special_horse
New User
why do some yards and people have to be so competitive and mean and make you feel so un welcome 
really cannot enjoy your horse properly
really cannot enjoy your horse properly 
(bitchy) yards
- Thread starter special_horse
- Start date
skint1
Well-Known Member
Who knows? It's true that there are people who don't appear to have a good word to say about anyone ever, unless they want something from you that is. Maybe they're so unhappy with themselves that they just can't be any other way. I don't know your set up but if you can avoid the poeple making you feel unwelcome you'll probably have a much better time, if you can't- maybe look at alternative yards.
chased by bees
Well-Known Member
Does seem to be extremely common to the horsey world. Can't think of one yard I've every been on or worked on that doesn't have this element to it. Just seems to be a little less so or more so yard to yard.
Best way to deal with it is to keep your self to your self and concentrate on the reason why your there. Your horse. Never be rude about it, just say hi ya as you pass people, then go straight to your horse and get on with enjoying riding, grooming of what ever you want to do. There's no obligation to engage with others on your yard.
Best way to deal with it is to keep your self to your self and concentrate on the reason why your there. Your horse. Never be rude about it, just say hi ya as you pass people, then go straight to your horse and get on with enjoying riding, grooming of what ever you want to do. There's no obligation to engage with others on your yard.
applecart14
Well-Known Member
why do some yards and people have to be so competitive and mean and make you feel so un welcome
In what way have they made you feel unwelcome? Its horrid when you are stuck on a yard and can't enjoy yourself or your horse because you feel people are watching you ready to criticize your way of riding/handling/caring for your horse.
Horses cost enough without you not enjoying yourself. Just try to concentrate on your horse and your riding and don't worry about others (she says!!)
Antw23uk
Well-Known Member
Headphones in, music of choice on! Crack on with your horsey goals and ignore. They will bitch and talk about you if you do talk to them AND if you dont so you cant win! Bullies and bitchy people have low self esteem and dont like themselves very much so until they like/ love themselves they cant like/ love other people and there is nothing you can do about that. Concentrate on yourself and your horse and crank that music up
Haz:)
Well-Known Member
OH MY GOSH. Finally I get to unreal my experiences, and believe me it took a lot to not to rant to every soul I met after, I could not believe it.
So, I'm extremely fortunate to have a lovely friend on a different yard (her mother owns it) and she happens to have a school and often invites me over to ride with her lovely ex-racer. Our horses get along fabulously, the best I've ever seen him be with another horse so naturally it's always relaxing to be around the pair.
However, last time we went within the livery curfew hour (I usually avoid it so we don't have to worry about booking the school and we can ride for ages without worry), but this time the school was free all day nearly, so we hacked down to my friends yard, hugged, and as we were crossing the yard a livery pops out of this stable, so I say hello, and I'm asked the usual "What's your horses name?" So I paused, tell her and then all of a sudden she confronts me about him wearing polo wraps on all fours, they were the fleece and elastic type so really nice and supportive, she told me that I was restricting his fetlock movement and that I should never hack in polos. They are probably not someone's choice of leg protection, but I was saving for a new saddle for him at the time and I didn't own any boots that fit his long legs, but he walks ridiculously close together and can take chunks out of his own leg regularly, so polo wraps it was. I explained this to her, and I showed her that my polos had "v" shapes at the front to NOT hinder his leg movement. She wouldn't have it and began to ignore me the rest of the day, only to say that my horse wasn't settling in his pasture as I was staying over there that night, (he does run about and put on a show of your there watching, but if you hide he just munches away!!). I couldn't believe the cheek. I tell you though, everyone on the yard tip toes around her, and because I wasn't a livery she got to taste my wrath. I look weak, easy target but I don't tolerate people that are rude, ill mannered and inconsiderate to others. Just because I was a lot younger than her she seemed to think she knew MY horse which she had never met prior, better than myself, his owner. Besides, my farrier recommended polo wraps / leg protection and he HAS to wear something. I've gone out to him with his breakfast and he's come pounding over with a blood stained sock. Hell, he has to wear bell boots on the back sometimes!! Sorry, no thank you.
