Bullying on livery yards....

I have never owned a horse, but at one of my childhood RS I got bullied by the 'instructor', if you could call her that. It was a very unprofessionally run place and we didn't stay for long.

She used to tell everyone to listen up, point at me and say 'Watch her riding, that is what you do NOT want to do'. I was a 12 year old girl, she was a 50-something year old woman. The bullying was relentless and I used to go home crying.

There were lots of welfare concerns at the place too. I remember that one of the ponies I used to ride drowned in a canal because there was no fencing to protect the horses from it :( A horse also choked and died by being fed a carrot whilst wearing a bridle.

I'm relieved to hear that the place has now shut down for good, but I'll never forget how badly treated I was as a young girl.
 
Mule said:
I find it's easier to think of what you should have done in hindsight. Especially in emotional situations, sometimes what you say, isn't what you would ideally have chosen.
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I agree, but when you have a live animal you worry so much. I remember that awful article where yard owner had a horse shot and dumped at owners house. No matter what the real story was I still have nightmares about this, so unless I am moving miles away for work and keeping yard informed of when I may be going with 3 or 4 I feel it courtesy to give as much advanced warning to the yard I am leaving. I just load up the animal's, give my months notice and remove my belongings during this period. I dont care if they hurt my stuff or it goes missing, but not my horses.
I also was at a yard where the owner threatened to put horses on the main A5, right next to the M6. Cruel sadistic bloke.
 
I'm lucky to be able to say It's not something I've come across on the smallish yard I'm on. I am aware of a situation locally where one person has accused people on another yard of bullying. Having heard the story from both sides, I'm pretty sure it was a 50-50 situation over something very silly that escalated and one has decided to portray herself as the victim. I don't deny that it happens at all but I do find that people are far more ready to shout bullying these days when it's not really the full picture. It does annoy me when people do this as it undermines genuine cases as well as falsely accusing the other person which is a form of bullying in itself.
 
Muddywellies said:
You're totally right. I work full time in a busy job. The bully I mentioned in my post, whilst being fitter than I am, con's an awful lot of money out of the government as she's cleverly playing the system. Doesn't work, has a far more lavish lifestyle than me and has far too much time on her hands. The mind boggles......
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Then report her!
 
Christ I’ve been on some horrible yards over the years. The best yard I was ever on was again probably the busiest, had a right mixture of people from pros to happy hackers. the YO was excellent, she was the right amount of terrifying and so unbelievably helpful. I only left that yard due to a change in my circumstances and I cried like a baby on the day I loaded my boy up to move. I’ve never been on a yard as well run as that since.
At my current yard there is an incredible amount of bitching, including from the YO. Rules are dreamt up constantly, the most bizarre thing is she can be lovely to your face but by the time you get home there will be awful messages from them. I am fairly thick skinned and on the most part leave them to it. I believe the amount of bitching going on is in direct correlation with the amount of riding! If these people sat on their horses for half the time they spent being spiteful they would be much more cheerful. Never again will I move to a yard where the majority of the people don’t ride very often!
 
I was bullied by the instructor at my first riding school. She would purposefully not let me canter and then if I asked she would say to everyone else in the lesson 'did you hear the way she just spoke to me!?' When I had literally been as polite as I could to her. I was about 12 and she must have been about 30. She would never let me choose who I wanted to ride, would let everyone else choose first so I was left with a horse who she knew made me nervous and shattered my confidence.

Then at my first livery yard myself and my pony were regularly slagged off. I could stand round the corner of the stables and hear them talking about me. One time I got lost out riding and ended up getting back past dark and they were particularly cruel about it. I was too young and lacking in confidence to stand up for myself.

If it happened now then I would wipe the floor with them. Nasty hags.
 
