EJP15
Well-Known Member
I once posted anonymously on a Facebook group with thousands of members and people knew it was me!!!
Dealing with a liveries that dont like me/making my life miserable
- Thread starter EJP15
- Start date
AppyLover1996
Well-Known Member
For what it's worth here's my two cents :
I sympathise as I've been the subject of many years of bullying from school, in a few workplaces and also on livery yards - I send lots of hugs and my inbox is always open if you want to have a natter xx
Regarding the situation :
It's a difficult one, I notice that you mention the yard is very small and seems to have quite strong ties to the person who is being horrid to you which makes what to do a difficult problem indeed, as if you go to the yard owner, although the bully may move, her little followers would more than likely start on you for her moving, so the way I see it, going to the yard owner isn't a viable solution as it has the potential to escalate the situation by quite a bit (I also see that you've tried going down this route and the yard owner is completely dismissing what is going on).
I would quietly start looking for a new yard - I appreciate how difficult this is as I also note that you have multiple horses with different needs so it'll be hard to find somewhere to accommodate them all - but this is our hobby and your thing that gets you out the house - so you shouldn't have to rush your jobs and leg it home, or try and be at the yard when the bully isn't around xx Would an option be two different yards and you go to them on alternating days but have them on full or part livery to make things easier?
For me my horses are also my escape (and the only reason why I didn't end things when the bullying got to the point where I genuinely thought I'd be better off not existing anymore! Apologies if anyone finds that triggering xxx ) and when I was at a yard where things got dire, I would arrive, say hi to the few people who were nice to me, pop my headphones in, do my bits and bobs, hang around helping the few people who were nice to me out for a bit and then I would head home. It helped as I always took a friend with me or made sure I had some sort of company so that I had a nice distraction (is this an option for you at all?) to ease any tension and was able to sort of enjoy my time at the yard. Things got better once I moved but I too had difficulties finding a yard to suit all my horses needs.
I'm lucky that I have now found my perfect patch of heaven as I call it - things honestly got so much better when I moved xx
Above all I'm sending tons of hugs and support to you xxx
I sympathise as I've been the subject of many years of bullying from school, in a few workplaces and also on livery yards - I send lots of hugs and my inbox is always open if you want to have a natter xx
Regarding the situation :
It's a difficult one, I notice that you mention the yard is very small and seems to have quite strong ties to the person who is being horrid to you which makes what to do a difficult problem indeed, as if you go to the yard owner, although the bully may move, her little followers would more than likely start on you for her moving, so the way I see it, going to the yard owner isn't a viable solution as it has the potential to escalate the situation by quite a bit (I also see that you've tried going down this route and the yard owner is completely dismissing what is going on).
I would quietly start looking for a new yard - I appreciate how difficult this is as I also note that you have multiple horses with different needs so it'll be hard to find somewhere to accommodate them all - but this is our hobby and your thing that gets you out the house - so you shouldn't have to rush your jobs and leg it home, or try and be at the yard when the bully isn't around xx Would an option be two different yards and you go to them on alternating days but have them on full or part livery to make things easier?
For me my horses are also my escape (and the only reason why I didn't end things when the bullying got to the point where I genuinely thought I'd be better off not existing anymore! Apologies if anyone finds that triggering xxx ) and when I was at a yard where things got dire, I would arrive, say hi to the few people who were nice to me, pop my headphones in, do my bits and bobs, hang around helping the few people who were nice to me out for a bit and then I would head home. It helped as I always took a friend with me or made sure I had some sort of company so that I had a nice distraction (is this an option for you at all?) to ease any tension and was able to sort of enjoy my time at the yard. Things got better once I moved but I too had difficulties finding a yard to suit all my horses needs.
I'm lucky that I have now found my perfect patch of heaven as I call it - things honestly got so much better when I moved xx
Above all I'm sending tons of hugs and support to you xxx
ROMANY 1959
Well-Known Member
12 years ago, on a yard I had been on for 5 years, a new livery turned up . First new livery for years. Our yard was a lovely stable Friendly place. She started having a go at me , always when no one was about. Got me so wound up, on edge, a friend was inside my stable one day. Out of sight oiling my horses feet for me, and heard her ranting. Going on and on. So my friend, had an old dictaphone, so she showed me how to sit it on a bucket outside my stable. Partly hidden by my grooming bag . Next time I saw this woman marching towards me , I turned it on, let her rant about whatever had anoyed her this time, which was my lorry not parked quite in right place, and my horse had stable stains on his flanks.
