded all of their baby stuff onto me - seriously, i have two of most things! And anything we havent been given has been bought second hand. Also joined ALL the baby clubs with the supermarkets, boots, lloyds, and anything else i can find, and have saved alot of money with vouchers from them. My sister-in-law, however, insisted she buy EVERYTHING brand new, to the point of spending a grand on a pushchair, she has so much stuff its ridiculous, and the baby's grown too quickly to wear most of the clothes she's bought.

I wouldnt have been able to keep my horses if they'd had to stay in livery. whilst i loved the yard, and would love to go back, it was just silly paying for lovely facilities which i cant use because i'm not riding. So again i've been lucky in that i've been able to move them to my OH's parents paddocks. Otherwise i think the horses would have had to go.

wow, just realised i've written an essay.... OP you can have my bag of melted malteasers that the baby-brain left in the car earlier if you make it to the end of this

You sound just like me!! I tended to carry on regardless with my first and I am now 32 and 8 weeks pregnant I intend to do the same again!!

I have 2 horses, one 11yr old and my project 5yr old. I was concerned that it would hinder the progress I am making with my youngster but as she is pretty level headed I shall continue to work her as long as I'm comfy to and then give her a little break over winter..lunge then hop straight back on after the birth.

I make it sound easy and it is as long as you are incredibly organised, have one or two babysitters on standby and you have the drive to do it

To be honest at the moment, the morning...afternoon and night sickness is kicking in and the only place I feel human/ normal is with my horses!!

Kate.xxxx

 

[Syrah]

Up until the age of 34 I swore I would never have children.

Aged 35 I had my first

Life doesn't end when you have kids, it changes but for most, in a good way. Your horses won't come last, you'll just handle priorities in a different way. Horses will come first when they need to but your top priority will probably be your children.

A hands on understanding father is a must, being organised helps but it is doable.

Kids, like horses, will cost as much as you allow them to.

As for the birth and people looking at your bits, trust me on this one, in the throes of labour you don't give a rats @ss who's looking It is painful but you know there will be an end point to it and a rather scrummy little bundle too.

Having children isn't for everyone and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don't have them because you should, have them because you want to, they are a gift, not a right.

Mine are 5 and 2.5. My 5yr old comes to the yard with me, she loves it and she's in the fresh air (all be it helping others to muck stables out, poo pick, clean feed bowls etc) rather than sat in front of the tv. The 2.5yr old is a bit too hectic and loud for the yard at the moment, she's one of those toddlers who act like they are on speed with the highest decibel of noise a child can make My eldest is more chilled and quiet.

It's easier when they are babies, they sleep alot up until they are around 2yrs old. You can do alot around sleep times, I timed everything around those when my eldest was a baby. I did cheat and pay for assisted in the mornings in the week.

My children will always be my top priority but my horse is pretty much up there too.

 

[scatty_mare]

Up until the age of 34 I swore I would never have children.

Aged 35 I had my first

Life doesn't end when you have kids, it changes but for most, in a good way. Your horses won't come last, you'll just handle priorities in a different way. Horses will come first when they need to but your top priority will probably be your children.

A hands on understanding father is a must, being organised helps but it is doable.

Kids, like horses, will cost as much as you allow them to.

As for the birth and people looking at your bits, trust me on this one, in the throes of labour you don't give a rats @ss who's looking It is painful but you know there will be an end point to it and a rather scrummy little bundle too.

Having children isn't for everyone and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don't have them because you should, have them because you want to, they are a gift, not a right.

Mine are 5 and 2.5. My 5yr old comes to the yard with me, she loves it and she's in the fresh air (all be it helping others to muck stables out, poo pick, clean feed bowls etc) rather than sat in front of the tv. The 2.5yr old is a bit too hectic and loud for the yard at the moment, she's one of those toddlers who act like they are on speed with the highest decibel of noise a child can make My eldest is more chilled and quiet.

It's easier when they are babies, they sleep alot up until they are around 2yrs old. You can do alot around sleep times, I timed everything around those when my eldest was a baby. I did cheat and pay for assisted in the mornings in the week.

My children will always be my top priority but my horse is pretty much up there too.

This is a lovely post. Thanks for reassurance

 

[Sandylou]

All wonderful posts. Thanks for making me feel loads better! x

 

[arizonahoney]

Good thread...and yes, I expect it is delaying me.

I like my work / horse / personal life at the moment and am not quite ready to give it all up to become a babyslave, like so many new moms I see...

But I have been married 5 years now, so perhaps I'd better get a bloody move on, sooner rather than later!

