Bert is very lame.

[SO1]

How was he? Is there a possibility he'll be able to move away from sedation long term

He is looking sound on the lunge. Vet coming to review him today and if he thinks he looks fine I have found a saddle fitter to come tomorrow when my instructor is available. Unfortunately I couldn't get time off work any time soon due to zoom calls. I normally have at least one a day.

He has lost a bit of weight since been muzzled and doing some in hand work. Still have some issues with muzzle coming unattached occasionally.

YO has said one of the grooms is willing to provide more help during her breaks or after work for money if needed including helping with reattaching the muzzle and looking for it in the field.

Mum and Dad need some building work done on the house to put stair lift and disabled bathroom in so have to move out for 3 or 4 weeks which is complicated as trying to find a rental property with no steep stairs, a shower, 2 bedrooms and will take a cat for 4 weeks is difficult. We also need it to be local to where they live so they can still have help from their carers otherwise I will have to rotate with sister and BIL to stay with them. Sister and BIL can't work from home but I can do one week in two if need be from home. Doesn’t help that parents are fussy as I found them a disabled cabin that will take pets for the weeks that they want which is local and has a nice garden area and even a hot tub but it is on a holiday park which they probably won't want to go to.

Not sure what I will do with Bert long term yet but he will remain with me for at least time being.

 

[Goldenstar]

I glad things are looking better on the horse side .
Can your parents not go into respite care for the duration of the work .
The pressures on you your sister and BIL are unreasonable.

 

[ycbm]

I'm sorry SO1, but I think it's time for your own sanity and that of your sister for a bit less emphasis on what your parents "want" and a bit more on what's reasonable for all of you.

I'm not saying this to be hard, but to try and give you some support in thinking more about yourself and what you need.
.

 

[SO1]

I glad things are looking better on the horse side .
Can your parents not go into respite care for the duration of the work .
The pressures on you your sister and BIL are unreasonable.

If Dad would go into respite then mum and Missy cat could go into an air b n b as mum has no issue with stairs and there are loads of one bedroom places that would suit her but he won't.

I have found the perfect place for my parents on a local farm which is suitable for people with limited mobilty and has two bedrooms and disabled shower and will accept Missy but it is not available until September and they want to do the building works on starting 27 May is which half term week so makes it very hard to find anywhere suitable.

I am going to Norfolk this weekend so will try and speak to them about changing the dates.

YO has messaged and vet has been and Bert is sound and can be ridden again. Vet said Bert looks slimmer. So that at least is good news if saddle can be adjusted tomorrow.

 

[ycbm]

Great news about Bert.
.

 

[meleeka]

Good news about Bert in any case. Hopefully it’ll be onwards and upwards for now and you can actually enjoy him.

I think your parents ought to be sorting themselves out if they aren’t happy with your suggestions. Can you sort a portaloo so they can stay in their house? A stairlift takes about 2 hours to fit, so it’s only the bathroom that would be a problem.

 

[Squeak]

Really glad to hear good news about Bert.

 

[criso]

If it's only a few weeks can the cat go into a cattery which would open up a few more options.

 

[SO1]

Good news about Bert in any case. Hopefully it’ll be onwards and upwards for now and you can actually enjoy him.

I think your parents ought to be sorting themselves out if they aren’t happy with your suggestions. Can you sort a portaloo so they can stay in their house? A stairlift takes about 2 hours to fit, so it’s only the bathroom that would be a problem.

They need to replace the stairs unfortunately to get the stair lift in because of Dad's size. The stairlift company have already tried to install one.

 

[AmyMay]

They need to replace the stairs unfortunately to get the stair lift in because of Dad's size. The stairlift company have already tried to install one.

Is there a retirement complex near by that your parents could stay in for a month?

 

[nutjob]

In terms of the building work, if you are responsible for arranging accommodation it's worth double checking with the builders that there is a confirmed starting date, this may not be the same date that your parents would prefer. In my area it's a nightmare to get any trades person to do anything atm and I would also keep in mind that a 4 week schedule can slip.