My mother and my friend was there, they just stood there with a look of awe. My friend later said that she'd been praying I'd give her a taste of her own medicine, and she apparently said that this livery has caused problems all over the yard including for her, as I wondered if I was too harsh but she had it coming according to other polite liveries that overheard.
So like everyone said, you just have to get on with it. I wear polo wraps to that yard all the time and I don't care what she thinks.
+1 to applecart with everything about people waiting there to criticise how you treat / care / ride / make decisions over certain things for your horse, you just have to bypass all that nasty ness. We had a livery on our yard that was a right cow, I think she had actually lost it a bit (apparently her horses talked English to her, but what do I know!!) started moving our hay about and second guessing every decision I made. I just went about my own way whatever and just told myself I was right and was doing the right thing for my horse and to just enjoy myself.
So, I'm extremely fortunate to have a lovely friend on a different yard (her mother owns it) and she happens to have a school and often invites me over to ride with her lovely ex-racer. Our horses get along fabulously, the best I've ever seen him be with another horse so naturally it's always relaxing to be around the pair.
However, last time we went within the livery curfew hour (I usually avoid it so we don't have to worry about booking the school and we can ride for ages without worry), but this time the school was free all day nearly, so we hacked down to my friends yard, hugged, and as we were crossing the yard a livery pops out of this stable, so I say hello, and I'm asked the usual "What's your horses name?" So I paused, tell her and then all of a sudden she confronts me about him wearing polo wraps on all fours, they were the fleece and elastic type so really nice and supportive, she told me that I was restricting his fetlock movement and that I should never hack in polos. They are probably not someone's choice of leg protection, but I was saving for a new saddle for him at the time and I didn't own any boots that fit his long legs, but he walks ridiculously close together and can take chunks out of his own leg regularly, so polo wraps it was. I explained this to her, and I showed her that my polos had "v" shapes at the front to NOT hinder his leg movement. She wouldn't have it and began to ignore me the rest of the day, only to say that my horse wasn't settling in his pasture as I was staying over there that night, (he does run about and put on a show of your there watching, but if you hide he just munches away!!). I couldn't believe the cheek. I tell you though, everyone on the yard tip toes around her, and because I wasn't a livery she got to taste my wrath. I look weak, easy target but I don't tolerate people that are rude, ill mannered and inconsiderate to others. Just because I was a lot younger than her she seemed to think she knew MY horse which she had never met prior, better than myself, his owner. Besides, my farrier recommended polo wraps / leg protection and he HAS to wear something. I've gone out to him with his breakfast and he's come pounding over with a blood stained sock. Hell, he has to wear bell boots on the back sometimes!! Sorry, no thank you.
My mother and my friend was there, they just stood there with a look of awe. My friend later said that she'd been praying I'd give her a taste of her own medicine, and she apparently said that this livery has caused problems all over the yard including for her, as I wondered if I was too harsh but she had it coming according to other polite liveries that overheard.
So like everyone said, you just have to get on with it. I wear polo wraps to that yard all the time and I don't care what she thinks.
+1 to applecart with everything about people waiting there to criticise how you treat / care / ride / make decisions over certain things for your horse, you just have to bypass all that nasty ness. We had a livery on our yard that was a right cow, I think she had actually lost it a bit (apparently her horses talked English to her, but what do I know!!) started moving our hay about and second guessing every decision I made. I just went about my own way whatever and just told myself I was right and was doing the right thing for my horse and to just enjoy myself.
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Damnation
Well-Known Member
I hate this so much.
I am a fairly experienced horse owner but I cannot be bothered with bitching, or yard politics. All I am interested in is that my horse is happy and healthy, and that what I agreed with the YO is what I get. If the people on the yard with me are nice then that is an added bonus.
