buddylove
Well-Known Member
Brave lady, wonderful horses x
As requested... Our stories.
- Thread starter Queenbee
- Start date
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Thank you x I am not particularly religeous, but I do believe that, without her the last few years don't bear thinking about, but I wish they hadn't encroached on our time together
piebaldsparkle
Well-Known Member
Leaving your & Ebs story now, even the thought of the end brings a lump to my throat (crazy as I neither know you or Ebs in RL).
((hugs))
tikino
Well-Known Member
what a wonderful and brave lady you are to be writing this story and by lord it has gripped me so much hugs to you
Nicnac
Well-Known Member
QB - have been a bit sporadic recently due to various things so just caught up with a) the fact you were banned 
and b) the last few episodes as on my own on a Sunday afternoon, rain outside, inside in the warm with 2 dogs snoring away.
Wow what a story! Please please do more and then turn it into a novel.
Congrats on job btw
and b) the last few episodes as on my own on a Sunday afternoon, rain outside, inside in the warm with 2 dogs snoring away.Wow what a story! Please please do more and then turn it into a novel.
Congrats on job btw
Spookywood
Well-Known Member
QB just picked up on this thread and really enjoying reading your story and how far you and Ebony got and the bond you had with her. Very inspiring. You are one strong lady, some of these posts must have been very difficult to write. Thank you for sharing your story xx
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
At the back end of April I wormed my horses, upped feed, comfort and forage and waited. I was starting to think that the horse show may not be a possibility, although I was ok with this, I thought her weight would be better by then but knew that the fine tuning wouldnt happen. As it was the show was cancelled, weight wise she hadnt gained anything but then she hadnt lost anything either, she was just looking a bit ribby and lacking in topline, she was still full of her spirit and a glint was in her eye, so the weekend of the show, another livery and I went out for a hack, it was despite recent weather a sunny and lovely day. We rode along the back roads, skirting around Porthleven and crossed over the road into Penrose Woods, the beautiful national trust land, we crossed onto our favourite canter paths that rode along the side of Loe Bar, the water lapping at the side of the track, bluebells carpeting the forest, riding through the park and past the fairground rides on our way through town, once again stopping and waiting patiently for the traffic lights to turn green on our way home. The hack had been fun, fast at times, Ebs had been fresh and full of fun and enthusiasm. Despite my desire to show that weekend I was really, really happy, the show had been postponed until August, by this time she would be better, fatter and fitter and to me, everything was positive, the summer was coming it was going to be great.
Just under a week later, I went up to the yard and decided to take her rug off and give her a big old groom, she had been wolfing her food down all week and eating her haylage, good quality and double amounts. In one look I knew deep inside me that something was serious, she was still in great spirits but she had lost a bit more condition, not a huge amount, but this was all wrong and not the mare that I knew. She had lost condition in the past, but only when she was stressing it off through the winter in the stable. Ebony was calm, happy, well fed and already consuming about three times as much in spring as she did during the middle of winter. I resolved to wrap her up, stuff her full of feed and roughage over the weekend and get the vet out on Monday morning.
That was the first night that I expressed my worries online, and even at that early stage I voiced the following:
I would sell my soul for this mare and I have some horrid stomach lurching feeling that this could be something really bad.
Over the weekend I tossed and turned, she was starting to get lethargic and picky over her hay, weight was dropping off even more and I found her lying down in the morning in her stable, obviously tired. I was spiralling myself downwards with worry and fear of the worst, then slapping myself firmly on the nose and telling myself that I currently didnt know what was wrong, and until I did, there was no need to get myself worked up, I had to stay calm and focused. Still, most of my weekend when I wasnt with her was spent curled up with Google search engine trying to come up with ideas and weight gain strategies.
My next issue was which vets I was going to use. The last time I had had a vet out I was at Xs and as it was I was at the edge of the practices catchment area then, they had forewarned me that they would not be able to visit if I moved any further away from them. Its a very scary thing, contemplating the unknown, trying to provide the very best for your horse and having to use a new practice who you neither know or have experience of. I researched around a bit and decided upon a practice in Hayle. Monday morning came and I was on the phone the second their office opened, explaining the situation, my concerns about Ebony and providing the necessaries for her notes to be sent from our old practice. Within a couple of hours a lovely locum vet was at my yard.
I had always been used to vets who knew what they were doing and were experienced but had no manners towards the client and little respect with regards to their bond with their horse. This is what struck me first with this vet, some of the first words out of his mouth were with regards to my knowledge, my understanding, what are the little things, no matter how small You know your own horse. I breathed a sigh of relief, it was the best thing I could have heard, being so worried about her.