If you can persuade them to go to a retirement home or complex this is also a great idea as it gives you information for the future should their needs increase.

 

[SEL]

That's great news about Bert. I'm hopeful that with your pony back under saddle you'll remember why you wanted one back in your life.

Parents are challenging when they get old and needy. I wish you good luck this weekend and remember sometimes you have to be assertive!

 

[I'm Dun]

with regards to zoom calls, could you take them at the yard? It would give you more freedom. If there's no internet there I can recommend some reasonably priced ways to get fast 4 or 5g internet when your mobile. You could sit in your car, or find a quiet place to do it. Lots of people do similar. The whole point of zoom calls etc is that you arent tied to the office

 

[Goldenstar]

The situation you are in with your sister and her husband will suck the very life from you is you let it .
It’s time I think a bit more of yourselves .
You cannot allow yourselves to be sucked into the Dad won’t do this Dad won’t do that narrative .
Not everything can be as our parents wish some things need to easier for you your sister and BIL.

 

[Ditchjumper2]

If you don't assert yourself you will be walked all over..sorry but been there done that. You have a life too!

If you're poorly or stressed you are no use to them anyway, or possibly at work either.

Remember this.....saying no to others is saying yes to yourself!

 

[IrishMilo]

Can you get a plucky kid or small adult to ride him a couple of times a week? Would take some pressure off of you and if you still wanted to sell in 6 months he'd have a few more miles under his belt doing PC stuff.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I'm glad his sound and hopefully your saddle will get sorted.

I think because his new to you and you have been busy you have not spent alot of time together so it's not going to feel like it did with Homey.

It took me months and months to really want Louis I just compared him to Grace and didn't want to love him at first, but I then just realised we both kind of needed each other and I got over myself.

I would just give it some time you took so long to find him and he looks a lovely pony and his totally what you wanted, it's been horrendous for wet weather and caused many horses to have hoof and leg issues but at least we are coming into spring now.

I know it's stressful with your parents but you need to think about you as well and make them understand it's not all about them, I just hope you can now crack on with Bert and manage to spend more time with him over the summer.

 

[SO1]

with regards to zoom calls, could you take them at the yard? It would give you more freedom. If there's no internet there I can recommend some reasonably priced ways to get fast 4 or 5g internet when your mobile. You could sit in your car, or find a quiet place to do it. Lots of people do similar. The whole point of zoom calls etc is that you arent tied to the office

No we have quite strict rules about working from home put in place after the pandemic due to staff ending up with bad backs, necks and RSI due to working remotely and not having suitable work stations. Now the office is open people can only work from home if they have a suitable workstation.

We can only do work calls or zooms meetings on work laptops and work laptops should only be used on suitable workstations. All home workstations have had workstation assessments to be deemed suitable.

If someone wants to temporarily work somewhere that is not home due to a family emergency they have to prove that they have a suitable workstation. So when I worked at my sister's and parents during the family crisis I had to prove that I had a suitable desk and chair and a space where confidential calls could be taken without family members hearing.

I am part of SLT who signed off the work from home policy and it would be disengenious if I started taking having zoom meetings at the yard pretending I was at home.

 

[Michen]

No we have quite strict rules about working from home put in place after the pandemic due to staff ending up with bad backs, necks and RSI due to working remotely and not having suitable work stations. Now the office is open people can only work from home if they have a suitable workstation.

We can only do work calls or zooms meetings on work laptops and work laptops should only be used on suitable workstations. All home workstations have had workstation assessments to be deemed suitable.

If someone wants to temporarily work somewhere that is not home due to a family emergency they have to prove that they have a suitable workstation. So when I worked at my sister's and parents during the family crisis I had to prove that I had a suitable desk and chair and a space where confidential calls could be taken without family members hearing.

I am part of SLT who signed off the work from home policy and it would be disengenious if I started taking having zoom meetings at the yard pretending I was at home.