RHM said:
Christ I’ve been on some horrible yards over the years. The best yard I was ever on was again probably the busiest, had a right mixture of people from pros to happy hackers. the YO was excellent, she was the right amount of terrifying and so unbelievably helpful. I only left that yard due to a change in my circumstances and I cried like a baby on the day I loaded my boy up to move. I’ve never been on a yard as well run as that since.
At my current yard there is an incredible amount of bitching, including from the YO. Rules are dreamt up constantly, the most bizarre thing is she can be lovely to your face but by the time you get home there will be awful messages from them. I am fairly thick skinned and on the most part leave them to it. I believe the amount of bitching going on is in direct correlation with the amount of riding! If these people sat on their horses for half the time they spent being spiteful they would be much more cheerful. Never again will I move to a yard where the majority of the people don’t ride very often!
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I have noticed this as well! The ones who don't ride or do anything with their horses are the ones who stand around bitching about others. If they put more effort into their horses rather than being hateful, they may feel better about their lives. Around working full time and getting my horses worked I don't have time to stand about bitching about others, and luckily everyone at the yard I'm on now seems to be the same, compared the bitchy yards I've been on in the past where nobody seemed to have anything better to do.
 
proseccoandponies said:
I have noticed this as well! The ones who don't ride or do anything with their horses are the ones who stand around bitching about others. If they put more effort into their horses rather than being hateful, they may feel better about their lives. Around working full time and getting my horses worked I don't have time to stand about bitching about others, and luckily everyone at the yard I'm on now seems to be the same, compared the bitchy yards I've been on in the past where nobody seemed to have anything better to do.
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I have been on this yard twice for a total of 4 years. I know all the staff, I know the yard owners and a handful of folk well. I say hello to everyone but i dont want drama, I very much keep myself to myself. I love being on the yard at 6am and 6pm, girls start at 7.30 in winter and I ride knowing someone will be up soon if i get in to trouble. No one else riding but me.....its bliss at. 6pm in winter most have been and gone and again its bliss, yard owner checks for cars and lights before they lock up so again feel safe.
One yard I was at, would sit and watch your lessons and not in a nice way. They posted one video on Facebook of a girl and she was torn to shreds. Yard owners would not get involved and tbh they were so laid back i dont think they understood how much stress being be little and watched can make you.
 
Shysmum said:
I'm so lucky to have my own yard now, here in rural France. I appreciate it all the more for having suffered bullying at livery yards in the UK. I wonder, I'm vulnerable with my mental health, but how many of us does it affect, and affect our enjoyment of horses ?
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well done in getting your own place. hope you have lots of happy times with your horse.
 
I’ve learned over the years that unless it is the yard owner other people are no better than you so if they are disrespecting you enough o try to bully you then they are fair game. I give just as good as I get, I don’t tolerate bullcrap and I have a general prickliness that makes people think twice and that’s before I open my mouth.

When it’s the yard owners I just make sure I’m adhering to the rules I agreed to when I came on to the yard. If there is a change I require it in writing, it don’t tolerate bullying YOs who change the rules to suit their situation ie they have taken a dislike to you. I just remind them I’m paying for a basic service and unless it’s to do with my stable, field, hay or straw supply then I’m not interested in opinions.

Has worked well for me as it means a simple relationship. I give you money, you give me what I’m paying for. I’ve made the mistake of trying to be friends with YO/YMs and it has always led to people falling out. Keep it business.
 
Cheeky Chestnut said:
I’ve learned over the years that unless it is the yard owner other people are no better than you so if they are disrespecting you enough o try to bully you then they are fair game. I give just as good as I get, I don’t tolerate bullcrap and I have a general prickliness that makes people think twice and that’s before I open my mouth.

When it’s the yard owners I just make sure I’m adhering to the rules I agreed to when I came on to the yard. If there is a change I require it in writing, it don’t tolerate bullying YOs who change the rules to suit their situation ie they have taken a dislike to you. I just remind them I’m paying for a basic service and unless it’s to do with my stable, field, hay or straw supply then I’m not interested in opinions.

Has worked well for me as it means a simple relationship. I give you money, you give me what I’m paying for. I’ve made the mistake of trying to be friends with YO/YMs and it has always led to people falling out. Keep it business.
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Oh teach me your ways! Should hear the way some YO’s have spoken to me. I’m am one to stand up for myself but I’m too worried the lunatics will chuck my horses straight off. I think treating it as a business is absolutely the right attitude. The current yard treats me like an inconvenience rather than a client.
 
Since I was 17 I've only been on very small livery yards, so I've not had any of these issues. The yard I was at as younger teenager had some very strong characters on it who did have a tendency to "bully" others but I generally just got on with things on my own and they seemed to leave me be. I did have very, very strong words with one woman who was bullying my younger sister though. She'd have been about 11 at the time and this woman was in her 40s, yet she still thought it was acceptable to be extremely rude to my sister and try and boss her round about stupid things like where she could and couldn't tie her horse. In fairness, she did apologise when called out on it, but maybe it's because she was embarrassed about getting told off by a 15 year old!
 
