At a cross roads- buy a horse or give up

[Shilasdair]

I've done my time looking after horses that were never well/sound enough to ride - my current two are 17 and 18 years old. They have multiple issues, and I am a carer for them rather than enjoying them as a hobby.
I love them dearly, despite all of this, and don't resent them for all the time/cost involved. But because they are so tricky to manage, I am unable to get any respite from them - no one wants to administer multiple drugs while looking after them. If I'm ill, it takes a huge amount of resilience and self-discipline to care for them.
They have been field ornaments for decades, with increasing care needs as they age - if anyone else is in this position, I feel your pain!
Would I get another horse when they depart this mortal coil?
No, I want some time/money/stress-free relaxation.

 

[honetpot]

When I was younger, and weighed a lot less than I do now, I sold my horse, who was ridable but tricky, and bought the next size up for my daughters to ride, and brought it on my self from just backed. I never regretted it, it saved me a lot of money, and there is nothing more satisfying than your children doing things on something you have made yourself.
You have to remember it's for them, so not too tuned up, but all the first's can still be a challenge. I would buy a nice native part bred or a Highland. I last Highland I backed for my daughter, and then she gave up, has a had a wonderful life of XC. hacks with a lady who was 5'8''.
My conne X looks like a fluffy gypsy pony but moves well, is tough and scrubs up well as a SHP.

 

[JGC]

After my gelding died in the field at 14 having been a sick note over half of the time I had him, I shared for two years. It did me the world of good. Then one day, I was ready to start looking again.

It also gave me time to reassess what I wanted (I bought a cob, having had sportshorses), where I wanted to keep them (found a new yard with 24/7 turnout in summer and group turnout every day in paddocks in winter as opposed to individual turnout (meaning my life is much easier if I go away for the weekends (they're checked twice a day by YO) or if I have to work extra hours) and want I wanted to do (pottering along doing a little of everything).

 

[Hallo2012]

how tall/heavy are you?

pony?

after years of flash, suicidal, irrational, fancy horses i have 2 very small, chunky welsh ponies who are still well capable of going up the levels (7yo has competed elem, schooling adv medium) and have taken me to championships and area festivals but you can take them anywhere, do anything and have no hysteria.

they are also cheap to keep and easy for my OH/FIL to handle etc

 

[flying_high]

Snap, the riding school i used to ride at as a kid used to hack over a motorway bridge to get to the woods! Nobody would dream of doing that now!
Well maybe the traffic will subside again now no one will be able to afford fuel!

Lots of hacking routes in my area regularly cross motorway bridges, why wouldnt people do it now. There is loads of great hacking in Surrey either side of M25 and M23! Motorway bridges are quite safe to cross.

 

[daffy44]

Lots of hacking routes in my area regularly cross motorway bridges, why wouldnt people do it now. There is loads of great hacking in Surrey either side of M25 and M23! Motorway bridges are quite safe to cross.

When Patchetts was still up and running you frequently had to park on one side of the M1 and ride over the motorway bridge to compete on the other side, the bridge was perfectly safe and no trouble at all.

 

[McGrools]

Lots of hacking routes in my area regularly cross motorway bridges, why wouldnt people do it now. There is loads of great hacking in Surrey either side of M25 and M23! Motorway bridges are quite safe to cross.

This particular one is a very fast busy road in its own right, even without the m6 underneath it. Its a main route.

 

[Orangehorse]

As everyone says, children soon grow up. In your shoes I would not look for something at the moment. Can you go for a ride occasionally somewhere that does good hacks, or do some exercising for a hunter/livery yard?

Give yourself a break for a bit and then see how you feel after 12 months or so.

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Thank you so much for everyone’s replies and words of wisdom. Just reading through them all properly now

 

[I don’t like mondays]

how tall/heavy are you?

pony?

after years of flash, suicidal, irrational, fancy horses i have 2 very small, chunky welsh ponies who are still well capable of going up the levels (7yo has competed elem, schooling adv medium) and have taken me to championships and area festivals but you can take them anywhere, do anything and have no hysteria.

they are also cheap to keep and easy for my OH/FIL to handle etc

Sadly I’m tall so would most likely squash anything under 15.2

 

[Marigold4]

Having been through such a miserable experience with your previous horse, I definitely wouldn't buy a ROR. There would be a significant chance there would be trouble along the way - either mentally or physically.

