Bloody whelks. Bloody self pity. Bloody tomatohead.

Ladyinred said:
I believe she is working on that in other areas of her life. Lovely girl, kind hearted and works her socks off.. but, 'special' She spent six months believing that an earwig had crawled into her ear one night and was feasting on her neural pathways...
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Bloody earwigs causing severe mental problems.... pinchy little buggers..
 
Two words...

Paper bag.


A big one to cover any residual swollen nasty bits and your drip & drip stand if it's going with you.

If FF asks what's it all about tell him you're going rustling when he's finished.
 
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starzaan hope you will recover totally from you hair dye horror.
I now worry as to the recent addiction i have developed of dyeing my hair.
I was a natural blond...i dyed my hair brunette:( and all the fun went out of my life! so im now planning a day of chemical mixing upon my scalp and going back to my blond locks. :)
BTW mechanics are renowned for been useless at picking up on subtle hints through flirting, so too are farriers- that is because they spend their days constantly been flirted with by numpty girls in pink joddies :D
angel delight made with baileys??? mmmmmmmmmm.
 
In spite of the fact that you're all mad and rather rude trudies, you're definitely cheering me up...

I'm going to tell people that I'm a professional wrestler... much better story.
 
Mmmm a professional wrestler..... I can see where your coming from, as this would explain your current 'look'. However since you are the one with the bruises you would obviously look like you were rubbish wrestler, not very Starzaany.

Am liking the paper bag idea, I have a KP Equestrian one somewhere (you and EB will co ordinate).
 
So I take it we're thinking my spectacular bruises and damsel in distress trilemma are going to frighten FF even more than my sausage wielding mother....

bugger.
 
Yes I'm afraid so. As far as I know black eyes and bruises may not high on the list of things a FF might find attractive and alluring about yours truly.
You may well be as scarey as the Mother of Starzaan in a sausage factory.

I'm afraid the movie must go ahead, Julie Walters (Mrs Overall/Petula Gardena) will be furious if her dream role is cancelled.

Your recent disaster will be great in the film, we need somebody to play the Hairdresser and the Doctor.
 
Hey.. thinking conspiracy theory here. I suppose it isn't possible that your hairdresser is related to the trouty one? <cue sinister music>
 
Mega Crapola ! Thank goodness LIR highlighted the possibility of a conspiracy to damage Starzaans looks.

Obviously the damage is a bit of a nuisance for you Starzaan, but worse than that, we could have cast a bimbo type for the hairdresser not a bunny boiler !!
 
MrsM... get your bottom back in the laundry room.


I may have just sent a strongly worded email to Wella... detailing my predicament. Let us see what happens!

Every channel I turn to has morags on it.... could this be a sign?!?! Shall I just wear a bag on my head and whack out my morags?!
 
Shan't! *wiggles tongue at Starzaan in a most decidedly unlesbiany way*

Anyhoo, it's toooooooo faaaaaaaaat :( Couldn't get it down the cellar stairs if three hunky men tried to shoe horn me down there :confused::o:rolleyes:


Willy Wella, well there's a thing. Given your choice of diet of druggies for the evening, did you get someone to sanity check it first....? I can't decide if frequent references to whelks and your lost chance of holding your 17.2hh of muscular horse for the fit farrier, is going to work or if your email will end up in the round file..., or, that Wella are led to believe that their dye has indeed sent you completely, finally, and utterly bonkers and round the bend :eek::eek::rolleyes::cool:


:D:D:D:D
 
Starzaan said:
I may have just sent a strongly worded email to Wella... detailing my predicament. Let us see what happens!

QUOTE]

I sincerely hope you resisted all references to whelks, sausages, morags, welly dancing and FFs? I really can't imagine you sending a 'strongly worded email', your sense of humour is far too highly developed.

