Been to view this horse today

[Birker2020]

I’m sorry it didn’t go how you hoped, genuinely sorry, especially as it sounds like in the future it might have been a match.

I also don’t think you class as ‘that sort of time waster’ as you went genuinely wanting to buy a horse and with the money available to do so.

As gutting as it is, I do think you are doing the right thing stopping the search now you have realised you aren’t quite in the physical and mental headspace to be doing this.

I promise you, there is loads you can be doing to get back in the saddle! Obviously weight loss will help with your fitness, balance, confidence but it isn’t just about going to slimming world and the gym more - granted they may be part of it but if you aren’t already it’s surprising how much good therapy can also help.

In the interim and until you are at a weight to get ridden lessons, have you considered driving lessons and/or simulator work?

Yes thinking about simulator, I would enjoy that, I had a taste of the simulator years ago when Your Horse Live first started out at my local riding club, long before it ended up at Stoneleigh. It was great fun.
I will be glad to be able to keep saving as much as I can. I'm hoping that Lari stops costing me so much money.

 

[Birker2020]

Such a shame it didn't go well. If the horse isn't snapped up, I'd be tempted to take the owner's offer to try again in better weather. Don't know how you guys had it, but it has been wild up here for the last three days. It sounds like you managed him well, considering.

If I was selling my horses, I would have cancelled viewings on Fin because he's a complete idiot and pretty much unrideable in gale force winds. Almost anyone would be put off if they'd tried. I don't even ride him in that sort of weather. I might keep them for Hermosa to show off how good she is (with me, anyway).

Aw they didn't offer. I probably would try again if they did, as he was only an hour away. But I wouldn't approach them, I'd feel a bit awkward about contacting them. I did show them a photo of me in my 'good days' to show I wasn't a complete numpty and also showed the photos of the horse last week and I think they could understand where I was coming from. I think it was horrendous weather, I'd have been fine riding Bailey in it, but that was Bailey, and I'd had him 17 years.

 

[Birker2020]

Just a thought, do you have a friend, or is there anyone near by to you, that has a suitable type of horse that would let you potter with it and gain a bit of confidence back in your own time/privacy. Even when you can approach a riding school you might still find that a bit daunting ( I would !) as people are watching you.

No they take one look at me and just see me as 'too heavy'. To be fair I probably am although the horse yesterday could have more than carried me, he was a full up ID standing at 17hh.

i did have a lovely friend who had a super horse that I rode about five times over the fields when I first lost Bailey. But then it went lame with coffin joint arthritis - nothing to do with me, I think it was struggling anyway. She has moved away since. I will never forget her kindness though, it meant such a lot to me, he was a big ID too.

 

[Caol Ila]

Tbh, when I have tried horses, I have viewed them more than once. The only ones I bought after a single viewing were the two unbroke babies. I've been lucky with cooperative sellers who wanted it to be the right match, so they were very happy for me to try it a couple times. Or in Fin's case, like five times, but that was due to his previous owner being paranoid about sellling him to the wrong person.

What I'm saying is that it's not at all unheard of for people to want to try out a horse a second time, especially if the first wasn't in ideal conditions. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably try to dredge up the gallus to say, "Hey, I really liked him, and I'd love to see how he is normal weather because it's hard to get a feel for a horse (or even think straught) in high winds."

 

[splashgirl45]

I’ve also tried a horse twice as I always needed to be absolutely sure it was what I wanted and what I could cope with. That horse sounds so right for you and you did like his personality so you could ask to try him again, if the owner says no you haven’t lost anything …

 

[Cloball]

I would say if he hasn't gone when the weather gets better I would ask for a second viewing I did multiple viewings for 2 horses I was thinking of with no issues although both owners were dealers so this didn't phase them at all.

The lady whose horse I cried on was so lovely... It made it much worse she offered several more viewings but I couldn't bring myself to go back there's nothing like horse buying in middle age to remind you you are no longer a 19 year old who can ride 5 different horses a day

 

[MereChristmas]

re simulator
I recommend Nicky Caden at Racewood, she is lovely. It is sadly too far for me to go.

