Children or horses?

Each to their own, one man's meat is another man's poison and all that.

I didn't want children. Met D. Now have two children, and four horses, four dogs, two cats :D

Cannot imagine life without the younger Ds. Wouldn't want to. The bond, the joy of seeing them with the horses, the connection. Words fail to describe it.

If anyone were to call either of my daughters brats, they would have me to deal with.
 
for me it's not so much about having kids as not wanting to be a mother.

My mother has sacrificed so much of her life, time, hopes, ambitions so that myself and my 2 brothers could have, do more. I just am too selfish I guess to sacrifice all that for another person. sad but honest

I love my little niece and nephew and really enjoy being with them, but am always glad to hand them back, maybe kids would be me appealing if you could get them at about 12 when they are walking talking mini humans, it's the sicking, smelling, dependant baby that I couldn't cope with, but then I think I am just more of an adult liking person eg I want a dog but I don't want a puppy so am looking to re-home and older dog, I like my critters with a bit of mileage ;) :)
 
It doesn't have to be children OR horses.
If you are especially lucky you can have both. And your child shares your love and passion for horses. It strengthens your bond with your child and your horse, like nothing else can. You live and breathe horses with your child, and you find a horse that you trust with your child's life as they go out of the XC start box together.
It is just like that.
So for me, it is children AND horses.
I am very lucky, and not a day goes by without me knowing it. :D
 
BOTH!!

Last year I did 9 BE events (a bit shabby, but we (me, horse, 2 toddlers, Husband, & my mum) survived!

I rode until i was 36ish weeks with both (hunted until 4months with 1), only did a little bit of riding between 1 & 2, (only 16months between them) but had the odd day's hunting & did enough to keep me sane, then when No2 son was almost 1 i decided that i really had to get out competing properly again & focus my attention on it properly,

it is a juggle & the level of housework does fall to only just acceptable levels occasionally! but i wouldn't change anything (maybe more time!!) but with the right support you CAN do it, i drag allsorts of people to lessons & events to supervise children & regularly abondon my lorry outside nursery when i'm running really late!! luckily, my non horsey OH is V supportive & encourages me most of them time (providing he has a clean shirt & nice meal, along with a non horse smelling wife!!) ;)

My mum does alot for me (feeds my children thier breakfast so i can ride before i drop them at nursery/ go to work)

general outline of day
6.30 up
7.30 leave house to drive to yard (10mins away) (aim for 7.15 but rarely manage it)
8.00 in the saddle
8.45 off horse, quick change back to nursery)
9.00 drop boys at nursery (normally late)
9.30 arrive work
2.30 leave work
3.00 collect boys, drive to yard, feed/catch/etc
now it's nice & dry & sunny sometimes ride 1 more &/or lunge another
5.30 Home
5.30-7.30 - witching hour... supper/bath/bed for boys
7.30 - more work or Ironing
8.00 Husband home... cook supper then finish working/ironing/looking at HHO!!!
10.00 bed zzzz

so it can be done! & children add something to your life that until you have them, you just can't explain! mine are into ponies & have 1 each, so i'll be starting pony club with the eldest (almost 4) this summer!
 
I dont have any family in this country, and i couldnt do children+horses with only me and OH ( his parents too far away to help, my dad is dead and my mum in australia ) and im just not ready to give up on horses, they are like my kids anyway :) im 31, so getting a bit old, and probably be a rubbish mother anyway.

so no kids for me im afraid.
 
I have no problems with people having children, indeed some of my best friends have children and I enjoy looking after them.

However, I have never had any desire to have children, with my horses always coming first. Keep waiting for the so-called biological clock to kick in, but given I will turn 38 this year, I don't think it's going to happen. The worst bit is family and friends thinking that there must be something wrong with us (i.e. physical) because they don't understand why we have no offspring having been married for 9 years.

Must admit I often feel like some kind of leper because I haven't followed the children route and get fairly depressed about the whole thing. Another failure in life...
 