I recall the vet expressing shock when I whipped off her stable rug, and I too was shocked as she looked tucked up which made her look even worse, and this day, her mood was depressed, she had deteriorated so rapidly since Friday. I felt sick, general checks were done and the positive was that her heart rate was normal, he commented his surprise on this, expecting it to be racing slightly with her condition, there was however a slight heart murmur due to the malnourishment that was gripping her. The vet suggested it could still be worms, and said they were particularly troublesome this year. Initially, that would be his best guess and first thing to rule out, I was sceptical but he had recently experienced two cases where horses had been wormed correctly but had gone downhill like this, a follow up wormer had done the trick and put them back on the mend. So the decision was to bute, place on antibiotics, probiotic and a five day wormer. Eliminating that possibility and keeping her comfortable in case she was in pain, to continue with care as I had but to limit time on grass due to possible colic and to weight tape her daily. I also requested a full blood work to be done. As the vet left I felt pretty drained and I remember looking at her and brimming with tears. Reaching out and wrapping my arms around her neck, I buried my head in her mane and sobbed I remember begging her to not leave me and get better.
I went home that night, my head spinning, the vet thought it could be worms, which was positive but her weight drop off had been significant and her mood was depressed, his comment about her heart rate, scared me more than anything, he really was shocked when he saw under her rug. By the end of the afternoon I had a result on the bloods, nothing significant showed up, other than a slightly high white cell count, but then this is to be expected with a poorly horse, there was nothing glaring and other than the course we were on, there was therefore nothing conclusive. Speaking to the vet on the phone he started saying things like tumor as other possibilities and I shrunk away into a dark room inside myself for a minute and closed the door, standing there freezing cold and scared.
This was where my vigil started with vengeance, I was lucky enough to be off work at the time and I spent every waking hour with her, late night checks were carried out and, we had gentle strolls in hand everyday up the road and back, and small sessions of turnout in a lane that needed grazing down next to the yard. It was now sunny weather and my baby girl was looking physically more fragile than she had ever been emotionally. Despite the sunshine she was rugged up daily, covered in a stable rug and a medium weight turnout rug, only having the sun on her back for the odd half an hour turn out.
Just under a week later, I went up to the yard and decided to take her rug off and give her a big old groom, she had been wolfing her food down all week and eating her haylage, good quality and double amounts. In one look I knew deep inside me that something was serious, she was still in great spirits but she had lost a bit more condition, not a huge amount, but this was all wrong and not the mare that I knew. She had lost condition in the past, but only when she was stressing it off through the winter in the stable. Ebony was calm, happy, well fed and already consuming about three times as much in spring as she did during the middle of winter. I resolved to wrap her up, stuff her full of feed and roughage over the weekend and get the vet out on Monday morning.
That was the first night that I expressed my worries online, and even at that early stage I voiced the following:
I would sell my soul for this mare and I have some horrid stomach lurching feeling that this could be something really bad.
Over the weekend I tossed and turned, she was starting to get lethargic and picky over her hay, weight was dropping off even more and I found her lying down in the morning in her stable, obviously tired. I was spiralling myself downwards with worry and fear of the worst, then slapping myself firmly on the nose and telling myself that I currently didnt know what was wrong, and until I did, there was no need to get myself worked up, I had to stay calm and focused. Still, most of my weekend when I wasnt with her was spent curled up with Google search engine trying to come up with ideas and weight gain strategies.
My next issue was which vets I was going to use. The last time I had had a vet out I was at Xs and as it was I was at the edge of the practices catchment area then, they had forewarned me that they would not be able to visit if I moved any further away from them. Its a very scary thing, contemplating the unknown, trying to provide the very best for your horse and having to use a new practice who you neither know or have experience of. I researched around a bit and decided upon a practice in Hayle. Monday morning came and I was on the phone the second their office opened, explaining the situation, my concerns about Ebony and providing the necessaries for her notes to be sent from our old practice. Within a couple of hours a lovely locum vet was at my yard.
I had always been used to vets who knew what they were doing and were experienced but had no manners towards the client and little respect with regards to their bond with their horse. This is what struck me first with this vet, some of the first words out of his mouth were with regards to my knowledge, my understanding, what are the little things, no matter how small You know your own horse. I breathed a sigh of relief, it was the best thing I could have heard, being so worried about her.
I recall the vet expressing shock when I whipped off her stable rug, and I too was shocked as she looked tucked up which made her look even worse, and this day, her mood was depressed, she had deteriorated so rapidly since Friday. I felt sick, general checks were done and the positive was that her heart rate was normal, he commented his surprise on this, expecting it to be racing slightly with her condition, there was however a slight heart murmur due to the malnourishment that was gripping her. The vet suggested it could still be worms, and said they were particularly troublesome this year. Initially, that would be his best guess and first thing to rule out, I was sceptical but he had recently experienced two cases where horses had been wormed correctly but had gone downhill like this, a follow up wormer had done the trick and put them back on the mend. So the decision was to bute, place on antibiotics, probiotic and a five day wormer. Eliminating that possibility and keeping her comfortable in case she was in pain, to continue with care as I had but to limit time on grass due to possible colic and to weight tape her daily. I also requested a full blood work to be done. As the vet left I felt pretty drained and I remember looking at her and brimming with tears. Reaching out and wrapping my arms around her neck, I buried my head in her mane and sobbed I remember begging her to not leave me and get better.
