Bullying instructors

[The Fuzzy Furry]

When it comes to phones being used a fair bit during time I've paid for, I get very unamused.

One coach who is no longer local, is v good or a bully depending on who you speak to. During my last lesson with them before they moved early last year, I realised they really were not paying attention, so (as per my default) I stopped to wait till they noticed.
At the end of the 45 min session, which by time was actually 35 mins as they had come out late. Less also the over 10 mins on their phone, I handed over 50% of the fee. The coach didnt check it, not till I was driving out of their yard and ran after me.
When I pointed out how disappointed I was at how their professionalism had slipped so badly but wished them all the best in new area, I got a very wry grin back.
Not acceptable.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Interesting subject.
Like Rowreach said above, I like a coach who pushes me. However, I'm a bit more prudent about my personal safety these days, especially going xc.

A couple of years ago or so in a group of 3 sj lesson at a camp, the instructor got quite pushy and aggressive to one rider, so much so that she was getting tearful. Instructor then started pulling me apart quite 'enthusiastically'. I let it go over my head as I wasn't likely to ever see her again after another 60 mins. It was when I got told that I should give up jumping as my position was so poor and then that my mount was completely unsuitable for jumping*, that I came to a halt and asked in a very loud voice if she would care to repeat that so everyone else could hear.
Bugger me, she did!
Staying on the outside track, I relayed in my best loud voice exactly how I thought she could perhaps improve her coaching, her approach to new clients, that perhaps she needed to address her interpersonal skills, and then turned to apologise to person running said camp and left the arena, closely followed by the other 2.

Anyway, these days I do group sessions at RC for social and fun, picking up tips along the way, then solo lessons as I want to improve. If I have a problem then I do try to unpick as to why.
I think having been an instructor in the past allows me to let things wash over me, but equally let's me have the confidence to question, especially when fellow riders are being irrationally berated

*Native pony, couldn't have been that bad as regularly did DC's and also qualified 4 times in 1 season for Eventers challenge.

Well done you.
See if it was a meal you would refuse to pay

Went back to the lorry at a camp and sobbed after one particularly awful lesson where I should have stood my ground when I said no to something. I got bullied/harassed into doing it by the instructor, made a massive pigs ear of it, what little confidence I had vanished and I felt like a useless fool for the rest of camp.

The club still regularly uses said instructor, I’ve never booked a lesson with them since.

That's awful

 

[Gingerwitch]

I had the most horrendous lesson from Mrs (the Radio 1 DJ's mum) Bates at Tong about 19 years ago, I don't think I have ever recovered from it to be honest, she ripped me to shreds & I was literally in tears. Not sure if should name her tbh but I have never felt so low in all my life (well, losing my cob and Dad obviously but)
It was my first and last lesson with her & I didn't have another lesson with anyone for at least 3 years. To this day I don't know why I didn't get off and leave.
She was really horrible and personal to me - at the time I was about a size 14/16 and she basically called me a fat useless rider - the horse could do everything & it was me sitting like a fat sack of spuds that was the problem.
I hadn’t had a lesson for about 5-6 years but just lost my pony of 20 years, was heartbroken and was looking to brush up to buy a horse & she destroyed me. Told me I was nowhere good enough to be looking for a horse.
I gave up looking for 18months before I plucked up the courage to ride again.
It was awful. I still am really wary of using instructors new to me now - I will always go and watch them teach first.
Current instructor does like to push her physio to most of her clients but I think that's because she finds him very good. Because I have a green horse sometimes a friend also shares the lesson and I often feel she prefers teaching her not me (I am paying) but I am super sensitive (apparently) so who knows.

Who is saying your super sensitive?

 

[Gingerwitch]

When it comes to phones being used a fair bit during time I've paid for, I get very unamused.