Bounced said:
Wow, luckily for most of you your parents thought differently! :D (ducks for cover)
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Acctually, mine didn't. She absolutely did NOT want children, hated being pregnant, had a horrific labour and suffered afterwards too.

Yes she loves me, but she cannot hand on heart say she wanted children, or tried to get pregnant.

I don't have any maternal instincts, and am more likely to feel revulsion rather than love or adoration towards a baby or child. I do however adore horses, and foals - and I have a home bred 3 year old, and my broodie will be going to stud next month.
 
I have no interest in children, never have had really. I don;t like the idea of all that responsibility, all of the time. I love partying and drinking, and naps and of course horses! So basically I am far too selfish for children. I also don't want any more wrinkles! OH feels the same currently. Too much responsibility, too much commitment. Maybe if someone could incubate it for me until it was 7 or something, then that would be not so bad!
 
I'm also 36 and have never wanted children, in fact as I've got older I dislike them more and more. I have been with my OH since I was 18 and said to him then that I never wanted children and to be honest he is quite happy (so he says!) with that. We have a good life, able to go away when we want, been able to buy some land and give the animals all they need. Obviously we do need some people to have children else we are in a bit of trouble, but these days children are as much of a lifestyle choice as buying a brand new car. If people want them fine, but people who choose not too have them shouldn't be made to feel bad about it. Give me my horses and dogs any day.
 
I have a daughter of 14 and she has her own pony and I also have a son who is 5yrs old.

I can remember buying my eventing horse (wanted to young event horse) when my daughter was 18 months old and and she got 'dragged' to the yard most days :D
She was really good in the fact that if I told her to ''Stay there''!! she would!! :D
My son is a hadful though and it's hard to mix him with horses as he is so full on, however my oh works at weekends so I both my son and daughter escort me to competitions.

My mum calls me a whirlwind because I never seem to stop. I wanted children and I wanted horses and I've got both. It's hard work, full on and I never stop but the children are worth every bit of hard work and I certainly wasn't going to stop my riding due to having children.
 
This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me. I'm 26 and I am feeling a strong need to have children. I have always said I probably wouldn't have kids but now I feel like I really want one soon!!
I have a comfortable life, amazing hubby, supportive family and horses at home but have never fulfilled my dreams and competed to the level I wanted to and I now have an amazing 6yr old so feel that I should wait.
I don't know if I am destined to want what I can't have, if I have kids will I regret the loss of my freedom?
 
I'm nearly 35 and have never wanted children, other peoples I love but it isn't me. I have told OH this and his mother. One of me in this world is enough let alone another one!!! :) Saying that I do admire those that are mothers.
 
There is no doubt in my mind its horses. I don't like children at all, even the ones that are quiet and well behaved. I do not have any maternal instincts at all so reckon I'd not make a good mother anyway, am way too selfish and not afraid to admit it! I have all the patience in the world with animals but have none with children.
 
When I was younger I never wanted children. Then I met my ex-boyfriend when I was 23 and fell pregnant at 26 by accident. I lost the baby in the second trimester, my body went to pieces and I was a physical and emotional wreck. My body has never fully recovered and I don't know if I will ever have a child without 'help'. I am now 28 and considering all that has happened to me, I would put myself through the stress of trying if it meant I would have a child.

All that said, I have 3 horses who I love dearly, one of which is a top eventing prospect and will start eventing this season. I have ambition and drive to succeed in eventing and any child that I may bear will have to come along for the journey too. I plan on riding for as long as I can and plan on getting back in the saddle as soon as I can, but need to meet a dedicated and understanding OH first!!
 
Joss said:
Another vote for both here. I never had a big maternal instinct or moment when the biological clock kicked in but had a vague notion that I didnt want to get old & not ultimately have a family.
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Same for me. All of you who say you don't like children would probably feel differently if you did have your own, there are some exceptions, like my own mother and those that Kerilli mentioned (sound like vile women), but for most the love you have for your own flesh and blood is like nothing else. Like Millreef, I would lay down my life for mine.