Later on I played back, and was horrified by hearing her tone and hate in her voice. I asked to speak to YO , and she turned pale when she heard it. YO knew the livery was complaining about me, turned out she had asked if YO would switch stables , mine , she wanted my corner stable, but she only had a 14:2 and my horse was 17:3 ID horse. YO said no. Stables were allocated to suitability of hoses. .without the proof I doubt I would have been believed, this woman moved on few months later. And I then heard she had been mean to several of the teenage pony club kids as well
Try recording her , covertly, she can’t deny it then can she.
Later on I played back, and was horrified by hearing her tone and hate in her voice. I asked to speak to YO , and she turned pale when she heard it. YO knew the livery was complaining about me, turned out she had asked if YO would switch stables , mine , she wanted my corner stable, but she only had a 14:2 and my horse was 17:3 ID horse. YO said no. Stables were allocated to suitability of hoses. .without the proof I doubt I would have been believed, this woman moved on few months later. And I then heard she had been mean to several of the teenage pony club kids as well
Try recording her , covertly, she can’t deny it then can she.
I'm Dun
Well-Known Member
I dont know if you will hear this or not, but I'm going to give it a go. I'm ND and the way you respond is so like me. You've thought of every option and have an answer for everything and they are completely reasonable rational responses. It doesn't matter. Leave. It wont get better.
It wasn't yards in my case but was a similar situation,much more serious with really, really extreme harassment, but the underlying theme I exactly the same. I wouldn't listen when I was told to move, it was fine, why should I, what can I do to make them be reasonable, etc, etc. You know how it ended? Badly, very, very, very badly. Just after it seemed to settle down for a few months the ante was suddenly upped. Long story short, my boat that I lived on was sunk, I've lost tens of thousands and ended up homeless, but even worse, I wont ever go back to living on a boat, the emotional damage has been devastating. So now I live in a caravan and still have to find the money to have my boat lifted out of the water and either sold or scrapped. I should have just moved when I was told to.
Life isn't fair which is a concept most ND people really struggle with, we don't get it, we treat everyone fairly and don't understand it when people don't treat us fairly, and our strong sense of justice makes us want to fix it. You can be completely and totally in the right, but that sadly doesn't mean that other people will behave reasonably. You are looking for options to make them do that and they don't exist. And in the mean time you are miserable and your child is seeing you interacting with people like this. Leave.
It wasn't yards in my case but was a similar situation,much more serious with really, really extreme harassment, but the underlying theme I exactly the same. I wouldn't listen when I was told to move, it was fine, why should I, what can I do to make them be reasonable, etc, etc. You know how it ended? Badly, very, very, very badly. Just after it seemed to settle down for a few months the ante was suddenly upped. Long story short, my boat that I lived on was sunk, I've lost tens of thousands and ended up homeless, but even worse, I wont ever go back to living on a boat, the emotional damage has been devastating. So now I live in a caravan and still have to find the money to have my boat lifted out of the water and either sold or scrapped. I should have just moved when I was told to.
Life isn't fair which is a concept most ND people really struggle with, we don't get it, we treat everyone fairly and don't understand it when people don't treat us fairly, and our strong sense of justice makes us want to fix it. You can be completely and totally in the right, but that sadly doesn't mean that other people will behave reasonably. You are looking for options to make them do that and they don't exist. And in the mean time you are miserable and your child is seeing you interacting with people like this. Leave.
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
I was going to say the same but didn't wish to start workd war three so held back.
Even the most neuro diverse person should understand there's a line in the sand.