Wow.. that seems bonkers. Talk about having to nanny people! I love working from my bed when I feel like it Or Boggles stable.

 

[teapot]

I don't think you're a million miles from me - so maybe worth contacting Gemma Bowles at TDS Saddlery. We use her on my yard - she's excellent, and we've never had trouble getting appointments in a reasonable timeframe

Just wanted to second this - I worked with Gemma for a few years and she knows her stuff She definitely travels too going by the locations of her FB posts!

@SO1 - not a bad shout whoever suggested getting a freelance groom to do the apts you can't do, they could probably even video any chats/works ups so you've got a record too. Or if they're small/light enough ride him too and get some videos. Would ease some of the pressure off your shoulders too if you weren't there, but still had all the info to hand. Sorry you're going through the ringer with everything.

 

[SO1]

Just wanted to second this - I worked with Gemma for a few years and she knows her stuff She definitely travels too going by the locations of her FB posts!

@SO1 - not a bad shout whoever suggested getting a freelance groom to do the apts you can't do, they could probably even video any chats/works ups so you've got a record too. Or if they're small/light enough ride him too and get some videos. Would ease some of the pressure off your shoulders too if you weren't there, but still had all the info to hand. Sorry you're going through the ringer with everything.

My instructor can help with some appointments and is dealing with the saddle fitter tomorrow. Instructor is same height as me although I am a bit lighter and can ride Bert in the saddle but she can only do Tue/Thurs/Friday afternoons.

I have seen a good job advertised which I think I would probably have a good chance of getting which would be a 10k pay rise which would help pay for more help with Bert and as it is an animal charity it might be more understanding with time off for animal welfare but I expect due to the nature of the type of work I do I expect it might still be quite a meeting heavy role. In terms of moving of roles everything is a bit tricky because of wanting to be able to support my sister in helping with my parents. Most of my colleagues have caring responsibilities so are quite good at stepping in for me to enable me to work remotely from my parents for long periods of time when they have been in crisis.

 

[criso]

A different job probably won't have the very restrictive policy on taking leave which you currently have which might make it easier to get the odd half day for pony things.

I see that it may be a difficult time to change jobs but will there ever be a good time? And it could be mitigated by only looking at jobs that advertise as allowing remote working so it's a standard thing not a favour. Most won't care if you're sitting at home or your parents as long as you're available, have a usable connection and aren't being interrupted.

 

[SO1]

A different job probably won't have the very restrictive policy on taking leave which you currently have which might make it easier to get the odd half day for pony things.

I see that it may be a difficult time to change jobs but will there ever be a good time? And it could be mitigated by only looking at jobs that advertise as allowing remote working so it's a standard thing not a favour. Most won't care if you're sitting at home or your parents as long as you're available, have a usable connection and aren't being interrupted.

It's hybrid so would be partially office based which is theoretically what I am doing here but I have been lucky as colleagues at work were supportive and stepped in to cover some of my face to face commitments during the crisis situation when I was away a lot.

AL is not really that restricted you can't take leave on days you have meetings which I think is reasonable and someone has to be available to provide cover if you are off work.

Someone requested a day off tomorrow with only one days notice, they have no meetings and someone can cover for them so that is fine.

My sister now will struggle to get time off she is meant to only take time off during winter months which means she normally has the whole of December off and if she now having to work this Saturday as she took last Friday off to help mum and dad with the builders appointment. BIL now works at Morrisons as a delivery driver and if is now harder for him to take leave as he is no longer self employed.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

No we have quite strict rules about working from home put in place after the pandemic due to staff ending up with bad backs, necks and RSI due to working remotely and not having suitable work stations. Now the office is open people can only work from home if they have a suitable workstation.

We can only do work calls or zooms meetings on work laptops and work laptops should only be used on suitable workstations. All home workstations have had workstation assessments to be deemed suitable.

If someone wants to temporarily work somewhere that is not home due to a family emergency they have to prove that they have a suitable workstation. So when I worked at my sister's and parents during the family crisis I had to prove that I had a suitable desk and chair and a space where confidential calls could be taken without family members hearing.