I went home that night, my head spinning, the vet thought it could be worms, which was positive but her weight drop off had been significant and her mood was depressed, his comment about her heart rate, scared me more than anything, he really was shocked when he saw under her rug. By the end of the afternoon I had a result on the bloods, nothing significant showed up, other than a slightly high white cell count, but then this is to be expected with a poorly horse, there was nothing glaring and other than the course we were on, there was therefore nothing conclusive. Speaking to the vet on the phone he started saying things like tumor as other possibilities and I shrunk away into a dark room inside myself for a minute and closed the door, standing there freezing cold and scared.
This was where my vigil started with vengeance, I was lucky enough to be off work at the time and I spent every waking hour with her, late night checks were carried out and, we had gentle strolls in hand everyday up the road and back, and small sessions of turnout in a lane that needed grazing down next to the yard. It was now sunny weather and my baby girl was looking physically more fragile than she had ever been emotionally. Despite the sunshine she was rugged up daily, covered in a stable rug and a medium weight turnout rug, only having the sun on her back for the odd half an hour turn out.
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
The following day, things were going from bad to worse, I turned up at the yard the night before and she refused her dinner, she was getting intermittently picky over both hay and hard feed. This was a worry. However, I had another worry when I got there, she had a huge gouge out of her chest from her new stable door, cue vets who came and checked her over
just incase. It was another vet this time, one of the Partners, and following seeing her, he informed me he was going to get the remainder of her blood sample sent on to more specialist labs for investigation.
By now I was having to come up with appetisers to get her food and medication down her throat. I tried golden syrup, blended carrot, a tasty high calorie mix to add to the dinner to make it more tempting she just wasnt fussed. You could often find me with the feed scoop full, that was the best way to tempt her to eat, but only if she saw it coming fresh out of the bag. She started to look a bit better, the weight tape indicating a minute weight gain, but nothing near enough, Still, anything is a positive when you are tearing your hair out.
By the end of the week she had had a bout of mild colic, picked up her appetitie regarding her haylage but was right off her hard food (we assumed this was due to the medication), she was back up to 4 to 5 hrs turnout a day which was helping lift her mood. There were still no further blood results but, there were some positives. I was still out of my mind with worry but every little positive was cherished and focused on. It was hard, and without the support of my vets, friends, other liveries family and not at all in the least (quite possibly the most) the community of the Horse and Hound Forum I stayed strong, I got to vent my pain, and was able to focus on Ebony. I truly dont know what I would have done without everyone. During this time and feeling low, x was allowed back into my life via email asking that I take him back, contact him with my number etc. I refused, but the contact and kind words that I always received off him when we were not together, did help to a certain extent. I knew it was just words of care to get me back, but it still helped.
Ever since the beginning of this illness, I could not have been more proud of Ben, he was on box rest and restriction as much as Ebony was for the most part, and he handled it so well, I was incredibly lucky that he loved his creature comforts, and contented himself in his stable with his toys, his favourite of which was a space hopper that he would occasionally throw into Ebonys stable. When he had extra grazing time, she was tied up next to the fence with a haynet, being groomed or fussed and cuddled by me. I was up there from dawn until dark everyday, and at times truly considered pitching my tent up there, not because it was necessary, but because it truly felt like something sinister was at work and I didnt want to lose a second of our precious time together.
An emotional breakthrough came when I changed her feed bowl, suddenly she started to eat her hard feed again, and I was elated, it gave me hope. It truly seemed like this was fixable and I had been worrying myself to death for nothing. I said that day online:
so it looks like we are really on the mend
Within days we started to nosedive again, the little weight that she had gained, she had dropped, and she was refusing all food, it was only 10 days since the visit of the first vet, if I ever thought I was worried in the beginning, that was nothing in comparison to the despair and fear inside that I was trying to keep a lid on and ignore.
When you look at someone you love with all your heart, and you dont know what is causing their deterioration. You are so very scared. Day after day, I came close to breaking and wrapped my arms around Ebony sobbing and begging like I had the day of the first vets visit. The vets were on the phone everyday, and with her further deterioration and huge backward step they were once again called in, the second blood test having shown nothing of significance. The one thing that we knew for certain is that this was some form of malabsorption, something was inhibiting the uptake of calories. The joke was that Ebony had always lived off fresh air, and now she was on food with the highest calorific content possible.
Words were coming out of the screen as suggestions and possibilities, Malabsorption Syndrome, poisoning, cancer, cushings, Grass Sickness, Worm damage, Ulcers. Every part of my inside was in knots, it was really hard to know which way to turn and to know that exploring one avenue could mean ignoring the right one. For instance, if it malabsorption syndrome, wormers could further affect the delicate balance of her stomach, but so could worms, even in their lowest form of count. Ulcers, would be aggravated by the use of the painkiller Bute, and this would be detrimental to her ability to gain weight. I have never felt such a weight of responsibility, I felt like I was truly holding my darling horses fragile life in my hands.