Mrs. Glittery Jingle Balls
Well-Known Member
I haven't made reference to this before but I believe it is an important point that needs to be made as my son happens to have ADHD/Autism and it is something like others, he has had to learn to adjust how he views life and where he fits into the scheme of things and his interactions with other people. I hope you will not find this critical but I do believe it is a valid point, it took my son a loooong time to realise that expecting non ND people to always understand his viewpoint and make allowance for how he interacts and views the world is never going to happen. Announcing it regularly just put backs up and made the situation worse.
Helpfully trying to explain to other people why you came across as possibly offhand, rude, pedantic or whatever will not help you, repeating it over and over to the same people is in fact counter productive, they will not alter their behaviour to accommodate yours and could well escalate their bad behaviour towards you deliberately as they simply cannot conceive how your attitudes and social interaction are simply beyond your control and just who you are. Why should they want to change their behaviour and also why should you have to change yours. Find a more intelligent and empathetic group to surround you and just move on from the other ignorant Neanderthals. Rise above your diagnosis and make it work for you, not against you.
I hope I'm Dun does not mind me using her very helpful and descriptive example of how someone who is ND has managed to successfully moved forward despite huge obstacles with ND, work with ND to make their lives happier and more fulfilled as my son has also had to learn to do.
Once you accept this I can vouch that as a mother who has had to often try and help my son negotiate his way through difficult situations, life can and does get better. Plus of course he is wonderful as are most ND peeps!
SaddlePsych'D
Well-Known Member
I guess if there is anyone reading this thread and recognising their own behaviour (i.e., they go around shouting at and intimidating people they share yard facilities with), I would say on behalf of HHO: "Hello there! Will you please now pack it in?"
OP it sounds like a tricky situation. Maybe with luck they will be moving on and you won't have to but it sounds like a good idea to see what your options might be.
In the meantime I think in your position I would try to engage with her as little as possible. I wouldn't be seeking out conversation about anything with her unless absolutely essential (like in an emergency). If she came shouting at me I would hope I could say something like "I don't come here to be shouted at, if you need to talk to me that's fine but I will not be shouted at".
The other thing that may help to remember when you are feeling singled out in a situation like this, is that it is very unlikely to actually be about you. You are in the unfortunate position of being on the receiving end of their behaviour in this context, but I would be willing to bet that you are not the first, only or last person. I was on a yard with someone who could really 'switch' their behaviour. It was actually quite interesting to watch, and useful because when the behaviour started heading my way it was much easier to spot 'oh, this is that thing this person does with people, I'm out'. I should have got out sooner but we live and learn!
This person shared with me a huge amount about their life, so I had a good sense of the 'why', but in the end it didn't really matter. I wasn't going to keep witnessing their behaviour and I wasn't going to tolerate being on the receiving end of it, leaving was an option so that is what I did. I did once very quietly but definitely express my displeasure and they apologised to me but I knew full well their pattern was 'blow up, apologise, make excuses, be nice for a bit, repeat'.
OP it sounds like a tricky situation. Maybe with luck they will be moving on and you won't have to but it sounds like a good idea to see what your options might be.
In the meantime I think in your position I would try to engage with her as little as possible. I wouldn't be seeking out conversation about anything with her unless absolutely essential (like in an emergency). If she came shouting at me I would hope I could say something like "I don't come here to be shouted at, if you need to talk to me that's fine but I will not be shouted at".
The other thing that may help to remember when you are feeling singled out in a situation like this, is that it is very unlikely to actually be about you. You are in the unfortunate position of being on the receiving end of their behaviour in this context, but I would be willing to bet that you are not the first, only or last person. I was on a yard with someone who could really 'switch' their behaviour. It was actually quite interesting to watch, and useful because when the behaviour started heading my way it was much easier to spot 'oh, this is that thing this person does with people, I'm out'. I should have got out sooner but we live and learn!
This person shared with me a huge amount about their life, so I had a good sense of the 'why', but in the end it didn't really matter. I wasn't going to keep witnessing their behaviour and I wasn't going to tolerate being on the receiving end of it, leaving was an option so that is what I did. I did once very quietly but definitely express my displeasure and they apologised to me but I knew full well their pattern was 'blow up, apologise, make excuses, be nice for a bit, repeat'.