I still ride, but not as much as I would like as I have a self-employed OH, no in-laws (both dead) and I have nothing to do with my own mother so that only leaves my Dad, who has never been particularly helpful, which means I am severly lacking in babysitters, unlike some of you lucky people! My children have a pony, like riding and are happy to tag along with me when feeding and checking.

Don't know if it makes any difference but I have never had any interest in foals, don't even find them that cute. I like puppies, but wouldn't want one, couldn't face the chewing and toilet training!
 
It's horses for courses innit? :p

We have 3 bewteen us (1 mine and 2 of OH's) - all 3 lived with us for most of their childhood.

I actually gave up horses for a while (before getting pregnant - was just sick of the sight of the 4-legged things at the time) so it was much easier. I take my hat off to those who combine kids and horses (Joss, RacingDemon, Ignition :D). I know I wouldn't have managed both, I had no 'built-in' babysitters that some people are very fortunate to have, as neither set of grandparents (although they dearly loved the baby) were willing to help out that much - and why the hell should they?! ;)

All 3 kids are now grown up and living with their respective partners - so we're back to being free (and I'm still reasonably young ;))

Do I love the kids? Yes, without a doubt.
Do I regret having them? Nope.
Would I have another? Nope.
Would I do it all over again if I knew then what I know now? Nope.
 
Well im 38 now and have two sons aged 7 and 13.

I was never ever maternal, but i always thought it would be something that i would deeply regret if i never had any, it is completely different when its your own flesh and blood. I suppose think of the thing you have the biggest bond too, wether its your dog/horse etc. Treble that a million times and you start to come close to the love you have for your own child.

I suppose i am quite selfish, i have 4 horses ride and compete, and love it more than ever!!

It has taken milllions of years for us to get here (individually lol). Why break the chain!

I think what non maternal woman don't get is that the love and passion you have for your pets is your inbourne desire to have a child..... ;) But you just havent realized!
 
No children for me :( I would like to have them but so far have chosen horses which I love and I definitely think they take care of my maternal instincts. I have been with my OH for 9 years and he really wants kids so maybe 1 day soon he will get his way, he may have to learn to ride for me tho so my horse doesnt get too fat :rolleyes:
 
Chloe_GHE said:
I love my little niece and nephew and really enjoy being with them, but am always glad to hand them back, maybe kids would be me appealing if you could get them at about 12 when they are walking talking mini humans, it's the sicking, smelling, dependant baby that I couldn't cope with, but then I think I am just more of an adult liking person eg I want a dog but I don't want a puppy so am looking to re-home and older dog, I like my critters with a bit of mileage ;) :)
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I would like one from the age of 4 up :D I love little tots, but babies inspire no feelings of longing in me! I teach a little 4 year old who is just gorgeous, all freckles and blonde pigtails, she's a fearless little rider too and as bright as a button, if I could have her then I might change my mind :D
 
Such an interesting thread!! It's something I've been meaning to post about for a while!! Well done LEC!

Amazing how many horsey girls aren't keen on having children. I always thought I was alone as I'm really the only horsey one in my friend circle!! I'm totally with you as well, have never been maternal, but hubby is so keen to have a family and I'm not massively averse to the idea, but just a bit too selfish I fear and certainly not "keen"!!! Again my horse is just coming really good and I have dreamed of getting to a decent level eventing since I was about 5 years old (and never dreamed about having children) and my horse isn't a youngster either, but also I don't want to look back when I'm too old to have children and regret I didn't!!

I think it must be that having a horse isn't just a hobby but a way of life and also such a time consuming all-engulfing one that we are mostly either strapped for cash or strapped for time or both! So the idea of having children and horses is often seriosly challenging and if your love for horses is greater... Also I'm terrified that if I had children then who would do the mucking out when I was so preggers I was the size of a house and unable to bend, lug water buckets etc????