Nicky Caden BHSII Senior Coach

Nicky Caden BHSII Senior Coach. Gefällt 305 Mal · 5 Personen sprechen darüber · 4 waren hier. Accredited Professional Coach. I am a BHS Stage 4 Senior Coach in Complete Horsemanship.

www.facebook.com

 

[Needtoretire]

Arrow Equestrian in Pembridge is a licensed riding school with a simulator, his name is Blackberry and he has all the buttons you could wish for.

 

[ester]

Sometimes simulators do have a lower weight limit than you’d expect, I used to be too heavy for the one locally to here but def worth researching.

 

[Tiddlypom]

Racewood riding simulators have a weight limit of 16 stone. ETA that’s clothed weight as dressed for the session.

 

[Birker2020]

re simulator
I recommend Nicky Caden at Racewood, she is lovely. It is sadly too far for me to go.

Nicky Caden BHSII Senior Coach

Nicky Caden BHSII Senior Coach. Gefällt 305 Mal · 5 Personen sprechen darüber · 4 waren hier. Accredited Professional Coach. I am a BHS Stage 4 Senior Coach in Complete Horsemanship.

www.facebook.com

She's too far from me too if she's in Cheshire. I'm in the West Midlands. We have one not far from us to be fair so I will go and enquire.

 

[MereChristmas]

She's too far from me too if she's in Cheshire. I'm in the West Midlands. We have one not far from us to be fair so I will go and enquire.

She lives near Church Stretton but uses Racewood

 

[gunnergundog]

The RDA at Shrewley have a simulator. Not sure who does the teaching nowadays - it used to be Chloe Smith, but I believe she has left.

 

[Goldenstar]

Ah that makes me so sad read.
Sadly I think he will be gone quickly.
Nice draughts are so easy to sell .
If you were near me I would let you come and ride Blue to get you going.
It’s a very very hard thing to do try when you are not riding at home .

 

[Birker2020]

The RDA at Shrewley have a simulator. Not sure who does the teaching nowadays - it used to be Chloe Smith, but I believe she has left.

Yep that's the one that's not too far from me. She moved to Solihull Riding Club, not sure where she is now, everyone moves around so much!

 

[Maxidoodle]

Yes thinking about simulator, I would enjoy that, I had a taste of the simulator years ago when Your Horse Live first started out at my local riding club, long before it ended up at Stoneleigh. It was great fun.
I will be glad to be able to keep saving as much as I can. I'm hoping that Lari stops costing me so much money.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out this time, I would definitely recommend a simulator, I had a very bad accident and it really shook me up after riding previously at that point for 30 odd years. The first time I got on the simulator we were going through the paces and I got to canter and felt like crying, as I was convinced it was going to run off with me, that’s how irrational a loss of confidence can be. Do you have a friend who’d let you help out pottering around their yard, so you can get a bit of a horsey fix whilst you go to SW and have time on a simulator. The weather recently has been awful, mine are all pretty sensible but the wind has certainly been up their bums the last few days. Personally, if it was me, I’d concentrate on other things until the weather improves a bit too, the right horse is out there for you.

 

[blodwyn1]

I had seen a video of a pony in Wales that was everything I was looking for. Initially she was sold but she then came back on the market on Friday so I contacted the vendor and arranged to view Monday. She wouldn't take a deposit to hold her for me and she sold her late Sunday! I am grieving like I have lost a relative which is not normal I know!!

 

[Birker2020]

I’m sorry it didn’t work out this time, I would definitely recommend a simulator, I had a very bad accident and it really shook me up after riding previously at that point for 30 odd years. The first time I got on the simulator we were going through the paces and I got to canter and felt like crying, as I was convinced it was going to run off with me, that’s how irrational a loss of confidence can be. Do you have a friend who’d let you help out pottering around their yard, so you can get a bit of a horsey fix whilst you go to SW and have time on a simulator. The weather recently has been awful, mine are all pretty sensible but the wind has certainly been up their bums the last few days. Personally, if it was me, I’d concentrate on other things until the weather improves a bit too, the right horse is out there for you.