One coach who is no longer local, is v good or a bully depending on who you speak to. During my last lesson with them before they moved early last year, I realised they really were not paying attention, so (as per my default) I stopped to wait till they noticed.
At the end of the 45 min session, which by time was actually 35 mins as they had come out late. Less also the over 10 mins on their phone, I handed over 50% of the fee. The coach didnt check it, not till I was driving out of their yard and ran after me.
When I pointed out how disappointed I was at how their professionalism had slipped so badly but wished them all the best in new area, I got a very wry grin back.
Not acceptable.

I want lessons off you life and horse !

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

I want lessons off you life and horse !

I've been round the block a few times or more ?
When I rejoined RC and went to a couple of group training sessions, I popped on my la la head. Meant I just filtered out, but did the exercises and it taught my mount a huge amount of socialisation in working with others. Still came away pleased with what we had done.

I KNOW I don't ride like I did 30 something yrs ago, but I'm open to help and guidance to improve what I do have tho and try to be polite about it most of the time

 

[Winters100]

I did once leave a lesson where the pro was pushing me to do things that I did not feel safe doing. I was riding a horse who was too good for me, I was afraid of him and he knew it, and I was going through a period where I had totally lost confidence riding. I would not really count it as bullying, just an approach that would not work for me, so I just politely said that I was not enjoying it and wanted to stop. We parted on good terms, he probably thought me a terrible coward, but I didn't really care. I don't think that he is a terrible instructor, just that the approach of 'you just have to do it' works in some circumstances but not in this one.

Recently however I saw a bad example of bullying, and although it was none of my business I stepped in and told the client that they should end the lesson. It was my friend's mother having a lesson on her daughter's horse. The lady rides at very novice level and is nervous, and she was being berated by the instructor to get the horse going forward more, told how useless she is etc. I know this instructor, and we get on fine (amazingly we still do), but she can be very moody and she lets it affect her work, which in my opinion is not OK to this extent. When the instructor bought out a lunge whip I told them both that it was a dangerous thing to do and that they should stop. Client agreed and got off, instructor went off in a huff, I rode the horse for 10 minutes just to get him going a bit and then gave the lady my schoolmistress and took her for a canter in the forest. When my friend heard about it she was very grateful and told me that the instructor had previously got the lunge whip out when she she was on the horse, it had bucked and she had fallen. Her Mother is in her 60s so falling is not to be taken lightly. I have no idea what this instructor was thinking, she is experienced and well thought of, and later apologised saying that she was having a bad day. Well we all have bad days from time to time, but putting someone else at risk of injury because of it....seriously?

 

[welshpony216]

When I was probly about 11, I had a lesson with this trainer who insisted I canter a 3 foot course on my old 13.2 hh pony. He had the worst canter ever, and was a refuser, a bolter, and liked to rear and buck, so I was barely confident trotting a 2'3 vertical on him, never mind canter one! but she made us do it, or said she'd take the money and leave, and boy, that lesson was quite pricy. I said no, and said I could try if she put them down to cross-poles. She finally did, and after we finished galloping, bucking, and trotting our way around the course (we probly had some refusals as well) she said some unspeakable things about my poor rescue pony, and told me (in a very rude way) how my leg was to far forward, I was looking down, my legs kept swinging, and how I shouldn't of lost my balance there, or over there, she did complement me on having a pretty good seat though (um.. didn't you say I had bad balance!) . It was a nightmare, but luckily the hour was up and we got out of there. Never came back.

I must say though, that lesson really did teach me that I could actually ride!!! I remember being a real sacredly cat, but I realized that I would have to streach my comfort zone if I wanted to improve, and that year we sure did improve, on the last day of the year I jumped my first ever 3' oxer. So, to go agenst the grain here, (and of course rudeness and bullying is absolutely terrible, and 0% of me tolerates or is a bully. it is absalouty wrong to treat people like this) but sometimes, if we reflect on it it can give us the push we need to reach our dreams. (or get you or your pony hurt???)