I don't interfere unless I think the horse's welfare is at risk. Even then, unless they are beating the horse up I'm usually friendly about my advice, a little text/comment just saying I've noticed (e.g) that the horse has sunburn and I have some suncream in my tack box they can borrow until they get chance to source some. Something along those lines.
If I am asked for help, no matter how silly I will always help! I cannot abide by people who make others feel small, unwelcome or useless. My pet hate is someone who is new to horse ownership made to feel like they can't ask for help because its a "silly" question, or people bitching about them. I will answer any small, insignificant question they have with no issue to the best of my ability or help them find the answer they need.
How else will people gain knowledge from eachother?
What I would say to you OP is that life is too short and horses cost too much not to enjoy them. If you can I would advise looking for another yard, or just telling the lot of them to mind their own business!
*hugs*
I am a fairly experienced horse owner but I cannot be bothered with bitching, or yard politics. All I am interested in is that my horse is happy and healthy, and that what I agreed with the YO is what I get. If the people on the yard with me are nice then that is an added bonus.
I don't interfere unless I think the horse's welfare is at risk. Even then, unless they are beating the horse up I'm usually friendly about my advice, a little text/comment just saying I've noticed (e.g) that the horse has sunburn and I have some suncream in my tack box they can borrow until they get chance to source some. Something along those lines.
If I am asked for help, no matter how silly I will always help! I cannot abide by people who make others feel small, unwelcome or useless. My pet hate is someone who is new to horse ownership made to feel like they can't ask for help because its a "silly" question, or people bitching about them. I will answer any small, insignificant question they have with no issue to the best of my ability or help them find the answer they need.
How else will people gain knowledge from eachother?
What I would say to you OP is that life is too short and horses cost too much not to enjoy them. If you can I would advise looking for another yard, or just telling the lot of them to mind their own business!
*hugs*
Equi
Well-Known Member
Who knows. A recent livery on my yard had to leave after 1 month because she was causing so much bother. Of course, if she told the story it is because she was bullied and everyone avoided her and she always got in trouble. Um no, you did not follow the yard rules, you didn't turn up to feed your horse when it was left in the stable, you interfered with peoples vet call outs telling they vet just exactly what was wrong with their horses and owners (despite knowing them for 4 weeks!) and you threatened another livery.
I didn't have any bad things with her, but she did ride my horse once and near sawed his mouth off. then tried to control him and tell me when i was riding and when she was riding him and i was like um...no? youre not riding him again! any time i said i wanted to go out she said she would come to make sure he was okay and that he behaved for me - just a busy body nosey know it all.
I didn't have any bad things with her, but she did ride my horse once and near sawed his mouth off. then tried to control him and tell me when i was riding and when she was riding him and i was like um...no? youre not riding him again! any time i said i wanted to go out she said she would come to make sure he was okay and that he behaved for me - just a busy body nosey know it all.
special_horse
New User
seems like alot of you have been through it, i am going to hunt around and look elsewhere i think as i want to be enjoying my girl again! shes getting old and times too valuable to waste thank you for all our comments! x
FestiveFuzz
Well-Known Member
I must be one of the lucky ones. On the whole I tend to keep myself to myself as I work fairly long hours but I'm always polite and friendly to the other liveries and them to me. Then again I'm not particularly fussed by what others think as I'm there to do my horse first and foremost.
Surprisingly the competition yard I'm now on seems to have no bitching whereas my previous yard that was predominantly happy hackers and retired plods seemed to have everyone wanting to be in each other's business.
Surprisingly the competition yard I'm now on seems to have no bitching whereas my previous yard that was predominantly happy hackers and retired plods seemed to have everyone wanting to be in each other's business.
Shadowdancing
Well-Known Member
I agree with the headphones idea. I've done it before- not to avoid bitching directed at me but to shut out the griping among others! I have no idea why horses seem to attract such unhappy people...
Mrs G
Well-Known Member
Ah ha; I have a theory about this! I think some people are not very good at dealing with people so they spend their time with animals instead (nothing wrong with this; animals ARE much less complicated!) but the worst of these people prefer animals because they are easier to bully/control.