Well I have my retired horse Lari I visit twice weekly (he's on retirement livery 35 mile round trip away) and my stable has been held for months now, so I know I am welcome back at the livery yard I call home any stage, but I'm finding it too painful to visit as its where all my memories are with my boy I had there for 17 years and Lari who was on and off there for 20 months, with me rehabbing him from retirement livery accident to going back to retirement again.

I feel like a fish out of water without a horse, like part of me is missing somehow. There is nothing I can do that I haven't already done to prepare for my next horse other than put down a bed, do a hay net! That is the reason I decided not to retire Lari on the livery yard, because I was struggling seeing everyone riding having the fun that I should have had with my missold horse.

I will ask about the simulator, if I'm not over the weight limit which I probably am. I've just lost all my motivation, I need to go back to the gym again but I'm so exhausted after work I have no energy. I'm going to book an appointment with the doctor I think as this tiredness seems to be all encompassing at the moment, I've never been one to sleep before bed time but I get home from work at 3.45pm and have been known to go straight to bed and sleep for two hours straight off which is not normal for me! Not sure if its because I've nothing to do or whether its because of the weather and wanting to hibernate still.

 

[MereChristmas]

Looked randomly for simulator weight limits. The one I saw was 16 stone

 

[Maxidoodle]

Well I have my retired horse Lari I visit twice weekly (he's on retirement livery 35 mile round trip away) and my stable has been held for months now, so I know I am welcome back at the livery yard I call home any stage, but I'm finding it too painful to visit as its where all my memories are with my boy I had there for 17 years and Lari who was on and off there for 20 months, with me rehabbing him from retirement livery accident to going back to retirement again.

I feel like a fish out of water without a horse, like part of me is missing somehow. There is nothing I can do that I haven't already done to prepare for my next horse other than put down a bed, do a hay net! That is the reason I decided not to retire Lari on the livery yard, because I was struggling seeing everyone riding having the fun that I should have had with my missold horse.

I will ask about the simulator, if I'm not over the weight limit which I probably am. I've just lost all my motivation, I need to go back to the gym again but I'm so exhausted after work I have no energy. I'm going to book an appointment with the doctor I think as this tiredness seems to be all encompassing at the moment, I've never been one to sleep before bed time but I get home from work at 3.45pm and have been known to go straight to bed and sleep for two hours straight off which is not normal for me! Not sure if its because I've nothing to do or whether its because of the weather and wanting to hibernate still.

Of course you have, I’m sorry I forgot Lari was on retirement livery.

I struggle sometimes wording stuff in English with being abroad, so forgive me if this doesn’t come out quite right, I’m not wanting to offend and it’s meant with the utmost kindness, could you find a way not to focus on missing out on “the fun” others are having riding etc, for me, I’m not that focussed on riding, I love the care aspect just as much, it must add a lot of pressure and stress to you if this is your main focus (and potentially might make you make a rash decision on a new horse that isnt right for you too? I’m a great believer that things are brought to us at the right time, perhaps the right horse for you hasn’t come onto the market yet, as you’re not ready just yet?

Could you try to focus on other things, like a fitness/weight loss plan, maybe with goals along your timeline, like “when I’ve got to “x” weight, I’ll go and ride at a riding school/simulator to get riding fit again, when I get to “x” fitness level/weight then I’ll start searching for a horse. Is it possible to give up your stable on the yard for now, could that be adding pressure to you to search for a new horse.

 

[ponyparty]

Get in touch with the RDA at Shrewley - they have the mechanical horse "Charley", and also a big ID type weight-carrier my friend (6'3" bloke) had a lesson on recently. Worth an ask! They do evening lessons on a Monday night (or used to anyway) which might work for you around work.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

This might be a bit of a left field suggestion but could you contact a horse rescue of some description and take on an unridden/youngster pony just to give you a focus, a horse to bond with and to get you to the yard etc while also being a fairly cheap keeper? I have SO loved doing all the groundwork and some trick training with Dex for the almost year before I backed him so no reason you couldn't do that, and I walk/skip/jog around the school with him while I'm doing it so it's good for my steps. Plus the walking out in hand now that the weather is getting nicer, could do you a turn and the pony a turn.

