Bloody whelks. Bloody self pity. Bloody tomatohead.

bloody hell dubsie! your very clever..now sod starzaan for a moment,she wont notice as shes pigs in space on morphine:D
but can you come up with an equally winning formula to snare the local lovely vet for me please? please feel free to use the 3 ponies,5 dogs and 3 cats anywhere in your plan- after all theyve been helping me stalk him for 2 years so an extra few days/weeks/months wont hurt them?:D
by the way its the lovely vet, not the old vet, the horse vet or the bald vet nor is he the stupidly expensive vet :)
 
Millyard I think you need to organise a (small) charity dog show for your yard. Ask the vet if he can judge - blatantly ring him up and say you think he'd be ideal to judge because he was so good with your dog xxx last time he treated him, and that it'd be very good for their practise as publicity, as you'll be sending press releases and photos to the lcoal papers. Tell him to bring leaflets and cards. Don't be fobbed off with one of the other vets, say you really would prefer him to do it as he's such a doggie person (or cat if he isn't!). Then later on, nearer the day invite him to a drink and dinner for all the helpers afterwards as a thank you - but make sure you give him plenty of notice of this in case he is on call so he can re-arrange. Don't take no for an answer, just say you've organised a drink/meal afterwards for the helpers - and make sure your friends who help dip out after the drink but before the meal.
 
LOOP HOLES:

1) mechanic

2) trouty

3) I happen to be off my trolley on the rainbow train of morphine

4) I look like I've been beating down Irish bare knuckle boxers

5) I'm beginning to think FF is utterly, completely, irrevocably, not interested

apart from that, s'perfect.
 
Or quit whinging about it. Go and hold horse. Say to FF 'Look I have to say this, but I've been ill and lying in bed thinking about you. Truth is, I fancy you like mad, and I have to know is there any hope for us? If there is fantastic, if not forget I ever said anything, please just blame it on all the painkillers and drugs I've been on.'
 
I think Dubsie's plans are genius!

Plan A - is brilliant and even if he doesn't actually come up loads of fun could be had in the implementation and it would save your battered self been thrown around by 17.2hh of 3yr old. Just make sure the 'friend' is taken.

Plan B - is probably the one I'd go for get it over and done with etc, how ever I would suggest a pair of black sunnies and as much make-up your poor skin can with stand just to soften the impact/ hide your eyes incase he rejects you (not that he will!!!)

However as Im terminally single and fail quite spectacularly at picking up guys I suggest you totally ignore me! :)
 
I've just been trying to think of something useful to write which includes the phrase 'to dye for' but I can't.
How about Dubsie's plan A but have curtains drawn with dimmed lighting so FF can't see your battle scars. Also pretend to be temporarily hard of hearing (just another symptom) so he has to come very close to you - and the rest is up to you.......
 
I think Plan A with suggested embellishments is just the thing to convert Sedated Starzaan to Seduced Starzaan with minimal effort. I mean if the guy is blatantly not interested he'd turn down the opportunity to pop by with the treats bag and 'say sorry heading off in other direction/extremely late for next appointment/got a lost shoe to fit in, no time' wouldn't he?

At least if Plan A is followed, Starzaan will then know if it has been futile or worth the agonies of dyeing!

(ha! :D )
 
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Oh dear god, I'm ashamed to be of the same species as you lot....

The way I feel this morning, Plan A is looking rather good.... although not sure I could hold a coherent conversation with anyone to set it in motion.

Bugger
 
Oh good grief... you're horrendous!


Now to think of a likely friend who is a) not completely mad and likely to scare him even more, and b) able to cope with my idiot horses
 
Dubsie said:
How about printing it out and then phone the good friend and get her to come and see you. She then has explicit written instructions: farr (eas)ier than trying to vocalise. :D


(ETA sorry for those groaning by now, cannot resist a pun)
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Me neither :D

FF will be able to tell if the whelks have sucked out all her sole
and can tell them to 'shoe' if they get in the way. C'mon Dubsie, we got this one nailed
 
Dear Starzaan - just read all 12 pages of your thread, hope you don't mind - feel like a voyeur or something - anyway hope you feel better soon, I am stuck flat on my back after my stupid ned spooked and charged off with me taking me out on a load of low branches of a chestnut tree. Got a nice ride in helicoptor however was too spaced out on morphine to appreciate it. Have broken vertibrae and stuck in a brace for 6 to 12 weeks. Anyway bored as hell hence browsing this forum for other poor souls to communicate with - your posts and everyone elses did make me smile. Am a bit new to this forum thingy - how to you save a thread so you can find it again next time you log on?
Best Wishes

PS Editor is my horse - I am nothing to to with H&H or anything.
 
editor said:
Dear Starzaan - just read all 12 pages of your thread, hope you don't mind - feel like a voyeur or something - anyway hope you feel better soon, I am stuck flat on my back after my stupid ned spooked and charged off with me taking me out on a load of low branches of a chestnut tree. Got a nice ride in helicoptor however was too spaced out on morphine to appreciate it. Have broken vertibrae and stuck in a brace for 6 to 12 weeks. Anyway bored as hell hence browsing this forum for other poor souls to communicate with - your posts and everyone elses did make me smile. Am a bit new to this forum thingy - how to you save a thread so you can find it again next time you log on?
Best Wishes

PS Editor is my horse - I am nothing to to with H&H or anything.
Click to expand...

Firstly, welcome to the forum - hope you feel better soon (well, in about 3months ;))
When you log in next time, if you go to "user cp" there will be a box for viewing subscribed threads, if you've commented, it automatically subscribes you.

Starzaan is a great one to start with - can't fail to raise a smile!
 
Starzaan said:
WHY DOES NOBODY LOVE ME IN A MADLESBIANY WAY?!?!?!?!

NOBODY wants a sausage....
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*shambles in holding the sympathy card & hands some Angel delight over*
:o
of course we love you in a nonmadlesbiany way:D

as for the sausages, the last ones on offer were whelk based if i recall...:rolleyes:
 
hey Starzaan! Saw you post last night but tinterweb crashed just before I hit send. Wanted to say: There you are!!!! Wondered where you'd got to. All mangled. Big hugs and get well sooooon!

lots of love, tallyho! xxxx

(in a non-madlesbiany way)

p.s. sausages are only good if they come from licolnshire based PIGS! :D
 
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