 

[Gingerwitch]

I did once leave a lesson where the pro was pushing me to do things that I did not feel safe doing. I was riding a horse who was too good for me, I was afraid of him and he knew it, and I was going through a period where I had totally lost confidence riding. I would not really count it as bullying, just an approach that would not work for me, so I just politely said that I was not enjoying it and wanted to stop. We parted on good terms, he probably thought me a terrible coward, but I didn't really care. I don't think that he is a terrible instructor, just that the approach of 'you just have to do it' works in some circumstances but not in this one.

Recently however I saw a bad example of bullying, and although it was none of my business I stepped in and told the client that they should end the lesson. It was my friend's mother having a lesson on her daughter's horse. The lady rides at very novice level and is nervous, and she was being berated by the instructor to get the horse going forward more, told how useless she is etc. I know this instructor, and we get on fine (amazingly we still do), but she can be very moody and she lets it affect her work, which in my opinion is not OK to this extent. When the instructor bought out a lunge whip I told them both that it was a dangerous thing to do and that they should stop. Client agreed and got off, instructor went off in a huff, I rode the horse for 10 minutes just to get him going a bit and then gave the lady my schoolmistress and took her for a canter in the forest. When my friend heard about it she was very grateful and told me that the instructor had previously got the lunge whip out when she she was on the horse, it had bucked and she had fallen. Her Mother is in her 60s so falling is not to be taken lightly. I have no idea what this instructor was thinking, she is experienced and well thought of, and later apologised saying that she was having a bad day. Well we all have bad days from time to time, but putting someone else at risk of injury because of it....seriously?

Well done you, I had an instructor keep telling me to snack my horse else she would.i did not snd would not go near her although she started clicking, whooping and slapping her hands. I felt sick at the time xx

 

[Gingerwitch]

I must say though, that lesson really did teach me that I could actually ride!!! I remember being a real sacredly cat, but I realized that I would have to streach my comfort zone if I wanted to improve, and that year we sure did improve, on the last day of the year I jumped my first ever 3' oxer. So, to go agenst the grain here, (and of course rudeness and bullying is absolutely terrible, and 0% of me tolerates or is a bully. it is absalouty wrong to treat people like this) but sometimes, if we reflect on it it can give us the push we need to reach our dreams. (or get you or your pony hurt???)

We all need a push, but what works with one person does not work with another. If you insult me and shout I dont want to do it and ride worse because I go tense. My mate would be inspired by this and want to prove instructor wrong.
Dont forget instructors can screw you and your horse up and just walk away and blame you. It's only after a while they realise the phone is not ringing or they are not being recommended.
Worse places are the clicky yards where to be one if the gang you have to have your weekly humiliation lesson by Mrs dressage teacher.

 

[Winters100]

We all need a push, but what works with one person does not work with another. If you insult me and shout I dont want to do it and ride worse because I go tense. My mate would be inspired by this and want to prove instructor wrong.
.

Totally agree. The best instructors are the ones who get to know their client and who can see what you want from training. The pro I ride with now is very different with me than he is with riders in their 20s who want to see big results. With me he understands that i just want to have fun and improve my technique a bit. When I started riding again after a bad accident and had 0 confidence he did not push me at all, just let me go at my own pace and was positive and encouraging. 2 years on from that he sees that I no longer have confidence issues and pushes me more, but not beyond what I am ok with. He has never once insulted me or shouted at me, and I cannot ever imagine paying anyone to do that. Honestly I think that we all need to remember that we are the clients, and if we keep paying someone to be insolent and rude then we are giving them the message that this is acceptable.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Totally agree. The best instructors are the ones who get to know their client and who can see what you want from training. The pro I ride with now is very different with me than he is with riders in their 20s who want to see big results. With me he understands that i just want to have fun and improve my technique a bit. When I started riding again after a bad accident and had 0 confidence he did not push me at all, just let me go at my own pace and was positive and encouraging. 2 years on from that he sees that I no longer have confidence issues and pushes me more, but not beyond what I am ok with. He has never once insulted me or shouted at me, and I cannot ever imagine paying anyone to do that. Honestly I think that we all need to remember that we are the clients, and if we keep paying someone to be insolent and rude then we are giving them the message that this is acceptable.