With everything up against us, Ebony off her hard feed completely and deteriorating, I decided once again as so often is the case with madam, to throw away the rule book, I went out and bought a completely different feed, and gave it to her, not giving a hoot about the methods of gently introducing food, we didnt have that sort of time to spare. I couldnt contain my joy and relief and once again the tears were rolling down my face, my darling horse was eating, downing her food with such an appetite, I collapsed into my little blue comfy chair that I was now where I sat in vigil and my whole body breathed a sigh of relief a little bit more hope.
By now I was having to come up with appetisers to get her food and medication down her throat. I tried golden syrup, blended carrot, a tasty high calorie mix to add to the dinner to make it more tempting she just wasnt fussed. You could often find me with the feed scoop full, that was the best way to tempt her to eat, but only if she saw it coming fresh out of the bag. She started to look a bit better, the weight tape indicating a minute weight gain, but nothing near enough, Still, anything is a positive when you are tearing your hair out.
By the end of the week she had had a bout of mild colic, picked up her appetitie regarding her haylage but was right off her hard food (we assumed this was due to the medication), she was back up to 4 to 5 hrs turnout a day which was helping lift her mood. There were still no further blood results but, there were some positives. I was still out of my mind with worry but every little positive was cherished and focused on. It was hard, and without the support of my vets, friends, other liveries family and not at all in the least (quite possibly the most) the community of the Horse and Hound Forum I stayed strong, I got to vent my pain, and was able to focus on Ebony. I truly dont know what I would have done without everyone. During this time and feeling low, x was allowed back into my life via email asking that I take him back, contact him with my number etc. I refused, but the contact and kind words that I always received off him when we were not together, did help to a certain extent. I knew it was just words of care to get me back, but it still helped.
Ever since the beginning of this illness, I could not have been more proud of Ben, he was on box rest and restriction as much as Ebony was for the most part, and he handled it so well, I was incredibly lucky that he loved his creature comforts, and contented himself in his stable with his toys, his favourite of which was a space hopper that he would occasionally throw into Ebonys stable. When he had extra grazing time, she was tied up next to the fence with a haynet, being groomed or fussed and cuddled by me. I was up there from dawn until dark everyday, and at times truly considered pitching my tent up there, not because it was necessary, but because it truly felt like something sinister was at work and I didnt want to lose a second of our precious time together.
An emotional breakthrough came when I changed her feed bowl, suddenly she started to eat her hard feed again, and I was elated, it gave me hope. It truly seemed like this was fixable and I had been worrying myself to death for nothing. I said that day online:
so it looks like we are really on the mend
Within days we started to nosedive again, the little weight that she had gained, she had dropped, and she was refusing all food, it was only 10 days since the visit of the first vet, if I ever thought I was worried in the beginning, that was nothing in comparison to the despair and fear inside that I was trying to keep a lid on and ignore.
When you look at someone you love with all your heart, and you dont know what is causing their deterioration. You are so very scared. Day after day, I came close to breaking and wrapped my arms around Ebony sobbing and begging like I had the day of the first vets visit. The vets were on the phone everyday, and with her further deterioration and huge backward step they were once again called in, the second blood test having shown nothing of significance. The one thing that we knew for certain is that this was some form of malabsorption, something was inhibiting the uptake of calories. The joke was that Ebony had always lived off fresh air, and now she was on food with the highest calorific content possible.
Words were coming out of the screen as suggestions and possibilities, Malabsorption Syndrome, poisoning, cancer, cushings, Grass Sickness, Worm damage, Ulcers. Every part of my inside was in knots, it was really hard to know which way to turn and to know that exploring one avenue could mean ignoring the right one. For instance, if it malabsorption syndrome, wormers could further affect the delicate balance of her stomach, but so could worms, even in their lowest form of count. Ulcers, would be aggravated by the use of the painkiller Bute, and this would be detrimental to her ability to gain weight. I have never felt such a weight of responsibility, I felt like I was truly holding my darling horses fragile life in my hands.
With everything up against us, Ebony off her hard feed completely and deteriorating, I decided once again as so often is the case with madam, to throw away the rule book, I went out and bought a completely different feed, and gave it to her, not giving a hoot about the methods of gently introducing food, we didnt have that sort of time to spare. I couldnt contain my joy and relief and once again the tears were rolling down my face, my darling horse was eating, downing her food with such an appetite, I collapsed into my little blue comfy chair that I was now where I sat in vigil and my whole body breathed a sigh of relief a little bit more hope.
Luci07
Well-Known Member
Really enjoying your story....
ELFSBELLS
Well-Known Member
((( HUGS )))
Spotsrock
Well-Known Member
Thanku for that installment. Must be hard to write. Maybe one day i'll be brave enough to tell people how my mares saved me. Horses are the most intelligent sensitive animals.
Tammytoo
Well-Known Member
Although, sadly, we know the tragic outcome, this still makes heart-wrenching reading. I truly hope that writing it all down helps you.