I get it's not for everyone, but just thought I'd float the idea. I tried for nearly 2yrs to lose the weight I needed to to ride, and nothing was working as I didn't have the motivation so I thought sod it, the house had just fallen through so I bought an unbacked just turned 3yo and lost the weight while waiting for him to grow... 4.5 stone down now and still going

 

[I'm Dun]

Well I have my retired horse Lari I visit twice weekly (he's on retirement livery 35 mile round trip away) and my stable has been held for months now, so I know I am welcome back at the livery yard I call home any stage, but I'm finding it too painful to visit as its where all my memories are with my boy I had there for 17 years and Lari who was on and off there for 20 months, with me rehabbing him from retirement livery accident to going back to retirement again.

I feel like a fish out of water without a horse, like part of me is missing somehow. There is nothing I can do that I haven't already done to prepare for my next horse other than put down a bed, do a hay net! That is the reason I decided not to retire Lari on the livery yard, because I was struggling seeing everyone riding having the fun that I should have had with my missold horse.

I will ask about the simulator, if I'm not over the weight limit which I probably am. I've just lost all my motivation, I need to go back to the gym again but I'm so exhausted after work I have no energy. I'm going to book an appointment with the doctor I think as this tiredness seems to be all encompassing at the moment, I've never been one to sleep before bed time but I get home from work at 3.45pm and have been known to go straight to bed and sleep for two hours straight off which is not normal for me! Not sure if its because I've nothing to do or whether its because of the weather and wanting to hibernate still.

You need bloods including vitamin d, B12 and thyroid panel. Do not let them fob you off. Then get the results and check them yourself. I'm happy to look and there's other people I'm sure would help. Its not normal to be tired all the time, and there are things you can do to help yourself feel better.

I'd also try cutting out as much processed food as I could. I always forget how tired and grotty it makes me feel. I lost 5 stone cutting out processed stuff and doing a very low calorie diet. The weight melted off and stayed off. I cant be doing with slimming world or doing it slowly, I have to be getting results to keep me motivated! And honestly, slimming world etc is set up to keep you coming back, not to get you to lose the weight permanently. But do whatever works for you, you know better than anyone else. I'd also book a PT session at the gym and see what they suggest for improving your core and back strength. I did spin lots but it never seemed to help my core. Pilates and yoga would help lots with pain and mobility as well.

You will probably be over the limit for the simulator. The one near me is 14 stone!

I'd treat it like a project I was managing, throw everything into it for a few months, forget about horses completely, then reassess.

Or buy an interim horse, quiet and steady and use that to get your confidence back with a view to reselling in the summer. Much harder to do emotionally though.

 

[I'm Dun]

This might be a bit of a left field suggestion but could you contact a horse rescue of some description and take on an unridden/youngster pony just to give you a focus, a horse to bond with and to get you to the yard etc while also being a fairly cheap keeper? I have SO loved doing all the groundwork and some trick training with Dex for the almost year before I backed him so no reason you couldn't do that, and I walk/skip/jog around the school with him while I'm doing it so it's good for my steps. Plus the walking out in hand now that the weather is getting nicer, could do you a turn and the pony a turn.

I get it's not for everyone, but just thought I'd float the idea. I tried for nearly 2yrs to lose the weight I needed to to ride, and nothing was working as I didn't have the motivation so I thought sod it, the house had just fallen through so I bought an unbacked just turned 3yo and lost the weight while waiting for him to grow... 4.5 stone down now and still going

That is a genuis idea! Birker has said she enjoys the ground work, and it would fill the horse gap while she gets everything else in place.

 

[ihatework]

This might be a bit of a left field suggestion but could you contact a horse rescue of some description and take on an unridden/youngster pony just to give you a focus, a horse to bond with and to get you to the yard etc while also being a fairly cheap keeper? I have SO loved doing all the groundwork and some trick training with Dex for the almost year before I backed him so no reason you couldn't do that, and I walk/skip/jog around the school with him while I'm doing it so it's good for my steps. Plus the walking out in hand now that the weather is getting nicer, could do you a turn and the pony a turn.