It's evident in the horsey world because we often keep horses on yards with other people whereas a dog person (for example) would keep their animal at home so all their unpleasantness/ bitchyness is a bit more confined!
Exploding Chestnuts
Well-Known Member
I had one girl who asked to ride my youngster cos her mare was on box rest or something, as I have seen her ride, I was OK with this, but she could not tell which leg he was on at the canter, so I had to tell her to go back to trot and try again, mother was non too happy, and later suggested I would have to ask if I ever wanted her to ride again, err no, she can ride her own pony, but not mine [mother is her "instructor", but I made it clear she would not be "instructing" when daughter rides my pony]]
Charlie007
Well-Known Member
I was on large yard a number of years ago. I kept myself to myself, was very polite etc. I rode first thing in the morning so I could spend time at home etc and was called an anti social rider just because I wasn't prepared to spend my weekends off work milling around all morning waiting for people to arrive to ride out!! Sometimes you can't win!! X
skewbaldmillie
Well-Known Member
I have seemed to get on all the worst livery yards in my county! To the point that one yard owner banned me from hacking my own horse because she was dangerous!! Um no she was 4 and a bit spooky! Now my almost bombproof 7 year old. So I was confined to the yard, and she booked the school constantly when she knew I needed that particular time! I once went to the school booking whiteboard and found something along the lines of *other livery* smells like s**t. These were fully grown women not 9 year olds! I'm so lucky to now be in a gorgeous yard with the friendliest, maddest and most welcoming people I've ever met! They are happy to share the 20 x 40 between 3 if you have had a bad hack etc . And everyone does there part and jokes about each other with no hard feelings ir bitchiness on anyone's part!
BSL
Well-Known Member
Smile regardless and take cake. Everyone likes cake..
Achinghips
Well-Known Member
What I found worked well is for those I got on really well with to move off together and rent our own fields where we could do our own things. Keep my entire herd at home now, so much nicer.
Shantara
Well-Known Member
The yard I work at is generally lovely! When I was just a livery, I wasn't aware of any gossip or things like that, but now I work there, I hear it all! No one there stresses me out too much, but there are a couple who I try to avoid slightly to make working life just that bit easier.
Previous yards have been a hell hole for nasty comments and gossip though!
Previous yards have been a hell hole for nasty comments and gossip though!
LeannePip
Well-Known Member
This is the same for me too - I've been incredibly lucky with Livery yards, never had a problem with bitchy'ness!
The yard i'm currently on used to be a huge DIY yard 30/40 horses and had a reputation as very bitchy and clicky. The number of stables has now decreased and there are now only about 20 part liveries and a couple of assisted DIY and its lovely - hands down the most homely yard i've been on. There's a mix of abilities from young cobs and happy hackers to want-to-be Eventers (me!) BD riders and HOYS show ponies and those that just have a horse to enjoy it! everyone is hugely supportive of everyone and helpful, the horses are all very relaxed and chilled. To me this shows its down to good yard management and peoples attitudes. Theres no bitchyness on our yard because nobody tolerates it and the yard manager certainly doesn't, everyone is just there to do their horses, have a chat and a laugh - if people ask for help or are seen to be struggling help is always on hand but no one goes out of their way to pick anyone up on anything.
There are nice yards out there, if you have any horsey friends find out what their yards are like - most of our liveries have come on recommendation of current liveries.
3OldPonies
Well-Known Member
I used to resort to this tactic at work - and they wondered why I was happy to go when redundancy was offered . . . .
hollyandivy123
Well-Known Member
i just think there is nowt as weird as horsey folk and generally keep my self to my self................to many stories, but one stands out.
The livery who went away and her friend was looking after her horse, friend spent most of the week, taking the horse into the school and trying to teach it to stop at fences by pulling it up at the fence giving a pat and a polo, so she wouldn't be beaten by her at the next show. Honest is i had not seen it i wouldn't have believed it.