MrVelvet
Well-Known Member
QB, I have avoided this thread up untill now. For some reason I feel quite connected to the sadness of Ebony's passing - probably because of my similar feelings at the time. I knew you would be including that horrid time in your story and so avoided it. My own boys future has been unclear recently and I guess I was losing the will to fight and carry on. However, I was flicking back deleting e-mails and came across a few of yours and realised I need to stay strong so my attitude changed, and within a few days my boy seemed to pick up once more and so I read your story. You are one inspiring lady and you helped me through some tough times with your words and thankyou for sharing your story x
Stopper
Well-Known Member
So sadwell done for writing this very brave!i couldn't do it
well done for writing this very brave!i couldn't do itCalllyH
Well-Known Member
This is brilliant although it's getting very sad your writing is lovely! I can't wait for the next bits but am sad knowing what it will say
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
I know you all know where it's going, and all of your messages really are touching me, but mr v, we had a lot of contact when your boy started his illness, your story has touched me greatly too. One thing that I keep reflecting on is that towards the end, ebony was uncomfortable putting her head down to eat, it's the only thing I kick myself about... Why didn't I hang her food on the door?! Gs cases swell up in their glands, Ebs wasn't gs (I don't think although sometimes I wonder) but feed your boy on the door if his appetite ever wanes or his glands are up... They find it much easier.
We all know what happens, but I'm trying to not have a sad ending to this, it is in reality sad, no escaping that, but it's also bitter sweet and it ends with her legacy, hope and future... Give me a few days and I hope that I will do her justice.
I have also been thinking so much about the things I have not included, and that I must go back and add into the story her bravery out hunting, up front and taking the routes the brave horses paled at... Things like that, her quirks that made me laugh and when she trod on my whippet daisy. Later on last year when I had owned them both for 10 years, our first hack a la whippet. I'm going to add them to my story, but can't edit my posts, what I do with the story after that... I have no idea, but I do know that at the least it will be a testament to her in years to come all the things I could forget which I never will
We all know what happens, but I'm trying to not have a sad ending to this, it is in reality sad, no escaping that, but it's also bitter sweet and it ends with her legacy, hope and future... Give me a few days and I hope that I will do her justice.
I have also been thinking so much about the things I have not included, and that I must go back and add into the story her bravery out hunting, up front and taking the routes the brave horses paled at... Things like that, her quirks that made me laugh and when she trod on my whippet daisy. Later on last year when I had owned them both for 10 years, our first hack a la whippet. I'm going to add them to my story, but can't edit my posts, what I do with the story after that... I have no idea, but I do know that at the least it will be a testament to her in years to come all the things I could forget which I never will
Big Ben
Well-Known Member
Write it all out as it comes to you, the good and bad, the joy and sadness, if you have it all captured then you can cut and paste it into a time line later.
I knew nothing of your story when I signed up here, and have been catching up, but I have so enjoyed this, you have a book here, or a serial in a magazine, you have something, work with it, when you are ready.
I knew nothing of your story when I signed up here, and have been catching up, but I have so enjoyed this, you have a book here, or a serial in a magazine, you have something, work with it, when you are ready.
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Big Ben, I think you can guess how it ends but the reason it's gripped so many is that everyone on here lived through it with me. If you just want to read the story that's fine, but if you search for my thread, 'can I cry pls' you will see it as it happened pictures and all x x thank you for your kind words x
x x thank you for your kind words x
Big Ben
Well-Known Member
I did go and search out that thread, and it made me cry along with anyone else who has lost one. But just reading that thread didn't give me what this one has, which is an understanding of your relationship with your girl, and how she starred in your life, and without understanding the life, you can't fully comprehend the loss.
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Thank you, xxx I suppose you are completely right. I am never going to be able to express the support this forum gave me... There just aren't words. I haven't even expressed in the story how, when I saw her canter or jumped her clear... I thought I did that, that's me in that girl. She is my masterpiece as much as she is her own. She carried all ages and all abilities on her back and matched her temperament to them, oh If they could take it, she would give it!!! But the children, god she treated them like the crow jewels, walking them so carefully back to the yard, but breathing fire when my friend their mother 's' or I got on her back, it was such a joy to see s on her, she rarely rode and loved Arabs, but she just came alive on ebony. It made me as happy and proud to see someone else on her as it did to ride her myself or to just see her in the field. There was a poem, which I will be quoting soon on here that another poster posted on that thread, it killed me and tore me apart because it was so true...
BigGinger
Well-Known Member
This must be very hard for you to write and I wish I could write so well and share the roller coaster ride with my boy.. Sending some hugs your way...
Luci07
Well-Known Member
and still, even knowing the outcome, look forward to the next part..
