Confrontantial livery

[merlo89]

As the title really.

A situation happened this evening which has left me upset. I will not go into details of the incident other than I was mainly to blame but could not have predicted or prepared.

The other livery then stormed into the block following the incident and proceeded to shout and belittle me in front of the YO and all the other liveries. I was so taken a back that I didn’t respond to other livery.

Am I silly in thinking YO should have at least stepped in to calm situation down? But also other livery should not have acted that way? (I am fairly new to livery yards as I have always been private beforehand)

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I expect every-one was as surprised as you were and weren't sure what to do in the heat of the moment. If you know that you were mostly to blame, I think that you need to be the first one to make a move towards apologising in a calm, sensible manner and hope that every-one is able to move on from the incident.

 

[milliepops]

it's so difficult as a livery, sometimes it feels like a YO or YM should act a certain way or deal with yard politics but when all is said and done, many are just normal people who have set up a yard and they have no more skill or training or knowledge on how to deal with people than the average person. and lots of us average people find tricky or sensitive conversations hard to do anyway.
That's not to put YOs down, but I think esp those of us who report to a manager at work possibly have expectations of management outside the work environment which are not relevant or not applicable?

so in an ideal world perhaps YO should indeed have told other livery to pipe down and discuss the issue in a more rational way, but tbf perhaps she was as shocked by her behaviour or the incident as you were, and was also taken aback? without any details it's hard to say, but just suggesting another way of looking at it.

 

[JFTDWS]

Crikey - well it somewhat depends what you did... The other livery shouldn't be shouting at you at all, but if you put their horse in danger by doing something really stupid / silly, it's understandable on some level (even if it's not right or OK). Whether the YO should have stepped in rather depends on how unreasonable the livery was being, and what happened to provoke the incident... It's very much a "how long is a piece of string" type question.

Some liveries are bonkers, and some YOs are utterly wet. But equally, if you did something that caused an issue, it's inevitable that the other owner would be angry and worried about what happened.

 

[merlo89]

I was going about my business on the yard, when she brought her two horses in which ended up being spooked by me. Completely unintentional as I did not realise they were there.

I hope that is a bit more help.

YO has always said go to her with problems, which I guess is why I felt let down.

 

[JFTDWS]

In that case, unless you were going about your business in an inflatable t-rex suit while playing your tuba, I suspect the other livery needs to get a grip on herself and deal with her anger issues. And yes, the YO should probably have stepped in - though, as previous posters suggest, she too was probably shocked at the outburst...

 

[paddi22]

A lot of people react badly when they panic. the other livery could have been genuinely scared for her horses or her own safety and just reacted in an adrenaline filled over reactive way.

it totally depends on how stupid what you did was. If someone did some thing stupid that put me or my horses in genuine risk i'd have to be honest and say i'd 100% find them and probably shout at them in the heat of the moment.

Yard owners aren't trained psychologists, they don't automatically know the right way to react, they are only human.

 

[wills_91]

I don't think this sounds like your fault, unless you deliberately spooked them?!

I totally lost it at a fellow livery once when her child jumped out from behind a tree when I was bringing my mare in and my kids were ahead bringing in pony. My mare got the fright of her life, as did I, and she knocked me to the ground and took off. Thankfully my kids let go of pony and jumped out the way. I roared at her child then stormed up to the yard and roared at her. I'm not proud of how I behaved and I did apologise the next day when I had calmed so maybe she will to.

 

[Gloi]

There will always be one or two people on a yard with short fuses, best thing is to learn who they are and keep away as far as possible.

 

[Theocat]

If she was frightened, she could very easily overreact.

In your shoes, I would just quietly have a word with the YO, explain what happened, and apologise if you have inadvertently caused any upset. Either you'll smooth things over or you might even find the YO tells you the other livery has a tendency to overreact. Either way you will feel better.

I would also apologise to the other livery, but I would keep that conversation very short.

 

[The-Bookworm]

Did anyone die or get injured, no.
Did the horses get injured or die, no.
She needs to deal with her anger issues then and learn that horses will behave like horses.

Gosh someone accidently dropped something near mine once, she pulled and snapped her tie up, took off over the YO lawns and broke a pot plant. I just went and got her.
Horses spook.

 

[The-Bookworm]

I don't think this sounds like your fault, unless you deliberately spooked them?!

I totally lost it at a fellow livery once when her child jumped out from behind a tree when I was bringing my mare in and my kids were ahead bringing in pony. My mare got the fright of her life, as did I, and she knocked me to the ground and took off. Thankfully my kids let go of pony and jumped out the way. I roared at her child then stormed up to the yard and roared at her. I'm not proud of how I behaved and I did apologise the next day when I had calmed so maybe she will to.

Think I would have had serious words in this respect. You got knocked over. It could have been worse.

 

[Auslander]

Personally, I'd have stepped in. I've got zero tolerance for people shouting at each other on my yard - not that it's happened (yet!). There are grown up ways to deal with a situation, and if it was an accident, there was no need for shouting anyway

 

[ihatework]

I don’t think anyone would dare shout at me over something so trivial. If they did, they probably wouldn’t a second time 😂

 

[GTRJazz]

Our old YO would ask both parties to go if it got to the pistols at dawn stage which did happen a few times while I was there

 

[Jellymoon]

People do over react if they are scared, and I expect she’s a bit frightened of her two horses. I think it’s quite good that no-one reacted, she’s probably feeling a bit silly right now. Sounds like YO was a bit taken aback too.
I wonder if just ignoring it and pretending it never happened might be the more dignified approach. Unless you really feel you are to blame? Which I don’t think you do, do you??!!