 

[Honey08]

I delayed and delayed - hadn't quite met the right man, travelled, rode... Met Mr Right at 34, decided to try at 35, never happened. Was enjoying my horse, competing, got married, so wedding planning...so didn't stress about it too much. Now too old for IVF on NHS, and can't justify the money privately (plus seen a couple of friends go through hell on IVF). So I would say beware - I didn't think that I wanted kids THAT much, but when that door slams in your face, each time another friend gets pregnant/has a baby, it tears a little bit of your heart out. I still love my life and my horses, but do have some regrets!

Sorry for the negativity. I've been the prophet of doom on a few threads lately!

 

[Sunny08]

No absolutely not, but having children was something I really wanted and I was prepared to give up horses for a while to achieve it (I owned a spritely 5 yr old eventer who I didn't and wouldn't have ridden when pregnant). I did find the no horses bit difficult, but my son is now 5mths old and I have just brought a new horse who is a safe and sensible ride, so when baby no.2 comes along I will carry on regardless, plus I think I will be much more relaxed in next pregnancy about what I can and cannot do. I do rely heavily on my husband and MIL to be able to ride though and look after her, but my horse is also my release and my sanity. I just found a way to combine the both.

 

[cyberhorse]

Well I am 33 and have not yet achieved my goals with horses having been tied up in a full-time stressful career and student debt until 29. I gave this up following ill health to achieve some work-life balance and have time to pursue my interest in horses. I have taken a financial hit and would not be able to afford kids and it would take what little time I have for my horses away.

I am not maternal in the least and I think if it was going to hit it would have done so by now, so I just get on with living every day as it comes. The only thing I do find is that my friends are getting polarised into 20 year olds and 40-50 year olds as my peers are just too tied up with their kids. This also makes me more sure I do not want to change my lifestyle. I do not have a right to have a child I will end up resenting. Sure this maybe selfish but I think it is more selfish to deny it and go along with what my family perceive is the "norm".

 

[carousel8703]

I'm 31 and have a 9 month old daughter. I didn't want to have children at least until i had enough money to keep my horse. I have been lucky really as i have bred a foal from my mare while i was pregnant and i have only gone back to work part time. Money is a little tight but a few sacrafices have made it all possible. My little girl is such an easy going type that she is happy to come to the stables every day and watch me ride. She loves to sit on my horse and the horse is especially gentle with her. The question now is do i have another baby???? Dont think the budget will stretch to mare foal and 2 children, and there is no way i'm selling the horses. Maybe i'll have a rethink in a few years but for now i'm happy with my lot and think i truely am one of the lucky ones.

 

[nikCscott]

Well I'm from the other camp too.

I'm 31 with 5 and 4 year old daughters and I have just got back into competitive riding and intend to get as far up the show jumping ladder as I can.

I love knowing there is nothing (touch wood us both staying sound and healthy) to stop me. I have not lost my nerve if anything the break has made me more hungry for it, and I was competitive before but now I'm even more and braver too.

Husband was supportive before but even more so now the girls are really horsey and I'm loving taking them around the summer shows and seeing how much enjoyment they are getting out of it.

I've never been a fan of children but always wanted my own. My girls just add to the fun of it all, where the horses were something I did by myself now it's a family outing which makes it even better!

I do love my life!

 

[PorkChop]

Haven't read all of the replies so apologies if what I say has already been said!

I have two daughters (8 and 10), I always said I wouldn't have children when I first got married and my husband would have been just as happy not to have children

Its like any situation - there are pros and cons - however even though I would never describe myself as maternal - I loved being pregnant and my daughters are now at an age where they are really helpful with the horses.

We have five horses in total, I compete, the children are happy to hack and do the odd gymkhana. The only help I have is my husband who is fantastic, and I am very lucky in that I don't need to work.

If you want something enough you will do everything in your power to make it happen, there are thousands of people that have children and ride

 

[MissMincePie&Brandy]

I'm older than most of you who have put your age I'd now be classed as an older mother and me and OH are considering starting a family before it's too late , but my one and only worry is what will happen with the horses.
One is an injury/illness prone ultra sensitive 17.2 ex-racehorse who had to be retired last year due to multiple illness and soundness issues, but he costs a fortune to keep as he's so sensitive and a poor doer. It's not a problem at all at the moment, I can afford him and all his treatments, and he lives like a king and is very happy - which makes me happy. I work full time, and spend most of what I earn on the horses. If I can't work, money might become an issue? My OH has suggested a bullet for my poor TB , but I get hysterical when he mentions that, so he doesn't say it anymore!

My other horse is very special to me, and very talented, but can be a little quirky. I'd never trust anyone enough to loan him or share him, and if I found a nice rider, I'd drive them mad with my strict instructions about where and what they can and can't do on him every day.

Anyone listening to me, who doesn't understand or have horses would think I was insane and need to sort my priorities out wouldn't they?

 

[Ginge Crosby]

If I can't work, money might become an issue? My OH has suggested a bullet for my poor TB , but I get hysterical when he mentions that, so he doesn't say it anymore!