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Hi there, Im sorry I haven't forgotten I need to finish this, have got family staying and have been a bit manic recently I will try to finish it before I go away on holiday next week x
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
I think this could read a bit better, but here is the next bit:
So the worming hadnt done anything, the meds had only weakened her already waning and picky appetite, her weight to some extend had stabilised after the initial drop off but other than a few kilos she hadnt gained anything, and these precious few had since dropped off her again. I had started to rug her heavily to conserve what little energy she had, she was in a stable rug and a medium weight turnout with a neck in May. Her blood results had shown nothing, no indication of raised proteins which could suggest worms, everything was pretty normal other than a slightly raised white cell count which indicated that her body was fighting something, although this was still within normal realms, as was her liver enzymes, which were minimally raised too. She was being turned out, but would eat a bit then lose interest in the grass, it was the same with anything she was eating, she never quite polished anything off, although she was to remain pretty interested in her fast fibre, and we were almost through a bag in a week. I was however still vastly concerned at her inability to pick up in weight and energy, everything about the situation felt wrong to me and it was like we were both balancing on a knife edge.
As I indicated, I had requested another visit from the vets, having discussed with others on the Horse and Hound Forum, read various links and articles, it was to my thinking a possibility that Ebony had ulcers. Around the first of June a 3rd vet came out from the practice, a younger vet by the name of Alex, I will be forever thankful for this man as long as I shall live. He had spent some time in Newmarket working with the TBs, he turned up prepared having had a good peek at all her blood results to date. He was another that was shocked to the core as I took her rug off, and again commented that her heart rate seemed nice and steady and strong, this was a blessing because it proved she wasnt under too much strain. He immediately suggested a possibility of ulcers, but did point out that for either a diagnosis of ulcers or cushings (another discussion we had) that her weight loss was quite a severe one, although not to be ruled out, it was dramatic and quite probably something else. We debated scoping vs treating with Gastroguard, and agreed to just get some Gastroguard down her neck, because if it was ulcers the sooner she got fixed the better. We kept with the fast fibre and additional oil, mainly because she would eat it and she was put on a 2 week course of treatment. It was hoped that some improvement would be seen quickly. In addition, Alex and I held a more primary concern, that she was depressed lacking in energy and losing a bit of sparkle I didnt want her to lose her fight if there was a chance we could fix whatever was harming her. Every time she saw me or heard my car she would still whinney, she would still nod her head up and down when I asked her a question I she was agreeing with me or telling me yes, just as she always had, but she was low and tired. Alex introduced us to Haemavite B+, for this I could truly kiss him. The change in ebony on this tonic was amazing, and I swear that it gave us at least a couple more weeks together than we otherwise would have had. Despite going down the route of primarily hoping that it was Ulcers at this point, we recognised that time was very much of the essence for my poorly girl and cracked on with a surpression test for Cushings, although a few days later we had the results back from the test and these were inconclusive. Infact the raised cortisol levels were back to front, and not what you would expect in a normal horse or one suffering from cushings so we then decided on an ACTH test to further investigate the possibility of cushings. This was all increadibly confusing, as raised cortisol levels also go hand in hand with a pain response, trying to follow leads and a plan of action was really hard, without going off on a tangent and flipping your lid in fear.
From that first visit from Alex he became Ebonys regular vet. I went home that day a little more positive, we had a plan of action, gastroguard for treatment of stomach ulcers(which we hoped was the cause) it seemed the most likely of the fixable possibilities. Investigation of Cushings and Haemavite B+ tonic, a fibre based feed, with calories derived from oil for the time being, just incase it was ulcers, we wanted to treat her exactly like she had them and hope that she showed improvement. A week later, there was no change, but Alex requested we stick with it hoping that she would turn that corner, that the Gastroguard would work, and towards the end of the second week she was turning her nose up at fast fibre. I was back in that dark grey place, and If screaming at her to buck the hell up and get better would have worked, by god I would, I felt like doing it, if only it were that simple.
So the worming hadnt done anything, the meds had only weakened her already waning and picky appetite, her weight to some extend had stabilised after the initial drop off but other than a few kilos she hadnt gained anything, and these precious few had since dropped off her again. I had started to rug her heavily to conserve what little energy she had, she was in a stable rug and a medium weight turnout with a neck in May. Her blood results had shown nothing, no indication of raised proteins which could suggest worms, everything was pretty normal other than a slightly raised white cell count which indicated that her body was fighting something, although this was still within normal realms, as was her liver enzymes, which were minimally raised too. She was being turned out, but would eat a bit then lose interest in the grass, it was the same with anything she was eating, she never quite polished anything off, although she was to remain pretty interested in her fast fibre, and we were almost through a bag in a week. I was however still vastly concerned at her inability to pick up in weight and energy, everything about the situation felt wrong to me and it was like we were both balancing on a knife edge.