As to the conspiracy theory I think you might need an official taster in case of further attempts.. I volunteer to taste the AD for you, but only if it's butterscotch.
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Actually my strongly worded notes are spectacular thank you very much. If you're not careful, you'll be getting one soon!!!

Gay Matt sanity checked it for me..... and approved my drug induced ramblings with apropriate amounts of gusto. So BLEURGH to you!
 
Starzaan said:
Actually my strongly worded notes are spectacular thank you very much. If you're not careful, you'll be getting one soon!!!

Gay Matt sanity checked it for me..... and approved my drug induced ramblings with apropriate amounts of gusto. So BLEURGH to you!
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Now you're gonna have to post it here :D. Um. *sensible head jumps in for a moment* that is, when you're back on planet earth long enough to make the necessary adjustments :eek::eek::D
 
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Starzaan said:
Well I have forty days of sedatives and morphine, so good luck with getting any sense out of me for a while darling!
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If this is the sedated Starzaan then god help us when the real one gets back :D:D

Do you have to be on a drip for all that time? And how are you gonna hold a horsey with a drip stand?? Recipe for disaster. Am sure there are plenty of volunteers to hold your horse for the FF while you are incapacitated.
 
Starzaan said:
Well I have forty days of sedatives and morphine, so good luck with getting any sense out of me for a while darling!
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Sense? What's that then? Feed it to the whelks I say :D

And on that note (B flat), I'm orff to bed to sleep the sleep of the bollopsed-and-too-soon-to-be-woken.

Sweet dreams hunny. I hope you get some decent sleep. Hugs.
 
HOPEFULLY the drip will be out within the next day or so... and then I will just be getting injectionies and taking pills for the forty days... and if my heartbeat calms the eff down, then I can come off the sedatives!

Sedated Starzaan feels a bit like my thoughts are as fast as champagne, but getting them to come out of my gob in a coherent way is rather like trying to run in a swimming pool...

Thus I sound rather drunk, and am already halfway through the next sentence before I've finished the last six...


I've been feeling terribly sorry for myself, and getting so fed up with lying in bed being ouchy, and you've all cheered me up, so thank you for that my little squishy ones (even if you are all implying that FF will find my poor little bruised self repulsive!)


ETA: life with cannula in arm - not so comfy. Moving arm avec canula - very very sore. Trying to put on a cardigan whilst blind, off one's face on morphine and sedatives, hooked up to heart monitors, drip hooked up to cannula, clippy thing on hand - imeffingpossible, but very very funny for those watching
 
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I too am heading up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.

I think FF ought to man up and make a move on you... though I almost don't want the saga to end! I shall dream of smiling whelks swimming in a sea of baileys angel delight, their own little whelky morags keeping them afloat.
 
Ladyinred said:
I missed the word 'shoe' in my first reading... :D
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So did I!!


Starzaan here is my plan for you. (I am assuming your home is not at the yard)

1) Enlist help of a friend - ideally one who has never met farrier before - to buy you a bag of treats/magazines, and to hold 17h horsie for farrier

2) Ensure your bedroom is suitably tidy, and dress in your sexiest nightie, and wait.

3)Farrier will at some point HAVE to ask friend where you are

4) Friend will tell farrier you have been hospitalised and are too unwell to hold said horse, and instead you are lying in bed, bored and reliant on visitors to bring treats/magazines. Friend will explain to farrier she is supposed to bring bag of treats/magazines to you this lunchtime BUT her new debit/credit card has to be collected from the bank in nearby town too far away in opposite direction to do both, and as she needs to get car MOT done today/buy new tyres for car/some other urgent purchase that can't be delayed, she asks if there is any chance he will be going that way en route to his next job?

(If your home is at the yard, then she can say Starzaan would love a visitor, there's a bag of goodies in the tack room would he like to take them up to the house for her, as she'd love some company?)

5) Farrier will feel sorry for you and bring treats

Result : you get to see farrier alone, in your bedroom. ;)

Good plan or not??!!
 
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