Bullied and Accused to the point of ending everything. Help

[ebonyallen]

Some of you may remember me and Ebony with my disability and how well we were doing, well not so good now. Have been on the farm for 26 years and never had to deal with any thing like this. A new woman has come with her horses and we thought she was really nice and wanted to help me with Ebony and my new girl Dallas to go to shows etc. Well just before Christmas she started to say that she was finding my filing cabined draws open and the tack room door open, we are on very small farm only 3 of us here, because in the past we got to find out that she seems to make up all sorts of stories for no reason apart from attention. Weeks went on and again told this had happened then she says that her saddles and a bridle have gone missing out of a locked tack room and a few days later they turned up in the hay barn and I got accused of stealing her saddles, confronted her and she denied it.

She then plasters all over social media that her stuff has been stolen and everyone knows hardly anyone keeps their horses here, no sign of a brake in and she said the Police were involved and had finger printed everything, this was back in Dec still waiting to be spoken to as nothing to hide. Next thing she is telling everyone I have beaten her horses around the head and made then head shy, another lie. This does not seem a lot to you but its a daily thing that she rings people up and plasters vile hate over facebook and I have reached the point that I want to put my girls out on loan as think I am about to have a breakdown or worse, Have no one at home to talk to and cry myself to sleep most nights as I can not see an end to this.

Yard is owned by farmer old boy not interested just takes the money and does not want to know so have no support here, move I hear you say and I so want to but where we are not that many places and because of my stupid leg it has to be flat along with other things unlike most of you who could just pick up and move. This has impacted on how I feel about myself saying if was normal could just move but its not that easy for me. Have got my name on the only place really that we could go to but because I have two again not that simple. Dallas has my new young girl has been diagnosed with Lymphatic cancer and it is so hard at the moment really think I can not take much more of this sorry I just need to talk to someone as I think I am going mad. Went to bed last night and thought it would be so easy if just did not wake up in the morning and this is one vile person has done to me. Sorry to go on about nothing really just needed to get it out. My day to day life is a hard struggle and my girls keep me going but do not want to be there anymore.

Thank you for taking the time to read

 

[FfionWinnie]

I think you should speak to the police about the online victimisation.

What does the other person at the yard think?

You are a very brave lady so don't let this person stop you enjoying your girls and your life. It can definitely be sorted you just need to find the right people to help you. Coming on here was a good start.

 

[Regandal]

Dear God, that is awful. What is the other livery saying about all this? And whereabouts are you, someone on here may know of a suitable yard?

 

[Red-1]

I am so sorry to hear this, your post with the photos last year made me and my husband cry with happiness for you, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.

I would report this lady to the Police, for harassment. I would screen shot anything on the internet. She has been on a course of conduct, as it is not just one instance.

I would also contact your doctor, ask for a talking therapy, especially if you have no one at home to talk it all through with.

I wish there was more I could help with.

 

[gothdolly]

Oh how dreadful. I think you should speak to the police too. And so sorry about Dallas

 

[ebonyallen]

Thank you both, the other person is an older lady who does not want to get involved I did burst into tears this morning in front of her and said that no one was backing me up or saying anything, she just likes a quiet life and trust me I do and I do not need any extra grief so she is no real help. Other people that know this person say she is the same where ever she goes and causes trouble so is known for it, but not everyone know it and she goes around the shows spouting off her mouth to anyone who will listen. We are down near Hawkinge Kent. I am sorry now I have sat here I feel silly for putting this up

 

[eggs]

So sorry to hear that this woman is giving you such a horrible time. Apart from having a face-to-face talk with her I'm not sure what to recommend. I do hope things improve and fingers crossed that she decides to move yards.

 

[FfionWinnie]

You aren't silly so don't think that.

You could block her on FB for a start.

 

[Goldenstar]

I think it's a job for the police.
I would however approach the yard owner first he may not manage the yard actively but I think it would be a good idea to let him know before you involve the police .

 

[ebonyallen]

I am so sorry to hear this, your post with the photos last year made me and my husband cry with happiness for you, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad.

I would report this lady to the Police, for harassment. I would screen shot anything on the internet. She has been on a course of conduct, as it is not just one instance.

I would also contact your doctor, ask for a talking therapy, especially if you have no one at home to talk it all through with.

I wish there was more I could help with.

I have thought about going to my doctor but I am not really a depressed person but I really do think I need help as this is bringing on all the feeling of how useless I am and whats the point of it all and that really is not me. I do try and put up shut up and not winge about my leg as its not going to grow back but its all just got too much to bear, so think I must speak to him. Thank you x

 

[poiuytrewq]

Oh OP this makes me so angry. How dare she! I just cant get my head round why a fully grown person would behave this way, i mean it would surely be a pleasanter experience doing her horses for her if you all got on?!
Total lunacy. What does the third livery think to this?
I'm so sorry for what your going through and if i was anywhere close to you id be doing anything i could to help- even if that only involved being a shoulder to cry on. hugs xx

 

[Regandal]

Definitely involve the police. Hasn't there just been new laws introduced to combat this type of thing?