I think it has almost become the norm with some levels.
What we all need to remember is that for most of us this is our hobby. It is our downtime, it's our hobby .
If a boss spoke to me like some instructors have tried to I would have have been out of the company within weeks. I have too much stress and agro in my day job to want more in a hobby. I also think some instructors are envious l may be all the gear and no idea, but I work flipping hard, have no kids to be able to have the choices and free spend I have. Face it when I die i have no one to leave it to, so why should I not have quality horses on full livery and shock horror have lessons.

 

[laura_nash]

I've had two "old school" instructors who could be pretty tough to people.

The first was my college instructor, nicknamed "the dragon". She did have people in tears and tell them to get off the horse and leave, but she was tough on people that didn't make an effort. She never came down on people for lack of confidence or genuine physical issues. Woe betide the student who turned up for a lesson with the mane caught up in the bridle or the numnah not pulled up into the saddle gullet though! She lightened up a lot in the second year and did once admit to me that the course was always over-subscribed so she planned to lose about 40% in the first year. She was an amazing instructor and I learnt more in those two years of weekly / twice weekly lessons with her than the other (30 odd) years of riding. Occasionally you'd get poor turnout and get a private or semi-private lesson and they were always amazing. I wouldn't describe her as a bully, just strict, but I appreciate some of the students who dropped out might have disagreed.

The second was when I went for lessons after moving, she came down on me much harder than the others in the lesson but did later take me aside and say that she was pushing me more as I had more potential. I didn't stay long there due to bullying / unpleasantness from some teenage liveries which I don't think the instructor was aware of. Years later I had lessons with her when she started to come out weekly to the livery yard I was at and again found her tough but good.

I've had two cases of what I felt might be bullying.

The first was at a place where I was working pupil. The instructor was usually very good but did once slip over to what I would consider bullying when I was jumping and clearly having a crisis - horse was just running out over and over. She basically lost her temper and didn't help matters at all, screaming at me and saying I was ruining the horse etc, it set me back a good bit on my jumping for months afterwards. That was the only occasion she did something like that, usually she was actually pretty laid back.

The second was when I was at livery and having lessons from the YO/YM. I was already having second thoughts as I wasn't really progressing and didn't really agree with her approach to many things, but she was obviously very convenient (and cheap) compared to other options. I was in the school messing about with something and she came in and started having a go about how I was going to ruin my horse and undo everything we were working on etc which really upset me as being able to do stuff like that and not always follow a lesson plan was kind of the point of buying my own horse. Plus I didn't feel we were working on much in the lessons anyway, and she certainly never asked what my goals where from the lessons. I stopped having lessons with her after that and had an instructor come in who was amazing, so I guess I owe her really.

 

[Gingerwitch]

I've had two "old school" instructors who could be pretty tough to people.

The first was my college instructor, nicknamed "the dragon". She did have people in tears and tell them to get off the horse and leave, but she was tough on people that didn't make an effort. She never came down on people for lack of confidence or genuine physical issues. Woe betide the student who turned up for a lesson with the mane caught up in the bridle or the numnah not pulled up into the saddle gullet though! She lightened up a lot in the second year and did once admit to me that the course was always over-subscribed so she planned to lose about 40% in the first year. She was an amazing instructor and I learnt more in those two years of weekly / twice weekly lessons with her than the other (30 odd) years of riding. Occasionally you'd get poor turnout and get a private or semi-private lesson and they were always amazing. I wouldn't describe her as a bully, just strict, but I appreciate some of the students who dropped out might have disagreed.

The second was when I went for lessons after moving, she came down on me much harder than the others in the lesson but did later take me aside and say that she was pushing me more as I had more potential. I didn't stay long there due to bullying / unpleasantness from some teenage liveries which I don't think the instructor was aware of. Years later I had lessons with her when she started to come out weekly to the livery yard I was at and again found her tough but good.

I've had two cases of what I felt might be bullying.