As I indicated, I had requested another visit from the vets, having discussed with others on the Horse and Hound Forum, read various links and articles, it was to my thinking a possibility that Ebony had ulcers. Around the first of June a 3rd vet came out from the practice, a younger vet by the name of Alex, I will be forever thankful for this man as long as I shall live. He had spent some time in Newmarket working with the TBs, he turned up prepared having had a good peek at all her blood results to date. He was another that was shocked to the core as I took her rug off, and again commented that her heart rate seemed nice and steady and strong, this was a blessing because it proved she wasnt under too much strain. He immediately suggested a possibility of ulcers, but did point out that for either a diagnosis of ulcers or cushings (another discussion we had) that her weight loss was quite a severe one, although not to be ruled out, it was dramatic and quite probably something else. We debated scoping vs treating with Gastroguard, and agreed to just get some Gastroguard down her neck, because if it was ulcers the sooner she got fixed the better. We kept with the fast fibre and additional oil, mainly because she would eat it and she was put on a 2 week course of treatment. It was hoped that some improvement would be seen quickly. In addition, Alex and I held a more primary concern, that she was depressed lacking in energy and losing a bit of sparkle I didnt want her to lose her fight if there was a chance we could fix whatever was harming her. Every time she saw me or heard my car she would still whinney, she would still nod her head up and down when I asked her a question I she was agreeing with me or telling me yes, just as she always had, but she was low and tired. Alex introduced us to Haemavite B+, for this I could truly kiss him. The change in ebony on this tonic was amazing, and I swear that it gave us at least a couple more weeks together than we otherwise would have had. Despite going down the route of primarily hoping that it was Ulcers at this point, we recognised that time was very much of the essence for my poorly girl and cracked on with a surpression test for Cushings, although a few days later we had the results back from the test and these were inconclusive. Infact the raised cortisol levels were back to front, and not what you would expect in a normal horse or one suffering from cushings so we then decided on an ACTH test to further investigate the possibility of cushings. This was all increadibly confusing, as raised cortisol levels also go hand in hand with a pain response, trying to follow leads and a plan of action was really hard, without going off on a tangent and flipping your lid in fear.
From that first visit from Alex he became Ebonys regular vet. I went home that day a little more positive, we had a plan of action, gastroguard for treatment of stomach ulcers(which we hoped was the cause) it seemed the most likely of the fixable possibilities. Investigation of Cushings and Haemavite B+ tonic, a fibre based feed, with calories derived from oil for the time being, just incase it was ulcers, we wanted to treat her exactly like she had them and hope that she showed improvement. A week later, there was no change, but Alex requested we stick with it hoping that she would turn that corner, that the Gastroguard would work, and towards the end of the second week she was turning her nose up at fast fibre. I was back in that dark grey place, and If screaming at her to buck the hell up and get better would have worked, by god I would, I felt like doing it, if only it were that simple.
Queenbee
Well-Known Member
Alex was fantastic and very vigilant, calls and emails were to-ing and fro-ing between us and he along with the forum helped to keep me as calm and focused as possible, her weight was remaining static, but I had started using photos as a means of additional comparison to weight tapes as there is only so much weight a horse can lose before you are down to measuring the ribcage
and that cant shrink beyond a certain point, the photos worried me.
On the 12th of July, I started a thread on horse and hound that became quite infamous it was entitled Can I cry please we had been on Gastroguard for nearly two weeks by then and there was no change that we would have hoped to see. It was certain that any improvement was down to the Haemavite B+ that she was having, it was helping her with her energy and general mood level, but the physical problem, whatever it was was still there. The results for the ACTH test were not yet back but I was certain inside that it would come back negative for cushings, things were dark and grim and I felt helpless, and even more certain deep down that there would be one eventual outcome. In desperation I had contacted the Grass Sickness organisation, who had said that whilst her symptoms werent exact to known GS cases, it was not beyond the realms of possibility that this was a variant. Her stools had become hard and pellet like and in her general demeanor she was going downhill despite the Heamavite blood tonic. Newmarket Vets had been contacted and were reviewing her case notes, and I, someone who was a fixer, who researched things to the ends of the earth to find the solution, just could not find the solution to this problem, and the consequences of that were just too much to face for me. I had come across a research article on malabsorption syndrome I remember throwing up my tea, I did not want to face the possibility that my horse could have any number of things wrong with her, any one of them a potential cause, hardly any of them identifiable until a post mortem and all of them deadly.
By the end of the 13th, I was in less despair with regards to her feed issues, by now I had 3 bags of Fast Fibre, Milk Pellets, sugar beet Stud Mix, Conditioning Mix, Alfalfa all sitting woefully unused in my feed room, ben was eating what he could and ebony would eat the mix out of a scoop, but that was about it, she would eat mollichaff original but that was not going to up her condition. So with the help and suggestion of people on the forum, I decided to contact feed companies and ask for handouts of high calorie feeds, so she could have a mixture to choose from. By the end of play the next day I had feed and vouchers coming from 9 well known feed companies, and some of it was couriered to me the very next day they couldnt have been more helpful, and this really boosted me and made me feel supported, and positive. She spent a lovely few hours out in the paddock eating a bit of grass, getting some sunshine, chilling with Baby Ben and eating the YOs willow
On the 14th, it had been nearly a month since the onset of her illness, she had dropped a bit of weight that week, but I kept trying to remain positive, she had left some of her hay from the night before and pretty much ignored her haylage net the next day, she would hand feed from a scoop and still loved her mollichaff, who was I to refuse her whatever she wanted. I told myself that this was just part of the rollercoaster, a tired day, we had had these before, it was par for the course at the moment. As long as she was still bright enough and eating something somehow we had a chance, and I would not give up on her. I took some photos of her that day, and posted them for everyone to see, the difference between how she was and what happened to her, makes me sick, in both instances she was my beautiful girl, and always would have been for who she was inside, but that life and nature can be so cruel it will always haunt me. The vet was to come out the next day, and we were still awaiting a call from Liverpool Vets, tomorrow we would check her over to make sure she was ok for the oncoming weekend and make a decision for where we go next. That night she got her haynet, a variety of goodies to eat and a huge tub trug full of hand pulled grass and I went home to vent my anger at the world and my feeling of impotence and frustration to my friends and support network online.