EJP15
Well-Known Member
I've never done anything horrible to this livI haven't made reference to this before but I believe it is an important point that needs to be made as my son happens to have ADHD/Autism and it is something like others, he has had to learn to adjust how he views life and where he fits into the scheme of things and his interactions with other people. I hope you will not find this critical but I do believe it is a valid point, it took my son a loooong time to realise that expecting non ND people to always understand his viewpoint and make allowance for how he interacts and views the world is never going to happen. Announcing it regularly just put backs up and made the situation worse.
Helpfully trying to explain to other people why you came across as possibly offhand, rude, pedantic or whatever will not help you, repeating it over and over to the same people is in fact counter productive, they will not alter their behaviour to accommodate yours and could well escalate their bad behaviour towards you deliberately as they simply cannot conceive how your attitudes and social interaction are simply beyond your control and just who you are. Why should they want to change their behaviour and also why should you have to change yours. Find a more intelligent and empathetic group to surround you and just move on from the other ignorant Neanderthals. Rise above your diagnosis and make it work for you, not against you.
I hope I'm Dun does not mind me using her very helpful and descriptive example of how someone who is ND has managed to successfully moved forward despite huge obstacles with ND, work with ND to make their lives happier and more fulfilled as my son has also had to learn to do.
Once you accept this I can vouch that as a mother who has had to often try and help my son negotiate his way through difficult situations, life can and does get better. Plus of course he is wonderful as are most ND peeps!
⁹
ester
Not slacking multitasking
I haven't made reference to this before but I believe it is an important point that needs to be made as my son happens to have ADHD/Autism and it is something like others, he has had to learn to adjust how he views life and where he fits into the scheme of things and his interactions with other people. I hope you will not find this critical but I do believe it is a valid point, it took my son a loooong time to realise that expecting non ND people to always understand his viewpoint and make allowance for how he interacts and views the world is never going to happen. Announcing it regularly just put backs up and made the situation worse.
Helpfully trying to explain to other people why you came across as possibly offhand, rude, pedantic or whatever will not help you, repeating it over and over to the same people is in fact counter productive, they will not alter their behaviour to accommodate yours and could well escalate their bad behaviour towards you deliberately as they simply cannot conceive how your attitudes and social interaction are simply beyond your control and just who you are. Why should they want to change their behaviour and also why should you have to change yours. Find a more intelligent and empathetic group to surround you and just move on from the other ignorant Neanderthals. Rise above your diagnosis and make it work for you, not against you.
I hope I'm Dun does not mind me using her very helpful and descriptive example of how someone who is ND has managed to successfully moved forward despite huge obstacles with ND, work with ND to make their lives happier and more fulfilled as my son has also had to learn to do.
Once you accept this I can vouch that as a mother who has had to often try and help my son negotiate his way through difficult situations, life can and does get better. Plus of course he is wonderful as are most ND peeps!
I think a few of the ‘you can’t change what other people do’ responses are from the resident NDers
I am just a bit surprised that the other person knows that people pleasing is a thing enough to mock someone about it. It’s a bit of an odd thing to pick up on as a negative
Mrs. Glittery Jingle Balls
Well-Known Member
I hadn't thought of that, but yes it is rather odd. I guess that also leads to the question of what problems does the bully have herself? But whatever they might be, nothing excuses her behaviour anymore than ND excuses my son or anyone else if they behave badly. Behaving differently is not badly, although I guess it can be in some circumstances.
EJP15
Well-Known Member
Yes I know? So odd isn't it. I am a people pleaser yes. I let people get away with so much and takes a lot to get me to stand up for myself. I'm always very polite when she's mean to me? Perhaps that's the problem
EJP15
Well-Known Member
Yes I know but actually I seem to have attracted many negative people with my
Yes I know? So odd isn't it. I am a people pleaser yes. I let people get away with so much and takes a lot to get me to stand up for myself. I'm always very polite when she's mean to me? Perhaps that's the problem? I don't know
smolmaus
Well-Known Member
I have been accused of being a people pleaser manys a time but only by people who the label also applies to tbh. I wonder who has been teaching this hag about how to weaponise therapy-speak.
scats
Well-Known Member
I haven't made reference to this before but I believe it is an important point that needs to be made as my son happens to have ADHD/Autism and it is something like others, he has had to learn to adjust how he views life and where he fits into the scheme of things and his interactions with other people. I hope you will not find this critical but I do believe it is a valid point, it took my son a loooong time to realise that expecting non ND people to always understand his viewpoint and make allowance for how he interacts and views the world is never going to happen. Announcing it regularly just put backs up and made the situation worse.