The first was at a place where I was working pupil. The instructor was usually very good but did once slip over to what I would consider bullying when I was jumping and clearly having a crisis - horse was just running out over and over. She basically lost her temper and didn't help matters at all, screaming at me and saying I was ruining the horse etc, it set me back a good bit on my jumping for months afterwards. That was the only occasion she did something like that, usually she was actually pretty laid back.

The second was when I was at livery and having lessons from the YO/YM. I was already having second thoughts as I wasn't really progressing and didn't really agree with her approach to many things, but she was obviously very convenient (and cheap) compared to other options. I was in the school messing about with something and she came in and started having a go about how I was going to ruin my horse and undo everything we were working on etc which really upset me as being able to do stuff like that and not always follow a lesson plan was kind of the point of buying my own horse. Plus I didn't feel we were working on much in the lessons anyway, and she certainly never asked what my goals where from the lessons. I stopped having lessons with her after that and had an instructor come in who was amazing, so I guess I owe her really.

I was at a yard for many many years and you could only have thr yard owner to teach. She almost destroyed me, I was having multiple lessons a week but going backwards. I brought the little Tb and hac a lesson. I jumped a 3 foot course with a huge grin and stopped for feedback. I was told i would ruin the horse within weeks as I was such an appalling rider. She then announced he was bridle lame and to get out of the school. The others on the lesson just stood there. Vet checks done and I spent thousands pony passed as sound. Vet thought I was mental!
I think it was because I dared to enjoy myself and was not dependent on her for lessons i will never forgive her, she took away years of enjoyment and nearly made me give up horses all together.

 

[onemoretime]

We have a local instructor who pulled my horse to bits (ive heard since she does it to most horses) saying she had issues with her back and issues with her legs. I was shocked as I couldn't see anything wrong and the mare despite a dreadful rider on her at the time of the "one" lesson that we had with her was working to the best of her ability in the circumstances. (Now have lovely pro rider). Instructor went on to e mail said rider without copying me in to say that the mare had issues with her back and legs. I called Rob Jackson (Horseback Vet) in who said there was nothing wrong with her legs at all and she was just very mildly tight behind the saddle but was nothing to worry about and he couldn't understand why stupid instructor was saying this.

 

[Pedantic]

You should be left with a positive feeling after your lesson, if not then something wrong.

As a "paying customer" ,I am too old to take any crap from anyone.

 

[Gingerwitch]

You should be left with a positive feeling after your lesson, if not then something wrong.

As a "paying customer" ,I am too old to take any crap from anyone.

Noa ? Xx

 

[planete]

I stopped having lessons with a 'friend'. Hers was a subtle kind of bullying, she was negative in an underhand way, leaving you wondering why you came out of her lesson feeling profoundly discouraged. It was like a negative atmosphere around her, as if she badly wanted to make you feel useless without ever actually voicing it. She just sucked the joy out of riding. I have never felt like this with anybody else, I would frankly have preferred an outright bully I could have had a proper show down with.

 

[Rowreach]

I'm really rather saddened by this thread.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

I'm really rather saddened by this thread.

Let me cheer you up ??
Last year I had THE most wonderful coach. Very newly qualified and very young, she was doing 1 to 1 sessions (just a fortnight before lockdown). I was in 1st of the morning and she was a very thoughtful intuitive young lady. I DID get a lot out of it, all my foibles were noticed and little tips given to remedy, my B Fuzzy improved a bit too, big plus.
I gave as much feedback to organiser after, was v pleased with how it had gone and I would have been interested to see her sit on something another time to see if her riding was as good as her flat instruction.

 

[Rowreach]

Let me cheer you up ??
Last year I had THE most wonderful coach. Very newly qualified and very young, she was doing 1 to 1 sessions (just a fortnight before lockdown). I was in 1st of the morning and she was a very thoughtful intuitive young lady. I DID get a lot out of it, all my foibles were noticed and little tips given to remedy, my B Fuzzy improved a bit too, big plus.
I gave as much feedback to organiser after, was v pleased with how it had gone and I would have been interested to see her sit on something another time to see if her riding was as good as her flat instruction.