On the 12th of July, I started a thread on horse and hound that became quite infamous it was entitled Can I cry please we had been on Gastroguard for nearly two weeks by then and there was no change that we would have hoped to see. It was certain that any improvement was down to the Haemavite B+ that she was having, it was helping her with her energy and general mood level, but the physical problem, whatever it was was still there. The results for the ACTH test were not yet back but I was certain inside that it would come back negative for cushings, things were dark and grim and I felt helpless, and even more certain deep down that there would be one eventual outcome. In desperation I had contacted the Grass Sickness organisation, who had said that whilst her symptoms werent exact to known GS cases, it was not beyond the realms of possibility that this was a variant. Her stools had become hard and pellet like and in her general demeanor she was going downhill despite the Heamavite blood tonic. Newmarket Vets had been contacted and were reviewing her case notes, and I, someone who was a fixer, who researched things to the ends of the earth to find the solution, just could not find the solution to this problem, and the consequences of that were just too much to face for me. I had come across a research article on malabsorption syndrome I remember throwing up my tea, I did not want to face the possibility that my horse could have any number of things wrong with her, any one of them a potential cause, hardly any of them identifiable until a post mortem and all of them deadly.
By the end of the 13th, I was in less despair with regards to her feed issues, by now I had 3 bags of Fast Fibre, Milk Pellets, sugar beet Stud Mix, Conditioning Mix, Alfalfa all sitting woefully unused in my feed room, ben was eating what he could and ebony would eat the mix out of a scoop, but that was about it, she would eat mollichaff original but that was not going to up her condition. So with the help and suggestion of people on the forum, I decided to contact feed companies and ask for handouts of high calorie feeds, so she could have a mixture to choose from. By the end of play the next day I had feed and vouchers coming from 9 well known feed companies, and some of it was couriered to me the very next day they couldnt have been more helpful, and this really boosted me and made me feel supported, and positive. She spent a lovely few hours out in the paddock eating a bit of grass, getting some sunshine, chilling with Baby Ben and eating the YOs willow
On the 14th, it had been nearly a month since the onset of her illness, she had dropped a bit of weight that week, but I kept trying to remain positive, she had left some of her hay from the night before and pretty much ignored her haylage net the next day, she would hand feed from a scoop and still loved her mollichaff, who was I to refuse her whatever she wanted. I told myself that this was just part of the rollercoaster, a tired day, we had had these before, it was par for the course at the moment. As long as she was still bright enough and eating something somehow we had a chance, and I would not give up on her. I took some photos of her that day, and posted them for everyone to see, the difference between how she was and what happened to her, makes me sick, in both instances she was my beautiful girl, and always would have been for who she was inside, but that life and nature can be so cruel it will always haunt me. The vet was to come out the next day, and we were still awaiting a call from Liverpool Vets, tomorrow we would check her over to make sure she was ok for the oncoming weekend and make a decision for where we go next. That night she got her haynet, a variety of goodies to eat and a huge tub trug full of hand pulled grass and I went home to vent my anger at the world and my feeling of impotence and frustration to my friends and support network online.
Big Ben
Well-Known Member
I can't believe that I ma coming to this in the evening here, and no one else has posted.....I'm still here, reading and feeling the emotions.
sessierose
Well-Known Member
I have sat here and read this through the night while on a night shift. What a fantastically written piece. Really does grip you in. Like a good book, I will be sad to read the end. You should be proud of your journey.
picolenicole
Well-Known Member
I want to write something that has meaning, but after reading your post QB I don't think I could EVER get anything close to how this has made me feel. All I really want to do is give you a big hug (I don't know QB at all by the way) and tell you that your one of the bravest people I know.
I know one other person who had a OH like yourself and that was my sister, I was young when they went out and it took ages for her to tell anyone what was happening. I even remember headbutting the stupid man when he pined her to the bed!!!
I fell like I have been with you and Eb's through all of this, chin up and well done
I know one other person who had a OH like yourself and that was my sister, I was young when they went out and it took ages for her to tell anyone what was happening. I even remember headbutting the stupid man when he pined her to the bed!!!
I fell like I have been with you and Eb's through all of this, chin up and well done
Tammytoo
Well-Known Member
Weeping into my coffee - brought back memories of losing our precious first pony to grass sickness.
Piccy
Well-Known Member
I dont have words to express how I feel reading this, QB you have my total respect for being able to tell your experiences and my heart hurts for what you have been through.