Like another poster I’m also autistic and as such do try to keep to myself as much as possible. Only been on 2 yards to date but last one was awful. Horse ridden without my knowledge, cliques controlled by Y/O, a group chat where you were publicly shamed to all on yard (and some of y/o’s friends!) should you do anything to displease them. Much, much worse things occurred that aren’t particularly appropriate for posting on a forum but the general gist is there.
Current yard is much better, there are a couple of unsavoury liveries but after being more vocal this time I’ve been mostly left to do my own thing now!
 
It remains my observation that those who scream 'bully' at others are often the real culprits.

Look at the nasty things being said on this thread for example - but I guess that's the poor victims standing up for themselves, not being hateful. :p

Live and let live.
 
StowfordPress said:
Like another poster I’m also autistic and as such do try to keep to myself as much as possible. Only been on 2 yards to date but last one was awful. Horse ridden without my knowledge, cliques controlled by Y/O, a group chat where you were publicly shamed to all on yard (and some of y/o’s friends!) should you do anything to displease them. Much, much worse things occurred that aren’t particularly appropriate for posting on a forum but the general gist is there.
Current yard is much better, there are a couple of unsavoury liveries but after being more vocal this time I’ve been mostly left to do my own thing now!
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Horses bring ridden, taught lessons, brought in as you fat, turned out because they thought you were late (horse on box rest) is sadly a quite common theme.
 
RHM said:
Oh teach me your ways! Should hear the way some YO’s have spoken to me. I’m am one to stand up for myself but I’m too worried the lunatics will chuck my horses straight off. I think treating it as a business is absolutely the right attitude. The current yard treats me like an inconvenience rather than a client.
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It's funny isn't it, the relationship that yard owners seem to have with their liveries. I also have felt previously on yards that I have been treated like an inconvenience. It is just a bizarre way to look at your clients! You end up not able to express things you're unhappy with as you feel like you're being a pain, when actually you are the customer.
 
Shilasdair said:
It remains my observation that those who scream 'bully' at others are often the real culprits.

Look at the nasty things being said on this thread for example - but I guess that's the poor victims standing up for themselves, not being hateful. :p

Live and let live.
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You’re a pro, aren’t you, at an equestrian college/uni? So what’s your approach to bullying in your workplace?
 
Shilasdair said:
It remains my observation that those who scream 'bully' at others are often the real culprits.

Look at the nasty things being said on this thread for example - but I guess that's the poor victims standing up for themselves, not being hateful. :p

Live and let live.
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That's fine unless you really are a victim. If you take that approach, no victim can ever speak out.
.
 
Shilasdair said:
It remains my observation that those who scream 'bully' at others are often the real culprits.

Look at the nasty things being said on this thread for example - but I guess that's the poor victims standing up for themselves, not being hateful. :p

Live and let live.
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So it’s not okay for bullying victims speak out about the abuse they have experienced. I didn’t now you could teleport to every yard in the country to find what these people have experienced to make such a accusation about people on this forum.
 
Shilasdair said:
It remains my observation that those who scream 'bully' at others are often the real culprits.

Look at the nasty things being said on this thread for example - but I guess that's the poor victims standing up for themselves, not being hateful. :p

Live and let live.
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With that logic, anybody who is subject to bullying should just shut up and put up with it ? I agree with live and let live, but when somebody is going out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable just simply looking after your horses day in day out, surely you are able to speak out?

Sorry if I missed the point, but I thought this thread was about peoples experiences of bullying on livery yards, and all the replies seem relevant to this.
 
RHM said:
Oh teach me your ways! Should hear the way some YO’s have spoken to me. I’m am one to stand up for myself but I’m too worried the lunatics will chuck my horses straight off. I think treating it as a business is absolutely the right attitude. The current yard treats me like an inconvenience rather than a client.
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I just keep it at the forefront of my mind that I’m paying for this. They aren’t doing it out of the goodness of their heart, I’m not getting my livery and services for free.

This is the problem some livery yard owners think they are god. There are many, many who are lovely people, my current YO is a nice guy who is prone to outbursts when stressed but generally he will do anything for you. I would recommend his yard to anyone as it caters for loads of different types of equestrian. However at the end of the day you are giving them money and common decency and civility is not an expensive concept to Adhere to.
 
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