Let's hope she's around for many years to come!

 

[Suechoccy]

Any trainer (in any walk of life, not just riding) who needs to resort to bullying and belittling of their customers does so for two reasons:
1 The trainer has an ego and control problem, and constantly needs to reinforce their own opinion of themself that they are the best, so basically what they really have is an insecurity issue. They need to control others in order to tell themselves they are ok.
2 Belittling and bullying serve to reduce the customer's self-belief and self-confidence. This makes the customer feel utterly useless. The idea being that as the customer is so useless, they will desperately want to improve so they will hang on every word the trainer says, will book every course that trainer offers, buy every piece of equipment that trainer recommends and sells, etc. They become dependent upon the trainer through being bullied and intimidated and belittled by the trainer.
Put a trainer of the above personality type with a customer who is susceptible to such methods, and you have a very dependent relationship between the two upon each other, not a healthy relationship but very possibly a long-lasting one (and financially good for the trainer too).

Personally I've always walked away from any trainer who's tried those tactics on me.

 

[rara007]

There’s plenty of them about still. I most definitely need a push but I need to be built up to take it. I’m a grown up trying my best, investing a fair chunk in this hobby, I don’t do it to be told my horse is going like a donkey.

 

[Gingerwitch]

I stopped having lessons with a 'friend'. Hers was a subtle kind of bullying, she was negative in an underhand way, leaving you wondering why you came out of her lesson feeling profoundly discouraged. It was like a negative atmosphere around her, as if she badly wanted to make you feel useless without ever actually voicing it. She just sucked the joy out of riding. I have never felt like this with anybody else, I would frankly have preferred an outright bully I could have had a proper show down with.

Vampire behaviour xx

 

[Cowpony]

I have the occasional lesson with Andrew Murphy, who is fantastic. He says that anybody who doesn't see the connection between entertainment and education is missing the point. His lessons are always funny and I come out of them feeling a much better rider ? You don't learn when you are stressed or angry!

 

[Goldenstar]

I think the standard of training at the top end has never ever been better .
I think there’s a lack of good basic position training and of the trainer who know how to do that .
I did once have a bizarre dressage lesson with a German trainer I went to every month I took a four year old recently back to work having been backed and ridden away at three it was her first trip away from home .
The first problem was the school surface had been relaid and it had gone a bit wrong it was very deep and the horse was weak .
The poor little mare was struggling and could not manage a transition to canter I was trying while my brain was engaging with the fact that is was a big mistake .
The trainer lept up and had what I can only describe as a hissy fit she yelled she shouted she was practically jumping up and down on the spit she was extremely rude .
I was so taken aback then a calmness came over me and I just said this helping no one got off and left .
If you don’t like want happens in a lesson don’t go .
A trainer may be a twit but it’s their right to be a twit ,going to a trainer is a choice Some trainers are excellent at making people feel good but are often ineffective but many people love these trainers that’s fine .
Some are very tough to work with and tell you like it is these are often the most effective many people can’t cope with this .
But the downright rude and bonkers don’t go just leave it’s not bulling it’s poor business management your not tied in any way .
In the past I did see bullying in situations where young people where training and did not have the power not to be trained by a person that can be a nasty situation.
You have to stand up for your self in life treat people how you what to be treated and don’t stay in situations you don’t like .

 

[sarahmac77]

I think all of these posts are really interesting. In the professional world it’s become really inappropriate to be a bully, to intimidate or abuse people, and is being called out in almost all industries.
Yet it’s still rife in the horsey world. I wonder why that is?
I actually think it would be a really good subject for Horse & Hound to cover in an article, as I think there are lots of instructors who are so stuck in their ways that they haven’t considered that perhaps teaching with kindness might also be effective. It doesn’t mean you have to be dishonest and not tell people what their riding is like, or be stern at times when the horse is being affected, but it doesn’t mean you have to be at the least mean, and at worst cruel.