And how long, if at all, is it sensible to ride for into a pregnancy... sheesh. Why does life have to be full of so many tricky decisions!!!!!
 
I'm im my mid/late twenties and I'd like children in the next 5 years. I'm not baby-mad (far from it!) or even that fond of other people's kids but I'm in a stable and happy marriage and my OH loves kids so I figure it'll happen eventually...
Than again, I'm no great shakes as a rider and I have an nice (but green) RC-type horse and so I don't think it will impact on my riding as much as people competing at a higher level.
 
RD I think you're exceptionally lucky to a)be able to afford to work part time, have kids in nursery and run a lorry/compete etc and b)have the support structure in place with people to come to lessons/comps with you to watch the children.

If I had that as an option, I'd probably be far less adverse to the idea of having kids! Sadly, there is no way I could go part time and afford kids/nursery/horse/lorry/competing and I just don't have people around me to come with me places. MIL has offered to come - but that's nt exactly practical given she is 2.5hrs away, and my mother is nearly 2 plus we'd probably kill each other!!

For me it's the practicalities which get in the way more than anything else - I don't see why I should give up my hobby when OH will not have to give up his, and I certainly never want any child of mine to feel the way I did growing up, which was that children are a complete pain, get in the way and stop you doing what you want.
 
Very interesting thread!

There definitely seems to be more horsey women I know that aren't interested in having children - whereas many other girls I know want nothing better than to have a baby, preferably sooner rather than later.

I'd hazard a guess that it is because horses are such a time consuming and expensive hobby, a real way of life - there is always something to focus on with a horse - whereas many of the girls I know of who want babies asap don't have any major hobbies other than shopping and clubbing. They don't have anything to distract them from their maternal instincts.

At 23, its not something I've had to worry about yet - first thing on my priorities is saving up to buy my own horse again though. I've never been overly into babies or children, but I think I'll want them in a few years. I see my twenties as my time, to focus on my career, on playing ponies and enjoying freedom to do whatever I want as much as possible. I don't intend to give up my life if and when I have children, but I hope I'll be ready to share it.

I would always intend to have both children and a horse - even if compromises had to be made, I think it can be done.

We'll see what I'm saying in 10 years time I guess!
 
haven't posted on here for donkeys years but this post has really motivated me!

it doesn't have to be a choice! and it certainly doesn't require pots or money and supportive grandparents and husbands.....just planning and dedication which most horsey people already have!

I work full time, keep my horse at my own yard (which isn't at home), have a 4 year old son and manage to event at PN/ novice level. I have no grandparents or in-laws nearby but my husband is semi supportive and my sister helps when she can. I ride very early before work which can be difficult but it's certainly worth it.

I love eventing, I 'd probably get better results if I could be out showjumping or dressaging every weekend but I have to pick my days of competing so they fit in with the family so I normally reserve them for eventing. I also struggle to find the time to keep him fit enough for Novice level but to me it's better to be able to keep at the level I do and have my son than be more successful at a higher level and not have him.
 
I'm 36 and have no OH, so its lucky I dont have any maternal instincts either as I guess I am running out of time:D

Kind of pleasantly surprised by the number of other people on here who think exactly like me !

Still have my old guy who has a couple of years in him before he becomes a field ornament and have loads of plans and ambitions for my riding and new horse (got to find one first!) and really would prefer to be doing that than looking after a baby. Riding is what I enjoy and I cant imagine life without it or horses. I have no broodiness or desire to produce a kid. Im another one that finds the thought of being pregnant a bit gross and I don't like babies at all. I cant bear the screaming and crying for starters, let alone the kiddy toys and telly full of ridiculous bouncing coloured things making discordant sounds. Could cope with kids over the age of 10 - have two good friends with teenage daughters and the teenage daughters are great! But little ones just annoy me.