 

[Red-1]

I have thought about going to my doctor but I am not really a depressed person but I really do think I need help as this is bringing on all the feeling of how useless I am and whats the point of it all and that really is not me. I do try and put up shut up and not winge about my leg as its not going to grow back but its all just got too much to bear, so think I must speak to him. Thank you x

It is a common misconception that depression means you walk around miserable, it actually manifests in different ways. Feeling unable to cope is one, feeling useless is another. Everyone can have times when things get ontop of them, it does not mean you are weak or generally a winger.

I would go back and have a look at your wonderful photos from the show, I know I have just re-visited them. They are a reminder that good times happen. They are also a reminder of what you have achieved. You are fantastic.

 

[_OC_]

Oh dear....Oh dear.....what a mess!
Please STOP thinking about not waking up.....you can forget that one.....to allow a vile person to make you think like that is totally wrong!
How does the OP on yard get on with her? I would not allow her to drive me out, but as you are on a low this bitch has latched on to this and appears to derive pleasure from making your life hell! I would speak to the farmer and say I know the money is your priority , but she will drive me out because of her deranged behaviour and any future liveries that you get.....because, as sure as hell once she has done with you she will pick her next victim. You have two choices either move or stick it out....because, eventually these types will come unstuck....if it was me I would keep a diary of any doings that you have with her that cause you grieve. Chin up....ignore her and enjoy your horses.

 

[ROMANY 1959]

Three years ago, I left a job I loved due to work place bully...but I got my own back once I was settled in new job, I outed the bully on FB and sent a letter to my old HR department telling them all about it and had copies of emails sent ect.. What she is doing is cyber bullying and harassment, start taking note of what she is saying and doing, keep record if you can, screen shot any FB activities she does, and then go to the police, they will be understanding, if they go and talk to her and warn her about her behaviour, it could be enough to force her hand and she may probably move on.. May be worth having a word with her previous yard owner to see if she moved on because of same thing.. I so feel for you, but please keep your spirits up, people like this thrive on being able to belittle and harassment of others, xxx

 

[gothdolly]

If you are having suicidal thoughts please go to your doctor.....I think you sound like an incredibly positive person but anyone would crumble after what you have been through, and are going through. Wish i could help. Please please inform the police too x

 

[Kaylum]

I know this is going to be really really hard to do but you have to ignore her. Don't speak to her or get involved even if she involves you, move away from her whenever she is around and turn your back on her. Keep yourself our of her way. Ignore the rubbish she puts on social media in fact block her just blank her out of your life as much as possible. She wants you to react to her she obviously has big problem and your reactions are what she wants. Hugs xxxxx

 

[ebonyallen]

Again thank you everyone for your advise. The farmer has already said when she told him her saddles were stolen that it was noting to do with Livery and to take it off the yard, he really is very unwilling ever to do anything. The classic in all of this she does not even pay her rent she has four horses and up till a couple of months ago she owed a years rent. We can all see who pays as he has a board and does not cross you off until you have paid. She fed him a sob story when she came and he lets her get away with it. She cleared the debt but is back to owing three months again and this is what I am up against. The previous yard she was at was just five mins down the road and she was on her own there but that farmer chased her all the time for money and that's why she left I live in hope she will go as been with us about one year and half now but where else would you not have to pay in advance or in fact pay at all..................................

 

[ebonyallen]

I know this is going to be really really hard to do but you have to ignore her. Don't speak to her or get involved even if she involves you, move away from her whenever she is around and turn your back on her. Keep yourself our of her way. Ignore the rubbish she puts on social media in fact block her just blank her out of your life as much as possible. She wants you to react to her she obviously has big problem and your reactions are what she wants. Hugs xxxxx

We do not speak and I do keep out of the way and have blocked her on facebook . Most of the time I am fine and just get on with it but its been three months now and what with Dallas I feel my world is falling in around me I do stay strong for my girls and never let my feeling be known when I am with them, but what has always been the one thing in my life that keeps me fighting and not wanting to give up is them, but its so hard as every time I drive in I am thinking is she there and if not when will she turn up. How one person can do this to another is truly beyond me................ I never let her see that I am bothered and upset so of course when get home it all comes out.

 

[gothdolly]

Oh shes one of those kind of people.....I have met some like that on yards before, owes loads of rent, stirs up trouble.....(big hugs) for you. You are better than that, don't let her ruin your pleasure x

 

[julie111]

I am so sorry to read this, what a horrible person she is!!! Screen shot everything and go straight to the police and report her for harassment! Tell the farmer what has been happening and that the police are now involved. Big hugs I hope things get better very soon! x

 

[smellsofhorse]

I'm sorry you feel so bad.
It's easy to say buy try not to take it to heart.

I think tou need to speak to the police.
Firstly about the suposodid theft from
the yard. Does this lady actually have a crime number?
The yard owner, dispute wanted to stay out of it really need to getbinvolved as if it were true, he's had a theft on his yard. He either needs to take precautions ore prove this women's is lying and kick her out!