The livery who went away and her friend was looking after her horse, friend spent most of the week, taking the horse into the school and trying to teach it to stop at fences by pulling it up at the fence giving a pat and a polo, so she wouldn't be beaten by her at the next show. Honest is i had not seen it i wouldn't have believed it.
Riz
Well-Known Member
Smile regardless and take cake. Everyone likes cake..
My cakes were one of the main reasons my old YO hated me 😆 She was very hard to please....apparently being tidy & friendly weren't what she wanted in her liveries!
SEL
Well-Known Member
Ha! - I got on my horse the other weekend around lunchtime and someone said 'oh you do ACTUALLY ride her then?'. Well yes, every flipping morning before you get out of bed. And then I poo pick, hay her field and turn my retired boy out before heading off to the job that pays me to keep them. Anti social? No - just efficient use of my time!!!
fatpiggy
Well-Known Member
My working day was like that too. I always rode out on my own which was great as I could do what I wanted and go where I wanted. Anyone who thought I was antisocial was welcome to try to keep up with my mare. She would also get very excited in company and set theirs' off so no-one wanted to ride out with us anyway.
mytwofriends
Well-Known Member
The bitchiest yard I've been on was so horrible, and made worse by the fact the main perpetrators were the YO and her sister. Lots of whispering, judgmental remarks and, to ice the cake, theft.
Their farmer father was also a raging bully to us liveries, his brother (who had a business on site) and, worse thing of all, his aging mother - oh, and his cows.
Oh what a joy that place was. Never again.
Their farmer father was also a raging bully to us liveries, his brother (who had a business on site) and, worse thing of all, his aging mother - oh, and his cows.
Oh what a joy that place was. Never again.
9tails
Well-Known Member
Crap, horse people don't want to bully or control their horses. Simple fact is that some people are nice and supportive, other people are bitchy and jealous. If you stick a load of people together, it'll come out. Look at Big Brother, I'm a Celeb, Eden etc.
Mrs G
Well-Known Member
Well thank you for 'crapping' on my theory, developed through knowing people like that!
Magnetic Sparrow
Well-Known Member
I've been on my current yard for over 15 years and it has changed character according to the people there. All you need is one person who wants to form a clique and control everyone else and the yard atmosphere is poisoned. Sometimes the people are good and everything is harmonious.
Fortunately the horses don't seem to notice or care - after all they live there, I'm just a visitor - and mostly I don't either. Part of my success seems to be non-participation on Facebook, though.
Fortunately the horses don't seem to notice or care - after all they live there, I'm just a visitor - and mostly I don't either. Part of my success seems to be non-participation on Facebook, though.
special_horse
New User
ive found a gold mine, a stable and field 4 minutes from my house, 1 other lady 2 ponies, feeling lucky to be getting out of the bitchiness ***success***
ElectricChampagne
Well-Known Member
I've been through quite a few bitchy yards. Found one I loved and got on really well with the owner, only for (as she is known in horsey circles) Queen B1tch to arrive into it. YO wasn't aware of her previous history and being banned from other yards for her behavior and backstabbing. So she installed herself, created a horrible clique. To the point that if I walked into the yard they would stop nattering and stare at me. Very uncomfortable.
Particularly as they had all been very friendly to me before this one arrived. She even told my instructor to F off whom had been teaching at the yard for quite some time and is a good friend of the YO. YO is not aware of it and can't understand why the instructor won't go back.
I had to leave when the rumours started. Walked in with another livery who lives on site and she said she couldn't believe the reaction of the yard towards me when I walked in.
Particularly as they had all been very friendly to me before this one arrived. She even told my instructor to F off whom had been teaching at the yard for quite some time and is a good friend of the YO. YO is not aware of it and can't understand why the instructor won't go back.
I had to leave when the rumours started. Walked in with another livery who lives on site and she said she couldn't believe the reaction of the yard towards me when I walked in.