My other horse is very special to me, and very talented, but can be a little quirky. I'd never trust anyone enough to loan him or share him, and if I found a nice rider, I'd drive them mad with my strict instructions about where and what they can and can't do on him every day.

Anyone listening to me, who doesn't understand or have horses would think I was insane and need to sort my priorities out wouldn't they?

not at all

when we found out i was pregnant the first thing my OH said was that i'd have to sell my boy. i replied with 'only if you sell your rally car and stop competing other peoples cars'. that soon shut him up.... rallying is such an expensive sport, and he goes on about how much it costs me to keep my horse!!

i had to work very hard at finding a way to financially keep the horse. My parents, suprisingly, really wanted me to keep him but were unable to offer any financial help as times were hard enough for them (just like everyone else!). i think my mum knew i'd end up going doolally if i didnt have a horse to keep me occupied, especially, as it turned out around the week before i realised i was pregnant, i lost my job, and have been unable to find another since (because equal opportunities rubbish or not, no one wants to hire a pregnant woman). Living off benefits was not an option, and besides i wouldnt feel comfortable having benefit money and spending it on my horse. so i begged the OH's parents to lend me their paddocks instead of renting them out to the local farmer for sheep grazing, and i've literally roughed him off completely, no hard feed, trims every 10 weeks, poor poncy TB is really slumming it atm!

I had considered loaning him out, but wasnt comfortable with him going to someone i didnt know. My friend offered to have him down in cornwall, but her situation changed and she didnt have room for him. I did have a fantastic student from the uni riding him for me; she did a really great job and rode him so beautifully, i was gutted when she went home for the summer! but if she hadnt got on with him i would have been a nightmare owner too....

 

[Piglet]

Coming from one who knows, DON'T DELAY, you will deeply regret it, if you really want kids go for it before it's tooooo late,

 

[Booboos]

I'm 38 and have a one month old daughter. I delayed as long as I could as I wasn't too keen on having children, but then the hormones kicked in and I went totally baby crazy. I had to stop riding at 5.5 months as I just couldn't do it, and with the c-section I am still not back in the saddle (baby is also almost surgically attached to my breasts, so I don't see how I would have time to ride even if I could do so), and if you told me all this before the baby I would have thought it was a disaster... now it's all fine and I am very happy. The horses are having a mini break with a lot of lunging and are perfectly happy too!

 

[amage]

I am 26 and not at a stage where I would consider myself ready to have kids however am in a very solid relationship and we have had the "how many kids would you like etc" conversation. I have made it very clear that the way I feel now is I would want minimum break from horses and OH retorted I'd be sent back out on the horses asap coz he knows how insane I get with a break from them! We are prob a bit different in that oh is a dairy farmer/racehorse trainer so any horses I ride are at home and he is obviously flexible enough to be able to give me time to ride during the day. A terrier is enough for us right now though...though having seen how quiet a Kong toy keeps him I might hold of on babies till they make Kongs for children lol!

 

[Fallenrose]

I'm 30 and always known I don't want kids. Still turning 30 does make you think about where your life is going! I'm only one out of my friends who isn't either a home owner, married or a mum! But I love not having those responsibilities! Each to their own! If you want kids you will make time and find money for them! Might be difficult but worth it if you want them!

 

[kinglouis]

Yep me too, way to selfish to give up my hobby just yet, I've said to the hubby that if he earns enought to keep, me, babies and horses, oh and a nanny so I can ride every afternoon, he can have as many as he wants, feel he may be waiting a while!!!

 

[ajn1610]

Haven't read all the replies but just wanted to add a word of caution. If you know you definitely want a family I wouldn't be putting it off for long. At 30/31 you could have been on the pill for several years and won't know how long it will take for your cycle to return to normal. If you find you are struggling to fall pregnant most Doctors will want you to try for at least a couple of years before putting you forward for any fertility treatment. There are often quite extensive wait lists. You are then looking at being in your mid to late 30's before you get accepted for any help and by that stage they may well be turning you away for being too old!
I'm not baby friendly, I'd always choose my horse TBH which is lucky because my ovaries don't work LOL! However because I know I'm not going to be able to have any kids it does make me appreciate the fact that many people take it for granted that they'll be able to have a baby when they choose to. It doesn't always work like that in reality, 1 in 3 couples need medical intervention to conceive. You may be lucky and catch straight away but you need to ask yourself if you are childless and looking back in ten years are you going to be saying "I'm so glad I put that time into my youngster". Or equally if you do have a child will you be resentfully grumbling away to yourself about all those years wasted when you could have been riding?
Hope whatever you decide it all goes well for you.