Most of my UK friends are married with little kids and honestly they have become quite boring. They only really talk about their families, they are all terrible at keeping in touch and when you call them you cant even have a proper conversation because the kid immediately starts attention-seeking because mummy has dared to pay attention to the phone instead of them for 5 minutes. Most of these kids were the result of broody dads pressuring for kids, and who then dont do their fair share - its always the mums whose lives are utterly changed, who have no social life etc. I honestly just don't want to be like them or have their lives.
 
I'm 36 and have no OH, so its lucky I dont have any maternal instincts either as I guess I am running out of time:D

Kind of pleasantly surprised by the number of other people on here who think exactly like me !

Still have my old guy who has a couple of years in him before he becomes a field ornament and have loads of plans and ambitions for my riding and new horse (got to find one first!) and really would prefer to be doing that than looking after a baby. Riding is what I enjoy and I cant imagine life without it or horses. I have no broodiness or desire to produce a kid. Im another one that finds the thought of being pregnant a bit gross and I don't like babies at all. I cant bear the screaming and crying for starters, let alone the kiddy toys and telly full of ridiculous bouncing coloured things making discordant sounds. Could cope with kids over the age of 10 - have two good friends with teenage daughters and the teenage daughters are great! But little ones just annoy me.

Most of my UK friends are married with little kids and honestly they have become quite boring. They only really talk about their families, they are all terrible at keeping in touch and when you call them you cant even have a proper conversation because the kid immediately starts attention-seeking because mummy has dared to pay attention to the phone instead of them for 5 minutes. Most of these kids were the result of broody dads pressuring for kids, and who then dont do their fair share - its always the mums whose lives are utterly changed, who have no social life etc. I honestly just don't want to be like them or have their lives.
 
A very interesting thread.

I'm another that has both :) I don't have any family nearby and rely completely on friends and paid childcare (how expensive!!)

I wasn't particularly maternal but my husband was desperate for children and I kind of thought 'why not?'. It was on the understanding that I would not have to give up my horse.
I rode with my first until I was 30 weeks pregnant back in the saddle 10 days after the birth.
My second little boy I sadly lost at 20 weeks :( but I then fell pregnant almost straight away (certainly NOT planned). Due to how stressed my midwife and consultant thought I was going to be they positively encouraged me to ride (and run) throughout my pregnancy. I rode with my 2nd until 36 weeks and then the snowy, icy weather came. I went into labour poo picking my field. My recorded labour was 1 hour 45 minutes for which I had no pain relief because the contractions didn't actually hurt that much :-O
I was back in the saddle 4 days later :)
I'm just starting to get back out competing properly again now. My non-horsey OH is very supportive and luckily doesn't seem too bother by the organised chaos which is our life.

In addition to the horses I also
- Work part time. I've recently had a promotion and I now have my dream career
- Run. I've run 5 full marathons with a best time of 3 hrs 36 mins which is a Good for Age qualifier for London and Boston
- Oh and we are building our dream home

So life is pretty full :D

The thing is the only thing that I've had to give up to achieve all this is lie-ins (but then with horses when do you ever get to lie in anyway?), the ironing (crying shame) and watching TV (but then sky+ is fabulous for the essentials)

I wouldn't swap my life with anyones (although a little bit more money would be fantastic)
 
I never wanted children, I am a twin and it was always my sister who wanted to procreate and I was always going to be *the adoring auntie*. Everyone was hugely shocked when I got pregnant, me included, however I was on an enforced horse break anyway as I was living in London. I had to get rid of my 3 horses when I met my OH as I moved to this country, and he knew that horses were the most important thing to me and his first words to me were *don't worry, you can have horses too*. So I had number one and then 12 months later number 2 was delivered - fate stepped in and made me pregnant immediately after number 1 as otherwise it wouldn't have happened!

I, however, am incredibly lucky. My husband is old fashioned and never wanted someone else bringing the children up, so I don't work. The boys are 10 and 11 this year and so life is far easier now, except for the hols, when I do palm them off a lot!
 
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