I am part of SLT who signed off the work from home policy and it would be disengenious if I started taking having zoom meetings at the yard pretending I was at home.

Oh my goodness that’s incredibly heavy going.

I’m sure your organisation would only have considered such a serious approach if you had a big problem with people calling in sick due to home working conditions. But I absolutely cannot see how it would be genuine. We didn’t even have a noticeable increase of issues during COVID in our nearly 12 thousand employees and agency staff in my previous organisation. And in my company now, we’ve had zero issue although most staff work remotely and often code or write papers on their computers for far far longer than we’d ideally like them to do in one day.

I would definitely be changing jobs! I wouldn’t manage my workload at all unless I could work off my phone, work from the train, work in the taxi, on the plane, in coffee shops, from my kitchen while I cook

 

[ester]

See wherever I work meetings have been arranged around annual leave/when convenient for everyone not the other way round.

 

[SO1]

Oh my goodness that’s incredibly heavy going.

I’m sure your organisation would only have considered such a serious approach if you had a big problem with people calling in sick due to home working conditions. But I absolutely cannot see how it would be genuine. We didn’t even have a noticeable increase of issues during COVID in our nearly 12 thousand employees and agency staff in my previous organisation. And in my company now, we’ve had zero issue although most staff work remotely and often code or write papers on their computers for far far longer than we’d ideally like them to do in one day.

I would definitely be changing jobs! I wouldn’t manage my workload at all unless I could work off my phone, work from the train, work in the taxi, on the plane, in coffee shops, from my kitchen while I cook

We did have a lot of people off with bad backs, necks and RSI during lockdown.

My understanding from HR advice is as an organisation we have a duty of care towards staff and have to ensure people have an appropriate workstation. If we don't do checks and someone gets a bad back or neck due to not having a proper workstation at home as an organisation we can be held liable in the same way we would if they were in the office and they had a poor workstation.

In previous roles we were not allowed to work from home unless it was an emergency and we had to send a photo of our workstation to prove it was ok.

This is actually the most flexible job I have ever had and most of the staff say the reason they stay is the flexibility of not having to come to the office more than twice a week and that we are quite good about AL requests and the hours are reasonable.

Most of our meetings are not internal so they are hard to rearrange if someone wants to take a day off on a day when there are meetings with stakeholders, partners etc.

One of my team requested three weeks off during the summer they have no meetings scheduled in for that time and I can cover for them so I have said yes. It does mean that I can't take time off when they are off unless I find someone to cover both of us. I won't schedule any meetings in whilst they are on leave as I will need to try and cover some of their job.

We do not do schedule in meetings when people are on leave but a lot of my external meetings are scheduled in at least 6 weeks in advance and some such as Board meetings are scheduled in a year in advance.

The issue with the saddle fitter was she could only offer tomorrow 3.30 and no other dates for a while and tomorrow afternoon I have two meetings that were booked in months ago with an external supplier that would be very hard to rearrange and there would be a cost element to changing the date.

 

[criso]

AL is not really that restricted you can't take leave on days you have meetings which I think is reasonable and someone has to be available to provide cover if you are off work.

You said in a previous post that they didn't want you to take annual leave in term time and between January and May. That only leaves a 8-10 weeks depending on how they classify half term!

And if you wanted to take 2 weeks off to sit on a beach which many people do, there would be meetings you couldn't make and it's up to your employer to arrange cover. Half a day to cover is much easier than most people's holiday patterns where they are away for a number of consecutive days.

I'm thinking of things where you can plan in advance so if you want to be there for the farrier every 6 weeks, that's not a day you arrange a regular meeting for.

But there would be an initial period of probation and accruing leave to get through first so that would be difficult.

In previous roles we were not allowed to work from home unless it was an emergency and we had to send a photo of our workstation to prove it was ok.

If that was pre pandemic, things have changed so much. Jobs that would have expected full office attendance before are now advertised as hybrid or remote.