 

[bugbee717]

I am 35 have 10 horses, 3 kids 8, 6 and 3. I also work it can be done you just have to work it all, plus my OH helps, our horses range from 1 to 16

 

[Sandylou]

I am 35 have 10 horses, 3 kids 8, 6 and 3. I also work it can be done you just have to work it all, plus my OH helps, our horses range from 1 to 16

Are you the actual real life Super Woman?
I would love to be like you!

 

[Stelzar]

I had a dream/nightmare....

I'm 27 Married and have 2 young horses, I figured if I break them and get them going young enough If I fall pregnant I can put them out on loan until I am ready to go back to them - however my dream/nightmare was that I drove up the yard one day with a babie and a carry cot - put the carry cot outside my stable with baby in it! Tacked horse up brough horse out of stable picked up carry cot and was literally waying them up in my dream needless to say I rang my husband to come collect child to go out for a ride... Bit messed up but personally I think that was my subcontious telling me I don't want kids just yet....

I have time I do want children but I'm having too much fun right now...

I totally understand where your coming from - my friends children though are an absolute nightmare she brings them up the yard and she literally can't do anything her daughter is always saying "mum carry" which she always seems to give into otherwise said child starts throwing her weight around and screaming... ARRRGGGHHHHHH frightens the hell out of me. (Horses don't care) but me jes what would I do if that was me???

 

[Colleen_Miss_Tom]

Children are a gift not a right .....so true .
I agree with the poster that said "don't leave it too late " and how "some people take it for granted that there will be no problems " .....if you want children then go for it .....I am 30 years old married with 2 boys and a 5 year old mare who I have had since she was 6 months old , my boys are almost 11yrs and 6 yrs .

We also have a miniature Shetland and the 2 dogs .
It's very doable !

 

[MissMincePie&Brandy]

Love this thread. It's made me realise I'm not the only one
I'm sure if it happens I'll be over the moon, and I'll find a way to cope with my horses, dog, work, house keeping, baby... I’ll just have to juggle and put more effort into time keeping, probably not spend half my 'work time' on HHO, etc. I just hope I'm able to keep it all together - emotionally and physically.

I think the worst is the fear of the not knowing; before you have something you don't know what you’re missing, and it's hard to imagine how something that will change your life so dramatically will work out.

 

[NOISYGIRL]

Nope, I've never wanted kids

 

[Endrete]

Just remember that you can ride until you are 100 years old but you cant have babies until that age...

Saw a TV programme recently about women leaving having children until an older age and even with all medical advances it still means reduced fertility and a higher percentage of risk of having a child with a disability, if you can conceive in the first place.

I was never very maternal (to the dispare of my mother!) but now have a one year old daughter (accident!). However, I wouldnt be without her, she is the reason I get up in the mornings. I still dont like other peoples children very much but love my baby girl and will happily have another at a later stage.

I was running my own livery yard and stud with a business partner which all went a bit wrong. Was left caring for all the horses and sorting out the mess whilst pregnant and with young baby. I didnt stop working, I was in labour and foaling down two mares! Luckily my midwives were all horse owners/riders and were very supportive.

I gave up riding at 5 months as I had quite bad pelvic pain due to the muscle stretching and I was so busy elsewhere.

Labour wasnt the most pleasant experience in the world. If I had another and had the money I would be interested in hypnobirth/anti-natal as really felt that mind over matter could have helped.

I wanted a home birth but ended up in hospital with epidural (which took over two hours to get in as my muscle tone was too good apparently and they couldnt get needle in! Believe me, needle phobia meant nothing at this point and I had over 17 needle holes down my spine by the time they finished!!). Little one was stuck so went into theatre for a plunger birth. Felt nothing after epidural and had no embarrassing accidents! Empty your bladder and bowels first, it helps!!

Now have between 15 - 20 horses to care for by myself. Ranging in age between two months and 20yrs old! Daughter sits in the car (I time things around her naps generally) or in her pushchair. She has been known to be sat on a clean straw bed in emergencies!

I also do the paperwork and running around for my OH who is an agricultural contractor so doesnt have a nine - five job either and in fact I have forgotten what he looks like the last week or so (nice weather, making hay whilst the sun shines!!!).

I think my saving grace was to ensure that she took a bottle of expressed milk straight away so was happy to be left from an early age. I didnt beat myself up about breast feeding - managed it until she was about five months and then got fed up so weaned her off slowly.

I cant wait to be able to teach her to ride properly. She already 'rides' her sec a bareback around field - trot is best as its bouncy! Although I have trouble holding her on and keeping up! Although if she isnt interested later then Im not that bothered, she will just have to put up with sitting in a car with a book or game!

Horses and kids can be done and with the right organisation and assitance (family are to be treated like priceless diamonds!).

In fact I cant think of a better lifestyle for children. Out in the open air instead of infront of the TV, learning respect for another living being that cant speak for itself and also realising that there are some things that can be bigger and more determined than you - even with a screaming tantrum!