Helpfully trying to explain to other people why you came across as possibly offhand, rude, pedantic or whatever will not help you, repeating it over and over to the same people is in fact counter productive, they will not alter their behaviour to accommodate yours and could well escalate their bad behaviour towards you deliberately as they simply cannot conceive how your attitudes and social interaction are simply beyond your control and just who you are. Why should they want to change their behaviour and also why should you have to change yours. Find a more intelligent and empathetic group to surround you and just move on from the other ignorant Neanderthals. Rise above your diagnosis and make it work for you, not against you.
I hope I'm Dun does not mind me using her very helpful and descriptive example of how someone who is ND has managed to successfully moved forward despite huge obstacles with ND, work with ND to make their lives happier and more fulfilled as my son has also had to learn to do.
Once you accept this I can vouch that as a mother who has had to often try and help my son negotiate his way through difficult situations, life can and does get better. Plus of course he is wonderful as are most ND peeps!
I never really consider my ASD in situations. I don’t know if that sounds strange but I’d never think “people might not like me because I am autistic” or even “I act like this because I’m autistic”.
I simply am autistic and my traits are mine to manage. If I behave weirdly I simply think that’s the way I behaved, not that my ASD made me behave that way.
Some people seem to wear ND like a badge of honour that they pull out at any opportunity. That’s strange to me. The reality is it’s your job to fit into the world.
If people dislike me, I never think that it’s probably because I am autistic and they don’t understand an ND brain. I simply think that they dislike me
For instance, I struggled for a long time with people whose behaviour changes from day to day. You know those people who you say hi to one day and they are all friendly and then the next they barely smile? That’s weird to me.
I am one of those people who plasters a big grin on and is always the same with people, nomatter the time of day or what’s going on in my life. I had my dog PTS on Monday but Monday evening at the farm I was my normal chatty self. So I find it weird when other people don’t/can’t do that. I can’t imagine allowing my mood or emotions to seep into interactions with others.
So I’d wonder what I’d done to annoy them, until it started to dawn on me that I hadn’t done anything at all, and that their interactions with people are fuelled by whatever mood they are in.
I still find it weird, but I no longer worry if it’s me that’s upset them.
Interestingly it’s often NT people who behave like that.
And people call ND the odd ones
Mrs. Glittery Jingle Balls
Well-Known Member
Interestingly it’s often NT people who behave like that.
And people call ND the odd ones
Exactly! I am sure I am far more odd than my son and irritate and annoy people far more than my son does or ever has done.
Mrs. Glittery Jingle Balls
Well-Known Member
By the way just to say, I did not make my post as suggesting any notion I am an expert of ND and apologies if that annoyed anyone, especially our many ND forum members. It is why I have never in the past joined in on any of the many discussions as I am well aware particularly as my son is ND that I know very little, I wish I did, life would have been far easier for all of us in the household!
However, I do recognise similar traits in others sometimes and know with my son he used to have a tendency to hang on to his label and almost use it as an explanation for just about any minor sleight or upheaval he had in life. Thankfully he is now much more self aware and accepting his responsibilities for who he is and not either hiding behind or using the label as an excuse for himself or others and just gets on with life. I am not saying other ND people do this or not, but some do and without offending OP, her continual reference to her recent diagnosis did make me wonder if this newly found self awareness was impacting negatively on her situation?
I think I better stop now before I offend anyone else today.
However, I do recognise similar traits in others sometimes and know with my son he used to have a tendency to hang on to his label and almost use it as an explanation for just about any minor sleight or upheaval he had in life. Thankfully he is now much more self aware and accepting his responsibilities for who he is and not either hiding behind or using the label as an excuse for himself or others and just gets on with life. I am not saying other ND people do this or not, but some do and without offending OP, her continual reference to her recent diagnosis did make me wonder if this newly found self awareness was impacting negatively on her situation?
