Bullied and Accused to the point of ending everything. Help

[ebonyallen]

Everyone what can I say, I have been away for far too long ............. This is why I have always loved this forum the people on her are so kind, supportive and helpful. I made the mistake of spending more time on facebook and to be honest it is nothing like the sense of community and friendship that is shown on here on a daily basis. You have supported me through the highs and lows with my leg and you have welcomed me back with support and kindness. I have to say I do feel slightly better already what a great bunch of people you are. Thank you Chrissie xx

 

[Gift Horse]

I remember you you're an inspiration. I'm sorry you are having such a dreadful time. In the short term is it possible to go to the yard when the bully is not there, block her on Facebook and aim to avoid her completely?

 

[Regandal]

FB has its uses, if you've lost your cat. Most of the time, it's the refuge of the mad, the bad and the sad. Toxic place at times.

 

[EmmasMummy]

She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat.......... She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!

So she used a sob story to obtain goods by deception? Has she given the saddles back? If it was me I would be speaking to the police, explaining everything re the saddle theft and how she has said they are following it up and see what they can advise. , and also message (if you know who they are) the people who gave her the saddle and tell them that they need to ask for their items back as she has her "stolen" ones returned.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Didn't want to read and run! Hope you are feeling better soon and if you ever need a moan or a rant you can obviously do so on here.

Bullies are usually very sad and insecure people, I would feel sorry for her. Just ignore the toad and carry on with your day to day life, not rising to her sympathising with her, laughing or being mad at her will make her seethe inside as she will not be getting the attention she craves and needs.

 

[Spottyappy]

I haven't anything useful to add, it's all been said above, but you are definatley a real inspiration to many people.
I hope the farmer will see sense, and get rid of the trouble maker, and you can go back to enjoying your hobby. Hope your new girl recovers too.

 

[Lyle]

No advice really, but didn't want to read and run. I'm so angry on your behalf, it really grinds my gears that people go out of their way to upset other people! I hope you can sort it out OP, from your other posts it's obvious you have the strength and determination to see it through. Chin up xx

 

[spike123]

just sent you a message on FB. I didn't realise things had got so bad for you. She's a complete cow to do that and i recall the scenario over the missing tack etc.

 

[PeeGee]

It makes me so angry to hear this, I would do as others have suggested and contact the police.More than likely they have had dealings with this person before. I don't know what it is but horses seem to attract some of the weirdest people, (present company excepted, of course!) who take great pleasure in the misery of others. I do hope you manage to sort things out and hopefully this woman will go elsewhere to spread her poison.

 

[Remi'sMum]

What a b*tch this woman is!!

OP, I haven't seen your previous posts, but I don't need to in order to know that you're soooooo much better than her.

No advice to add really. As others have said, don't let her see that you're upset. Collect evidence in as cold and matter-of-fact sort of way as you can, and consider legal advice (some solicitors do a free half hour consult? Maybe use that to find out where you stand and what could be done?)

Stand tall, breathe deeply, smile even if you don't feel it inside, and remember you're sooooo much better than this lowlife pond scum excuse-for-a-human 😊

 

[ebonyallen]

just sent you a message on FB. I didn't realise things had got so bad for you. She's a complete cow to do that and i recall the scenario over the missing tack etc.

I thought you would remember its really got out of hand, my problem is not everyone knows what she is like YET x

 

[Rollin]

OP Contact the National Stalkers Helpline and keep screen dumps of the FB pages if you can.

I really feel for you bullies should be dealt with. So sad to read your post.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I think it's a job for the police.
I would however approach the yard owner first he may not manage the yard actively but I think it would be a good idea to let him know before you involve the police .

This. Make an appointment to see a police officer and get everything logged. If you have a decent local officer, he may speak to her off the record, although these days, they have to log everything, so she will receive what's known as a nominal record, just means she'll be flagged up as having been spoken to. If you make a complaint, the police will investigate and pursue. They will be able to give you words of advice.

Maybe just mentioning to her that you've spoken to the police will shut her up. She sounds like a nightmare. Don't let her get you down.

 

[laura_nash]

Just wanted to add most medium to large organisations have a HR package that includes counselling. Its often buried in a handbook and not advertised, but if you or a OH work it would be worth checking. They are usually independent and often very good if you need someone to vent to.

 

[Spot_the_Risk]

Ebonyallen I'm so sorry for the stress you're going through. Others have come up with great advice; I just want to say that you'll always be supported here, and that I for one have loved seeing your photos in the past. Chin up girl and sort this woman out somehow, I expect karma will catch up with her in the end too.

 

[Vodkagirly]

Sounds horrible. Your a strong person and while you are going through a rough time, your so much better than her.
Take care of yourself.

 

[SO1]

Terrible behaviour and why should you have to think about leaving somewhere that you are happy with just because of her.

I think you can say to her you are concerned that her saddles went missing and you were not involved so if you were not involved and neither was the other livery it must have been some stranger and you are worried about your things going missing so are going to speak to the police and the YO about improving security at the yard, including perhaps installing camera's in the locked tack room and other areas on the yard. You can also buy saddle racks which have something that folds over them and is lockable so you can suggest that you can purchase these to make all your tack more secure.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Horze-Sto...table-Accessories-/150988300022?hash=item2327

If the police have not come and she is lying I expect she will not want to be found out and may move on to another yard herself.