 

[Hallo2012]

Sadly I’m tall so would most likely squash anything under 15.2

how tall? I'm 5'7 and mine are 13hh, a well built 14.2hh welsh D would carry up to 5'10 easily? or an old fashioned chunky connie

 

[Flame_]

Sadly I’m tall so would most likely squash anything under 15.2

Middle-sized is good! Arabs, Connies, Section D's, etc. I gave up on sports horses and competition. My life hasn't been totally vet bill and trauma free, but I've only collected one more pretty lawn-mower since (and that was by choice). The arabs have been way more useful for riding than for showing great talent for presenting sicknotes. Get a nice, middle-sized all-rounder and get out on a couple of fun rides, you'll get your mojo right back

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Middle-sized is good! Arabs, Connies, Section D's, etc. I gave up on sports horses and competition. My life hasn't been totally vet bill and trauma free, but I've only collected one more pretty lawn-mower since (and that was by choice). The arabs have been way more useful for riding than for showing great talent for presenting sicknotes. Get a nice, middle-sized all-rounder and get out on a couple of fun rides, you'll get your mojo right back

I really like the sound of a native or Connie type, however these seem to be going for ridiculous money ?

 

[milliepops]

should be able to get a welsh for not too many ££, they are not as fashionable as some of the other natives.

 

[stangs]

I'd give yourself another month to see if you seriously miss it or if you're just having a bad week (I know how I feel about buying something fluctuates on the daily). Then maybe start looking at natives or possibly a 14.2-15.2 cob?

It is entirely possible to ride and mess about with horses on an occasional basis without owning one.

Possible but either very difficult or very expensive.

 

[Burnttoast]

Possible but either very difficult or very expensive.

I'm not sure it is either if the OP knows other horsey people, which I imagine she does. Aside from my brief ownership of the (now retired) Wonky One I've always ridden other people's horses, sometimes paid, rarely paying. I've done a lot of fittening ponies for PC mothers in years gone by, exercised hunters, shared a few, worked for rides at a classical RS and so on. It can be done.

 

[milliepops]

i found it harder to find rides when i had my own to look after still. As i didn't have the time to travel somewhere else again to do someone else's horse. which is why i've taken another one on loan instead. OP might have that issue, as the kids ponies are a factor.

 

[I don’t like mondays]

i found it harder to find rides when i had my own to look after still. As i didn't have the time to travel somewhere else again to do someone else's horse. which is why i've taken another one on loan instead. OP might have that issue, as the kids ponies are a factor.

This is the issue I have Milliepops because of travel to the yard where kids ponies are and the fact they are on DIY, I kind of think if I’m there anyway (and pretty much redundant lol) I could see to my own

 

[Equi]

What sort of age are the kids? Are they going to be in ponies for a long time to come or be looking to step up in a year or two?

 

[Wishfilly]

I really like the sound of a native or Connie type, however these seem to be going for ridiculous money ?

Native X cob types can be found within a reasonable budget still and give children/teens/parents a lot of fun. They might not suit you or be what you want, but I think they are (mostly) pretty hardy so at least unlikely to go wrong!

Alternatively, there are sometimes older 14.2/15hh out there for loan which could be "been there done that" types for your kids, whilst providing some fun for you?

I do think a loan where you're not taking on responsibility come what may could be right for you? But I know it can be very hard to find the right horse!

 

[scats]

It was Diva (little coloured cob x Welsh), who reignited my love for horses and riding. I’d had 15 years of disaster and was at the point where I hadn’t ridden for 3 months coz my horses at the time were both out of action. I honestly wished someone would whisk the horses away as I was done. In a moment of madness, I answered an ad on preloved for a little 6 year old, green as grass mare. She changed my entire world. She wasn’t what I’d ever have gone out to look for previously, but she was utterly perfect in every way and we had so much fun. Nearly 8 years later and I’m as committed as ever and loving horses again, though devastatingly Diva is no longer with us.
If it hadn’t been for her, I’m pretty sure I’d have given up.

 

[I don’t like mondays]

Thanks again everyone for all your advice. Really helpful. Kids are 11 & 13. From what you’ve all said, I think getting a mother daughter share is the way to go (oldest is giving her loan pony back soon). I’m 5ft 8 and 10.5 stone. 13 year old is 5ft 5 but light. What size do you think I could get away with if chunky? ETA: I always ride long so feel like a giant on anything less than 15.2 (lol). Maybe something chunky would take up my leg