Secondly this lady is bullying you and it can be stopped.
Take the the police about it.

Plus go to your doctor. As your help. Someone to take too ect.
Are there local groups you could join to meet up and chat?

Chin up.
I hope you feel better soon.

 

[stencilface]

Op I feel so sad for you, what a monster I know what it is to dread going somewhere thinking you'll run into somewhere.

Really you need to see the doctors and the police then continue enjoying your horses. It's so hard to not let it bother you, but doing that I'm sure she will get bored of it.

I hope things improve soon xx

 

[Orca]

OP, try not to take it personally. You have obviously done nothing wrong and this is obviously just how this woman is - and although it must feel like she always has the upper hand, she doesn't. People like that *always* come unstuck in the end and as time goes on, more and more people will see her for what she is, until she has no-one left at all.

Do speak with the police. Your community team should be able to help and they really can be a great support in situations like this. Sometimes just their involvement can make people like this woman back off and if they believe that her harassment of you might be in any way linked to your disability, they will come down even harder on her.

What you are experiencing is not silly, daft or anything of the sort. It is harassment, libel, slander and actually very serious.

 

[dozzie]

I can't advise as not a solicitor or police but I agree with the person who said collect evidence via screen shots and speak to the police. They will tell you what evidence to collect. Also maybe check this out with a solicitor who may be able to send a warning letter. You are probably not the first and wont be the last and it is due to her own inadequacies not yours. A way to deal with bullies is to laugh at them to their face. A smug smirk can put them on edge...practise it in the mirror. In his own way the farmer was sticking up for you by saying it was nothing to do with the livery etc. A complete alternative is to make her your new best friend. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer as the saying goes....
Whatever, don't consider ending it, think of what you have with your horses. Take care.

 

[ebonyallen]

I'm sorry you feel so bad.
It's easy to say buy try not to take it to heart.

I think tou need to speak to the police.
Firstly about the suposodid theft from
the yard. Does this lady actually have a crime number?
The yard owner, dispute wanted to stay out of it really need to getbinvolved as if it were true, he's had a theft on his yard. He either needs to take precautions ore prove this women's is lying and kick her out!

Secondly this lady is bullying you and it can be stopped.
Take the the police about it.

Plus go to your doctor. As your help. Someone to take too ect.
Are there local groups you could join to meet up and chat?

Chin up.
I hope you feel better soon.

She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat.......... She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!

 

[dozzie]

She said they have been up and finger printed everything and yet the farmer knows nothing. I do think that she creates the drama because she likes the attention. The farmer found her saddles two days later in barn and yet she plastered all over facebook they were stolen and some very kind people felt sorry for her and gave her a couple of saddles, but she never went back on and said they had turned up two days later. Some people were starting to smell a rat.......... She then text me to ask me for a phone number of my friend because the police needed to speak to her, so I told her I was not prepared to hand out phone numbers but the police could contact me if they wanted any more info. Did I ever hear NO, she thinks I am stupid, I might have lost most of my leg but not my brain !!!!!!

Yay! That made me smile! You see, you can fight back. The problem is when you don't think like people like this it is hard not to get caught out by their tricks.

 

[Pedantic]

Get yourself the book "When I say No I feel Guilty" by Manuel J.Smith, excellent book for learning how people bully and manipulate and how to deal with it, you won't need to read the whole book, I bought it for friend who needed a bit of help as a present, don't let some low life take away your self esteem, the online stuff sounds illegal to me, so as others say maybe a chat with police would be a good idea, chin up, plenty of space on here to get it off your chest x.

 

[ycbm]

The person doing this to you is either desperately unhappy or mentally ill or both. She actually needs help. She's desperate for attention and probably very jealous of any 'doesn't she do well without a leg' comments she hears about you. And she must have an ego the size of a dried pickled walnut to need to make her victim someone with your problems.

Keep your chin up.

Fight back.

Get evidence and go to the Police.

We've all got your back here!

 

[honetpot]

I have seen at close hand what a bully can do to anyone so do not feel that there is something wrong with you.
As others have said keep a diary and record any evidence. People like this are t**ds that float in on the tide and foul the place they land on. Usually their lies will catch up with them and they will go somewhere else.
I would get all your evidence together and go and get some advice from a solicitor, it may cost you a couple of hundred quid but a letter from one pointing out she is guilty of harassment may be quicker than the police.
And talk to people how you feel, get a good friend or family to go with you down the yard, if you were my daughter/or friend I would be so angry that someone has made you feel this way.
As I have said I have seen a bully at work and they really do pick on what ever weakness they can find, so she obviously knows she upsets you so you are going to have to learn to act like you do not give a sh**. Pity your so far away but I am sure someone on here would come and give you morel support.
I would go and see the doctor, if not to have unload but so someone else has a record of how this is effecting you. I would use social media to find out as much as you can about her, knowing where she has been and what she has done may help.