I think you might also want to speak to her about her telling people you are hitting her horses. Ask her why she thinks you are doing this and what evidence she has of this. If she has no evidence then maybe say to that you need to arrange to get the police to come to the yard to speak with her and you as it appears that there may be a stranger coming on to the yard who is moving her tack and beating her horses and that needs to be dealt with and as these things never happened before she arrived perhaps this stranger is somehow linked with her.

 

[Dave's Mam]

If she says the cops have been, call her out and ask for an incident number. It will be in the form of ####(date of report).

She sounds a tad unhinged to me.

Head up, be strong. I remember your reports & pics from before. You are a strong & lovely person. Good luck. I'm at your back, as are the rest of us.

 

[Adopter]

I am so sorry to read about the way you are having to cope with this woman on your own, please do try and find someone to talk to for support, you have done so well and your two lovely horses need you to be there for them.

It does sound as if you should report this as a Hate Crime, this is a service run by police and through it you should get support and hopefully someone to talk to this person to make them realise picking on you in this way is a crime.

 

[hackneylass2]

Hatefull bullies such as her need to be stood up to. You need not do this yourself, indeed, any tangling with such a strange character would not be advised. Please do tell the police, they will help, so don't feel you are putting anyone out of their way, do it now before she can make your life more miserable. You will feel better for reporting her. I would not speak to her at all, just leave all that to the police...and get some help for yourself too, others here have given good advice.

Take care, and be strong xxxxxxx

 

[luckyoldme]

i ve had quick read this morning , it sounds as if you are dealing with all this very well op.
Normally with these types of manipulative people the best thing to do is just to ignore, but its hard not to rise when you find out the stories they are telling and realise that some people actually fall for it. Its the worst thing in the world when they turn up in livery yards.
I agree with others, go and have a chat with the police, I bet you would nt be the first to have been the target of her behaviour.

 

[Abby-Lou]

Dig deep do not budge from that yard ! collect evidence she will either get bored or it will blow a storm at least you will ready with the evidence ! she sounds a nut job ! big hugs you will be a stronger person after this one - And we are here for support xxx

 

[madlady]

As others have said OP go to the police.

This woman sounds like slime at worst and a nutter at best and I'm sure the Police will support you. I hope you get a resolution

 

[Merrymoles]

Ebonyallen, it is not often I say something like this as I'm generally a reasonable person but, if I were nearer, I would dearly like to come and give her a slap. However, you are much braver and tougher than you think you are and you will survive this - I remember your posts in the past when you were having to wear 16 layers of brave pants to achieve something you wanted to achieve with Ebony and I know you can cope with this.

So, chin up and kick on. There is some good advice on here about how to deal with it but, most of all, remember you have lots of virtual support.

 

[crabbymare]

echo the others re going to the police with screenshots and explaining what she is doing. if you do want to really make her squirm you could ask her for the crime number and names or numbers of the policemen who came to the yard so that you can arrange to discuss security with the people who actually attended as they will know what the place is like rather than you having to describe it to someone who has not seen it. she will probably say she cannot remember but you can be very nice and just say that you are sure their station will have a record of them just make sure you get screen grabs of all her posts so that you can be the one who really takes it further and stops her manipulating ways. she does sound like a sad person who has turned to behaving like this to get some attention and make herself look good but it does need stopping as she is going way too far with it. stay strong and remember she is the one who needs help with her life and she is probably very jealous of you and the fact that you appear to be the sort of strong and thoughtful person she dreams of being

 

[FubsyMog]

She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat.......... She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!

She'll get her comeuppance - in fact looks like she's already started to! 'Beware your sins will find you out' is often a very true saying (even for the non-religious such as myself). She'll tie herself in knots with untruths and someone will catch her out.

 

[fatpiggy]

FB has its uses, if you've lost your cat. Most of the time, it's the refuge of the mad, the bad and the sad. Toxic place at times.

Couldn't agree more. I have an account simply so that I can access stuff about organisations I belong to, but I have no profile set up for myself at all, and its staying that way.

 

[Sheep]

Dear goodness, what a horrible situation. I can't add much, you've had some good advice, but just wanted to say you are in my thoughts - I often wondered how you were getting on. I hope things improve soon.

 

[MagicMelon]

I think you should speak to the police about the online victimisation.

What does the other person at the yard think?.

This, I would probably either speak to the woman directly if you're brave enough or write her a letter telling her if she doesn't stop making up lies about you then you will report her to the police. I would try to get the backup of the other person on the yard too if you can. Sadly she sounds rather loopy... but she might listen to a police warning. Definately do not let it carry on, you deserve to enjoy your time there and your horses - don't let a silly woman stop that!

I think I would also speak again to the farmer yard owner, yes he probably isnt interested but if you tell him she's making wild accusations involving police he may realise she could potentially cause issues for him down the line, and that you two may well leave over her so surely its better to have 2 liveries than just 1...?

 

[stilltrying]

I'm in your area, have you tried Welwyn Stud? Its all on the flat, as I know most yards are very hilly in this area.