I think I better stop now before I offend anyone else today.
Peaches24
Active Member
OP, really feel for you there's nothing worse than a bully, especially as an adult. I know it's really not easy, but you have kids who will be watching this happen and she sounds like the type who want to rule the roost and will bully a child given half a chance.
Dig deep and any accusations of what ever comes up, keep busy while speaking to her and say something like-
" Linda you know that wasn't me, sure whoever did it will be along soon" in a happy not giving a shit tone and still carry on with your what your doing, don't stop to talk to her. Repeat. (That will keep you mind focused too, not fully on her)
You don't have to explain a single thing to this woman, it what she wants. Hard not to when she's being a twat, but she knows full well so no point anyway. Turn it in to a kinda jokey situation.
If you hear her talking about leaving the yard -' I can't imagine leaving here, horses like it and me too'
Be polite say HI etc, never confrontational.
Find a way to tell her your not a people pleaser, instead will help anyone out if needed and just take a while to get to know people, after that you know exactly who they are.
it will be tough to start with but youll feel loads better and bully will back off. On a bad day, come back here and youve droves of people you can speak to
It's tough being a tough non confrontational people pleaser. I totally get it, this was me until about 3 years ago. Used my disadvantage to sit back and watch people when something clicked. The kids will be your moment to clarity here potentially.
Look for a new yard if you can too, this lot sound like they have issue with anyone outside of them and YO does not give a toss.
Dig deep and any accusations of what ever comes up, keep busy while speaking to her and say something like-
" Linda you know that wasn't me, sure whoever did it will be along soon" in a happy not giving a shit tone and still carry on with your what your doing, don't stop to talk to her. Repeat. (That will keep you mind focused too, not fully on her)
You don't have to explain a single thing to this woman, it what she wants. Hard not to when she's being a twat, but she knows full well so no point anyway. Turn it in to a kinda jokey situation.
If you hear her talking about leaving the yard -' I can't imagine leaving here, horses like it and me too'
Be polite say HI etc, never confrontational.
Find a way to tell her your not a people pleaser, instead will help anyone out if needed and just take a while to get to know people, after that you know exactly who they are.
it will be tough to start with but youll feel loads better and bully will back off. On a bad day, come back here and youve droves of people you can speak to
It's tough being a tough non confrontational people pleaser. I totally get it, this was me until about 3 years ago. Used my disadvantage to sit back and watch people when something clicked. The kids will be your moment to clarity here potentially.
Look for a new yard if you can too, this lot sound like they have issue with anyone outside of them and YO does not give a toss.
irishdraft
Well-Known Member
The woman's a bully & is probably picking on you as she sees you as an easy target, & the others are just pathetic followers. I'm surprised the YO is not more mindful you are a full livery with 3 ponies and therefore a valuable client. So although it may not be easy you need to move asap because however polite, reasonable, whatever you are it won't make a jot of difference. I hope you can find somewhere to accommodate you and you can move forward, the thing to remember is it's not your fault xx
I'm Dun
Well-Known Member
I never really consider my ASD in situations. I don’t know if that sounds strange but I’d never think “people might not like me because I am autistic” or even “I act like this because I’m autistic”.
I simply am autistic and my traits are mine to manage. If I behave weirdly I simply think that’s the way I behaved, not that my ASD made me behave that way.
Some people seem to wear ND like a badge of honour that they pull out at any opportunity. That’s strange to me. The reality is it’s your job to fit into the world.
If people dislike me, I never think that it’s probably because I am autistic and they don’t understand an ND brain. I simply think that they dislike me
For instance, I struggled for a long time with people whose behaviour changes from day to day. You know those people who you say hi to one day and they are all friendly and then the next they barely smile? That’s weird to me.
I am one of those people who plasters a big grin on and is always the same with people, nomatter the time of day or what’s going on in my life. I had my dog PTS on Monday but Monday evening at the farm I was my normal chatty self. So I find it weird when other people don’t/can’t do that. I can’t imagine allowing my mood or emotions to seep into interactions with others.