I get it's not for everyone, but just thought I'd float the idea. I tried for nearly 2yrs to lose the weight I needed to to ride, and nothing was working as I didn't have the motivation so I thought sod it, the house had just fallen through so I bought an unbacked just turned 3yo and lost the weight while waiting for him to grow... 4.5 stone down now and still going

Exactly what I was just about to say.

See if you can foster something from a charity for a while. Do you the handling/groundwork and make a good citizen out of something while you work on your own personal goals.

Medically see a doctor. Full blood tests, maybe HRT if you aren’t already on it. Psychotherapy too.

 

[Horseysheepy]

Or buy an interim horse, quiet and steady and use that to get your confidence back with a view to reselling in the summer. Much harder to do emotionally though.

That's one good suggestion!

Birker, I know a girl who was overhorsed, well ponied! Her parents decided to sell it to a more suitable home.

Like you, they paid to keep the stable for the replacement pony and spent quite a while looking for that sporty pony who could do everything but be safe and sensible and within their price budget.

A little hairy cob turned up on the yard who was owned by a teenager who then suddenly lost interest (boys!!!).
Well this girl decided to help look after it and ride it whilst they put it up for sale and bobs your uncle, she just clicked with this little cob and she had loads of lessons and within a few months you wouldn't recognise the two of them.

The pony was fit, fun but incredibly safe and this young girl had a smile on her face again.

This cob was not what she wanted, but it proved to be absolutely what she needed.

Like I'm dun suggested, you could buy a safe steady Eddie now, get your fitness back and your motivation and confidence and have a horse to love and care for.

You can then:

1) Sell, you'll never lose money on a safe steady cob type!

Or

2) Full head over heels in love with it, and keep it!.

 

[Birker2020]

Of course you have, I’m sorry I forgot Lari was on retirement livery.

I struggle sometimes wording stuff in English with being abroad, so forgive me if this doesn’t come out quite right, I’m not wanting to offend and it’s meant with the utmost kindness, could you find a way not to focus on missing out on “the fun” others are having riding etc, for me, I’m not that focussed on riding, I love the care aspect just as much, it must add a lot of pressure and stress to you if this is your main focus (and potentially might make you make a rash decision on a new horse that isnt right for you too? I’m a great believer that things are brought to us at the right time, perhaps the right horse for you hasn’t come onto the market yet, as you’re not ready just yet?

Could you try to focus on other things, like a fitness/weight loss plan, maybe with goals along your timeline, like “when I’ve got to “x” weight, I’ll go and ride at a riding school/simulator to get riding fit again, when I get to “x” fitness level/weight then I’ll start searching for a horse. Is it possible to give up your stable on the yard for now, could that be adding pressure to you to search for a new horse.

Its okay don't worry, you haven't offended me in the slightest.

I'm in no rush to buy, I've been quietly looking since last year and properly looking since January/Feb, and in no rush nor feeling pressurised as such. Its incredible how many horses are out there that are actually unsound, its not till you see the videos of them that you realise. You can get an idea by the price of them as well, you tend to get a sixth sense when you see an advert and know straight away that the horse will have something wrong with it by the subtle wording of the advert.

I really don't want to give up my stable, its in an ideal location on the yard, I am on an end stable so room for all my stuff and its one of the largest one at 12 x 14 with plenty of room for passing. Its a big yard but stables tend to get filled quickly. I have had months and months of not riding when I've had my horses, with various issues or injuries, not just Lari, but Bailey and the others and rehabbed them and got a lot of enjoyment from that. I've had a bit of success rehabbing too and really made a difference to Lari's shape by doing four months of groundwork and I'm interested in the physio side of things because my best friend is a vet physio, and I find the subject really very interesting. I particularly like mucking out my stable, and I love pampering and just messing around with my horse, but it has to be my horse, nothing else would really be the same.