 

[JFTDWS]

People do over react if they are scared, and I expect she’s a bit frightened of her two horses.

If she's frightened of her horses, she shouldn't be leading them both together... You don't get to be scared and lazy!

 

[Snitch]

I’d talk to the person concerned directly and try to conciliate (only because I wouldn’t want any more hassle from said person). If there was no intent on your part to cause her horses to spook (in any event, who would do such a thing on purpose?!), I’d point out that it was unfortunate, but unavoidable as you didn’t see her or her horses. If she responds positively, then great. If she doesn’t, then you know she’s unreasonable.
If neither of you try to break the ice, things could get even more unpleasant, all because of a misunderstanding.

 

[PapaverFollis]

Unless you have a "history" or she is just always like this I suspect she's got something else going on and getting a fright from her horses spooking pushed her over her reactivity threshold! If she's normally pleasant or just neutral I'd give the benefit of the doubt and either ignore the incident entirely or go and have a calmer chat about it. Apologise if you did something daft like flap a tarpaulin in their faces or something but say you don't appreciate being yelled at and could she raise issues in a more polite fashion next time. If she a normal human who was having a really bad day she'll probably feel really bad for losing it and say so. If she's crazy she'll shout at you again and you'll know to avoid in future!

 

[Jellymoon]

If she's frightened of her horses, she shouldn't be leading them both together... You don't get to be scared and lazy!

Maybe she’s more frightened of the one that gets left behind 😂

 

[Darlabean]

Oh for goodness sake, horses spook, she needs to get over it. Shouting at anyone is out of order, abusive and impolite. Your behaviour was accidental, hers unacceptable. She needs to apologise, not you. Tell her to grow up and control herself.

 

[JenniD]

You didn't spook the horses on purpose! She reacted on the spur of the moment and my guess is that she's feeling just as bad about shouting at you as you were being shouted at. If I were in your shoes I'd just quietly apologise for what happened - you shouldn't really have to because it was totally unintentional but it will calm the waters. The likelihood is that she feels bad about shouting at you and may well apologise to you too for overreacting. Unless of course her pride gets in the way! But if you extend the olive branch first the whole episode is over and done with and you'll feel good that you did.

 

[Micky]

DId she not think her shouting wouldn’t spook (momentarily) the other horses? Apologise for spooking horses, explain briefly that you didnt see her or them and leave it at that..as said before, if she goes off again, you know she’s unreasonable and avoid..

 

[Pc2003]

You can’t all come to a stand still just because someone is bringing their horses in. Unless you deliberately beat a bucket with a wooden spoon as they entered the yard I fail to see why she needed to react in that way?
My 2 can be spooky to lead but that’s my issue not anyone’s else’s and I wouldn’t expect the yard to go onto lock down just because I was bringing them in.

 

[Pinkvboots]

It's totally not your fault she had no right to shout at you I certainly wouldn't apologise to her either, I think in this situation the yo should have stepped in as it's totally unfair for them to have just stood there while the other livery kicked off, you either let it go or speak to the livery and say you feel she was out of line to shout at you over what was an everyday hazard that can happen when horses are involved.

 

[Dubsie]

I'd say to her tomorrow along the lines of 'I'm sorry you felt so upset at what happened yesterday, but I had no idea you'd brought your horses in so it spooked me as much as your horses' She'll likely take it as an apology.

 

[sunshine100*]

We pay too much money for our horses and use all our spare time outside home/work/families not to enjoy the yard-do not let one person worry you or belittle you-just go about your business and enjoy your horse-her problem not yours-keep us all updated

 

[Winters100]

I had a similar thing at my yard. Lady shouted at me for spooking her horse while she was riding in the outdoor arena by driving too fast along the access road. To put it in perspective there is a paddock between the road and the arena, so it is at lest 250 m distant, and the road is a dirt track with so many pot holes that it is impossible to drive at more than 15km per hour (if that). I was also too shocked to respond, but the next day I approached her in a friendly manner, told her that I was awfully sorry about her horse spooking, and asked if we could discuss it. She immediately apologised for shouting, explained that her young horse is very skittish and that it may or may not have been my car that spooked him, and that she had been afraid. We left it on a friendly basis that I would look out for her and be sure to drive even more slowly if I saw her. Frankly was not my fault, but sometimes saying sorry can help a lot. I hope it works out for you - good luck!

 

[blitznbobs]

Meh ... she was probably spooked herself ... if it’s a one off then I think most of us have snapped at someone in a ‘bad’ moment it’s human ... if it’s an all the time thing that’s different and I’d be tempted to have a word with the yo. It maybe she’s got a lot going on in her life away from the yard and she was ‘kicking the cat’ so to speak. I’m not talking about excusing but understanding... people with mental health issues, people with sick relatives, people who are worrying about job security... is just let it go, the likelihood is it’s nothing to do with you and everything to do with where she is in her life.

 

[flying_high]

Just to put it in perspective, I walked into our indoor barn of stables, carrying my saddle on saddle stand. Yard owner’s horse spooked tied up and being groomed at my approach. No idea why, I wasn’t close to him, doing something unusual or moving fast. Horse knocked yard owner over and trod on her foot and ankle. Badly bruised but not broken. I felt terrible but wasn’t blamed. Even when yard owner in shock and pain.

We both knew I was indirectly the cause but that horse overreacted.