 

[honetpot]

I once had a group lesson with a FBHS, where they bullied a young girl to tears. It was basically if you can not do it, you're stupid, ignoring the fact she was extremely frightened. They had a go at me, and I was put on the naughty step, which I thought was funny and just had more of an opportunity to observe their poor behaviour. I never went back.
A lot of the older instructors were taught by the army, basically just do it or get shouted out, and some of that filtered down to the next generation. Some very talented riders, have no understanding or empathy for people who can not physically or mentally do as they say and get frustrated. Some of the best lessons I have seen and had, have often been taught by people with no formal riding qualifications, because they are had insight and are used to communicating with all sorts of people, without resorting to shouting or bullying.
What I never understand is, why people go back. Frightened upset people do not retain information, in fact when you are stressed you tend to freeze up, it's bad enough when people get bullied at work, but to pay for privilege? I can not imagine any other service industry where the customer would allow themselves to be treated like this.
Sports in general seem to have a culture of trainers exploiting their vulnerable clients, my worry is always if they are allowed to carry on this behaviour in a semi public space, like a group lesson what are they doing in private.

 

[Rowreach]

The first problem is that so many people are still calling them "instructors" and "trainers" when every other sport I can think of has "coaches".

It may seem like semantics but it actually makes a huge difference in changing the mindsets of the coach and the athlete (and yes you are athletes). Sports coach education really is changing, although the BHS still isn't there yet.

I do think though that riders need to really think about why they are having coaching and what they are spending their money for. It is very frustrating as a coach when for example someone comes week after week in a saddle that fits neither the horse nor themselves but refuses to get it sorted, while wondering why the coach can't sort their position out and why the horse won't go forward. Or anything else that is actually making the job of coaching pretty impossible to do.

Yes the coach's role is to get the best out of every client and their horse, but a lot of these comments on this thread suggest a real lack of willingness to be coached. It's a two way street!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

The first problem is that so many people are still calling them "instructors" and "trainers" when every other sport I can think of has "coaches".

It may seem like semantics but it actually makes a huge difference in changing the mindsets of the coach and the athlete (and yes you are athletes). Sports coach education really is changing, although the BHS still isn't there yet.

I do think though that riders need to really think about why they are having coaching and what they are spending their money for. It is very frustrating as a coach when for example someone comes week after week in a saddle that fits neither the horse nor themselves but refuses to get it sorted, while wondering why the coach can't sort their position out and why the horse won't go forward. Or anything else that is actually making the job of coaching pretty impossible to do.

Yes the coach's role is to get the best out of every client and their horse, but a lot of these comments on this thread suggest a real lack of willingness to be coached. It's a two way street!

It is a 2 way street but as an education professional, I am appalled reading some of these stories. No-one should ever end up in tears in a lesson about anything, least of all, when you are paying for the privilege. Even at the very highest level learning should be fun, otherwise what's the point?
And for anybody who simply wants to improve their skill at a hobby, surely enjoying the process is the whole point of the lesson. Would you pay for knitting lessons, if all the teacher did was tell you that you were useless and pulled all your stitches off the knitting needle, leaving you wondering what to do next?

 

[southerncomfort]

I've never experienced any of this although I will say that I've never looked forward to a lesson. Its always rather felt like something to endure rather than enjoy.

The best lesson I've ever witnessed was a PC cross country rally my daughter was attending. One young girl was riding a VERY hyped up pony. The girl froze and stopped riding and the pony just got more and more out of control. The girl was in tears and saying she wanted to get off.

The instructor assured her their was no reason to get off and gave her very simple exercises to do to calm herself and the pony while riding on a circle. Within 5 minutes the pony was calm and listening and the girl was beaming and they went on to have an absolute blast over the cross country jumps.

I was full of admiration for the instructor and the way she spoke calmly to the girl and reassured her. She wasn't above giving the kids a kick up the backside if they weren't listening but she was exceptional at knowing when a kind word was the better option.