So I’d wonder what I’d done to annoy them, until it started to dawn on me that I hadn’t done anything at all, and that their interactions with people are fuelled by whatever mood they are in.
I still find it weird, but I no longer worry if it’s me that’s upset them.
Interestingly it’s often NT people who behave like that.
And people call ND the odd ones
I think thats a very simplistic view. Being ND doesn't mean you can be an arse to people, but do I hell have control over what I do a fair whack of the time. The older I get and the more I know the more I can control my responses but it takes a huge amount of effort, and generally massively upsets me for ages afterwards. For eg. 3 days ago I had to be very polite and firm with someone who was being unreasonable and not very nice to me. What I wanted to do was slam the door and hide while I sobbed. I managed not to, but I'm still completely rattled and upset by it. The other person has forgotten all about it, I'm still fighting with myself not to over react. I am completely ruled by my emotions which can change at lightning speed over and over. Obviously not always but if there's stress or worry I come apart at the seams and its very common for me to fast cycle emotions.
I can mask and keep it together in front of people, but by god does it drain me, its hard and often doesn't work despite myself. If people are off with me I can know fine well its their issue, but that doesn't change what I feel which will be a mix of upset/panic/fury. The thought of cheerfully going about my business while other people behave like that is completely alien to me. I don't really get how other people think and feel either. It feels like I'm an alien a lot of the time. And it is bloody awful internally fighting with yourself to behave in a way that mean you fit in.
It seems to be a very common theme in stuff I see online relating to ADHD which is the only thing that makes it better, knowing I'm not the only one like this, and actually, lots of people are worse than me.
I'm Dun
Well-Known Member
Thats an awful lot of words for I don't fit into the world, I can mask and pretend to but it takes a phenomenal amount of effort to do that and causes some awful inner turmoil.
LEC
Opinions are like bum holes, everyone has one.
On a more serious note than my previous one.
The first thing we learnt at NLP is the only way you can change other peoples behaviour towards you, is to change your behaviour.
You have to decide if you want the other persons behaviour towards you to change or whether you can’t be arsed so in that case walk away. It’s not always easy either. I think people pleasers have it hardest as they need to fundamentally change the way they are wired to deal with the behaviour which will be uncomfortable, stressful and hard work to get the change in the other person.
EJP15
Well-Known Member
Yes I know, odd isn't it? I forgot to say that in the last year 3 liveries have left and 2 said it was because they felt bullied by said hag and her sister
EJP15
Well-Known Member
Yes I know, odd isn't it? I forgot to say that in the last year 3 liveries have left and 2 said it was because they felt bullied by said hag and her sister
EJP15
Well-Known Member
I forgot to say that in the last year 3 liveries have left and 2 said it was because they felt bullied by said women and her sister. YO originally said if I felt that way to let her know so she could do something about it.
ihatework
Well-Known Member
So what do you reckon you are going to do now?
EJP15
Well-Known Member
The 3rd left because she said there weren't enough rules and some people took the mickey and behaved bad. She is meant to be the YO best friend. She had been on the yard for absolutely years and years. Well before the current lot who have been there 6 years and 2 years then me 1 year.
EJP15
Well-Known Member
Lol just keep on swimming, keep on swimming
ester
Not slacking multitasking
I think we've usually tried multiple tactics, failed, or any change is very short lived before it is forgotten so its easiest to have very low expectations of others ability to change a well practiced behaviour/way of doing life and its more productive/efficient/reduces energy required to alter your own behaviour or response instead and maintain said low expectations.
MidChristmasCrisis
Well-Known Member
Missmay has given great advice…I have used this technique in business as well as on yards the odd time someone tries something on..it works.
Peaches24
Active Member
Sorry but I 
that is my life sometimes, just keep swimming 
Your in a really crap situation, just hope you can find a way to leave or stand up to 'hag' in a non confrontational way as per my previous post.
How long have you been at this yard? X
that is my life sometimes, just keep swimming Your in a really crap situation, just hope you can find a way to leave or stand up to 'hag' in a non confrontational way as per my previous post.
How long have you been at this yard? X