In the 'olden days' I would go to my dealer (I had two I used and bought 4 horses between the two dealers) and say what I wanted and within a max of 6 weeks would walk away with something amazing that I loved. They were mainly WB imports from Holland and Belgium. Sadly I ended up losing my lovely four in short succession (nothing I did wrong, broken leg, heart attack, wobblers, accident, etc) but in those days it was so much easier to find another horse. And Bailey was my super duper Dutch WB horse who I had for 17 years from the same dealer. So to then try and find a horse all these years later feels like an impossible task.

You have hit to nail on the head about the fitness/weight loss plan. I need to refocus my efforts to keep fit and lose weight as I was very active at the gym only a few weeks ago, swimming five or six times a week, sometimes going more than once a day! But I just seem to have lost all motivation, I think the horses I've seen apart from the last one have all been very disappointing, and it feels like an impossibility to find what I'm looking for and that might be what is causing all this. I keep having a reoccurring dream where I'm riding a smart bay WB and I go from walk to canter down the long side and pop an oxer without any effort of fear. Maybe I am trying to set my dreams on what I had instead of what I need, I don't know. But I think if I lose weight I might be able to get my nice ISH or WB a lot easier!

I'm not the only one in this situation, I know there are lots of people that are out there that won't have the patience I have and will just get desperate and buy something unsuitable. It took me 4 months to find Lari last time and he was unsuitable, I didn't rush buying him but I got well and truly conned. I won't make that mistake again!

 

[Birker2020]

You need bloods including vitamin d, B12 and thyroid panel. Do not let them fob you off. Then get the results and check them yourself. I'm happy to look and there's other people I'm sure would help. Its not normal to be tired all the time, and there are things you can do to help yourself feel better.

I'd also try cutting out as much processed food as I could. I always forget how tired and grotty it makes me feel. I lost 5 stone cutting out processed stuff and doing a very low calorie diet. The weight melted off and stayed off. I cant be doing with slimming world or doing it slowly, I have to be getting results to keep me motivated! And honestly, slimming world etc is set up to keep you coming back, not to get you to lose the weight permanently. But do whatever works for you, you know better than anyone else. I'd also book a PT session at the gym and see what they suggest for improving your core and back strength. I did spin lots but it never seemed to help my core. Pilates and yoga would help lots with pain and mobility as well.

You will probably be over the limit for the simulator. The one near me is 14 stone!

I'd treat it like a project I was managing, throw everything into it for a few months, forget about horses completely, then reassess.

Or buy an interim horse, quiet and steady and use that to get your confidence back with a view to reselling in the summer. Much harder to do emotionally though.

Yeah spin did nothing for my core, nor swimming. But both have helped with my arthritis or whatever the heck it is that I've been waiting 14 years for a diagnosis for! Being able to jump out of the car without hobbling and being able to walk up the stairs without having to stop with the pain is amazing, its helped so much. Boot camp completely knackered my body, too much jumping and running which is no good for SI issues.

You are right about what you say about having a break and reassessing, maybe I need to think about doing so.

I couldn't buy and resell, I'm not the right person, too sentimental. Nor loan and rehab. I'd probably be like that woman stuck with all those XL bully pups! Bad enough being stuck with my overgrown labrador horse, bless him!

The simulator is 16 stone by us. I know this because I had a friend who used it. I text someone last night who used to have some horses on our yard and was teaching a couple of the larger riders on her own big horse, but she's sold it. I was hoping I could get some experience on hers.

Someone else mentioned B12. I've been on vitamin D for about 8 months now after my last blood test said I had a deficiency. I've also started wheezing a bit when I walk fast which isn't right. So I will book that doctors appointment, thank you!

I am visiting Mum tonight, she's gone to respite and then will go to the gym after for a swim and make a start again. I need a kick up the bum.

 

[sbloom]

For rider specific fitness and conditioning I recommend Equimech (NI) and Pilates at Blue House (Teesside), both offer online assessments and classes and both have mahoosive skill sets. Have a look and see if either "click" for you.

 

[Celtic Jewel]

what made you feel that way suddenly did you feel like the owner was judging your riding ability and your weight because I have definitely had that before when trying a horse .