 

[Caol Ila]

i gotta agree with Michen and LadyGascoyne here. Your employer's work from home policy sounds bonkers. I'd be applying anywhere and everywhere else.

I work from home, generally slouched on my sofa or the bed. Like now. Work is in a different browser window.

My OH was doing a lot more work from home during the pandemic. Some of that involved sitting in a camping chair in Hermosa's stable, keeping her company because the yard she was on for about a month had no winter turnout. And he's an aerospace engineer. Unlike me, his job is actually important!

 

[SO1]

You said in a previous post that they didn't want you to take annual leave in term time and between January and May. That only leaves a 8-10 weeks depending on how they classify half term!

And if you wanted to take 2 weeks off to sit on a beach which many people do, there would be meetings you couldn't make and it's up to your employer to arrange cover. Half a day to cover is much easier than most people's holiday patterns where they are away for a number of consecutive days.

I'm thinking of things where you can plan in advance so if you want to be there for the farrier every 6 weeks, that's not a day you arrange a regular meeting for.

But there would be an initial period of probation and accruing leave to get through first so that would be difficult.

If that was pre pandemic, things have changed so much. Jobs that would have expected full office attendance before are now advertised as hybrid or remote.

They don't like us taking leave between January and May as most of our meetings and events are during this time we have had 6 events since January. We don't organise events during school holidays due to lack of volunteer availability. 80% of what we do is reliant on volunteer availability and we could not run the charity without our volunteers so we have to fit in with them, we have to fit our leave around volunteer availability.

This year has been very bad with staff shortages due to emergency hospitalisations and bereavement leave. I am not very good at saying no to the Trustees so when they asked in January if I could avoid taking leave to help cover for the four staff we were down.

We can normally take up to a week off during January to May as long as not missing a meeting.

Most staff have booked time off during Easter school holidays or had some time off during Feb half term. I have not but I could if I wanted to it was just that most of the appointments Bert has needed have not timed with the school holidays or days when I have have been meeting free.

My old boss had not missed a key meeting with volunteers 15 years.

Emergency AL is always agreed and colleagues will step in and work evening and weekends to enable people to take emergency leave even during peak times. We would also do that to enable people to attend weddings including abroad which may require several weeks off.

I know it sounds bad but this organisation is the best charity I have worked for in the 30 years in the sector and most of the other staff who have come from other charities agree so it is a bit scary thinking about moving roles.

The last charity I worked for the conditions got so bad that the staff went on strike. I had left by that point.

I applied for a job at Amnesty in 2017 and had an interview with them. Thankfully I didn't get the job and got this one instead because there was massive outbreak of bullying culture there. One of my old colleagues applied also applied there got a job turned it down went to another big charity which has also turned out to be toxic as well.

 

[SO1]

i gotta agree with Michen and LadyGascoyne here. Your employer's work from home policy sounds bonkers. I'd be applying anywhere and everywhere else.

I work from home, generally slouched on my sofa or the bed. Like now. Work is in a different browser window.

My OH was doing a lot more work from home during the pandemic. Some of that involved sitting in a camping chair in Hermosa's stable, keeping her company because the yard she was on for about a month had no winter turnout. And he's an aerospace engineer. Unlike me, his job is actually important!

My understanding is that if you work from your bed and get a bad back doing work your organisation can be held responsible for this because they have not made sure your working conditions are optimal.

We have discussed this quite a lot at my work as I have been involved with signing off decisions on these policies after getting advice from HR experts.

We were quite informal with our HR but it was identified as a risk so we now have a person (not me) tasked with looking at our HR policies.

Our understanding is that we are required to make sure people are working safely at home and have a good posture. Our wfh policy has been based with this in mind and making sure people have workstations like in the HSE video.

Managing home workers' health and safety - Working with display screen equipment - HSE

You must protect your workers from health and safety risks from working on a computer or laptop (display screen equipment or DSE) at home

www.hse.gov.uk